Why do cheating men get married?
Quote: HotBlondeI think this is very sad. Why would you lie to someone and live a lie? This is in no way acceptable. Again I refer to #1 in my must haves list in a relationship... HONESTY!!!!! Some guy who decides to get into a marriage, becoming FAMILY with this person and living in this family dishonestly must've had some kind of messed up childhood. It's inexcusable.
How do you know your man's being honest? Hint #1 - look at his family. At my age, I can't name one friend who wasn't messed up somehow as a child. I look forward to paying my child's therapy bill when she turns 30 and wonders what kind of f**ked up situation she grew up in. But that's another story for another day. Parents try their best. It just ain't good enough apparently.
Quote: HotBlondeI think this is very sad. Why would you lie to someone and live a lie? This is in no way acceptable. Again I refer to #1 in my must haves list in a relationship... HONESTY!!!!! Some guy who decides to get into a marriage, becoming FAMILY with this person and living in this family dishonestly must've had some kind of messed up childhood. It's inexcusable.
Honesty is indeed important, probably critical. Women often say something along the lines of "I wish I had known xxxxxx when I signed on". I think a great many couples do not discuss major life goals, work, retirement, investments, etc. I think men tend to not disclose things honestly and women tend to not raise the issues or women tend to think that "he will change after the marriage" meaning of course that "I will change him after the marriage". Then they find out that changes after the marriage are usually for the worse not better. And women feel disappointed with their choices but locked into the immediate demands of daily life.
Some men expect to have women on the side. Its not that something goes wrong and they remain married but also have other women on the side. Some men consider a wife to be their "primary" but never consider that she should be their sole focus. Men often say one thing but never really mean it. Saying something is just a hoop the woman is making them jump through. Women tend to often ignore reality for what they want in a man.
For an extreme example, I'm reminded of a foreign male who engaged in an honor killing when his daughter was in her late teens. I tend to think, well what did the American born wife think was going to happen? After the wedding, the husband and his friends all went into one room and had a party while the women did nothing more than bring food in to them. It was obvious the husband had not changed his ways and was not going to. Women tend not to pull the plug on a relationship. Sometimes its a matter of economics and sometimes its just a matter of courage.
Quote: HotBlondeI think this is very sad. Why would you lie to someone and live a lie? This is in no way acceptable. Again I refer to #1 in my must haves list in a relationship... HONESTY!!!!! Some guy who decides to get into a marriage, becoming FAMILY with this person and living in this family dishonestly must've had some kind of messed up childhood. It's inexcusable.
I am sorry to be skeptical, but I hear women say these kinds of things all the time. But they never behave like that. I think women are attracted to charm and success and looks. Women subconsciously prefer men who are more confident and assertive but less considerate.
Honesty is really way down the list. "Honesty" is something they want to commiserate about with their girlfriends. Women have no problem going through a checkbook or telephone or an e-mail account looking for dishonesty.
Or hiring a private detective to look for dishonesty.Quote: pacomartinI hear women say these kinds of things all the time. But they never behave like that. I think women are attracted to charm and success and looks. Women subconsciously prefer men who are more confident and assertive but less considerate.
Honesty is really way down the list. "Honesty" is something they want to commiserate about with their girlfriends. Women have no problem going through a checkbook or telephone or an e-mail account looking for dishonesty.
Women don't necessarily want their man to be honest; they want him to be honest WITH THEM. He can be a cutthroat shark in the business world but they want him to be honest with them. He can be a good poker player on Boys Night Out wherein a good measure of his success will be based on the skills with which he is dishonest with fellow poker players. That is good. He is skillfully dishonest with his poker buddies, skillfully dishonest with his business partners, but he has to be honest with them. Is this necessarily a reasonable stance for a female to take? Probably not but its a very common one.
To a man, "honesty" is just one of those many hoops they have to jump through to get what they are after. If they have to learn the proper number of peas to put on a knife in order to get a woman, they will do so. If they have to appear "honest and open" to get a woman they will do so, but to a male its just one more hoop that females insist on placing in their path.
