Why do cheating men get married?
Which is a good thing.
Otherwise, I'd be out of a job.
Cheat on, people, cheat on ...
Quote: HotBlondeI'm here to tell you you are way off my friend. You remind me of a guy friend who has said to me, "Women want sex just as much as men do!" My god, I LMFAO every time I hear that. That is the biggest bunch of crap I've ever heard! If you guys think that then you really do not know women at all.
Ha if it wasn't for married women I wouldn't have dates in my 20's or owned a car.
Additionally men see sex through the eyes of lust women through the eyes of opportunity. The stories I could relay about the antics of women who want to meet celebrities or musicians.
Are you a divorce lawyer or something?Quote: MrVI don't know why men and women cheat, but it is endemic in human nature, married or unmarried.
Which is a good thing.
Otherwise, I'd be out of a job.
Cheat on, people, cheat on ...
I do agree with this. And that is why women have sex for money. And the celebrity thing is true, it's more of like an accomplishment or something, or to puff up our egos.Quote: Wavy70Additionally men see sex through the eyes of lust women through the eyes of opportunity. The stories I could relay about the antics of women who want to meet celebrities or musicians.
I recently was propositioned by a celebrity and I do have to say that I wanted to have sex with him solely so that I could say that I had sex with a celebrity. And the funny thing he was actually kind of rude and disrespectful. Funny the things one can overlook when they want something. I'm only human, what can I say?
Quote: HotBlondeI'm here to tell you you are way off my friend. You remind me of a guy friend who has said to me, "Women want sex just as much as men do!" My god, I LMFAO every time I hear that. That is the biggest bunch of crap I've ever heard! If you guys think that then you really do not know women at all.
Shrug.
Some women have much higher libido's than men. I also know, which is part of what you are saying, they may want it in the confines of a more stable, comfy relationship.
But ""Women want sex just as much as men do!" is definitely true in some cases. I'll let you laugh your backside off with that one again, doesn't bother me. If it's the biggest bunch of crap you ever heard, so be it. Experience also tells me I know women a little bit at least.
Well I do have to say that there are always exceptions to every rule. It's just not the norm.Quote: thecesspitShrug.
Some women have much higher libido's than men. I also know, which is part of what you are saying, they may want it in the confines of a more stable, comfy relationship.
But ""Women want sex just as much as men do!" is definitely true in some cases. I'll let you laugh your backside off with that one again, doesn't bother me. If it's the biggest bunch of crap you ever heard, so be it. Experience also tells me I know women a little bit at least.
Quote: HotBlondeAre you a divorce lawyer or something?
I do agree with this. And that is why women have sex for money. And the celebrity thing is true, it's more of like an accomplishment or something, or to puff up our egos.
I recently was propositioned by a celebrity and I do have to say that I wanted to have sex with him solely so that I could say that I had sex with a celebrity. And the funny thing he was actually kind of rude and disrespectful. Funny the things one can overlook when they want something. I'm only human, what can I say?
The best part is you don't need to be a celeb just have access to them. Favorite question was always "What do you have to do to get a backstage pass?"
As PFunk said "No H3@d no backstage pass."
Men will feign love to get sex. Women feign sex to get love.
Men will further themselves in their careers, buy property & cars, etc just to land the hottest, fittest woman they can with their resources, and women will adorn themselves with jewelry and makeup, and get implants, to land the richest man they can with their resources. No woman would starve herself with salad and workout 40 hours a week just to be rewarded with a pretty, but broke, woodworker (unless he owned a chain of Home Depots). But men likely would marry a pretty, but broke, waitress.
