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hwccdealer
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July 10th, 2013 at 4:09:40 PM permalink
If a man didn't get married, who would he cheat on? (Yes, it sounds like Philosoraptor.) But if a man wants to cheat, by definition, he has to be tied down; otherwise, he's just a bachelor with a lot of women.

Honestly, though, even as a man, I've grown to be less sympathetic to men being cheated on. My brother got cheated on by an ex of his, and at first, I was on his side, but he told me all the things she did - forbade him from having female friends, wouldn't let him give his pet fish female names, acted like an insecure crazy person - and I decided that it wasn't her fault for being a cheater; it was his fault for letting her get away with stomping all over him.
helgeklinger
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May 16th, 2017 at 7:34:49 PM permalink
Quote: HotBlonde

I've always wondered this. Why in the world would a man get married, and lie and make a life-long commitment to someone just to go out and cheat anyway? This worries me. I've never been married and I don't think I could marry someone if I thought they were dishonest and not loyal. How could I ever trust someone who would lie to me in regards to committing to me?

I met a man once who had a wife, a girlfriend, and would sleep with other women all at the same time. He told me, "If you go into a marriage knowing that every man cheats then it'll be easier on you." Say what? I don't want to sound naive cuz I know that there are cheating men out there. Does it actually go against nature for people to marry and stay monogamous for the rest of their lives? Maybe we're not meant to be monogomous. I'm very confused on the subject.

So why do men get married if they're just going to cheat? So they can make babies or have someone at home cleaning and doing their laundry? I don't get it.




Because they are a JERK.
monet0412
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May 16th, 2017 at 7:42:36 PM permalink
The answer is very simple to me. Lie, Cheat, and Steal. This the American way and the way of the world since the beginning.

You do not have to play this game but don't ask WHY when you will be exploited for not participating.

Interesting point is that if you are strong enough to not participate you will win in the end but you will have to be able to swallow a lot of pride and pain for your entire life. Giving is always stronger than receiving just like forgiveness is stronger than revenge but it isn't easy to stay on that straight and narrow path.
MagnusBjuvman12
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May 18th, 2017 at 1:49:57 AM permalink
All people cheat. not just men
arethamorce
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April 30th, 2019 at 6:51:36 PM permalink
married men who cheat means, men looking for his own suffering
MDawg
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April 30th, 2019 at 8:36:35 PM permalink
Players should get married late in life, after we have it mostly out of our system. The urges are controllable by then. We might still look but we won't bother to act since we've pretty much already done it all.
I tell you its wonderful to be here, man. I dont give a damn who wins or loses. Its just wonderful to be here with you people. https://wizardofvegas.com/forum/gambling/betting-systems/33908-the-adventures-of-mdawg/
FleaStiff
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April 30th, 2019 at 9:40:14 PM permalink
Men cheat for the same reasons women cheat. I just think the thresholds are different.
beachbumbabs
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May 1st, 2019 at 2:48:55 AM permalink
Quote: FleaStiff

Men cheat for the same reasons women cheat. I just think the thresholds are different.



I think there's an added couple of incentives for men to cheat. Men have a biological urge to spread their seed. It's social convention, not their nature, to be monogamous. I'm talking caveman, back-of-the-brain impulse. Women's brains, on that level, are about having a strong mate to protect them while pregnant or raising their young.

I also think there's a certain amount of provocation in dressing women as sexily as possible and using them to sell everything. Men are constantly bombarded with advertising featuring young sexy women coming on to them. It creates an environment of desire and need. Marketing directed at women is very different, though a lot of it creates a desire to be the object of that lust or attention.

So I think men cheat more easily and more often than women, and for some different reasons, but some the same (boredom, strong offspring, demonstrations of power, envy, lust).
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
MaxPen
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May 1st, 2019 at 3:02:30 AM permalink
Quote: beachbumbabs



So I think men cheat more easily and more often than women



How is that even possible when it takes one of each sex? Are you pulling in the Miata drivers with the men?
beachbumbabs
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May 1st, 2019 at 3:20:07 AM permalink
Quote: MaxPen

How is that even possible when it takes one of each sex? Are you pulling in the Miata drivers with the men?



Lol. No. But prostitution makes things lopsided, for one. Women with kids are less likely to cheat than men with kids. Women without kids probably equally likely. JMHO.
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
WatchMeWin
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May 1st, 2019 at 6:47:20 AM permalink
Quote: beachbumbabs

I think there's an added couple of incentives for men to cheat. Men have a biological urge to spread their seed. It's social convention, not their nature, to be monogamous. I'm talking caveman, back-of-the-brain impulse. Women's brains, on that level, are about having a strong mate to protect them while pregnant or raising their young.

I also think there's a certain amount of provocation in dressing women as sexily as possible and using them to sell everything. Men are constantly bombarded with advertising featuring young sexy women coming on to them. It creates an environment of desire and need. Marketing directed at women is very different, though a lot of it creates a desire to be the object of that lust or attention.

So I think men cheat more easily and more often than women, and for some different reasons, but some the same (boredom, strong offspring, demonstrations of power, envy, lust).



Well stated. I would add that , generally speaking, when a man cheats, it is purely sexual and he needs to 'release' ...much of it being visual and physical. When a woman cheats, there is typically much more emotion involved. Unhappy and unfulfilled emotionally in current relationship and life status. To me , that is the bigger problem.
'Winners hit n run... Losers stick around'
Nathan
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May 1st, 2019 at 6:56:20 AM permalink
Quote: WatchMeWin

Well stated. I would add that , generally speaking, when a man cheats, it is purely sexual and he needs to 'release' ...much of it being visual and physical. When a woman cheats, there is typically much more emotion involved. Unhappy and unfulfilled emotionally in current relationship and life status. To me , that is the bigger problem.



If he needs to "Release," there are lots of toys and even his own hands he can use to do that without cheating with another living being.
In both The Hunger Games and in gambling, may the odds be ever in your favor. :D "Man Babes" #AxelFabulous "Olive oil is processed but it only has one ingredient, olive oil."-Even Bob, March 27/28th. :D The 2 year war is over! Woo-hoo! :D I sometimes speak in metaphors. ;) Remember this. ;) Crack the code. :D 8.9.13.25.14.1.13.5.9.19.14.1.20.8.1.14! :D "For about the 4096th time, let me offer a radical idea to those of you who don't like Nathan -- block her and don't visit Nathan's Corner. What is so complicated about it?" Wizard, August 21st. :D
SOOPOO
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May 1st, 2019 at 7:08:49 AM permalink
Quote: beachbumbabs

I think there's an added couple of incentives for men to cheat. Men have a biological urge to spread their seed. It's social convention, not their nature, to be monogamous. I'm talking caveman, back-of-the-brain impulse.



Can you explain homosexuality to me then if the biological urge to spread their seed is based on procreation? Or do you think that biological urge is just based on getting the fluids out of a man's body?
WatchMeWin
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May 1st, 2019 at 7:44:47 AM permalink
Quote: Nathan

If he needs to "Release," there are lots of toys and even his own hands he can use to do that without cheating with another living being.



That too! ha But a man likes to feel like he has conquered as well as serving his own sexual needs. Ask most men after they have 'released' while hooking up with a woman, whether or not they are still interested in the moment. Women want to continue to cuddle and kiss and be lovey dovey. Not agreeing or disagreeing with either, just sayin.

Like 'Adrew Dice Clay' said in one of his comedy routines. Ohhh... Im done, now get out! or something to that extent.
'Winners hit n run... Losers stick around'
WatchMeWin
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May 1st, 2019 at 7:47:25 AM permalink
Quote: WatchMeWin

That too! ha But a man likes to feel like he has conquered as well as serving his own sexual needs. Ask most men after they have 'released' while hooking up with a woman, whether or not they are still interested in the moment. Women want to continue to cuddle and kiss and be lovey dovey. Not agreeing or disagreeing with either, just sayin.

Like 'Adrew Dice Clay' said in one of his comedy routines. Ohhh... Im done, now get out! or something to that extent.



Soopoo's comment about homosexuality gets me thinking now... Does a homosexual man feel the same about the moment after his 'release' as a straight man? Or does he want to cuddle, and kiss, and be lovey dovey?
'Winners hit n run... Losers stick around'
FleaStiff
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May 1st, 2019 at 8:28:27 AM permalink
Quote: WatchMeWin

Well stated. I would add that , generally speaking, when a man cheats, it is purely sexual and he needs to 'release' ...much of it being visual and physical. When a woman cheats, there is typically much more emotion involved. Unhappy and unfulfilled emotionally in current relationship and life status. To me , that is the bigger problem.

Books and movies been telling us that for donkeys years.
I tend not to believe Hollywood very often.
FleaStiff
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May 1st, 2019 at 8:37:17 AM permalink
Quote: SOOPOO

Can you explain homosexuality to me then if the biological urge to spread their seed is based on procreation?

sexual orientation has several components. The sypthless trackers used to deal with an 'average wife' listing three partners, an 'average husband' listing seven partners and an 'average gay male' listing seven pages.
Nathan
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May 1st, 2019 at 10:00:06 AM permalink
Quote: WatchMeWin

That too! ha But a man likes to feel like he has conquered as well as serving his own sexual needs. Ask most men after they have 'released' while hooking up with a woman, whether or not they are still interested in the moment. Women want to continue to cuddle and kiss and be lovey dovey. Not agreeing or disagreeing with either, just sayin.

Like 'Adrew Dice Clay' said in one of his comedy routines. Ohhh... Im done, now get out! or something to that extent.



He can get a "Doll," and pretend it's his wife/girlfriend and pretend he "Conquered," 😉
In both The Hunger Games and in gambling, may the odds be ever in your favor. :D "Man Babes" #AxelFabulous "Olive oil is processed but it only has one ingredient, olive oil."-Even Bob, March 27/28th. :D The 2 year war is over! Woo-hoo! :D I sometimes speak in metaphors. ;) Remember this. ;) Crack the code. :D 8.9.13.25.14.1.13.5.9.19.14.1.20.8.1.14! :D "For about the 4096th time, let me offer a radical idea to those of you who don't like Nathan -- block her and don't visit Nathan's Corner. What is so complicated about it?" Wizard, August 21st. :D
beachbumbabs
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May 1st, 2019 at 10:28:47 AM permalink
Quote: SOOPOO

Can you explain homosexuality to me then if the biological urge to spread their seed is based on procreation? Or do you think that biological urge is just based on getting the fluids out of a man's body?



Neither, really. I think homosexuality is a subset of what turns a person on. If it's guys that do it for you, doesn't matter whether you're male or female. And what goes into a person being attracted to another is very complex and individual. I've known both monogamous and polygamous gays. The poly men tend to be very wham bam thank you Sam - 5-10 minutes getting down to business. A lot of times it's even anonymous, and they prefer it that way. But a lot of that behavior died with the onset of HIV and herpes, too, or at least went underground.

So I don't think homo/hetero/bi behavior is necessarily correlated to cheating.
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
petroglyph
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May 1st, 2019 at 11:44:35 AM permalink
Why does it matter? If protection is used so that there is no chance of passing disease or pregnancy, I think the real answer to that is to frightening for society to examine.

Mostly responding to the OP, since she was only addressing men's infidelity, when is it considered cheating? Is cheating only considered after the marriage bond is official? Is having sex "one last time" say at a bachelor party, cheating".

When is it, that a man having sex with a second woman in his life, cheating? Or is it like eagles, bonded for life after first penetration?

What about plural marriages, where a man has many wives? Is he cheating all of his wives?

Is it all about insecurity and control?
AxelWolf
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May 1st, 2019 at 12:00:15 PM permalink
Quote: WatchMeWin

That too! ha But a man likes to feel like he has conquered as well as serving his own sexual needs.

The following has nothing to do with cheating. Thrill of the case or whatever you want to call it. Knowing you were actually able to do or say something to convince or attract someone is 1000 times more satisfying(before, after and during the act) than lets say, paying for a hooker or whatever. Do people actually feel good about themselves before or after paying for sex?

Obviously, some people are wired differently so I don't know what to say about that.
♪♪Now you swear and kick and beg us That you're not a gamblin' man Then you find you're back in Vegas With a handle in your hand♪♪ Your black cards can make you money So you hide them when you're able In the land of casinos and money You must put them on the table♪♪ You go back Jack do it again roulette wheels turinin' 'round and 'round♪♪ You go back Jack do it again♪♪
TigerWu
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May 1st, 2019 at 12:24:01 PM permalink
I can barely get one woman at a time to sleep with me. I can't imagine the logistical difficulties involved in sleeping with TWO women at the same time.
DRich
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May 1st, 2019 at 12:27:42 PM permalink
Quote: petroglyph



When is it, that a man having sex with a second woman in his life, cheating?
What about plural marriages, where a man has many wives? Is he cheating all of his wives?

Is it all about insecurity and control?



I think it is cheating if the wife/girlfriend isn't aware of it. If the wife/girlfriend is okay with you having other sexual partners, I wouldn't consider that cheating.
At my age, a "Life In Prison" sentence is not much of a deterrent.
DRich
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May 1st, 2019 at 12:30:04 PM permalink
Quote: TigerWu

I can barely get one woman at a time to sleep with me. I can't imagine the logistical difficulties involved in sleeping with TWO women at the same time.



Three in a bed is not very comfortable. Add two dogs and a cat to the mix and it is miserable.
At my age, a "Life In Prison" sentence is not much of a deterrent.
petroglyph
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May 1st, 2019 at 1:10:41 PM permalink
Quote: DRich

I think it is cheating if the wife/girlfriend isn't aware of it. If the wife/girlfriend is okay with you having other sexual partners, I wouldn't consider that cheating.

At what point is monogamy implied? Say in the case of those that engage in frequent casual sex, [one night stands] , is it right to think one has a singular relationship with another person, if it hasn't been agreed at least verbally?

In the case of the travelling salesman, or world sailor, or even a rock star, I read years ago Mick Jagger had bedded 5000 women, should each of those women thought Mick would remain faithful until he informed them he didn't intend to be?

I think it needs to be talked about in a relationship if one wants to consider their S.O. monogamous, but would agree that a marriage decree would imply fidelity. And even that, some marriages are more "open" than others.

Me, personally now, am happily a one woman man. I don't believe that if a woman sleeps with a man, that that singular act accords her control over a mans affairs, nor him hers.

Or if it does, at what point is a person free to seek "that special one", thirty days, or thirty minutes?
WatchMeWin
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May 1st, 2019 at 1:30:53 PM permalink
Humans were not meant to be monogamous. It is a choice society has deemed moral over the years due to a thing us humans have.... emotions. Perhaps all sentient beings feel the same. However , we humans have the ability to communicate.... for better or worse.
'Winners hit n run... Losers stick around'
beachbumbabs
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May 1st, 2019 at 2:01:47 PM permalink
Quote: petroglyph

At what point is monogamy implied? Say in the case of those that engage in frequent casual sex, [one night stands] , is it right to think one has a singular relationship with another person, if it hasn't been agreed at least verbally?

In the case of the travelling salesman, or world sailor, or even a rock star, I read years ago Mick Jagger had bedded 5000 women, should each of those women thought Mick would remain faithful until he informed them he didn't intend to be?

I think it needs to be talked about in a relationship if one wants to consider their S.O. monogamous, but would agree that a marriage decree would imply fidelity. And even that, some marriages are more "open" than others.

Me, personally now, am happily a one woman man. I don't believe that if a woman sleeps with a man, that that singular act accords her control over a mans affairs, nor him hers.

Or if it does, at what point is a person free to seek "that special one", thirty days, or thirty minutes?



It's not something that should be assumed or implied. I didn't marry until I was 36, but had several LTRs before that. It was never monogamous until it had been discussed and agreed to. If you can't have the conversation, you shouldn't be monogamous.
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
Rigondeaux
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May 1st, 2019 at 3:30:13 PM permalink
Quote: beachbumbabs

I think there's an added couple of incentives for men to cheat. Men have a biological urge to spread their seed. It's social convention, not their nature, to be monogamous. I'm talking caveman, back-of-the-brain impulse. Women's brains, on that level, are about having a strong mate to protect them while pregnant or raising their young.

I also think there's a certain amount of provocation in dressing women as sexily as possible and using them to sell everything. Men are constantly bombarded with advertising featuring young sexy women coming on to them. It creates an environment of desire and need. Marketing directed at women is very different, though a lot of it creates a desire to be the object of that lust or attention.

So I think men cheat more easily and more often than women, and for some different reasons, but some the same (boredom, strong offspring, demonstrations of power, envy, lust).



Good points. Obviously, the titilation thing is off the charts if you live in Vegas. In one way, it's nice to constantly see sexy girls everywhere. But I wonder if it's really good for you. Being turned on is kind of an agitation for men, as others have observed. I bet Amish guys are in a lot more peaceful state of mind.

Quote: WatchMeWin

Well stated. I would add that , generally speaking, when a man cheats, it is purely sexual and he needs to 'release' ...much of it being visual and physical. When a woman cheats, there is typically much more emotion involved. Unhappy and unfulfilled emotionally in current relationship and life status. To me , that is the bigger problem.



Half true I think. On the one hand, the saying is true. "Show me the hottest girl in the room, and I'll show you a guy who is tired of effing her."

Part of that is just kind of the nature of things. Men are more eager for sex initially. However, when the rubber hits the road sex is kind of a lot of work for the man. For a while, it's very satisfying to rock a woman's world. But once you've done it a bunch of times... well, you've already done it and all the effort becomes less worthwhile. But, if you are getting a woman off, most of them will want it pretty much all the time and you get Al and Peg syndrome.

The stereotype for older generations was kind of the opposite. I saw an episode of Real Sex or somethingn once where they talked to all these older couples where the woman had never had an orgasm and some had spent much of their lives not even knowing it was possible. So I guess, they just did it where the man would tap her on the shoulder, satisfy himself and go to sleep.

So this is one of the little ways in which mother nature has decided to make us unhappy.

Men who cheat, or just men who are extremely promiscuous, are also acting out of emotional need, though. They need the validation of women agreeing to sleep with them. It boosts their self esteem. They feel it elevates their status. That's why most of them need to brag about it and even more guys tell boastful lies.

It's one thing if you are a rock star or something and you have hot girls lined up to do whatever you want with no effort. But even a good looking, normal guy, has to try pretty hard if he wants to get laid a lot. Obviously, there are thousands of blogs, books, vlogs, touts, etc. on seducing women. I think these are mostly people trying to fill some kind of void.

Women are validated more by being sexy, beautiful, desired and special. To some degree, they can get that just by knowing a bunch of guys want them. Other women need to follow through more often. In a monog relationship, and the guy gets tired of doing it, they might cheat to reaffirm that they are desirable, and also just for the sex itself.

Another reason overlaps with all of the above. Men are very easy to satisfy sexually. Women... it's more complicated. The bottom line being, it's pretty hard for a woman to be genuinely bad in bed. It's pretty easy for a man to be. So hooking up with a random partner for short term pleasure is a lot more +ev for men.
TigerWu
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May 1st, 2019 at 3:49:02 PM permalink
Quote: Rigondeaux


Half true I think. On the one hand, the saying is true. "Show me the hottest girl in the room, and I'll show you a guy who is tired of effing her."



There's a corollary to that... I've been with some attractive women and not-so-attractive women.... once you get down to business, it all pretty much feels the same.

Quote:

But, if you are getting a woman off, most of them will want it pretty much all the time and you get Al and Peg syndrome.



Something funny I heard about Married...With Children years ago... When you're a kid watching that show, you think Al Bundy is a total loser. When you're an adult watching the show, you see a guy with a steady job and an attractive wife who wants to have sex all the time, and you're like, "This guy's got it made!"
Rigondeaux
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May 1st, 2019 at 4:42:18 PM permalink
Haha.

That was also the first show or anything else I ever saw where the woman wanted sex more than the man. It had always been portrayed the other way. I think partly because it's just kind of how society always flatters women. Like, you'll always say that the man is the lucky one in a couple, no matter what. (Imagine meeting a couple and telling the woman she is punching above her weight, lol).

I was pretty confused. At that time, I thought women always had to be persuaded to have sex and men constantly wanted it at any opportunity.
Steverinos
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May 1st, 2019 at 4:56:27 PM permalink


Ain't that the truth.
DRich
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May 1st, 2019 at 7:47:04 PM permalink
Quote: Rigondeaux



I was pretty confused. At that time, I thought women always had to be persuaded to have sex and men constantly wanted it at any opportunity.



I still believe that might be true.
At my age, a "Life In Prison" sentence is not much of a deterrent.
FleaStiff
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May 2nd, 2019 at 1:11:29 AM permalink
Persuaded...?
Its often a matter of REPUTATION which is a societal issue.
Easiest way to get a girl who lives in San Diego into bed? Take her to San Francisco.
Woman in a Hotel Bar: Chats up a candidate for her one-night stand but mainly wants to be certain he has little chance of running into anyone she knows so she makes sure he is travelling from some remote city and works in some field unrelated to those of her husband or family members.

Cheating? There is a medical intervention that has a 50 percent improvement in hypertension, cardiovascular disease, lung disease. It is simple and it involves consumption of beer and sausages. It is going to a sauna four or more times a week. (NOTE: Only Americans think bathing suits are worn or that its anything but couples only). Is this a good reason for cheating? There is a bench for people who arrive alone to sit on and await the arrival of another solitary individual of suitable attractiveness, then they may partake of a sauna together. This is not frowned upon in any way.
LusciousSweet2
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May 2nd, 2019 at 4:13:10 PM permalink
Because many, note many, not ALL men get tired of just having one woman and want to have multiple flings.
Here come the Men In Black. They won't let you remember.
cezar
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October 6th, 2019 at 12:15:10 AM permalink
Answer is simple - because sex with one women for whole life is boring. Yes, we all need to have family, stabilization, just sometimes we need a change in bed
jjjoooggg
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October 6th, 2019 at 4:48:44 AM permalink
trophy wife? marraige status prestige? they don't think that they will get caught? Marraige seems overrated and a burden. A car salesman told me that he was envious of me being single. He had children.

A short term friend abandoned his wife, moved out of state and clubed almost everyday with a new girlfriend who was a stripper. He had a lockbox with his wife's fotos. He couldn't keep up with the bills and disappeared. He had a book of girl #'s. His new girlfriend supported him. He was lazy. He tried bartending for a while. I wonder what happened to him. he liked his wife, but couldn't handle responsibility.

An abilene christian university student said that students are pressured to marry by the time they graduate.
Last edited by: jjjoooggg on Oct 6, 2019
Born in Texas and lived in Texas my whole life.
michael99000
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AxelWolf
October 6th, 2019 at 8:26:50 AM permalink
Quote: cezar

Answer is simple - because sex with one women for whole life is boring. just sometimes we need a change in bed



Everytime I try to explain this to my gf, it starts a fight
FleaStiff
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October 6th, 2019 at 10:47:26 AM permalink
Quote: jjjoooggg

An abilene christian university student said that students are pressured to marry by the time they graduate.

There is always 'pressure', even just going to a mailbox can be difficult when all those little white envelopes about weddings and baby showers start arriving.

The pressure to 'settle' for Mr. Okay can be high when a girl thinks Mr. Right ain't gonna be showing up.

Women cheat, they just tend to be more skillful at it.
DRich
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October 6th, 2019 at 4:07:58 PM permalink
Quote: michael99000

Everytime I try to explain this to my gf, it starts a fight



Apparently you need to find a different gf. there are women out there that like to play with both women and men. If you let let her play with a woman, she will also let you play with that woman. The key is finding a woman that you both like.
At my age, a "Life In Prison" sentence is not much of a deterrent.
FleaStiff
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October 7th, 2019 at 3:20:41 AM permalink
Quote: DRich

.... If you let let her play with a woman, she will also let you play with that woman. The key is finding a woman that you both like.

The key point is who plays with the guy's wallet?
Mirarad
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October 22nd, 2019 at 6:31:07 AM permalink
It's probably a matter of habit. It' s believed that every successful person should get married. Many people simply don't realize the responsibility. You just don't need to build a relationship with people you don't like
ben771williiams
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November 19th, 2021 at 7:40:54 AM permalink
Well, that's not the problem, it's how often his wife makes time for him. In fact, the question is twofold. Which men do you mean, those who cheated before or those who cheated while married?
jjjoooggg
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November 19th, 2021 at 9:18:20 AM permalink
I knew this guy who had a phone book of women. He abandoned his wife leaving her with bills. He traveled 1,800 miles across the country to live with his new girlfriend. We were all in the living room. The phone rings. He sprung up like a baseball empire waving his hands saying Im at the grocery store. His gf witnessed this. The lady on the phone said that shes in town for work for a couple days waiting for his call.
Last edited by: jjjoooggg on Nov 19, 2021
Born in Texas and lived in Texas my whole life.
Marcusclark66
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November 19th, 2021 at 10:40:14 AM permalink
The Wizard said, I doubt most men intend to cheat when they get married. However, if they are not getting their needs met at home, the odds of cheating climb quickly.


I agree, women are usually the cause of the cheating. I said usually, not always.
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Mission146
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November 19th, 2021 at 1:09:13 PM permalink
Quote: Marcusclark66

The Wizard said, I doubt most men intend to cheat when they get married. However, if they are not getting their needs met at home, the odds of cheating climb quickly.


I agree, women are usually the cause of the cheating. I said usually, not always.
link to original post



I'm not buying it.

If someone is cheating in the first place, then that means that they either:

1.) Legitimately wish to remain in a relationship with the other party, but want to (censored) other people.

