Why do cheating men get married?
I met a man once who had a wife, a girlfriend, and would sleep with other women all at the same time. He told me, "If you go into a marriage knowing that every man cheats then it'll be easier on you." Say what? I don't want to sound naive cuz I know that there are cheating men out there. Does it actually go against nature for people to marry and stay monogamous for the rest of their lives? Maybe we're not meant to be monogomous. I'm very confused on the subject.
So why do men get married if they're just going to cheat? So they can make babies or have someone at home cleaning and doing their laundry? I don't get it.
Quote: HotBlondeI've always wondered this. Why in the world would a man get married, and lie and make a life-long commitment to someone just to go out and cheat anyway?
At one point, in another place, I raised a question pertaining to sound mind being presumably required to enter such an arrangement. The state known as love is characterized by very intense chemical changes, closely similar to heavy narcotic intake. It's not even a question if a man or woman in love can be considered of sound mind, the common knowledge and popular culture firmly establish that they aren't. Can then such an arrangement be held up to the same standards as decisions made in true sobriety?
In application to this question, it's clear enough that a man marrying for love is not entering this contract in anything close to sound mind. As such, he is certainly not close enough to realize that the state of love will pass and he will return to whoring around. At the moment the arrangement is made, he lacks the capacity to sensibly look into the future.
Quote: HotBlondeDoes it actually go against nature for people to marry and stay monogamous for the rest of their lives? Maybe we're not meant to be monogomous.
We aren't. Apes, which we have evolved from, are anything but monogamous. More precisely, in most species males are polygamous, while females are sort-of-monogamous ("married" to a hierarchical position rather than any particular specimen), as the pack leader mates with all the females. In at least some species, if a female mates with another male, she is killed. When the pack leader changes, the new leader kills all children of the previous pack leader and currently pregnant females.
Well, at least we have something to be proud of - evolving past that. But we are nonetheless very far away from actually monogamous species.
So what if he was in love at one point, then fell out of love but married the girl cuz he thought she was a really cool chick and special and liked being around her?Quote: P90In application to this question, it's clear enough that a man marrying for love is not entering this contract in anything close to sound mind.
And if we're not meant to be monogomous then what's the function of jealousy?
Quote: HotBlondeI've always wondered this. Why in the world would a man get married, and lie and make a life-long commitment to someone just to go out and cheat anyway?
Tiger Woods being a perfect example.
I'm guessing the answer is more complicated than a single answer. For instance, some men probably thought they could settle down. But like everything, sometimes you don't know you're not ready for something. Others are possibly amoral; they literally don't care enough about the vows part. Others may find temptation too strong (the flesh being weak, is one of those truisms, whether divine or not).
I wouldn't say every reason is particular to men -- but since that's that target demographic...
Quote: HotBlondeDoes it actually go against nature for people to marry and stay monogamous for the rest of their lives? Maybe we're not meant to be monogomous. I'm very confused on the subject.
So why do men get married if they're just going to cheat? So they can make babies or have someone at home cleaning and doing their laundry? I don't get it.
It goes against nature for men to stay monogamous. As I've said in "cheating boyfriend" questions, an honorable man can hopefully override the natural urge to spread his seed around as much as possible.
I doubt most men intend to cheat when they get married. However, if they are not getting their needs met at home, the odds of cheating climb quickly.
Quote: HotBlondeI've always wondered this. Why in the world would a man get married, and lie and make a life-long commitment to someone just to go out and cheat anyway? This worries me. I've never been married and I don't think I could marry someone if I thought they were dishonest and not loyal. How could I ever trust someone who would lie to me in regards to committing to me?
I met a man once who had a wife, a girlfriend, and would sleep with other women all at the same time. He told me, "If you go into a marriage knowing that every man cheats then it'll be easier on you." Say what? I don't want to sound naive cuz I know that there are cheating men out there. Does it actually go against nature for people to marry and stay monogamous for the rest of their lives? Maybe we're not meant to be monogomous. I'm very confused on the subject.
So why do men get married if they're just going to cheat? So they can make babies or have someone at home cleaning and doing their laundry? I don't get it.
As far as I'm concerned, men are scum and women are nuts. Now, I know that not ALL men are ALWAYS scummy but given enough time and the right opportunity I believe that most men will do something very scummy to a woman (and you can use whatever example you wish to describe scummy - cheats on wife, beats girlfriend, lies to significant other, etc...). I also think that most women tend to be nuts when it comes to relationships. They'll let a scummy guy hang around and perpetrate his scummy acts a lot longer than a sensible, sane person would. No, not ALL women are always nuts but given enough time a woman will usually do something to prove that she's nuts (and by nuts I mean doing something or allowing someone else to do something to her that is hurtful to her and she permits it to continue).
So, why do cheating men get married? They do it because they couldn't care less about the outcome if they get caught... they're scum, why would they? They also generally find a woman who is nuts and she either looks the other way or suffers in silence. You also have to realize that the concept of marriage means very different things to different people. To you it seems to mean making the choice to be with one person - the person you love - for the rest of your life and to make a good life for both of you. (of course you'd have to define love for that to make any sense and that's a puzzle in itself). To someone else it might just mean doing what society or family expects and settling for whatever comes along regardless of their happiness and then finding something or someone else with whom they find happiness.
I know I'm generalizing in a big way but that's the way I see it. By the way, I've never cheated and can't understand someone who does whether they be male or female.
I have been married 13 yrs never cheated. I think people like thrills, think short term or just done give a fuck... who knows. Why as a single woman do you care enough about it to ask the question? Have you asked any of your female friends who are single why they banged a married guy? Women do catty shit to each other and they now that is the ultimate power over another woman... like a dog peeing on another dogs tree.
Quote: HotBlondeSo what if he was in love at one point, then fell out of love but married the girl cuz he thought she was a really cool chick and special and liked being around her?
Then he already had no intent of marriage at the point when it occurred. Let's face it, marriage is far more commonly pressed on by women than by men - in this situation the guy would probably much prefer to just hang out with her rather than marry.
And if a marriage is forced by any party without complete agreement from the other, it's only a matter of very little time before the temporary monogamous restriction fades away.
Quote: HotBlondeAnd if we're not meant to be monogomous then what's the function of jealousy?
Well, as mentioned, ape males manifest their 'jealousy' in killing all females that were impregnated by someone else and all children up to the point where they can kill them without risk to themselves. The function there is quite simple, destroy any competing genetic lines.
The function of jealousy in females is far less clear than in males, since there is no long-term evolutionary purpose, but perhaps it comes down to: 1) Fear of abandonment - a male ceasing to feed the female in favor of another; 2) Emotional connection. In civilized humans specifically, one could add reciprocity to it.
Clearly we've evolved a lot since then, but our sexual behaviors far less so.
I believe you are right about this. Well, for me, if I were to marry someone it would be with someone who I was completely intimate with (I'm talking about on a deep level, I guess you could say on a spiritual level). He would be someone I wouldn't keep any secrets from, and vice versa. It would be so I could be with that person and have that bond with him and raise good children with. I'd want him to be someone I would look up to, and would want him to see things in me that he looks up to and admires as well. It would basically be a partnership that was based on love, intimacy and trust and he would be someone who I adored.Quote: TheNightflyYou also have to realize that the concept of marriage means very different things to different people.
Thats part of it.Quote: HotBlondeSo why do men get married if they're just going to cheat? So they can make babies or have someone at home cleaning and doing their laundry? I don't get it.
I've already posted about the man who was very upset and said to me "fidelity is very important to me" when his mistress called him and said she wanted to see other men. This man stood up and said "I do" only after having his "girl on the side" re-adjust her schedule to accommodate his return from his honeymoon. And he was actually saying and meaning "fidelity is very important to me". What he meant of course was that he wanted both his wife and his mistress to be exclusively his, even though he saw the mistress only once a week.
Some men will try for every young woman in sight but still consider their wife someone special. Cheating on her every night doesn't break any bonds. She is the one with bonds.
Or as many men say "I'm not married, my wife is married".
Women generally cheat IF they are economically able to do so.
I ask because I've never been married and it makes me think about these things if I am faced with a proposal at some point. I wouldn't want to get married if I knew it was going to ultimately end in divorce. And no, I never asked my single female friends. They would probably say that his marriage status is his business and not theirs.Quote: Scotty71Why as a single woman do you care enough about it to ask the question? Have you asked any of your female friends who are single why they banged a married guy?
Quote: HotBlondeI believe you are right about this. Well, for me, if I were to marry someone it would be with someone who I was completely intimate with (I'm talking about on a deep level, I guess you could say on a spiritual level). He would be someone I wouldn't keep any secrets from, and vice versa. It would be so I could be with that person and have that bond with him and raise good children with. I'd want him to be someone I would look up to, and would want him to see things in me that he looks up to and admires as well. It would basically be a partnership that was based on love, intimacy and trust and he would be someone who I adored.
The problem is that what you look for in what you call marriage is not neccesarily what the other person is looking for and that happens all too often. I applaud you for your values and I wish you well in finding whatever it is you desire.
Quote: HotBlondeI ask because I've never been married and it makes me think about these things if I am faced with a proposal at some point. I wouldn't want to get married if I knew it was going to ultimately end in divorce.
Statistically speaking, only about half of marriages end in divorce. It is worth taking the chance for the right person.
Quote: WizardStatistically speaking, only about half of marriages end in divorce.
... the other half end in death... not a good proposition either way I'd say...
Quote: HotBlondeAnd no, I never asked my single female friends. They would probably say that his marriage status is his business and not theirs.
I think that is an irresponsible attitude, and I understand that you aren't necessarily approving the behavior. I am amazed by women who meet & date a married guy then encourage him to get divorced -- get married to him and then freak out wen he cheats on them. You sound very smart so I doubt you would put yourself in that situation.
Well that's why it's important to me to really get to know someone before making a big decision like that. I know that there are people who get married and haven't taken enough time to really get to know their partner.Quote: TheNightflyThe problem is that what you look for in what you call marriage is not neccesarily what the other person is looking for and that happens all too often. I applaud you for your values and I wish you well in finding whatever it is you desire.
No, of course, someone can keep some things hidden. And also I believe no one person can ever really thoroughly know another person. Hell, sometimes I can't even figure my self out!!
We've seen your photo! You've been faced with proposals!!Quote: HotBlondeif I am faced with a proposal at some point.
I meant to say NOW, not NO.Quote: HotBlondeNo, of course, someone can keep some things hidden. And also I believe no one person can ever really thoroughly know another person. Hell, sometimes I can't even figure my self out!!
Not sure exactly what you meant by that but sounds like you may be complimenting me. Don't know if you're serious in regards to ever actually being proposed to but I have never been engaged. I have never really been in love either as a matter of fact.Quote: FleaStiffWe've seen your photo! You've been faced with proposals!!
No, of course, someone can keep some things hidden. And also I believe no one person can ever really thoroughly know another person. Hell, sometimes I can't even figure my self out!!
I think you can get a good read on their moral compass over the course of a year or two. You just cant let your biological clock get you into rushing things... that happens a lot
Some people believe deep and spiritual love is a long term unchanging condition. Others will be in lust one day, in love the next and bored on the third day (I exagerate for effect). And people from the first group will change and people from the second group do as well.
Cheating men get married because they don't think they are going to cheat, because they want a steady woman at home, because it felt like a good idea, because they cheated before and some reason they cheated during the marriage. Probably much like the reasons cheating women get married too...
Personally, I think cheating on someone is a huge betrayal of trust, shows a deep lack of respect, and would never get a second chance. I also know that both sides better agree on what cheating actually is...
Lesson learned is I still have no clue about women. That must be why I have married the same person 3 times.
Quote: P90The simple reason is, when you smell a wet slutty beaver in front of you, the parts of your brain that are able of processing a construct as complex as cheating go into hibernation.
So true. Anyone who thinks a man can overpower his sexual instincts with reasoning has never been in the position to try. The ability to even attempt to do so decreases the closer you get to the bedroom.
22 percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives.
14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives.
Most married women are aware of their husband's affairs. About half of the married men are aware of wife's affairs.
50 percent of Americans say President Clinton's adultery makes his moral standard "about the same as the average married man,'' according to a Time-CNN poll.
Only 10% of marital affairs are one night stands. The majority lasts for several months to several years.
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But your question actually makes me very sad. I picture a friend of a friend. I would watch him ignore his children and go online and patrol for lonely vulnerable women to sleep with. The ability to lie right to his wife, and go out with another woman.
Quote: WizardStatistically speaking, only about half of marriages end in divorce. It is worth taking the chance for the right person.
"Only about half".
Sounds like baccarat. And like baccarat, it can be exciting and rewarding, or the most boring and frustrating thing on the planet. It's all in how you approach the table.
And scorecards also mean nothing in both.
If only I could prove that Asians are way more into marriage than logic calls for, this analogy would be complete =/.
Some men used to remove wedding bands while entering a bar while attending a convention, now most don't bother to remove it ... and often find its better to keep it on.
Some women expect a man to have something on the side and are concerned with her age and the amount of money he spends on her but not particularly concerned about her existence. Many women do judge a man by how expensive his suit and his car are.
I know of one marriage wherein Sundays seem to be very interesting. He works on an old car which he and his auto mechanic are restoring and then she spends the night with him. The wife goes out to art shows, bookstores and restaurants with a local author and then spends the night at his place where she has "half a bookshelf and half a closet" and can go directly to the office on Monday morning.
Quote: Wavy70There is also an interesting phenomenon where once a man is married the amount of women who hit on him grows.
I can attest to this too. Sometimes I take my wedding ring off, and the difference is noticeable. Women are much more flirty and chatty with me when it is on. To the single men out there, I would seriously consider wearing one.
Quote: WizardI can attest to this too. Sometimes I take my wedding ring off, and the difference is noticeable. Women are much more flirty and chatty with me when it is on. To the single men out there, I would seriously consider wearing one.
I have always gotten along much better with men than other women. I like sports and math and science and didn't have much in common with other females until I had children, which always gives you something to talk about. So if a guy has a ring on I think I'll have a chance for a conversation that doesn't lead to him hitting on me. Before I was married, I'd go to the gay after-hours clubs so I could drink and dance and not get propositioned since my fiance was studying or in bed since he was in school and I worked nights.
I waited until I was almost 30 to get married and we had been together about 3 years. Still married 18 years later and no drama.
There's an incorrect assumption there. Far fewer men get married with the intention of cheating than those that actually do end up cheating.Quote: HotBlondeI've always wondered this. Why in the world would a man get married, and lie and make a life-long commitment to someone just to go out and cheat anyway?
Your statements make me think of the standard reply a guy uses when confronted by his wife: "She doesn't mean anything to me. It was just sex."Quote: HotBlondeI believe you are right about this. Well, for me, if I were to marry someone it would be with someone who I was completely intimate with (I'm talking about on a deep level, I guess you could say on a spiritual level). He would be someone I wouldn't keep any secrets from, and vice versa. It would be so I could be with that person and have that bond with him and raise good children with. I'd want him to be someone I would look up to, and would want him to see things in me that he looks up to and admires as well. It would basically be a partnership that was based on love, intimacy and trust and he would be someone who I adored.
So if it was just sex, this seems to indicate that there's something wrong with the sex at home. Maybe, maybe not. But there is SOMETHING at home that isn't the same as when he got married.
It kinda makes me think of the posters that have a picture of some hot girl, and the caption says something like, "For every pretty girl, there is a guy who is tired of putting up with her shit."
Good idea. I don't have statistics, but I think the younger a person is when they marry, the more likely they are to divorce.Quote: HotBlondeWell that's why it's important to me to really get to know someone before making a big decision like that. I know that there are people who get married and haven't taken enough time to really get to know their partner.
For what it's worth, I'm still on my first marriage. Still happily married after 13 years. Never cheated. I got married when I was 39.
had good values are now cheating dogs. And dead beat daas who have money to gamble but none for child support. Some of worst trouble makers as young men now asking me if I have been saved. Recently read that average age for marriage now is 28, anybody
got any stats Seems high to me.
Quote: buzzpaffWife was 18 and I was 28 when we married. Still together after 42 years, But have to agree about younger marriages, People change over the years and wake up to find their spouse is a different person now. When I run into childhood friends I find the guys I thought
had good values are now cheating dogs. And dead beat daas who have money to gamble but none for child support. Some of worst trouble makers as young men now asking me if I have been saved. Recently read that average age for marriage now is 28, anybody
got any stats Seems high to me.
Does seem high, but I think it varies a lot. When I was dealing with people in the military you were in a minority if you were not married with 2 kids by age 20. College grads I know all waited until their late 20s. I am 41 and still not married.
Why human penises lost their spines
This is so strange to me, interesting, in fact, because to me that was never my experience. When I'm out, at a bar, a blackjack table, etc. and I see someone who I think is cute or funny or whatever, and then I notice that they have a wedding ring on, it's a total buzzkill, so to speak. I go from thinking this person is cute and possibly available to being completely unattracted to them (no offense to the married men on here, but know that I respect you enough to never hit on you). So to hear that women are more flirty or attracted to married men is just so foreign to me. Why in the world would I want to go after a married man? If I am looking for love, I want to look for someone who would be attracted to me and want to pursue me. And usually when I'm out in public and I see a someone who I'm attracted to, unlike how most men think, I usually am not thinking about trying to sleep with them or imagining what they would be like in bed. That's way different than how men think. If I want to have sex with someone, usually it's because I like them and want to "make love" with them, not to just have someone to pound it out with, so to speak. And notice I said USUALLY. I'm not against an occasional hook-up here or there.Quote: WizardI can attest to this too. Sometimes I take my wedding ring off, and the difference is noticeable. Women are much more flirty and chatty with me when it is on.