Quote: pacomartinI am sorry to be skeptical, but I hear women say these kinds of things all the time. But they never behave like that. I think women are attracted to charm and success and looks. Women subconsciously prefer men who are more confident and assertive but less considerate.
I agree 100%. There is a huge difference between what women say women want and what they really want.
Quote: WizardI agree 100%. There is a huge difference between what women say women want and what they really want.
Careful now...
Quote: thecesspitCareful now...
Well, we gotta do something to get Hotblonde going again, we have been deprived for over a month now!
Quote: odiousgambitWell, we gotta do something to get Hotblonde going again, we have been deprived for over a month now!
I'm sure she would say she disagrees with me. Here is a question I like to ask women, who do you prefer (on Sex and the City), Aidan or Big? Aidan is the personification of what women say women want. However, most of them personally prefer Big.
I think we were a bit hard on HB with the "dealbreaker" thread, including me, and scared her off.
Quote: odiousgambitWell, we gotta do something to get Hotblonde going again, we have been deprived for over a month now!
Not just HotBlonde... saying "women don't want what they say they want" is very precarious path to be walking down for some very obvious reasons.
I'm sure that's not what the Wizard meant.
A few comments...
I'm really surprised that there are those of you who really think that women would prefer a superficial relationship over an honest one. To think that women want to shack up with someone for the rest of their lives for financial or comfort reasons only is to underestimate women as a whole. Yes there are women who go after men with money specifically cuz they have money. I actually have a friend who is just like that. We drive down the street and she'll say "Oh look! There's a Maybach!" and we actually have gone into the restaurant it was parked next to to figure out who the owner was. She's someone who is good (really good) at knowing how to play men. She supports both herself and her mother this way (believe it or not this is how her mother has reared her). I think it's entertaining to see her like this. I wonder how long it can last as she gets older and starts losing her sex appeal. I asked her once in looking at her future what she wants the most and without skipping a beat she says "MONEY!" That may be what she thinks will make her happy but I think differently.
I'm not saying that I would want to be with a broke man. But it really bothers me that it seems that a lot of you think that I may actually be looking for something less than an honest relationship. What's the point of marrying someone if you can't be honest with each other? That's a soulless marriage. I just don't see the point. If I'm going to marry someone and be with this person for the rest of my life I want us to be best friends and have a relationship on an intimate level. Again, what's the point of being in a superficial relationship? You're doing nothing but just using each other if you're being less than honest with them.
I'm always trying to find where I can be more honest, especially with myself. Byron Katie says that when you're not honest with someone it's because you want something from them. Kinda like when men lie to get in a woman's pants. So you got laid but it also means that you're a shitty person now.
Okay, be honest: Who are you more attracted to, Big or Aidan?
Aidan, hands down. I never saw the appeal of Big. Yuck.Quote: WizardWelcome back!
Okay, be honest: Who are you more attracted to, Big or Aidan?
Aidan was cute and cuddly but also could make a good living. He was someone who could be easy to fall in love with. Just an easy-going, loveable guy where there could be a lot of passion in that relationship too. He'd be a great dad and loyal to his family.
Quote: HotBlondeAidan, hands down. I never saw the appeal of Big. Yuck.
I never saw the series. Who played each man? I think Big was played by the guy who played Detective Mike Logan on Law and Order and on LO Criminal Intent? Mike Logan was dreamy, but frankly the actor hasn't taken on likeable characters since...
Anyway, men sometimes marry for money, too. In the old days of dowries, they didn't marry for other reasons :)
Quote: HotBlondeHaha, ironically I just flipped on the "Dr. Drew's Lifechangers" television show right now and they're debating cheating scenarios. It's interesting to hear those who are justifying it.
Where you been, you haven't posted in 6 weeks.
I didn't really have anything to share.Quote: EvenBobWhere you been, you haven't posted in 6 weeks.
Quote: HotBlondeI didn't really have anything to share.
I wish my wife felt that way most of the time...
Quote: HotBlondeKinda like when men lie to get in a woman's pants. So you got laid but it also means that you're a shitty person now.
Yeah, but he got laid. And unless she discovered the lie, he will get laid again. That was his goal. Its the woman who defines him as a shitty person once she discovers the lie... and then... he hooks another overly trusting fish to lie to. Sea is full of them.