Some people like to get married, they just don't like to stay married. So they cheat, wondering if who they married is really the best they could get. This is why men keep trading up as they make more money as they age. A woman's value peaks (for lack of a better term) when she's young, firm, healthy and goes down as she ages. A man's value rises as his salary increases. That's why seeing a tall hot blonde with a balding pudgy dork in a Porsche is so cliché. We never see the reverse, Roseanne Barr with some 20 yo Brad Pitt lookalike-contest-winner would never last. In other cultures, men are allowed as many wives as they can afford. Do you think they pick from the most elderly in the clan? Not likely. A woman's value is highest when she's of child-bearing age and young enough to see the child through to adulthood, and a man's value goes up as gains more money to support those children. The woman wants the wealthiest man she can to ensure that child has all the opportunities it can. Men trade up for youth and beauty; women trade up for wealth and status.
Of course, there are exceptions (gay, asexual, etc). To all you folks who are aghast at my theory saying "oh no, I'm not that shallow!", it's human nature and nothing to be ashamed of. We're hardwired this way. Even animals are this way, and we are, after all, animals.
It's funny cuz I look back at the very few boyfriends I've had in my adult life, and I find myself saying, "What the HELL was I thinking?" One of my exes currently makes $9 an hour, has an old beat up car, is out of shape, smells, and lives with his mom (he's 29 years old).
I had another boyfriend who is 30, has tourette syndrome (I was able to overlook that cuz I figured it wasn't his fault), but lives with his mom, gets money from the government and his parents, and only works part time here and there when he's not in school, saying "$8.50 and hour is good." Oh HELLLLL no!
Then, I had another boyfriend who is older than me (he's 50), but lives in a rundown dirty house and has stocked groceries during the graveyard shift for 30 years. Talk about having a boyfriend who couldn't even spend the night! Oh yeah, and he is either bi-polar or schizo-effective and has a terrible, terrible temper.
So... moral of the story, I've learned to (NOW) set standards for myself. I basically dated those guys cuz I thought they were cute. Stupid reason.
Yes, but a very commonly encountered stupid reason. I know one man who was dating this girl who had a terrific body. Every friend of his who saw him walking around with that girl hanging on his arm was really impressed. Then I reminded him that her own relatives had to take her to small claims court so just how nice a person was she? Often men who are asked how nice a girl is will respond: 38 24 36. And mean it!Quote: HotBlondeI basically dated those guys cuz I thought they were cute. Stupid reason.
Girls also date based on absurd views of "cute". It is probably healthier for a girl to atleast have a fixed standard of how fat a guy's wallet has to be. I knew one woman who had an absolute rule: she never dated a man who was someone else's employee. He had to own his own business, whatever it was. She wasn't really disappointed if the guy was not all that nice. She was looking for rich, not handsome or nice. Just rich!
Quote: HotBlondeI agree with what you're saying zippyboy. Although not everyone fits those descriptions. Although I do want to marry for love, and marry someone who is a wonderful person and would be a great example for our children (all that really takes priority), I do have to say that I don't think I would like to marry someone who doesn't make a lot of money. It has to be a package for me. His character is number one, and his income and money-making potential is number two. Not only so that I would be able to give our kids a good life, but to be honest, I want to have fun and live a nice lifestyle and go on vacations and see the world. I don't need to marry a super rich guy but I can't see myself marrying someone who didn't make really good money.
Those are good things to look for in a guy.
I've always wondered why so often on Judge Judy there is an otherwise intelligent smoking hot young girl who was dating some overweight slob who was relying on her to get by. The lawsuit was usually over him stiffing her on a loan or something.
There is certainly a high male to female ratio on this forum. I'd love to say someday that a love connection was made here. Hopefully some nice single men have been flirting with you by PM.
I guess that is what others call a losing streak.
I just came from a supermarket. Notice on the door about a Texas Hold 'Em fundraiser for a child whose parents have no medical insurance. I wonder if that notice is addressed to people who shouldn't be dated by anyone because they gamble?
Its probably better to have a gambling problem than a drinking problem or a wife beating problem.
Quote: JimMorrisonMost shocking thing to me so far in this thread? The fact that WOO watches Judge Judy!
It is not often. However, I must admit that I like people who say what they think, and that is Judy. I'm also serious that you get some very hot girls on that show sometimes.
Quote: HotBlonde
It's funny cuz I look back at the very few boyfriends I've had in my adult life, and I find myself saying, "What the HELL was I thinking?" One of my exes currently makes $9 an hour, has an old beat up car, is out of shape, smells, and lives with his mom (he's 29 years old).
I had another boyfriend who is 30, has tourette syndrome (I was able to overlook that cuz I figured it wasn't his fault), but lives with his mom, gets money from the government and his parents, and only works part time here and there when he's not in school, saying "$8.50 and hour is good." Oh HELLLLL no!
Then, I had another boyfriend who is older than me (he's 50), but lives in a rundown dirty house and has stocked groceries during the graveyard shift for 30 years. Talk about having a boyfriend who couldn't even spend the night! Oh yeah, and he is either bi-polar or schizo-effective and has a terrible, terrible temper.
Quote: JimMorrisonMost shocking thing to me so far in this thread? The fact that WOO watches Judge Judy!
Go easy on the Wiz here. Unfortunately, Judge Judy comes on at 4:30 in Las Vegas, and local news comes on NBC at 5pm, so it's easy to catch the last stupid 5 minutes of whatever fat oblivious 20-something girl has been duped by her pothead 30-something live-in unemployed boyfriend and her whiny story, which is the same tale every day, but different cast of characters. LaKeesha bitchin' about Darnell and his homies is like the appetizer before the main course of gas prices, Libya, Harry Reid and Charlie Sheen.
And back to the thread topic, no wonder Darnell cheated on her in the first place.
Quote: FleaStiffBecause its safe. Neither of you are going to get serious about it or try to make it more than what it is.
That's a great idea. I think I'll start a web site where married people get together for a safe affair and get rich. Never mind, that's AshleyMadison.com.
There sure are a lot of lousy marriages out there. People come up to me and say they're getting married and I want to laugh in their faces! I think most of the time 2 people marry just because they have nothing better going on.
I wouldn't say most of the time, but a great many women do get to a point where they dread opening their mailboxes because those little white envelopes indicate all their friends are getting weddings and baby showers and all they are getting is older.Quote: YoyomamaI think most of the time 2 people marry just because they have nothing better going on.
You've all heard the term "settling".
One young woman even settled for a man who wanted to be certain she filled out the life insurance papers. It was such a waste: her father told her to tell her fiance that she had mailed the form to the insurance company. She never came back from her honeymoon scuba dive and it was such a waste. He drowned her but never got the money. So much for "settling".
That would be fun. And only one person on here contacted me a while back (I don't know if I should "out" him) and asked me if I'd ever lke to "chat sometime", and that was only after I contacted him about something else. I told him sure but that he lives kind of far away. To me it seems pointless to "chat" with someone on the other side of the world. What's the point?Quote: WizardI'd love to say someday that a love connection was made here. Hopefully some nice single men have been flirting with you by PM.
I 110% agree with you!!! Enjoying gambling as a leisurely activity here and there is fine. But there is no way in hell I would ever get attached to someone with a gambling problem.Quote: buzzpaffI would never suggest dating anyone with a gambling problem.
Quote: HotBlondeThat would be fun. And only one person on here contacted me a while back (I don't know if I should "out" him) and asked me if I'd ever lke to "chat sometime", and that was only after I contacted him about something else. I told him sure but that he lives kind of far away. To me it seems pointless to "chat" with someone on the other side of the world. What's the point?
Don't mention any names, that would violate the rules. It might be fun, but probably never amount to anything due to the distance.
Well that's exactly what I was thinking. Plus I'm not on this site looking for men, that's not why I joined.Quote: WizardDon't mention any names, that would violate the rules. It might be fun, but probably never amount to anything due to the distance.
And the funny thing is, I mentioned in another blog that I will probably never get married, and it's actually starting to become a depressing thought. I'm usually fine on my own, but I do get sad when I see people around me that I've known getting married, having kids, etc. when, like I've said before, I've never been proposed to or have even been in love. I guess I'm just starting to feel sorry for myself. It makes me wonder, why, at the age of 33, has none of this happened? Does it honestly just come down to bad luck? Can I live the rest of my life single and be happy? Of course. But it depresses me to think that maybe I've done something wrong at some point.
Quote: HotBlondeWell that's exactly what I was thinking. Plus I'm not on this site looking for men, that's not why I joined.
And the funny thing is, I mentioned in another blog that I will probably never get married, and it's actually starting to become a depressing thought. I'm usually fine on my own, but I do get sad when I see people around me that I've known getting married, having kids, etc. when, like I've said before, I've never been proposed to or have even been in love. I guess I'm just starting to feel sorry for myself. It makes me wonder, why, at the age of 33, has none of this happened? Does it honestly just come down to bad luck? Can I live the rest of my life single and be happy? Of course. But it depresses me to think that maybe I've done something wrong at some point.
Don't feel bad about anything. I'm 41 and single, only really been in one relationship all my life and truth be told it was kind of a weird feeling after being single so long. I think some people are just so afraid of being alone they hunt a relationship down. My only complaint is the people who think staying single is wrong. "Isn't it lonely?" Uh, it doesn't bother me, thanks for your concern.
Though I have been told I am some kind of loner many times. Once when I told the person on my team I didn't want my birthday celebrated at work. What that had to do with it I have no idea.
Quote: AZDuffmanMy only complaint is the people who think staying single is wrong. "Isn't it lonely?" Uh, it doesn't bother me, thanks for your concern.
I had planned on being 'your type' and likewise couldn't understand those people.
"Yeah, it's really terrible. I hafta do whatever I want, nobody tells me what to watch on TV, I never get to freak out when my child gets a fever, and I leave my dirty socks on the floor with no one there to cry out about it. If I want to move across the country, change careers on a flight of fancy, stay out all night for days, or sleep with a stranger, I have to make that decision MYSELF. Uugh, what a pain. I played 5 games of hockey this week and not once had someone complain about spending time with them. I went out with the boys playing poker and no one was there to tell me be home by 12a. Valentines day, know how many card I bought? None! And who bitched? NOBODY! God I can barely f*ing stand it anymore!!"
Silly, yes, but people are silly. To those concerned about their current status, my advice is this: If it's meant to happen then it will. Unless, of course, it doesn't. But in any case, the worst thing one can do is focus so much on what could be that they lose sight of what is.
Quote: HotBlondeWell that's exactly what I was thinking. Plus I'm not on this site looking for men, that's not why I joined.
And the funny thing is, I mentioned in another blog that I will probably never get married, and it's actually starting to become a depressing thought. I'm usually fine on my own, but I do get sad when I see people around me that I've known getting married, having kids, etc. when, like I've said before, I've never been proposed to or have even been in love. I guess I'm just starting to feel sorry for myself. It makes me wonder, why, at the age of 33, has none of this happened? Does it honestly just come down to bad luck? Can I live the rest of my life single and be happy? Of course. But it depresses me to think that maybe I've done something wrong at some point.
33. You got plenty of time left to find someone, settle down, have the children, all that good stuff.
That's from the experience of my peers at least. People tend to marry later these days. It can come only as long as you leave yourself open to opportunities.
I'm LMAO right now!! What a funny way to put things into perspective!!Quote: Face"Yeah, it's really terrible. I hafta do whatever I want, nobody tells me what to watch on TV, I never get to freak out when my child gets a fever, and I leave my dirty socks on the floor with no one there to cry out about it. If I want to move across the country, change careers on a flight of fancy, stay out all night for days, or sleep with a stranger, I have to make that decision MYSELF. Uugh, what a pain. I played 5 games of hockey this week and not once had someone complain about spending time with them. I went out with the boys playing poker and no one was there to tell me be home by 12a. Valentines day, know how many card I bought? None! And who bitched? NOBODY! God I can barely f*ing stand it anymore!!"
Quote: FaceI had planned on being 'your type' and likewise couldn't understand those people.
"Yeah, it's really terrible. I hafta do whatever I want, nobody tells me what to watch on TV, I never get to freak out when my child gets a fever, and I leave my dirty socks on the floor with no one there to cry out about it. If I want to move across the country, change careers on a flight of fancy, stay out all night for days, or sleep with a stranger, I have to make that decision MYSELF. Uugh, what a pain. I played 5 games of hockey this week and not once had someone complain about spending time with them. I went out with the boys playing poker and no one was there to tell me be home by 12a. Valentines day, know how many card I bought? None! And who bitched? NOBODY! God I can barely f*ing stand it anymore!!"
Silly, yes, but people are silly. To those concerned about their current status, my advice is this: If it's meant to happen then it will. Unless, of course, it doesn't. But in any case, the worst thing one can do is focus so much on what could be that they lose sight of what is.
A non-gambling topic that I'm an expert in. I've been very happily married for 32 years with two children: a son in the Army and a daughter having a successful business career at a young age. I now have grandchildren that present a whole new set of joys.
Over the years I've run into many single/divorced people all over the world, and the theme is always the same. They say they're thrilled to be free and able to do whatever whenever, they sport a great big smile, they understandably rag on marriage, but whenever I brought up how my wife is my very best of friends you could look into their eyes and just see the pain and lonliness as if it were going to burst them open at any minute. As I personally enter my declining years having been successful in most everything I've done along with a few regrettable screw-ups along the way, my greatest blessing is knowing I did not experience it alone and there was someone else along side me that was proud to share her trials and tribulations with me. Without that, if I were still alive today, I'm fearful to know what I'd be like.
A woman of 33 who hasn't found a partner is no different than a woman of 55 who hasn't found a partner. It's where you are at the end that really matters. Die alone and you're bound to feel as if you didn't get something major right.
"I lover her" is the reply.
Jimmy Stewart retorts "I asked if you like her. You can love anybody but if you don't like them it will make for many a long night."
I lucked out. My wife and I in addition to loving each other truly enjoy each others company.
Doesn't hurt that she likes the casino even more than me.
People fall in love easily but never explore to see if they like each other.
Quote: HotBlondeI'm LMAO right now!! What a funny way to put things into perspective!!
Indeed, a laugh is what was intended, but don't let my childishness cloud the point. If you think back, I'm sure there were a number of positions you wished you hadn't been in at the time.
When you were younger, you wanted to be big so you could go do stuff on your own. When you got big, you wished you were young again so you didn't have all the responsibility.
When you were broke, you wished you had a good job so you could afford to go out. You get the job and the money, and find you no longer have the time to go out because of the job.
When your single and childless, you wished you had someone to have a family with and make yourself complete. You get the spouse and the family, and find you have so little time for yourself that you start to fall apart.
I'm not saying 'careful for what you wish for, you just might get it' by any means. Being a respectful, providing, faithful husband and proper father has been more difficult an endeavor than I ever expected (I often say being a Guy is awesome, but being a Man is a terrific pain in the ass) but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I just hate what I did to myself in past years, which was only focusing on what was 'wrong' in my life and never saw how truely good I had it until it was too late. Of the great number of really f*ed up things I've done throughout the years, it is my only real regret. I never took time to smell the roses, only hurried past to find better ones. If I could give only one piece of advice to the world, that would be it. If you dont like something, by all means change it. But dont put the blinders on and plow headlessly ahead. Take time to enjoy where you are. Much like a road trip, getting there is half the fun.
Wow, I envy your relationship.Quote: RobSingerI've been very happily married for 32 years...
...my wife is my very best of friends...
I'm envious of your relationship as well! It reminds me of one time when I was talking to a therapist and was talking about my boyfriend at the time (who I loved) and told her, "I don't even think I like the guy!" And it was true. I cared about him but when it came down to it all we did was argue constantly and I didn't even like him.Quote: Wavy70An old quote from Jimmy Stewart in "Shenandoah" asking his potential future son in law "Do you like my daughter?"
"I lover her" is the reply.
Jimmy Stewart retorts "I asked if you like her. You can love anybody but if you don't like them it will make for many a long night."
I lucked out. My wife and I in addition to loving each other truly enjoy each others company.
Doesn't hurt that she likes the casino even more than me.
People fall in love easily but never explore to see if they like each other.
In a related sense, I've mentioned before that I love Byron Katie, the author, and she teaches to enjoy the moment and be happy with that, that when we sit and wish things were different than what they are we are not enjoying the moment as it is, and every moment is perfect just the way it is. It would benefit me to remember this more often.Quote: FaceI just hate what I did to myself in past years, which was only focusing on what was 'wrong' in my life and never saw how truely good I had it until it was too late.
But good luck
Quote: RobSingermy greatest blessing is knowing I did not experience it alone and there was someone else along side me that was proud to share her trials and tribulations with me.
Gotta agree here. I was married 10 years from 1990-2000, no kids. We're still friends in different states, and single life now is good but lonely. I can do what I want, when I want, with whom I want, but I fear I will die alone with no one to hold my hand in the end. No amount of one-night-stands or cash in the bank will lessen that fear. I think having someone to hold my hand in the end is worth everything I have, and I can't find her. So I seek some kinda community on several of these forums like this one, but of course, it barely fills my cup. I feel for ya, hotblonde. 7 billion peeps on the planet, but we get more isolated every year due to technology.
Quote: HotBlondeIt makes me wonder, why, at the age of 33, has none of this happened? Does it honestly just come down to bad luck? Can I live the rest of my life single and be happy?
I think for a honest opinion you need to post a bikini pic.
Quote: Face
When you were younger, you wanted to be big so you could go do stuff on your own. When you got big, you wished you were young again so you didn't have all the responsibility.
This one I never understood or fell into. Not sure what you mean by "young" but I did have a grandmother who used to regularly say, "when you are working you will wish you were a kid in school again." For me that has yet to happen. When I was in school I would see someone driving a truck and think how great it would be to be doing that, or anything else than sitting there in class. College was different, but to wish I was back there? Lets see, do I have $10 for a pizza and a beer or should I spend that on gas?
At most I wish I could move back to age 30 or so and have the internet resources we have now, then tell myself some advice to make a better career switch.
As to the "dying alone" thing, every one of us must face death by ourselves. If I do not meet someone so be it. I doubt HotBlonde is going to move to my area so we can be each other's "backup plans".......................
I think it's not so much the physical part of "dying alone" because even a spouse or a partner has to face that after one of them passes on. It's really about the serenity of having had and having made the most of the opportunity to share experiences, good & bad, throughout your journey.
Now someone like Larry King might get a bit confused as his mind scrambles to recall who's on first.
Um, not gonna happen at this point. :-OQuote: JimMorrisonI think for a honest opinion you need to post a bikini pic.
Cute idea. ;)Quote: AZDuffmanI doubt HotBlonde is going to move to my area so we can be each other's "backup plans".......................
So, maybe this is not the right place to ask this question, but I've been kind of struggling with something. Basically there's a part of me that thinks that I can just wait to meet someone who can provide a wonderful life for me, but then I find myself telling me no, that that sounds co-dependent, and that if I want to live a certain life it's totally up to me to provide that kind of lifestyle for myself, and to not depend on someone else to do it for me. But just as I'm starting to believe that, I start thinking how I am a woman and that that's natural for women to feel that way, to look for someone to provide for our family, and that's just the natural order of things. HELP! I want to be responsible for my self and my life but I don't know if I'm trying to do that at the cost of not doing what's natural for human females, which is to look for a man and let him be the main provider.
So confused........... ????
Quote: HotBlondeSo, maybe this is not the right place to ask this question...
Just be yourself. You are the master of your own destiny. There is no shame either way.
Quote: HotBlondeBasically there's a part of me that thinks that I can just wait to meet someone who can provide a wonderful life for me, but then I find myself telling me no, that that sounds co-dependent, and that if I want to live a certain life it's totally up to me to provide that kind of lifestyle for myself, and to not depend on someone else to do it for me.
I was going to suggest earlier when you asked if you were doing something wrong - how's your volume, or that is, if you're not doing things where you're meeting new people, rather than worrying about what you're doing wrong - up your volume first, if that's lacking.
I don't mean clubs or bars though.
Quote: WizardThere is certainly a high male to female ratio on this forum. I'd love to say someday that a love connection was made here. Hopefully some nice single men have been flirting with you by PM.
Oh, Wizard, you can't be everything to everybody!!! :)
I think MKL and JerryLogan are married by now.
It is perhaps more likely that some nice married men have been flirting with her by PM.Quote: WizardHopefully some nice single men have been flirting with you by PM.
Quote: HotBlondeSo, maybe this is not the right place to ask this question, but I've been kind of struggling with something. Basically there's a part of me that thinks that I can just wait to meet someone who can provide a wonderful life for me, but then I find myself telling me no, that that sounds co-dependent, and that if I want to live a certain life it's totally up to me to provide that kind of lifestyle for myself, and to not depend on someone else to do it for me. But just as I'm starting to believe that, I start thinking how I am a woman and that that's natural for women to feel that way, to look for someone to provide for our family, and that's just the natural order of things. HELP! I want to be responsible for my self and my life but I don't know if I'm trying to do that at the cost of not doing what's natural for human females, which is to look for a man and let him be the main provider.
So confused........... ????
Sigh... what a great forum this is... people baring their souls and all on a gambling web site. Perhaps the Wizard can be a matchmaker after all.
The best advice I can give you is to be yourself and be comfortable and confident in who that is. A few people are suited to be alone, but your struggle is the one that everyone who is single goes through. The trick is to find a partner who will let you be yourself and who you love so much to let part of yourself go. Your partner will be different from you and though you will both be on your best behaviour at the start of your relationship, eventually, you will return to yourself. The only thing that will allow you to sacrifice part of yourself is the love you will have for him.
I think that marriages that are unhappy and lead to infidelity are ones based on fantasy. Go into marriage with your eyes open. Both partners need to realize that it is not all roses and fireworks. Marriage is alot of work. There is plenty of sacrifices along the way. Your charm and looks will fade over time. There will be temptations. Through it all, if you love your partner and you have the moral values to stay on course and go into marriage with the expectations that there will be struggles and keep a good perspective, you have a much better chance IMO of success.
I have a daughter of 13. My unsaid hope for her is to become skilled enough to be an individual who can support herself, but I want her to have children and to raise them at home for the first five years of their lives. For that to happen, she will have to find a "provider" who will make enough money to provide for the whole family. I don't believe in daycares and that both parents should be working full-time while raising children. To what end?
Quote: HotBlonde
So, maybe this is not the right place to ask this question, but I've been kind of struggling with something. Basically there's a part of me that thinks that I can just wait to meet someone who can provide a wonderful life for me, but then I find myself telling me no, that that sounds co-dependent, and that if I want to live a certain life it's totally up to me to provide that kind of lifestyle for myself, and to not depend on someone else to do it for me. But just as I'm starting to believe that, I start thinking how I am a woman and that that's natural for women to feel that way, to look for someone to provide for our family, and that's just the natural order of things. HELP! I want to be responsible for my self and my life but I don't know if I'm trying to do that at the cost of not doing what's natural for human females, which is to look for a man and let him be the main provider.
So confused........... ????
You are correct in that it is up to you to provide your own life, but it sounds as if the biological clock is starting to tick. I never really wanted to get married and have kids, then I was dating this guy and he told me how he used to run home to do his homework so he could go out and play. I saw him running on the beach and started picturing him as that little kid running home to do his homework. Your brain and your hormones start fighting it out at some point!
