RobSinger
RobSinger
Joined: Oct 6, 2010
  • Threads: 5
  • Posts: 199
March 17th, 2011 at 11:18:35 PM permalink
Medical distinction between Guts and Balls


There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.
We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But

do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:


GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,

being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to

ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'


BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys,

smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping

your wife on the ass and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome.

Both result in death.
benbakdoff
benbakdoff
Joined: Jul 13, 2010
  • Threads: 17
  • Posts: 448
March 19th, 2011 at 3:26:41 AM permalink
Quote: Wavy70

Let's just say the best joke ends with the punchline.

We call our act the Aristocrats.


You can Youtube it but not for the delicate.



This is an old disgusting joke that just won't go away and several big name comics have used it over the years. Gilbert Gottfreid for one takes great pleasure in telling it as can be seen on the Youtube clip. It's also used by not so funny comics when they are losing their audience. It usually gets their attention back.

I wonder at what age Mr. Gottfreid will deem it appropriate to sit his young children down and share this filth with them.
SOOPOO
SOOPOO
Joined: Aug 8, 2010
  • Threads: 105
  • Posts: 6165
March 19th, 2011 at 5:44:27 AM permalink
In a down economy, what is the best job?

Proctologist. Things are always looking up.


Why do women have vaginas?

So men will talk to them.



In Medical school a very stressful time is when you take your Board exams. Some turn to religion. But not Christianity. You are told not to be like Jesus.

He got nailed on the Boards.
WizardofEngland
WizardofEngland
Joined: Nov 2, 2010
  • Threads: 61
  • Posts: 638
March 19th, 2011 at 6:07:59 AM permalink
Best joke ever?

Two words. Jerry Logan
http://wizardofvegas.com/forum/off-topic/general/10042-woes-black-sheep-game-ii/#post151727
weaselman
weaselman
Joined: Jul 11, 2010
  • Threads: 20
  • Posts: 2349
March 19th, 2011 at 8:26:18 AM permalink
One man used to constantly have very very strong headaches. One day, when he could not bear the excruciating pain anymore, he went to see a doctor. The doc examined him, and said: "I am afraid, I have some very bad news. It turns out that your headache is caused by your unusually large balls, they push on a blood vessel, and cut off the flow of blood to your head, so it starts hurting like hell. The only cure is to amputate your balls."
The man is obviously very upset, but, realizing that he cannot live with his headaches any longer, he schedules the operation, and gets it done.
Walking out the door, having become a few ounces lighter, and naturally depressed, he walks down the street, and sees a fancy clothes boutique. Thinking about how appropriate it would be, starting the all new, ball-less life, to buy all new fancy clothes, he walks in, and is greeted by a nice gentleman. "Welcome, please, come in, I got an exceptional pair of shoes, just for you, size 10!". The man asks, surprised: "How do you know my size?". "I have been doing this for a very long time", - replies the manager with some well-earned pride in his voice.

So, the man buys the shoes, the shirt, the pants, the jacket, and every time the sales person is right-on guessing the correct size. Finally, he decides, to buy some underwear as well. He is starting all new life after all, would be a shame to start new life in old underwear.
"Perfect! - replies the gentleman, - size 36, I see!"
"Aha! - the man is glad to have caught him, - finally, you are wrong! I wear size 34 all my life!"
"No-no, - says the gentlemen confidently, - it can't be. You cannot wear size 34, because it would squeeze your balls, so that they'd push on a blood vessel, and cause you terrible headaches!"


... always get a second opinion!
"When two people always agree one of them is unnecessary"
NicksGamingStuff
NicksGamingStuff
Joined: Feb 2, 2010
  • Threads: 48
  • Posts: 826
March 19th, 2011 at 8:28:38 AM permalink
Hmm I always liked the classic:

What do you call a gay bar with no chairs?

A fruit stand!

Since im gay its ok for me to tell a gay joke, if a straight guy did it would be offensive. Interesting way things work.
weaselman
weaselman
Joined: Jul 11, 2010
  • Threads: 20
  • Posts: 2349
March 19th, 2011 at 8:30:22 AM permalink
Quote: NicksGamingStuff


Since im gay its ok for me to tell a gay joke, if a straight guy did it would be offensive. Interesting way things work.


Just be sure to never tell any straight jokes though ...


My strategy is to be sure to never ever tell anyone publicly whether I am gay or not. That way, I can tell any jokes I please.
I also never fill in the "race" field in any or the questionnaires I have to fill (like in the doctor's office, or when applying for a job, or a mortgage). I just like them kept in the dark!
"When two people always agree one of them is unnecessary"
AZDuffman
AZDuffman
Joined: Nov 2, 2009
  • Threads: 219
  • Posts: 11220
March 19th, 2011 at 9:48:53 AM permalink
Quote: weaselman

Just be sure to never tell any straight jokes though ...


My strategy is to be sure to never ever tell anyone publicly whether I am gay or not. That way, I can tell any jokes I please.
I also never fill in the "race" field in any or the questionnaires I have to fill (like in the doctor's office, or when applying for a job, or a mortgage). I just like them kept in the dark!



You beat me to the first line!

As to the race boxes, I ignore them or will check "native american." I was born here so the definition fits. And I remember the liberal professor in college who held up a sheet of paper and said since I didn't match I wasn't "white." Then he said how he couldn't be "black" since he didn't match something black he pointed to.

I would prefer the government stop collecting racial data for everything except medical issues that race could play a part of (eg: sickle cell anemia.) There is zero reason to collect it otherwise.
Tolerance is the virtue of believing in nothing
weaselman
weaselman
Joined: Jul 11, 2010
  • Threads: 20
  • Posts: 2349
March 19th, 2011 at 9:53:54 AM permalink
Quote: AZDuffman


I would prefer the government stop collecting racial data for everything except medical issues that race could play a part of (eg: sickle cell anemia.) There is zero reason to collect it otherwise.


I would not make an exception for the medical either. They are not going to diagnose you based on a sheet of paper anyway, and the doctor, who makes the diagnoses, should not have any problem determining your race without looking at the questionnaire. Or he could just ask if in doubt.
There are diseases, linked to certain genetic traits, other than racial. They don't ask me in those questionnaires if I am Jewish, or I was born in Eastern Europe ... so, I have to think that this sickle cell anemia stuff is just a lame excuse.
"When two people always agree one of them is unnecessary"
SOOPOO
SOOPOO
Joined: Aug 8, 2010
  • Threads: 105
  • Posts: 6165
March 19th, 2011 at 10:35:23 AM permalink
Quote: weaselman

I would not make an exception for the medical either. They are not going to diagnose you based on a sheet of paper anyway, and the doctor, who makes the diagnoses, should not have any problem determining your race without looking at the questionnaire. Or he could just ask if in doubt.
There are diseases, linked to certain genetic traits, other than racial. They don't ask me in those questionnaires if I am Jewish, or I was born in Eastern Europe ... so, I have to think that this sickle cell anemia stuff is just a lame excuse.



Redheads require more anesthesia than others. You can imagine the responses I get if I inquire about a woman's natural hair color.

  • Jump to: