The Limerick Thread
October 28th, 2023 at 7:40:51 AM
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I know they used to do gambling haiku here. Maybe we should throw some limericks on the pile.
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If you love hearing stories don't fret.
EvenBob is this yarner I've met.
He talks about foods,
And cat attitudes,
Plus a system for beating roulette.
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If you love hearing stories don't fret.
EvenBob is this yarner I've met.
He talks about foods,
And cat attitudes,
Plus a system for beating roulette.
Have you tried 22 tonight? I said 22.
October 28th, 2023 at 8:39:52 AM
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Quote: GialmereIf you love hearing stories don't fret.
EvenBob is this yarner I've met.
He talks about foods,
And cat attitudes,
Plus a system for beating roulette.
link to original post
That is great! If we get one more limerick, I'll split them off to a separate thread.
"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow." -- Ecclesiastes 1:18 (NIV)
October 28th, 2023 at 8:45:34 AM
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Quote: GialmereI know they used to do gambling haiku here. Maybe we should throw some limericks on the pile.
------------
If you love hearing stories don't fret.
EvenBob is this yarner I've met.
He talks about foods,
And cat attitudes,
Plus a system for beating roulette.
link to original post
Good job. But I have no system for beating roulette, it's a method. And yes there's a big difference.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
October 28th, 2023 at 10:23:03 AM
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Limericks aren't my usual format, but...
Keeping busy in winter is hard
It's too cold to work in the yard
I guess we stay in
And shuffle and grin
and deal the next round of the cards
Keeping busy in winter is hard
It's too cold to work in the yard
I guess we stay in
And shuffle and grin
and deal the next round of the cards
May the cards fall in your favor.
October 28th, 2023 at 10:57:48 AM
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In honor of our hard-working moderator:
A hapless moderator named Dieter,
Went poking around his gas heater.
Touched a leak with his light;
He blew out of sight -
And, as everyone who knows anything about poetry can tell you, he also ruined the meter.
A hapless moderator named Dieter,
Went poking around his gas heater.
Touched a leak with his light;
He blew out of sight -
And, as everyone who knows anything about poetry can tell you, he also ruined the meter.
Last edited by: gordonm888 on Oct 28, 2023
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
October 28th, 2023 at 10:58:28 AM
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Is algebra fruitless endeavor?
It seems they’ve been trying forever,
To find x, y and z,
And it’s quite clear to me:
If they’ve not found them yet then they’ll never.
It seems they’ve been trying forever,
To find x, y and z,
And it’s quite clear to me:
If they’ve not found them yet then they’ll never.
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
October 28th, 2023 at 11:06:44 AM
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Evenbob, a player so sly,
At the roulette table, oh my!
With skill on his side,
He took quite a ride,
Winning stacks of chips to the sky.
Evenbob, such a skilled man,
At roulette, he clocks every spin.
He places his bets,
With no regrets,
And always comes out with a win
At the roulette table, oh my!
With skill on his side,
He took quite a ride,
Winning stacks of chips to the sky.
Evenbob, such a skilled man,
At roulette, he clocks every spin.
He places his bets,
With no regrets,
And always comes out with a win
Last edited by: EvenBob on Oct 28, 2023
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
October 28th, 2023 at 12:23:43 PM
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A bit wordy, but . . .
There once was a Wizard of Odds
Who sought to teach logic to clods
Who'd dispute, when they threw dice,
How often twos would come twice,
Then laughed at his arithmetical gods.
There once was a Wizard of Odds
Who sought to teach logic to clods
Who'd dispute, when they threw dice,
How often twos would come twice,
Then laughed at his arithmetical gods.
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
October 28th, 2023 at 12:27:48 PM
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I like to play the craps the “wrong” way
Even when it’s to the other players dismay
They love to make their sucker bets
No matter how high the house edge gets
And when the shooter rolls seven I say yay
Even when it’s to the other players dismay
They love to make their sucker bets
No matter how high the house edge gets
And when the shooter rolls seven I say yay
Last edited by: Ace2 on Oct 28, 2023
It’s all about making that GTA
October 28th, 2023 at 1:09:48 PM
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There once was a Wizard of Odds
Who employed two odd-acting mods
Dieter and Gordon,
Were the scourge of the forum
But they wouldn't even ban EvenBob.
*I'm sacrificing principle here on the altar of verbal cleverness. I'm not actually criticizing myself and Dieter.
Who employed two odd-acting mods
Dieter and Gordon,
Were the scourge of the forum
But they wouldn't even ban EvenBob.
*I'm sacrificing principle here on the altar of verbal cleverness. I'm not actually criticizing myself and Dieter.
Last edited by: gordonm888 on Oct 28, 2023
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
October 28th, 2023 at 2:24:45 PM
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For a cheap Vegas vacation day,
To the Circus, the Circus do stray.
From the midway to dome,
you'll have fun as you roam,
Then get sick eating at the buffet.
To the Circus, the Circus do stray.
From the midway to dome,
you'll have fun as you roam,
Then get sick eating at the buffet.
Have you tried 22 tonight? I said 22.
October 28th, 2023 at 4:30:03 PM
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Darkoz likes to multicard
Something he doesn't find hard
But everything is earned not free
Maximizing the A to the D to the T
Yet he won't use a Mastercard.
Something he doesn't find hard
But everything is earned not free
Maximizing the A to the D to the T
Yet he won't use a Mastercard.
For Whom the bus tolls; The bus tolls for thee
October 28th, 2023 at 5:03:48 PM
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My family comes from Limerick and in the town cemetery there is a half limerick I always got a kick out of.
Here lies Johnny Ground.
Lost at sea and never found.
I think I was seven or eight where I first saw it and thought it was hilarious.
Here lies Johnny Ground.
Lost at sea and never found.
I think I was seven or eight where I first saw it and thought it was hilarious.
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
October 28th, 2023 at 6:33:13 PM
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Quote: gordonm888There once was a Wizard of Odds
Who employed two odd-acting mods
Dieter and Gordon,
Were the scourge of the forum
But they wouldn't even ban EvenBob.
*I'm sacrificing principle here on the altar of verbal cleverness. I'm not actually criticizing myself and Dieter.
link to original post
There were two moderate mods, D&G.
Who were big in their britches, you see.
But they were not so big
And this you can dig
That they dared not to ban EB
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
October 28th, 2023 at 6:54:25 PM
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When I saw a photo of EvenBob's meal I nearly puked
It looked like a frozen TV dinner that somebody nuked
Was probably made with something from Walmart
That's where he loves to fill his grocery cart
But never with anything over five dollars per pound
For food purchases that’s his maximum upper bound
It looked like a frozen TV dinner that somebody nuked
Was probably made with something from Walmart
That's where he loves to fill his grocery cart
But never with anything over five dollars per pound
For food purchases that’s his maximum upper bound
It’s all about making that GTA
October 28th, 2023 at 7:02:45 PM
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Quote: EvenBobQuote: gordonm888There once was a Wizard of Odds
Who employed two odd-acting mods
Dieter and Gordon,
Were the scourge of the forum
But they wouldn't even ban EvenBob.
*I'm sacrificing principle here on the altar of verbal cleverness. I'm not actually criticizing myself and Dieter.
link to original post
There were two moderate mods, D&G.
Who were big in their britches, you see.
But they were not so big
And this you can dig
That they dared not to ban EB
link to original post
Another mod lives by the beach
For a time, she was quite out of reach
Is she looking to ban?
I don't know the plan
I think I'll go look for a peach
May the cards fall in your favor.
October 28th, 2023 at 8:16:39 PM
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There once was a man from Nantucket
Lost it all gambling, said "f*** it."
"I tried to AP
Dame Fortuna failed me
Such bad luck...how can I buck it?"
Lost it all gambling, said "f*** it."
"I tried to AP
Dame Fortuna failed me
Such bad luck...how can I buck it?"
"What, me worry?"
October 29th, 2023 at 6:04:36 AM
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There was a curmudgeon named Bob
who made posting nonsense his job.
Logic won't make him stop.
His post count is on top.