2.) Don't really care about the relationship with the other party, but see some other benefit (probably financial) for the other party not to find out about the cheating.

3.) Don't really care about the relationship with the other party or see any meaningful enough to care about benefit to the relationship, but simply don't want to deal with the hassle of terminating the relationship by other means.

Or, some combination of #2 & #3.

I see cheating as something of a binary---a man either cheats on his significant other, or he doesn't. If a man is seriously contemplating cheating on his significant other, then he should take double that time and contemplate just openly ending the relationship, instead. Probably the most unfair aspect of cheating is that the other party is now effectively wasting their time trying to keep the relationship together when, even from the other party's perspective, it might already be as good as over.

As far as reason #1 is concerned, that can be handled by broaching the topic of simply having an open relationship, which some people do. I can't promise bringing that topic up would end well, but still better than cheating.
https://wizardofvegas.com/forum/off-topic/gripes/11182-pet-peeves/120/#post815219
billryan
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November 19th, 2021 at 2:05:40 PM permalink
When I started attending trade shows and out of town conventions, I was truly stunned by the behavior of my married friends. I'm not sure why they would never dream of going to a strip club on Long Island, but get them to Vegas and AC and they are getting lap dances and bringing strippers back to their room.
I personally can't spell monogamy, let alone practice it but I've never taken an oath before God, or a Justice of the Peace to be faithful.
I must say it gave me pause when my business partners were so quick to cheat on their wives. If a man will cheat on his wife, how can I trust them not to cheat their business partners.
The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction is supposed to make sense.
Dieter
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November 19th, 2021 at 4:55:34 PM permalink
Quote: Mission146

If a man is seriously contemplating cheating on his significant other, then he should take double that time and contemplate just openly ending the relationship, instead.
link to original post



Hear, hear.

Having an affair properly is a lot of work.
Use that time and energy to fix the main relationship or end it.

It is likely this will bring you more happiness, more quickly.
May the cards fall in your favor.
gordonm888
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November 19th, 2021 at 6:39:59 PM permalink
Remember that until sometime in the 1800s (or 1700s?), it was perfectly acceptable for a wealthy man to have a wife and a mistress. And even today, in France and some other countries, adultery does not raise eyebrows. In some western African companies, an estimated 95% of women engage in "transactional sex" to augment their income. That sounds like almost 100% of men are paying for it.

In our modern American society, there are many reasons for infidelity, Every person is different and every bad marriage is different, so there is no single reason that explains it all.

1. Wives age and get fat, and husbands do as well. Some husbands simply want to have sex with a younger woman. The old Playboy magazine didn't sell zillions of issues by discussing the virtues of having sex with your wife.
2. I've had some men tell me they just occasionally want some "strange."
3. Some men become perpetually irritated and disappointed with their wives, and want the friendship and pleasure of a woman they feel more compatible to.
4. Some wives have emotional or physical issues and don't want sex very much. I have seen the wife of a pastor address a church congregation and say that she and her husband had had sex only 15 times in 13 years of marriage. And then she revealed that she had discovered that her husband (the pastor) was having sex with prostitutes. Well, what in bloody hell did she expect?
5. Some men have a high sex drive and a small conscience and thus are just not monogamous - neither as bachelors, nor as husbands. Getting laid is their hobby and they pursue it obsessively.
6. Some men enjoy the comforts and advantages of a marriage, but still want to have sexual adventures. They don't want to end their marriage but they discover with time that they want to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves, etc.
7. Some men want to conquer and impose their will.
8. Some men are affirmed when a woman makes herself available, they don't chase but pounce when a woman signals she is available.
9. Some men actually fall in love with women easily and are briefly enraptured - but then easily fall out of love after a period of making whoopee. But they are sincerely in love when they cheat.

I dunno, I don't claim to have any special knowledge here. Why does person A have sexual chemistry with person B but not with person C? It's all a mystery.
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
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November 20th, 2021 at 7:30:32 AM permalink
I think human sexual behavior is somewhat influenced by our genes. Genes that increase the reproductive success of an individual are more likely to produce more copies of that individual's genes in future generations.

So for example, a gene that makes men have sex with as much fertile women as possible, might increase the reproductive success of those men. Over the long run a lot of men will carry that gene. So there will be a lot of men who are constantly looking for opportunities to cheat.
Mission146
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November 20th, 2021 at 7:58:31 AM permalink
Quote: gordonm888

Remember that until sometime in the 1800s (or 1700s?), it was perfectly acceptable for a wealthy man to have a wife and a mistress. And even today, in France and some other countries, adultery does not raise eyebrows. In some western African companies, an estimated 95% of women engage in "transactional sex" to augment their income. That sounds like almost 100% of men are paying for it.

In our modern American society, there are many reasons for infidelity, Every person is different and every bad marriage is different, so there is no single reason that explains it all.

1. Wives age and get fat, and husbands do as well. Some husbands simply want to have sex with a younger woman. The old Playboy magazine didn't sell zillions of issues by discussing the virtues of having sex with your wife.
2. I've had some men tell me they just occasionally want some "strange."
3. Some men become perpetually irritated and disappointed with their wives, and want the friendship and pleasure of a woman they feel more compatible to.
4. Some wives have emotional or physical issues and don't want sex very much. I have seen the wife of a pastor address a church congregation and say that she and her husband had had sex only 15 times in 13 years of marriage. And then she revealed that she had discovered that her husband (the pastor) was having sex with prostitutes. Well, what in bloody hell did she expect?
5. Some men have a high sex drive and a small conscience and thus are just not monogamous - neither as bachelors, nor as husbands. Getting laid is their hobby and they pursue it obsessively.
6. Some men enjoy the comforts and advantages of a marriage, but still want to have sexual adventures. They don't want to end their marriage but they discover with time that they want to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves, etc.
7. Some men want to conquer and impose their will.
8. Some men are affirmed when a woman makes herself available, they don't chase but pounce when a woman signals she is available.
9. Some men actually fall in love with women easily and are briefly enraptured - but then easily fall out of love after a period of making whoopee. But they are sincerely in love when they cheat.

I dunno, I don't claim to have any special knowledge here. Why does person A have sexual chemistry with person B but not with person C? It's all a mystery.
link to original post



I don't disagree with or have a problem with any of that.

What makes cheating, well, cheating, is the lack of consent. In today's society, though perhaps less so than just a few decades ago, it's pretty much the default position that two individuals enter into a monogamous relationship. That societal expectation, however, is not a law...and so now you see the concept of open relationships a little more frequently.

So, if a woman consents to her husband/partner not being monogamous in the sexual sense of the term, then it's not cheating anymore.

With that, you can get into the question of, "Emotional infidelity," but if a man is engaging in sexual congress with someone outside of his partner and without that partner's knowledge or consent...then that man has already done both types of infidelity.

I don't know what the emotional fidelity or infidelity standard is vis-a-vis sexually open relationships because I've never been, and have no desire to be, in a sexually open relationship.

1.) Yes. That's where I think you can get into the concept of open relationships if it's something just about the sex. If you broach the topic and your wife says no, then a man just has to decide which of his marriage or having sex with younger women has more value to him.

2.) Like, kinks or something? I wouldn't know. I would think that the ideal course of action would just be to discuss such things with your partner and see where that goes. Perhaps she is also unusual, in that regard. One old school friend of my fiancee's, for example, is involved in what I can only describe as a, "Sex Group," because I don't know what the word is. There's some number of men and women who can pretty much all engage in sexual congress with one another anytime they want to...and many of the individuals involved in this group are even married to one another.

I would assume that some of them have kinks, but I don't know and have no interest in inquiring.

3.) In that event, rather than cheat, just ask for a divorce. Seems to me that they are just trying to have the best of two incompatible worlds.

4.) I would think she expected her husband to not have sex with prostitutes. I could be wrong, but I tend to think the Bible is generally not in favor of having sex with prostitutes, especially if married and perhaps most so if you are a married pastor.

5.) That's perfectly fine as long as they make partners and/or potential partners aware of this trait. As I understand it, there is no shortage of people out there who are generally fine with consensual open relationships.

6.) That's just trying to have the best of both worlds and is selfish. What about the rights of a spouse? If the spouse wants monogamy and the other one doesn't, then both parties should simply end the marriage and pursue a marriage that has the qualities they want.

7.) Meh.

8.) Meh. That's just cheating without actively trying to cheat. I don't see the difference.

9.) Well, then they should be faithful to the person with whom they are cheating by terminating their marriage, assuming they are so in love with that person.
https://wizardofvegas.com/forum/off-topic/gripes/11182-pet-peeves/120/#post815219
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