Because its safe. Neither of you are going to get serious about it or try to make it more than what it is. You are not "going after him". Whether its a "my place now and don't still be there when I wake up" situation or something a bit more subtle and substantial its still pretty much a question of mutual convenience. This is often why women who want a "friend with benefits" will select a married man. He is going to focus solely on the benefits and not on any sort of entangling relationship. Many married men have an "out of town girl". Usually its a single woman whom they call when they learn their wife will be out of town for a few nights.Quote: HotBlondeWhy in the world would I want to go after a married man?
What woman is seeking a kind of relationship like that???? You're living in dream land my friend. It is completely impossible for me to meet a man out in the world and want to have a no-strings-attached relationship with him. This "friends with benefits" situation is how MEN think, not many women.Quote: FleaStiffThis is often why women who want a "friend with benefits" will select a married man.
Quote: HotBlondeWhat woman is seeking a kind of relationship like that???? You're living in dream land my friend. It is completely impossible for me to meet a man out in the world and want to have a no-strings-attached relationship with him. This "friends with benefits" situation is how MEN think, not many women.
I think defining how "all men" and "all women" or even "many" think is dangerous and probably not actually the truth. I don't think "many" married men have an out of town girl, and I don't think all men want a FWB situation. There are women definitely thinking like that. Those women may not be you, but they exist.
But both do exist, and people think in all sorts of different ways.
I certainly could not say that cheating or casual relationships is more a male or female thing in my social groups. Maybe it's the people I hang out with, but I don't think they are particularly unusual.
Well, I just know that women get more easily attached to men then vice versa. Men can more easily do the no strings attached arrangement cuz men are just programmed that way sexually. Women are more the caregivers in life. And actually, there is an actual hormone called oxytocin that causes women to become attached to a man after they've mated. I've heard of this several times. We're talking about pure biology here.Quote: thecesspitI think defining how "all men" and "all women" or even "many" think is dangerous and probably not actually the truth. I don't think "many" married men have an out of town girl, and I don't think all men want a FWB situation. There are women definitely thinking like that. Those women may not be you, but they exist.
But both do exist, and people think in all sorts of different ways.
I certainly could not say that cheating or casual relationships is more a male or female thing in my social groups. Maybe it's the people I hang out with, but I don't think they are particularly unusual.
Quote: HotBlondeWell, I just know that women get more easily attached to men then vice versa. Men can more easily do the no strings attached arrangement cuz men are just programmed that way sexually. Women are more the caregivers in life. And actually, there is an actual hormone called oxytocin that causes women to become attached to a man after they've mated. I've heard of this several times. We're talking about pure biology here.
Now that's a different thing. I would agree that women -tend- to get more attached then men. But that's a tendency. It may be that some women just get more addicted to the afterglow after sex, and like having lots of it without the hassle of the man hanging around and messing up the place and being male.
I
Quote: HotBlondeI'm here to tell you you are way off my friend. You remind me of a guy friend who has said to me, "Women want sex just as much as men do!" My god, I LMFAO every time I hear that. That is the biggest bunch of crap I've ever heard! If you guys think that then you really do not know women at all.
I guess that would explain why about 99% of prostitutes are female. The 1% male ones are probably still going after male customers.
Exaaaaaactly. And why there are 99% or more female strip clubs, and why porns are geared toward what men like, and why sex phone lines are staffed with women and not men (unless, like you said, it's for the male customer), and why men buy WOMEN drinks at bars and not the other way around, etc., etc.Quote: WizardI guess that would explain why about 99% of prostitutes are female. The 1% male ones are probably still going after male customers.
Far more Strip clubs than Chippendales clubs. Always has been, always will be. At a Chippendales club though, the men have to be great. At a strip club, the sign can say "and six ugly ones" and the club can have dozens of ugly ones ... but it will still make money.
Quote: FleaStiffFar more Strip clubs than Chippendales clubs. Always has been, always will be. At a Chippendales club though, the men have to be great.
When I took this picture I joked to my friend Suzie that I was a model for the Chippendales posters, and they superimposed another guy's head on my body. She didn't think it was funny.
Quote: FleaStiff
Far more Strip clubs than Chippendales clubs. Always has been, always will be. At a Chippendales club though, the men have to be great.
But not necessarily straight. My sister and I had our picture taken with the Chippendale guys at the Rio, and the one with the long hair and I were discussing hair care, since we had almost identical styles. Some of those guys are for display purposes only as far as the women are concerned.
