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HotBlonde
HotBlonde
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March 10th, 2011 at 8:41:52 PM permalink
I've always wondered this. Why in the world would a man get married, and lie and make a life-long commitment to someone just to go out and cheat anyway? This worries me. I've never been married and I don't think I could marry someone if I thought they were dishonest and not loyal. How could I ever trust someone who would lie to me in regards to committing to me?

I met a man once who had a wife, a girlfriend, and would sleep with other women all at the same time. He told me, "If you go into a marriage knowing that every man cheats then it'll be easier on you." Say what? I don't want to sound naive cuz I know that there are cheating men out there. Does it actually go against nature for people to marry and stay monogamous for the rest of their lives? Maybe we're not meant to be monogomous. I'm very confused on the subject.

So why do men get married if they're just going to cheat? So they can make babies or have someone at home cleaning and doing their laundry? I don't get it.
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Wavy70
Wavy70
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March 10th, 2011 at 8:47:07 PM permalink
Women cheat too and I would venture in like percentages.
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P90
P90
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March 10th, 2011 at 8:56:58 PM permalink
Quote: HotBlonde

I've always wondered this. Why in the world would a man get married, and lie and make a life-long commitment to someone just to go out and cheat anyway?


At one point, in another place, I raised a question pertaining to sound mind being presumably required to enter such an arrangement. The state known as love is characterized by very intense chemical changes, closely similar to heavy narcotic intake. It's not even a question if a man or woman in love can be considered of sound mind, the common knowledge and popular culture firmly establish that they aren't. Can then such an arrangement be held up to the same standards as decisions made in true sobriety?

In application to this question, it's clear enough that a man marrying for love is not entering this contract in anything close to sound mind. As such, he is certainly not close enough to realize that the state of love will pass and he will return to whoring around. At the moment the arrangement is made, he lacks the capacity to sensibly look into the future.


Quote: HotBlonde

Does it actually go against nature for people to marry and stay monogamous for the rest of their lives? Maybe we're not meant to be monogomous.


We aren't. Apes, which we have evolved from, are anything but monogamous. More precisely, in most species males are polygamous, while females are sort-of-monogamous ("married" to a hierarchical position rather than any particular specimen), as the pack leader mates with all the females. In at least some species, if a female mates with another male, she is killed. When the pack leader changes, the new leader kills all children of the previous pack leader and currently pregnant females.

Well, at least we have something to be proud of - evolving past that. But we are nonetheless very far away from actually monogamous species.
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HotBlonde
HotBlonde
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March 10th, 2011 at 9:04:48 PM permalink
Quote: P90

In application to this question, it's clear enough that a man marrying for love is not entering this contract in anything close to sound mind.

So what if he was in love at one point, then fell out of love but married the girl cuz he thought she was a really cool chick and special and liked being around her?

And if we're not meant to be monogomous then what's the function of jealousy?
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clarkacal
clarkacal
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March 10th, 2011 at 9:09:33 PM permalink
In the case of some of my friends who are married, the wife lost interest in sex after marriage and/or gained 50-100 lbs. Not in all cases of cheating though. Sometimes the guy was a dog from the beginning.
rxwine
rxwine
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March 10th, 2011 at 9:10:42 PM permalink
Quote: HotBlonde

I've always wondered this. Why in the world would a man get married, and lie and make a life-long commitment to someone just to go out and cheat anyway?



Tiger Woods being a perfect example.

I'm guessing the answer is more complicated than a single answer. For instance, some men probably thought they could settle down. But like everything, sometimes you don't know you're not ready for something. Others are possibly amoral; they literally don't care enough about the vows part. Others may find temptation too strong (the flesh being weak, is one of those truisms, whether divine or not).

I wouldn't say every reason is particular to men -- but since that's that target demographic...
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Wizard
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Wizard
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March 10th, 2011 at 9:20:19 PM permalink
Quote: HotBlonde

Does it actually go against nature for people to marry and stay monogamous for the rest of their lives? Maybe we're not meant to be monogomous. I'm very confused on the subject.

So why do men get married if they're just going to cheat? So they can make babies or have someone at home cleaning and doing their laundry? I don't get it.



