Thread Rating:

Gialmere
Gialmere
  • Threads: 45
  • Posts: 2969
Joined: Nov 26, 2018
Thanked by
WizardEvenBobDRichdarkozgordonm888SOOPOOMichaelBluejayodiousgambit
October 28th, 2023 at 7:40:51 AM permalink
I know they used to do gambling haiku here. Maybe we should throw some limericks on the pile.
------------

If you love hearing stories don't fret.
EvenBob is this yarner I've met.
He talks about foods,
And cat attitudes,
Plus a system for beating roulette.
Have you tried 22 tonight? I said 22.
Wizard
Administrator
Wizard
  • Threads: 1496
  • Posts: 26619
Joined: Oct 14, 2009
October 28th, 2023 at 8:39:52 AM permalink
Quote: Gialmere

If you love hearing stories don't fret.
EvenBob is this yarner I've met.
He talks about foods,
And cat attitudes,
Plus a system for beating roulette.
link to original post



That is great! If we get one more limerick, I'll split them off to a separate thread.
"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow." -- Ecclesiastes 1:18 (NIV)
EvenBob
EvenBob
  • Threads: 441
  • Posts: 28865
Joined: Jul 18, 2010
October 28th, 2023 at 8:45:34 AM permalink
Quote: Gialmere

I know they used to do gambling haiku here. Maybe we should throw some limericks on the pile.
------------

If you love hearing stories don't fret.
EvenBob is this yarner I've met.
He talks about foods,
And cat attitudes,
Plus a system for beating roulette.
link to original post



Good job. But I have no system for beating roulette, it's a method. And yes there's a big difference.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
Dieter
Administrator
Dieter
  • Threads: 16
  • Posts: 5609
Joined: Jul 23, 2014
Thanked by
Wizard
October 28th, 2023 at 10:23:03 AM permalink
Limericks aren't my usual format, but...

Keeping busy in winter is hard
It's too cold to work in the yard
I guess we stay in
And shuffle and grin
and deal the next round of the cards
May the cards fall in your favor.
gordonm888
Administrator
gordonm888
  • Threads: 60
  • Posts: 5120
Joined: Feb 18, 2015
Thanked by
Dieterodiousgambit
October 28th, 2023 at 10:57:48 AM permalink
In honor of our hard-working moderator:

A hapless moderator named Dieter,
Went poking around his gas heater.
Touched a leak with his light;
He blew out of sight -
And, as everyone who knows anything about poetry can tell you, he also ruined the meter.
Last edited by: gordonm888 on Oct 28, 2023
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
gordonm888
Administrator
gordonm888
  • Threads: 60
  • Posts: 5120
Joined: Feb 18, 2015
Thanked by
WizardMichaelBluejay
October 28th, 2023 at 10:58:28 AM permalink
Is algebra fruitless endeavor?
It seems they’ve been trying forever,
To find x, y and z,
And it’s quite clear to me:
If they’ve not found them yet then they’ll never.
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
EvenBob
EvenBob
  • Threads: 441
  • Posts: 28865
Joined: Jul 18, 2010
October 28th, 2023 at 11:06:44 AM permalink
Evenbob, a player so sly,
At the roulette table, oh my!
With skill on his side,
He took quite a ride,
Winning stacks of chips to the sky.

Evenbob, such a skilled man,
At roulette, he clocks every spin.
He places his bets,
With no regrets,
And always comes out with a win
Last edited by: EvenBob on Oct 28, 2023
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
gordonm888
Administrator
gordonm888
  • Threads: 60
  • Posts: 5120
Joined: Feb 18, 2015
Thanked by
Wizard
October 28th, 2023 at 12:23:43 PM permalink
A bit wordy, but . . .

There once was a Wizard of Odds
Who sought to teach logic to clods
Who'd dispute, when they threw dice,
How often twos would come twice,
Then laughed at his arithmetical gods.
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
Ace2
Ace2
  • Threads: 32
  • Posts: 2706
Joined: Oct 2, 2017
Thanked by
odiousgambit
October 28th, 2023 at 12:27:48 PM permalink
I like to play the craps the “wrong” way
Even when it’s to the other players dismay
They love to make their sucker bets
No matter how high the house edge gets
And when the shooter rolls seven I say yay
Last edited by: Ace2 on Oct 28, 2023
It’s all about making that GTA
gordonm888
Administrator
gordonm888
  • Threads: 60
  • Posts: 5120
Joined: Feb 18, 2015
Thanked by
EvenBob
October 28th, 2023 at 1:09:48 PM permalink
There once was a Wizard of Odds
Who employed two odd-acting mods
Dieter and Gordon,
Were the scourge of the forum
But they wouldn't even ban EvenBob.


*I'm sacrificing principle here on the altar of verbal cleverness. I'm not actually criticizing myself and Dieter.
Last edited by: gordonm888 on Oct 28, 2023
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
Gialmere
Gialmere
  • Threads: 45
  • Posts: 2969
Joined: Nov 26, 2018
October 28th, 2023 at 2:24:45 PM permalink
For a cheap Vegas vacation day,
To the Circus, the Circus do stray.
From the midway to dome,
you'll have fun as you roam,
Then get sick eating at the buffet.
Have you tried 22 tonight? I said 22.
darkoz
darkoz
  • Threads: 297
  • Posts: 11547
Joined: Dec 22, 2009
October 28th, 2023 at 4:30:03 PM permalink
Darkoz likes to multicard
Something he doesn't find hard
But everything is earned not free
Maximizing the A to the D to the T
Yet he won't use a Mastercard.
For Whom the bus tolls; The bus tolls for thee
billryan
billryan
  • Threads: 240
  • Posts: 16282
Joined: Nov 2, 2009
October 28th, 2023 at 5:03:48 PM permalink
My family comes from Limerick and in the town cemetery there is a half limerick I always got a kick out of.

Here lies Johnny Ground.
Lost at sea and never found.


I think I was seven or eight where I first saw it and thought it was hilarious.
The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction is supposed to make sense.
EvenBob
EvenBob
  • Threads: 441
  • Posts: 28865
Joined: Jul 18, 2010
October 28th, 2023 at 6:33:13 PM permalink
Quote: gordonm888

There once was a Wizard of Odds
Who employed two odd-acting mods
Dieter and Gordon,
Were the scourge of the forum
But they wouldn't even ban EvenBob.


*I'm sacrificing principle here on the altar of verbal cleverness. I'm not actually criticizing myself and Dieter.
link to original post



There were two moderate mods, D&G.
Who were big in their britches, you see.
But they were not so big
And this you can dig
That they dared not to ban EB
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
Ace2
Ace2
  • Threads: 32
  • Posts: 2706
Joined: Oct 2, 2017
October 28th, 2023 at 6:54:25 PM permalink
When I saw a photo of EvenBob's meal I nearly puked

It looked like a frozen TV dinner that somebody nuked

Was probably made with something from Walmart

That's where he loves to fill his grocery cart

But never with anything over five dollars per pound

For food purchases that’s his maximum upper bound
It’s all about making that GTA
Dieter
Administrator
Dieter
  • Threads: 16
  • Posts: 5609
Joined: Jul 23, 2014
October 28th, 2023 at 7:02:45 PM permalink
Quote: EvenBob

Quote: gordonm888

There once was a Wizard of Odds
Who employed two odd-acting mods
Dieter and Gordon,
Were the scourge of the forum
But they wouldn't even ban EvenBob.


*I'm sacrificing principle here on the altar of verbal cleverness. I'm not actually criticizing myself and Dieter.
link to original post



There were two moderate mods, D&G.
Who were big in their britches, you see.
But they were not so big
And this you can dig
That they dared not to ban EB
link to original post



Another mod lives by the beach
For a time, she was quite out of reach
Is she looking to ban?
I don't know the plan
I think I'll go look for a peach
May the cards fall in your favor.
MrV
MrV
  • Threads: 364
  • Posts: 8158
Joined: Feb 13, 2010
October 28th, 2023 at 8:16:39 PM permalink
There once was a man from Nantucket
Lost it all gambling, said "f*** it."
"I tried to AP
Dame Fortuna failed me
Such bad luck...how can I buck it?"
"What, me worry?"
Mental
Mental
  • Threads: 13
  • Posts: 1369
Joined: Dec 10, 2018
Thanked by
AxelWolfams288rainmanHunterhill
October 29th, 2023 at 6:04:36 AM permalink
There was a curmudgeon named Bob
who made posting nonsense his job.
Logic won't make him stop.
His post count is on top.
Grandiosity makes his heart throb.
This forum is more enjoyable after I learned how to use the 'Block this user' button.
Mental
Mental
  • Threads: 13
  • Posts: 1369
Joined: Dec 10, 2018
October 29th, 2023 at 6:29:10 AM permalink
A system has rules for accounting.
A method is much more astounding.
Just ignore losing play,
claim you get paid every day,
even though losses are mounting.
This forum is more enjoyable after I learned how to use the 'Block this user' button.
darkoz
darkoz
  • Threads: 297
  • Posts: 11547
Joined: Dec 22, 2009
October 29th, 2023 at 6:46:57 AM permalink
Your nose is hard to blow
Making it hard to do your job
But still you must carry on
Yester years of yore
They had no remote control
To turn the television knob
For Whom the bus tolls; The bus tolls for thee
OnceDear
OnceDear
  • Threads: 63
  • Posts: 7481
Joined: Jun 1, 2014
Thanked by
AxelWolfrainman
October 29th, 2023 at 6:48:42 AM permalink
The hijacking now is complete.
for the trolls here continued deceit.
The mods lets it go.
The Wizard does too,
So I bid you farewell and say fk it.
Psalm 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion.
OnceDear
OnceDear
  • Threads: 63
  • Posts: 7481
Joined: Jun 1, 2014
October 29th, 2023 at 6:54:08 AM permalink
Quote: darkoz