Grandiosity makes his heart throb.
who made posting nonsense his job.
Logic won't make him stop.
His post count is on top.
Grandiosity makes his heart throb.
Gambling is a math contest where the score is tracked in dollars. Try not to get a negative score.
October 29th, 2023 at 6:29:10 AM
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A system has rules for accounting.
A method is much more astounding.
Just ignore losing play,
claim you get paid every day,
even though losses are mounting.
A method is much more astounding.
Just ignore losing play,
claim you get paid every day,
even though losses are mounting.
Gambling is a math contest where the score is tracked in dollars. Try not to get a negative score.
October 29th, 2023 at 6:46:57 AM
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Your nose is hard to blow
Making it hard to do your job
But still you must carry on
Yester years of yore
They had no remote control
To turn the television knob
Making it hard to do your job
But still you must carry on
Yester years of yore
They had no remote control
To turn the television knob
For Whom the bus tolls; The bus tolls for thee
October 29th, 2023 at 6:48:42 AM
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The hijacking now is complete.
for the trolls here continued deceit.
The mods lets it go.
The Wizard does too,
So I bid you farewell and say fk it.
for the trolls here continued deceit.
The mods lets it go.
The Wizard does too,
So I bid you farewell and say fk it.
Psalm 25:16
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
Proverbs 18:2
A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion.
October 29th, 2023 at 6:54:08 AM
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Quote: darkozYour nose is hard to blow
Making it hard to do your job
But still you must carry on
Yester years of yore
They had no remote control
To turn the television knob
link to original post
What a rubbish limerick :o)
There was a young lady from Bude,
Who went for a swim in a lake
A man in a punt
Stuck a pole in her ear
and said you can't swim here it's private.
Psalm 25:16
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
Proverbs 18:2
A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion.
October 29th, 2023 at 7:04:49 AM
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Beulah, a blackjack cognoscenti,
Was fond of hitting a 20
She'd double a 7
And stand on 11
And Beulah lost moolah a-plenty.
Was fond of hitting a 20
She'd double a 7
And stand on 11
And Beulah lost moolah a-plenty.
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
October 29th, 2023 at 8:20:14 AM
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Quote: darkozYour nose is hard to blow
Making it hard to do your job
But still you must carry on
Yester years of yore
They had no remote control
To turn the television knob
link to original post
A limerick standardly has 5 lines and a rhyme scheme like this:
A
A
B
B
A
The B-lines are usually shorter, i.e., fewer syllables
The last line is usually clever, or humorous.
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
October 29th, 2023 at 8:21:56 AM
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Quote: OnceDearQuote: darkozYour nose is hard to blow
Making it hard to do your job
But still you must carry on
Yester years of yore
They had no remote control
To turn the television knob
link to original post
What a rubbish limerick :o)
There was a young lady from Bude,
Who went for a swim in a lake
A man in a punt
Stuck a pole in her ear
and said you can't swim here it's private.
link to original post
You have to read the last word of each sentence to get it.
For Whom the bus tolls; The bus tolls for thee
October 29th, 2023 at 8:27:12 AM
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There is a player named Tuttigym
I tried to explain math many times to him
The house edge is real
No matter how you may feel
But I eventually realized he's too dim
I tried to explain math many times to him
The house edge is real
No matter how you may feel
But I eventually realized he's too dim
It’s all about making that GTA
October 29th, 2023 at 8:55:57 AM
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Quote: MentalThere was a curmudgeon named Bob
who made posting nonsense his job.
Logic won't make him stop.
His post count is on top.
Grandiosity makes his heart throb.
link to original post
Personal insult. Three days.
"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow." -- Ecclesiastes 1:18 (NIV)
October 29th, 2023 at 8:58:54 AM
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Quote: Ace2But I eventually realized he's too dim
link to original post
Personal insult. Three days.
"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow." -- Ecclesiastes 1:18 (NIV)
October 29th, 2023 at 10:04:53 AM
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Don't be rude, Don't be mean
There is a tool that can bop your bean
But never fear
It's usually clear
3 days later you'll be back on here.