Quote: FleaStiffYeah, but he got laid. And unless she discovered the lie, he will get laid again. That was his goal. Its the woman who defines him as a shitty person once she discovers the lie... and then... he hooks another overly trusting fish to lie to. Sea is full of them.
Saw a woman in the store today in her mid 20's
that was drop dead gorgeous, she was getting
2nd and 3rd looks. When I see a girl like that now,
in my cynical old age, all I see is dollar signs. The
money it takes to get her and the money it takes
to hold her, just ain't worth it.
Quote: HotBlondeAidan, hands down. I never saw the appeal of Big. Yuck.
Aidan was cute and cuddly but also could make a good living. He was someone who could be easy to fall in love with. Just an easy-going, loveable guy where there could be a lot of passion in that relationship too. He'd be a great dad and loyal to his family.
Thank you. At least you're consistent. Most women I ask choose Big.
Quote: WizardThank you. At least you're consistent. Most women I ask choose Big.
Don't get me started. I have all the DVD's of that show,
I loved it. I couldn't STAND Aiden. He represented all
the stuff I don't like in doofus men. He was wayyyyy
too trusting and vulnerable. Carrie was a bitch, lets
face it. She lied and cheated and did it more than once.
And doofus Aiden signs up for more. Mr Big wasn't a
chump, he didn't let Carrie play those games with him.
That I can respect.
Quote: EvenBobCarrie was a bitch, lets face it. She lied and cheated and did it more than once.
I thought Miranda was much more bitchy than Carrie. What bothered me about Carrie was that she was too introspective and always flip flopping.
Ask most men who they liked most and the vast majority will say Samantha. However, if forced to pick, I have to go with Miranda. Yes, she could be an icy bitch at times, but she was smart and said it like it is.
Quote: WizardAsk most men who they liked most and the vast majority will say Samantha. However, if forced to pick, I have to go with Miranda. Yes, she could be an icy bitch at times, but she was smart and said it like it is.
I don't want any of them, but if forced I'd take Samantha.
You didn't think Miranda was a deluxe ball buster? I liked
Charlotte for awhile, but she's way too wishy washy and
flakey. I never liked Carrie, she'd be a nightmare to be
married to. All of them would. I liked the writing and the
clever stories. Most of the writers on the show were Gay,
BTW, thats why it was so good. What man doesn't want
to be Mr Big. Lots of money, no kids, no emotional
attachments to the women in his life.
Can't stand the show myself, and especially can't stand Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie.
Quote: thecesspitCan't stand the show myself, and especially can't stand Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie.
She's just plain nasty, I agree. Her character chain smokes, is
sarcastic, not affectionate, is a ball buster and is a skinny skank
on top of it. There is no way a cool guy like Mr Big would ever
give her a second tumble in real life, or put up with her never
ending bullshit. But hey, thats what women want to believe,
so the writers made it so. The main character in the show is
NYC in the summer, thats part of the reason I liked it so much.
In 6 seasons it was summer, there was never winter day.
Quote: EvenBobIn 6 seasons it was summer, there was never winter day.
I never stopped to consider that before, but now that you mention it, I can't think of a snowy day, or rainy for that matter, even once on that show.
Quote: rxwineDo you mind if your wife is screwing someone else if it helps keep your marriage intact?
What a load of crap. Everything has consequences, especially
cheating. People love to think this kind of stuff is possible. It
isn't. I know a guy who's wife cheated on him with a co-worker in
the first 2 years they were married. They stayed married for 30
years, but he never stopped punishing her for it. They finally got divorced.
Quote: rxwineDo you mind if your wife is screwing someone else if it helps keep your marriage intact?
Funny how cheating is only bad when men do it. When women do it they are "keeping the marriage intact."
The number of women I have known to repudiate the adultery in The Bridges of Madison Count? Zero.
Women tend to view their own adultery as their normal reaction to his hairline/waistline/capabilities. Women seem to keep things compartmented better. Sex is fine at home perhaps but its also quite adventuresome at a convention. Loyalty and commitment to the husband remain its just that exclusive activity is viewed as anachronistic.
Quote: FleaStiffWomen tend to view their own adultery as their normal reaction to his hairline/waistline/capabilities.
All women think they're great in bed. All of them. They
can't imagine they're not satisfying their man, and don't
want to think about it if they're not. Its impossible to tell
a woman she's lousy in bed, she'd be devastated. They
think if they lie there like a lump, and moan once in awhile,
they could be in a porn movie.
Hated 'Bridges of
Madison County', the book and the movie.
Quote: WizardWhat bothered me about Carrie was that she was too introspective and always flip flopping.
I like the one where Carried bets a 1k chip some
guy gave her on number 36 and when the dealer
called out the losing number, it was liked she was
poked with a cattle prod. She was shocked she
didn't win.
Quote: EvenBobDon't get me started. I have all the DVD's of that show,
I loved it. I couldn't STAND Aiden. He represented all
the stuff I don't like in doofus men. He was wayyyyy
too trusting and vulnerable. Carrie was a bitch, lets
face it. She lied and cheated and did it more than once.
And doofus Aiden signs up for more. Mr Big wasn't a
chump, he didn't let Carrie play those games with him.
That I can respect.
THIS ^
Charlotte was the girl for me.
Mrs. Slyther says she'd pick Aiden: "well i suppose aiden, but there's that "too nice" factor, or he's a little boring cuz he's into all that nature and log cabin kinda guy..."
Quote: slytherbut there's that "too nice" factor, or he's a little boring cuz he's into all that nature and log cabin kinda guy..."
Aiden was a chump, women like Carrie destroy men like that,
as she did on the show.
I wouldn't think he was boring for liking to get away in his log cabin. I like that. I'm a very introspective person and would love to hide away in a nice quiet cabin.Quote: slytherMrs. Slyther says she'd pick Aiden: "well i suppose aiden, but there's that "too nice" factor, or he's a little boring cuz he's into all that nature and log cabin kinda guy..."
Quote: HotBlondeI'm really surprised that there are those of you who really think that women would prefer a superficial relationship over an honest one. To think that women want to shack up with someone for the rest of their lives for financial or comfort reasons only is to underestimate women as a whole.
HB,
I think you misunderstood my comment, and I believe also the Wizard's. I didn't say that women were lying when they say they care about "honesty" above all else. I think they are telling the truth as they perceive it. What I said is that they are not really attracted to the qualities they say they want.
Um... so just to clarify, if women say they want an honest man they want that but aren't attracted to an honest man? I don't see why you would think that.Quote: pacomartinHB,
I think you misunderstood my comment, and I believe also the Wizard's. I didn't say that women were lying when they say they care about "honesty" above all else. I think they are telling the truth as they perceive it. What I said is that they are not really attracted to the qualities they say they want.
Quote: HotBlondeUm... so just to clarify, if women say they want an honest man, they want that, but aren't attracted to an honest man? I don't see why you would think that.
I have to agree that many women say they want
certain things in a man, and then end up marrying
somebody because he's handsome and a jerk.
I see it all the time. Or marry a guy because he
has a 6 figure income and he's a jerk.
Quote: EvenBobI don't want any of them, but if forced I'd take Samantha.
You didn't think Miranda was a deluxe ball buster? I liked
Charlotte for awhile, but she's way too wishy washy and
flakey. I never liked Carrie, she'd be a nightmare to be
married to. All of them would. I liked the writing and the
clever stories. Most of the writers on the show were Gay,
BTW, thats why it was so good. What man doesn't want
to be Mr Big. Lots of money, no kids, no emotional
attachments to the women in his life.
O M G you guys know entirely too much about this show. I don't know ANY man who watches it, much less any man who can identify characters or plot lines, or would admit it in public. Tell me Bob, which of the Golden Girls did you like best? lol, no reply necessary.
Quote: zippyboyTell me Bob, which of the Golden Girls did you like best? lol, no reply necessary.
Never saw it. Sex and the City was an awesome show, I have all
six seasons on DVD and have seen every ep 10 times at least.
One of the smartest and well written shows ever on TV.
Quote: zippyboyTell me Bob, which of the Golden Girls did you like best? lol, no reply necessary.