Your nose is hard to blow
Making it hard to do your job
But still you must carry on
Yester years of yore
They had no remote control
To turn the television knob
link to original post


What a rubbish limerick :o)

There was a young lady from Bude,
Who went for a swim in a lake
A man in a punt
Stuck a pole in her ear
and said you can't swim here it's private.
Psalm 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion.
gordonm888
Administrator
gordonm888
  • Threads: 60
  • Posts: 5120
Joined: Feb 18, 2015
October 29th, 2023 at 7:04:49 AM permalink
Beulah, a blackjack cognoscenti,
Was fond of hitting a 20
She'd double a 7
And stand on 11
And Beulah lost moolah a-plenty.
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
gordonm888
Administrator
gordonm888
  • Threads: 60
  • Posts: 5120
Joined: Feb 18, 2015
October 29th, 2023 at 8:20:14 AM permalink
Quote: darkoz

Your nose is hard to blow
Making it hard to do your job
But still you must carry on
Yester years of yore
They had no remote control
To turn the television knob
link to original post



A limerick standardly has 5 lines and a rhyme scheme like this:

A
A
B
B
A

The B-lines are usually shorter, i.e., fewer syllables
The last line is usually clever, or humorous.
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
darkoz
darkoz
  • Threads: 297
  • Posts: 11547
Joined: Dec 22, 2009
October 29th, 2023 at 8:21:56 AM permalink
Quote: OnceDear

Quote: darkoz

Your nose is hard to blow
Making it hard to do your job
But still you must carry on
Yester years of yore
They had no remote control
To turn the television knob
link to original post


What a rubbish limerick :o)

There was a young lady from Bude,
Who went for a swim in a lake
A man in a punt
Stuck a pole in her ear
and said you can't swim here it's private.
link to original post



You have to read the last word of each sentence to get it.
For Whom the bus tolls; The bus tolls for thee
Ace2
Ace2
  • Threads: 32
  • Posts: 2706
Joined: Oct 2, 2017
October 29th, 2023 at 8:27:12 AM permalink
There is a player named Tuttigym
I tried to explain math many times to him
The house edge is real
No matter how you may feel
But I eventually realized he's too dim
It’s all about making that GTA
Wizard
Administrator
Wizard
  • Threads: 1496
  • Posts: 26619
Joined: Oct 14, 2009
Thanked by
EvenBob
October 29th, 2023 at 8:55:57 AM permalink
Quote: Mental

There was a curmudgeon named Bob
who made posting nonsense his job.
Logic won't make him stop.
His post count is on top.
Grandiosity makes his heart throb.
link to original post



Personal insult. Three days.
"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow." -- Ecclesiastes 1:18 (NIV)
Wizard
Administrator
Wizard
  • Threads: 1496
  • Posts: 26619
Joined: Oct 14, 2009
Thanked by
EvenBob
October 29th, 2023 at 8:58:54 AM permalink
Quote: Ace2

But I eventually realized he's too dim
link to original post



Personal insult. Three days.
"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow." -- Ecclesiastes 1:18 (NIV)
rxwine
rxwine
  • Threads: 213
  • Posts: 12319
Joined: Feb 28, 2010
October 29th, 2023 at 10:04:53 AM permalink
Don't be rude, Don't be mean
There is a tool that can bop your bean
But never fear
It's usually clear
3 days later you'll be back on here.
There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.
MrV
MrV
  • Threads: 364
  • Posts: 8158
Joined: Feb 13, 2010
October 29th, 2023 at 10:37:38 AM permalink
A man who calls himself "Wiz'
Tough forum cop this guy is;
No rules may you bend
Hey, don't hit "SUSPEND"
I thought that truth a defense is
"What, me worry?"
lilredrooster
lilredrooster
  • Threads: 233
  • Posts: 6700
Joined: May 8, 2015
October 29th, 2023 at 10:49:28 AM permalink
.
I had this system based on doubling