It goes against nature for men to stay monogamous. As I've said in "cheating boyfriend" questions, an honorable man can hopefully override the natural urge to spread his seed around as much as possible.

I doubt most men intend to cheat when they get married. However, if they are not getting their needs met at home, the odds of cheating climb quickly.
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TheNightfly
TheNightfly
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March 10th, 2011 at 9:24:35 PM permalink
Quote: HotBlonde

I've always wondered this. Why in the world would a man get married, and lie and make a life-long commitment to someone just to go out and cheat anyway? This worries me. I've never been married and I don't think I could marry someone if I thought they were dishonest and not loyal. How could I ever trust someone who would lie to me in regards to committing to me?

I met a man once who had a wife, a girlfriend, and would sleep with other women all at the same time. He told me, "If you go into a marriage knowing that every man cheats then it'll be easier on you." Say what? I don't want to sound naive cuz I know that there are cheating men out there. Does it actually go against nature for people to marry and stay monogamous for the rest of their lives? Maybe we're not meant to be monogomous. I'm very confused on the subject.

So why do men get married if they're just going to cheat? So they can make babies or have someone at home cleaning and doing their laundry? I don't get it.


As far as I'm concerned, men are scum and women are nuts. Now, I know that not ALL men are ALWAYS scummy but given enough time and the right opportunity I believe that most men will do something very scummy to a woman (and you can use whatever example you wish to describe scummy - cheats on wife, beats girlfriend, lies to significant other, etc...). I also think that most women tend to be nuts when it comes to relationships. They'll let a scummy guy hang around and perpetrate his scummy acts a lot longer than a sensible, sane person would. No, not ALL women are always nuts but given enough time a woman will usually do something to prove that she's nuts (and by nuts I mean doing something or allowing someone else to do something to her that is hurtful to her and she permits it to continue).

So, why do cheating men get married? They do it because they couldn't care less about the outcome if they get caught... they're scum, why would they? They also generally find a woman who is nuts and she either looks the other way or suffers in silence. You also have to realize that the concept of marriage means very different things to different people. To you it seems to mean making the choice to be with one person - the person you love - for the rest of your life and to make a good life for both of you. (of course you'd have to define love for that to make any sense and that's a puzzle in itself). To someone else it might just mean doing what society or family expects and settling for whatever comes along regardless of their happiness and then finding something or someone else with whom they find happiness.

I know I'm generalizing in a big way but that's the way I see it. By the way, I've never cheated and can't understand someone who does whether they be male or female.
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Scotty71
Scotty71
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March 10th, 2011 at 9:35:40 PM permalink
My favorite toast to give at a wedding "To our wives and special girlfriends.... may they never meet!!!

I have been married 13 yrs never cheated. I think people like thrills, think short term or just done give a fuck... who knows. Why as a single woman do you care enough about it to ask the question? Have you asked any of your female friends who are single why they banged a married guy? Women do catty shit to each other and they now that is the ultimate power over another woman... like a dog peeing on another dogs tree.
when man determined to destroy himself he picked the was of shall and finding only why smashed it into because." E.E. Cummings
P90
P90
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March 10th, 2011 at 9:37:15 PM permalink
Quote: HotBlonde

So what if he was in love at one point, then fell out of love but married the girl cuz he thought she was a really cool chick and special and liked being around her?


Then he already had no intent of marriage at the point when it occurred. Let's face it, marriage is far more commonly pressed on by women than by men - in this situation the guy would probably much prefer to just hang out with her rather than marry.
And if a marriage is forced by any party without complete agreement from the other, it's only a matter of very little time before the temporary monogamous restriction fades away.


Quote: HotBlonde

And if we're not meant to be monogomous then what's the function of jealousy?


Well, as mentioned, ape males manifest their 'jealousy' in killing all females that were impregnated by someone else and all children up to the point where they can kill them without risk to themselves. The function there is quite simple, destroy any competing genetic lines.

The function of jealousy in females is far less clear than in males, since there is no long-term evolutionary purpose, but perhaps it comes down to: 1) Fear of abandonment - a male ceasing to feed the female in favor of another; 2) Emotional connection. In civilized humans specifically, one could add reciprocity to it.

Clearly we've evolved a lot since then, but our sexual behaviors far less so.
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