There is a tool that can bop your bean
But never fear
It's usually clear
3 days later you'll be back on here.
Sanitized for Your Protection
October 29th, 2023 at 10:37:38 AM
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A man who calls himself "Wiz'
Tough forum cop this guy is;
No rules may you bend
Hey, don't hit "SUSPEND"
I thought that truth a defense is
Tough forum cop this guy is;
No rules may you bend
Hey, don't hit "SUSPEND"
I thought that truth a defense is
"What, me worry?"
October 29th, 2023 at 10:49:28 AM
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.
I had this system based on doubling
My profits soon began bubbling
But then a losing streak came
Things just weren't the same
My bankroll sank it was troubling
.
I had this system based on doubling
My profits soon began bubbling
But then a losing streak came
Things just weren't the same
My bankroll sank it was troubling
.
the foolish sayings of a rich man often pass for words of wisdom by the fools around him
October 29th, 2023 at 10:54:24 AM
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Quote: WizardQuote: Ace2But I eventually realized he's too dim
link to original post
Personal insult. Three days.
link to original post
I wondered how long this would take. People thinking they can get away with personal insults by sticking it in a limerick. And insult is an insult is an insult no matter how you disguise it.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
October 29th, 2023 at 11:22:05 AM
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Hickory dickory dock
This chick was throwing a clock
"It's broke, it's awry
Now I'll make time fly
And stream it all on' Tik Tok."
This chick was throwing a clock
"It's broke, it's awry
Now I'll make time fly
And stream it all on' Tik Tok."
"What, me worry?"
October 29th, 2023 at 11:23:34 AM
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Historically, you can get away with saying almost anything in a limerick. They are often vulgar and political. There are dozens about English soldiers that would have gotten you imprisoned if said in a regular speech. Some are actual taunts, said only to provoke the insulted to respond.
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
October 29th, 2023 at 11:35:53 AM
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.
There was a young lady from Norway
Who hung by her toes in a doorway
She said to her beau
"Just look at me Joe
I think I've discovered one more way"
.
There was a young lady from Norway
Who hung by her toes in a doorway
She said to her beau
"Just look at me Joe
I think I've discovered one more way"
.
the foolish sayings of a rich man often pass for words of wisdom by the fools around him
October 29th, 2023 at 11:36:24 AM
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There once was a member named Dieter
Who rode around in a funky two seater
Anointed a Mod
He thought he was god
but wasn't even Saint Peter
Who rode around in a funky two seater
Anointed a Mod
He thought he was god
but wasn't even Saint Peter
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
October 29th, 2023 at 11:52:43 AM
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.
He has this method at roulette
Even chances they are his bet
He tells people he wins every time
When really he didn't win a dime
His fun is to get people upset
.
He has this method at roulette
Even chances they are his bet
He tells people he wins every time
When really he didn't win a dime
His fun is to get people upset
.
Last edited by: lilredrooster on Oct 29, 2023
the foolish sayings of a rich man often pass for words of wisdom by the fools around him
October 29th, 2023 at 11:54:28 AM
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Quote: billryanThere once was a member named Dieter
Who rode around in a funky two seater
Anointed a Mod
He thought he was god
but wasn't even Saint Peter
link to original post
Charming rhymes. ;)
May the cards fall in your favor.
October 29th, 2023 at 12:07:10 PM
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Quote: Ace2There is a player named Tuttigym
I tried to explain math many times to him
The house edge is real
No matter how you may feel
But I eventually realized he's too dim
link to original post
Ace2 is a traveling gambler
His posts are akin to a rambler
I stick in his craw
Until he hollers MA!
Now forever needs a new handler.
tuttigym
October 29th, 2023 at 12:18:25 PM
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Quote: billryanHistorically, you can get away with saying almost anything in a limerick. They are often vulgar and political. There are dozens about English soldiers that would have gotten you imprisoned if said in a regular speech. Some are actual taunts, said only to provoke the insulted to respond.
link to original post
I am in sympathy with billryan on this. Limericks are fun; they are light-hearted jesting that often build a spirit of camaraderie rather than enraged feuding.
Of course, there is a valid argument that insults are insults and that forum suspensions should be handed out - especially if the target of the limerick feels hurt. There is always a line, and people will always cross the line no matter where it is. But I think we should keep ourselves open to the concept of laughing at ourselves.
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
October 29th, 2023 at 12:25:15 PM
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We once had a mod named Gordon
Who was a bit too much of a warden
He once was a Fed
at least that's what he said
thank goodness there aren't any more of 'em.
Who was a bit too much of a warden
He once was a Fed
at least that's what he said
thank goodness there aren't any more of 'em.
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
October 29th, 2023 at 12:58:00 PM
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In old Vegas lived a slob
took up gambling as a day job
He'd pour money in
Seeking just one big win
But he lost it all to the mob
took up gambling as a day job
He'd pour money in
Seeking just one big win
But he lost it all to the mob
"What, me worry?"
October 29th, 2023 at 1:06:47 PM
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Finally the top thread
Is not a retread
Of a worthless system
Incorrectly termed a method
Is not a retread
Of a worthless system
Incorrectly termed a method
For Whom the bus tolls; The bus tolls for thee
October 29th, 2023 at 1:14:07 PM
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Quote: billryanHistorically, you can get away with saying almost anything in a limerick.
"Cats, cats, how I love cats
Not dogs, not birds, not rats;
Love to eat that pussy
Hey I ain't no wussy
They're tasty...and very low fat
"What, me worry?"
October 29th, 2023 at 1:22:14 PM
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I'm glad you guys are so keen,
but these are starting to get obscene.
A few have earned bans,
in spite of their plans...
So keep it PG-13.
but these are starting to get obscene.
A few have earned bans,
in spite of their plans...
So keep it PG-13.
May the cards fall in your favor.
October 29th, 2023 at 1:26:18 PM
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.
There was a young lady named Sally
Who enjoyed the occasional dally.
She sat on the lap
Of a well endowed chap
And cried "Sir you're right up my alley"
.
There was a young lady named Sally
Who enjoyed the occasional dally.
She sat on the lap
Of a well endowed chap
And cried "Sir you're right up my alley"
.
the foolish sayings of a rich man often pass for words of wisdom by the fools around him
October 29th, 2023 at 2:06:30 PM
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JLo played craps with considerable class
Timidly laying money on Pass
She felt so alive
She tried Blackjack 6:5
And lost her considerable ass.
(i mean, that's not the best limerick, but wouldn't the world be poorer without it?)
Timidly laying money on Pass
She felt so alive
She tried Blackjack 6:5
And lost her considerable ass.
(i mean, that's not the best limerick, but wouldn't the world be poorer without it?)
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
October 29th, 2023 at 2:10:16 PM
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Quote: lilredrooster.
He has this method at roulette
Even chances they are his bet
He tells people he wins every time
When really he didn't win a dime
His fun is to get people upset
.
link to original post
Then there's rooster
Who needs a booster
Vax in his head
So his face isn't red
When he has an opinion that's a loser
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
October 29th, 2023 at 2:13:51 PM
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Quote: gordonm888Quote: billryanHistorically, you can get away with saying almost anything in a limerick. They are often vulgar and political. There are dozens about English soldiers that would have gotten you imprisoned if said in a regular speech. Some are actual taunts, said only to provoke the insulted to respond.
link to original post
I am in sympathy with billryan on this. Limericks are fun; they are light-hearted jesting that often build a spirit of camaraderie rather than enraged feuding.
Of course, there is a valid argument that insults are insults and that forum suspensions should be handed out - especially if the target of the limerick feels hurt. There is always a line, and people will always cross the line no matter where it is. But I think we should keep ourselves open to the concept of laughing at ourselves.
link to original post
The proper way to respond to an insulting limerick is with one of your own.
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
October 29th, 2023 at 2:20:46 PM
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I once had a neighbor whose nose
was so big that it could touch his toes.
So he hired a boy
whose first name was Roy
to carry around his big nose.
was so big that it could touch his toes.
So he hired a boy
whose first name was Roy
to carry around his big nose.
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