My profits soon began bubbling

But then a losing streak came

Things just weren't the same

My bankroll sank it was troubling

.
the foolish sayings of a rich man often pass for words of wisdom by the fools around him
EvenBob
EvenBob
  • Threads: 441
  • Posts: 28865
Joined: Jul 18, 2010
October 29th, 2023 at 10:54:24 AM permalink
Quote: Wizard

Quote: Ace2

But I eventually realized he's too dim
link to original post



Personal insult. Three days.
link to original post



I wondered how long this would take. People thinking they can get away with personal insults by sticking it in a limerick. And insult is an insult is an insult no matter how you disguise it.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
MrV
MrV
  • Threads: 364
  • Posts: 8158
Joined: Feb 13, 2010
October 29th, 2023 at 11:22:05 AM permalink
Hickory dickory dock
This chick was throwing a clock
"It's broke, it's awry
Now I'll make time fly
And stream it all on' Tik Tok."
"What, me worry?"
billryan
billryan
  • Threads: 240
  • Posts: 16282
Joined: Nov 2, 2009
October 29th, 2023 at 11:23:34 AM permalink
Historically, you can get away with saying almost anything in a limerick. They are often vulgar and political. There are dozens about English soldiers that would have gotten you imprisoned if said in a regular speech. Some are actual taunts, said only to provoke the insulted to respond.
The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction is supposed to make sense.
lilredrooster
lilredrooster
  • Threads: 233
  • Posts: 6700
Joined: May 8, 2015
Thanked by
gordonm888
October 29th, 2023 at 11:35:53 AM permalink
.
There was a young lady from Norway

Who hung by her toes in a doorway

She said to her beau

"Just look at me Joe

I think I've discovered one more way"

.
the foolish sayings of a rich man often pass for words of wisdom by the fools around him
billryan
billryan
  • Threads: 240
  • Posts: 16282
Joined: Nov 2, 2009
October 29th, 2023 at 11:36:24 AM permalink
There once was a member named Dieter
Who rode around in a funky two seater
Anointed a Mod
He thought he was god
but wasn't even Saint Peter
The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction is supposed to make sense.
lilredrooster
lilredrooster
  • Threads: 233
  • Posts: 6700
Joined: May 8, 2015
Thanked by
MichaelBluejay
October 29th, 2023 at 11:52:43 AM permalink
.
He has this method at roulette

Even chances they are his bet

He tells people he wins every time

When really he didn't win a dime

His fun is to get people upset

.
Last edited by: lilredrooster on Oct 29, 2023
the foolish sayings of a rich man often pass for words of wisdom by the fools around him
Dieter
Administrator
Dieter
  • Threads: 16
  • Posts: 5609
Joined: Jul 23, 2014
October 29th, 2023 at 11:54:28 AM permalink
Quote: billryan

There once was a member named Dieter
Who rode around in a funky two seater
Anointed a Mod
He thought he was god
but wasn't even Saint Peter
link to original post



Charming rhymes. ;)
May the cards fall in your favor.
tuttigym
tuttigym
  • Threads: 10
  • Posts: 1884
Joined: Feb 12, 2010
October 29th, 2023 at 12:07:10 PM permalink
Quote: Ace2

There is a player named Tuttigym
I tried to explain math many times to him
The house edge is real
No matter how you may feel
But I eventually realized he's too dim
link to original post


Ace2 is a traveling gambler
His posts are akin to a rambler
I stick in his craw
Until he hollers MA!
Now forever needs a new handler.

tuttigym
gordonm888
Administrator
gordonm888
  • Threads: 60
  • Posts: 5120
Joined: Feb 18, 2015
October 29th, 2023 at 12:18:25 PM permalink
Quote: billryan

Historically, you can get away with saying almost anything in a limerick. They are often vulgar and political. There are dozens about English soldiers that would have gotten you imprisoned if said in a regular speech. Some are actual taunts, said only to provoke the insulted to respond.
link to original post



I am in sympathy with billryan on this. Limericks are fun; they are light-hearted jesting that often build a spirit of camaraderie rather than enraged feuding.