Quote: HotBlondeSo, maybe this is not the right place to ask this question, but I've been kind of struggling with something. Basically there's a part of me that thinks that I can just wait to meet someone who can provide a wonderful life for me, but then I find myself telling me no, that that sounds co-dependent, and that if I want to live a certain life it's totally up to me to provide that kind of lifestyle for myself, and to not depend on someone else to do it for me. But just as I'm starting to believe that, I start thinking how I am a woman and that that's natural for women to feel that way, to look for someone to provide for our family, and that's just the natural order of things. HELP! I want to be responsible for my self and my life but I don't know if I'm trying to do that at the cost of not doing what's natural for human females, which is to look for a man and let him be the main provider.
So confused........... ????
This actually made me a little sad. I'm sure there are as many opinions as to how to go about these things as there are posters, so FWIW, here's another one ...
Dating/love is this weird combination of being proactive and being passive. I think this is why people who say, "You should go out and mingle more," and the people who say, "You can't look for it or it won't come" are both right. One way to think of it is train tracks ... parallel, they NEVER meet, but you need them both for the train to run smoothly. To further the analogy, it's not about the track. It's about the train. When one track gets all whopper-jawed, the train crashes.
So, if your train is "crashing," it may be because one track is being followed at the expense of the other. This is what I think your good friends might mean when they offer advice. Let's say they told you, "You can't look for it or it won't come." I don't think they mean, "for god's sake, stop being proactive." I think it might be their way of saying, "you're leaning too hard on the Proactive rail and forgetting the Passive one."
As for your desires, they are what they are, and there's nothing weird about them. They're as individual as you are. The fact that you don't know what you desire, I think, can make you vulnerable to having a bad relationship. Of course, there's give-and-take in relationships, and only you know your threshold for the "how much" of that. But if you don't know what you want, it doesn't make for a good starting place, IMHO.
And, FWIW, I also think there's an insane amount of luck in finding a good relationship. But you should put yourself in a position to recognize one when it comes along.
Quote: RobSingerIt's funny watching you folks play footsie with HotBlonde. It would be even funnier if it's really a guy.
Some of us are answering her questions and giving her advice. Some of us are female as well. She seems to be quite female to me. Some of us are really who and what we say we are.
Quote: FarFromVegasSome of us are answering her questions and giving her advice. Some of us are female as well. She seems to be quite female to me. Some of us are really who and what we say we are.
I'm not so sure she wants advice as much as she wants a good man. I kind of agree she's a she, but it would still be funny if she wasn't. Either way I'm betting she's fulfilled by New Year's.
Good Hunting, HotBlonde!
In Scandinavia I think women still receive seven years salary and there are no daycares or preschools. School starts at age 7, I think.
The best independence is achieved by wealth but often marriage is viewed as a way to obtain wealth.
Women in our society have freedom and are not kept ignorant of biology. It used to be that a woman was taught to make no anatomical reference more specific than "down there". Sex is acknowledged to be recreational rather than procreational, at least most of the time. Often having children is desired but raising them is not necessarily viewed as all that thrilling or fulfilling. So the wealthy have nannies and Swiss boarding schools. The well-off have au paires and mothers helpers. The poor have a bunch of screaming brats, a perpetual odor of wet diapers and alcohol sodden fights with their spouses. (Oh, okay... okay, maybe its not all that bad, but ... .)
As with any contract a marriage is best entered when each party deals from a position of strength and is well informed.
Some marriages really defy conventions but endure. I know one marriage that is still going strong that started off as a bar-room comment about the INS is really breathing down my neck. Half the bar trouped off to Vegas for the wedding the next morning (all drinking shots to stay vertical) and between meeting that night in the bar, driving to Vegas, getting the license and waiting the required three hours the couple sure started off with most well wishers thinking it would never last. It lasted.
I know one marriage that started with a woman writing out a check to repay a bartender but he told her that he would rather take it out in trade ... a few months later: they got hitched.
One marriage was clearly commercially oriented. The man in his forties owned his own very profitable business, the girl was 15 and knew enough to have had a CPA audit his books. Parents signed the consent form, they got hitched... and a very commercial transaction has lasted.
It takes work and it takes a measure of luck as well.