I must confess I created a poll of that over a year ago: Most Attractive Poll -- Golden Girls. The characters on the two shows indeed follow the same formula:
Leader: Carrie & Dorothy
Dimwit: Charlotte & Rose
Slut: Samantha & Blanch
Brains: Miranda & Sophia
Quote: EvenBobAiden was a chump, women like Carrie destroy men like that,
as she did on the show.
Ya I think that's what Mrs.S was getting at
I could be wrong but I was under the impression that the writers on Sex and the City were all woman with an occasional male writer to come in and give the male perspective. I say this cuz I own the book "He's Just Not That Into You" which were written by 2 writers from the show, one male and one female. And I think in the Introduction they say that the male author (Greg Behrendt) would come by every so often to the female group of writers to lend his male perspective.Quote: EvenBobMost of the writers on the show were Gay,
BTW, thats why it was so good.
And also even though that book was written for women I encourage any of you to read it cuz it is literally THE funniest book I've ever read. LITERALLY. It's very informative but they get in your face about this crazy women shit that you can literally find me laughing out loud continuously throughout the book. It wasn't a huge best-seller for no reason!
Quote: EvenBobI have to agree that many women say they want
certain things in a man, and then end up marrying
somebody because he's handsome and a jerk.
I see it all the time. Or marry a guy because he
has a 6 figure income and he's a jerk.
This is no different than people in consumer focus groups that say they want this-and-that then don't like the product when they see it. Bob Lutz and Steve Jobs are two of the few modern businessmen who understood this.
Quote: HotBlondeI could be wrong but I was under the impression that the writers on Sex and the City were all woman with an occasional male writer
The article I read after the show went off the air said
that over the 6 seasons, the writers were predominently
Gay men, with a few women here and there.
Quote: EvenBobThe article I read after the show went off the air said that over the 6 seasons, the writers were predominently Gay men, with a few women here and there.
Makes little difference which of you is correct. A staff writer is the lowest of the low on the totem pole.
Quote: HotBlondeI've always wondered this. Why in the world would a man get married, and lie and make a life-long commitment to someone just to go out and cheat anyway? This worries me. I've never been married and I don't think I could marry someone if I thought they were dishonest and not loyal. How could I ever trust someone who would lie to me in regards to committing to me?
You never heard the expression "a piece on the side"? Not even females universally feel marriage means One Partner anymore. Females who have "a piece on the side" are often of the opinion that they are quite loyal to their marriage commitments.
Lie? You play poker, you lie.
Think of some businessmen offered a choice: make 25,000 on a legitimate business deal or make 5,000 cheating someone on a business deal. There are many, many businessmen who would truly enjoy the 5,000 that they got by cheating someone far more than the five times greater sum that they could get honestly. Its the thrill of the hunt, the kill even if the "kill" is more symbolic now than in reality. Lying to a businessman in order to steal his money is a thrill, lying to a woman in order to get what she can offer him is not only a thrill but it offers the added opportunities of access to her bankbook as well as her bed.
The "I'm single" lie may be a minor white lie useful for a one night stand but its not different than the "I do" lie at the altar for many men. There simply is no difference. The businessman he cheats and the fiancee he cheats are each viewed as prey. Its simply a different type of prey but its the exact same mental and emotional process.
I was trying my best to pay attention to what she was saying since this is an important question to me. It's too bad there is no way to rewind it or have a copy of this feed so that I can replay it. And plus it keeps pausing and pausing and it's hard to follow her answers all the way through without it continuously stopping.
Basically what I remember and what I wrote down from what she said was something along the lines of this: She said she doesn't know. She said something about have I ever strayed and have I ever been in a relationship and looked outside to other men who maybe I thought were better in whatever ways. She said where is my compassion for HIM? And that I am the same. She said that if anything moves her from a promise (such as the vows you make on your wedding day) then SHE needs to question what's going on inside of HER (she's all about personal responsibility and what is going on in ME, not anyone else). And one of the last things she said is that she takes care of her stuff and her husband takes care of his stuff.
That's what I got from what she just said. If any of you are interested in peeking in she is currently live and you can check her out now here:
Katie Live Now