Of course, there is a valid argument that insults are insults and that forum suspensions should be handed out - especially if the target of the limerick feels hurt. There is always a line, and people will always cross the line no matter where it is. But I think we should keep ourselves open to the concept of laughing at ourselves.
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
billryan
billryan
  • Threads: 240
  • Posts: 16282
Joined: Nov 2, 2009
Thanked by
gordonm888
October 29th, 2023 at 12:25:15 PM permalink
We once had a mod named Gordon
Who was a bit too much of a warden
He once was a Fed
at least that's what he said
thank goodness there aren't any more of 'em.
The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction is supposed to make sense.
MrV
MrV
  • Threads: 364
  • Posts: 8158
Joined: Feb 13, 2010
October 29th, 2023 at 12:58:00 PM permalink
In old Vegas lived a slob
took up gambling as a day job
He'd pour money in
Seeking just one big win
But he lost it all to the mob
"What, me worry?"
darkoz
darkoz
  • Threads: 297
  • Posts: 11547
Joined: Dec 22, 2009
October 29th, 2023 at 1:06:47 PM permalink
Finally the top thread
Is not a retread
Of a worthless system
Incorrectly termed a method
For Whom the bus tolls; The bus tolls for thee
MrV
MrV
  • Threads: 364
  • Posts: 8158
Joined: Feb 13, 2010
October 29th, 2023 at 1:14:07 PM permalink
Quote: billryan

Historically, you can get away with saying almost anything in a limerick.



"Cats, cats, how I love cats
Not dogs, not birds, not rats;
Love to eat that pussy
Hey I ain't no wussy
They're tasty...and very low fat
"What, me worry?"
Dieter
Administrator
Dieter
  • Threads: 16
  • Posts: 5609
Joined: Jul 23, 2014
Thanked by
gordonm888GialmereSOOPOOWizardMichaelBluejay
October 29th, 2023 at 1:22:14 PM permalink
I'm glad you guys are so keen,
but these are starting to get obscene.
A few have earned bans,
in spite of their plans...
So keep it PG-13.
May the cards fall in your favor.
lilredrooster
lilredrooster
  • Threads: 233
  • Posts: 6700
Joined: May 8, 2015
October 29th, 2023 at 1:26:18 PM permalink
.
There was a young lady named Sally

Who enjoyed the occasional dally.

She sat on the lap

Of a well endowed chap

And cried "Sir you're right up my alley"

.
the foolish sayings of a rich man often pass for words of wisdom by the fools around him
gordonm888
Administrator
gordonm888
  • Threads: 60
  • Posts: 5120
Joined: Feb 18, 2015
October 29th, 2023 at 2:06:30 PM permalink
JLo played craps with considerable class
Timidly laying money on Pass
She felt so alive
She tried Blackjack 6:5
And lost her considerable ass.


(i mean, that's not the best limerick, but wouldn't the world be poorer without it?)
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
EvenBob
EvenBob
  • Threads: 441
  • Posts: 28865
Joined: Jul 18, 2010
October 29th, 2023 at 2:10:16 PM permalink
Quote: lilredrooster

.
He has this method at roulette

Even chances they are his bet

He tells people he wins every time

When really he didn't win a dime

His fun is to get people upset

.
link to original post



Then there's rooster
Who needs a booster
Vax in his head
So his face isn't red
When he has an opinion that's a loser
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
billryan
billryan
  • Threads: 240
  • Posts: 16282
Joined: Nov 2, 2009
October 29th, 2023 at 2:13:51 PM permalink
Quote: gordonm888

Quote: billryan

Historically, you can get away with saying almost anything in a limerick. They are often vulgar and political. There are dozens about English soldiers that would have gotten you imprisoned if said in a regular speech. Some are actual taunts, said only to provoke the insulted to respond.
link to original post



I am in sympathy with billryan on this. Limericks are fun; they are light-hearted jesting that often build a spirit of camaraderie rather than enraged feuding.

Of course, there is a valid argument that insults are insults and that forum suspensions should be handed out - especially if the target of the limerick feels hurt. There is always a line, and people will always cross the line no matter where it is. But I think we should keep ourselves open to the concept of laughing at ourselves.
link to original post



The proper way to respond to an insulting limerick is with one of your own.
The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction is supposed to make sense.
billryan
billryan
  • Threads: 240
  • Posts: 16282
Joined: Nov 2, 2009
October 29th, 2023 at 2:20:46 PM permalink
I once had a neighbor whose nose
was so big that it could touch his toes.
So he hired a boy
whose first name was Roy
to carry around his big nose.
The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction is supposed to make sense.
  • Jump to: