Funniest joke you've eber heard thread
March 17th, 2011 at 12:49:18 PM
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Quote: Wavy70Haven't thought you made any jokes yet.
You missing an anger management class to chat with me by chance?
Angedr management class? Perhaps you should be the one to go? I can see how it happened with you by the computer:
OMG, some conservative mentioned Obama in a joke--must-get-him-back. I know, I'll make a Palin joke, everyone I know loves them. I'll just say she's retarded, everyone knows that, right pant-pant-pant. Let me post it pant-pant-pant. Hey, why did people tell me to leave politics out of it? Someone put Obama's name in a joke pant-pant-pant. Don't they know he is great and Palin is retarded pant-pant-pant. The guy who posted the Obama joke is not apologizing pant-pant-pant. I'll call him racist, that always works pant-pant-pant.
I'd bet I am close to your reaction when and since you posted.
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others
March 17th, 2011 at 1:08:15 PM
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LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, That was good Sally , but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, That was good Sally , but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.
March 17th, 2011 at 1:55:58 PM
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Don't all the world's funniest jokes start this way?
A man was needing extra money in this economy, so he advertised on craigslist that he would rent out his guest room by the month. A few days later, he was talking to a friend of his....
"I think my new roommate is gay."
"Really? Why do you say that?"
"Coz I snuck in his room the other night and his dick tastes like shit."
Quote: rxwineSo, Paul (the disciple) was at the cross as Jesus was being crucified......
A man was needing extra money in this economy, so he advertised on craigslist that he would rent out his guest room by the month. A few days later, he was talking to a friend of his....
"I think my new roommate is gay."
"Really? Why do you say that?"
"Coz I snuck in his room the other night and his dick tastes like shit."
"Poker sure is an easy game to beat if you have the roll to keep rebuying."
March 17th, 2011 at 2:10:25 PM
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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one-by-one began to tell their stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?", the teacher asked.
"Yes ma'am," Johnny replied. "My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Nancy. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed right in the middle of 20 enemy troops. She shot 15 of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed 4 more with the knife till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," cried the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy give you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the hell away from Aunt Nancy when she's drinking."
The next day the kids came back and one-by-one began to tell their stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?", the teacher asked.
"Yes ma'am," Johnny replied. "My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Nancy. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed right in the middle of 20 enemy troops. She shot 15 of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed 4 more with the knife till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," cried the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy give you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the hell away from Aunt Nancy when she's drinking."
"Poker sure is an easy game to beat if you have the roll to keep rebuying."
March 17th, 2011 at 3:09:39 PM
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A couple were having financial problems and it got so bad that the husband turned to his wife and said "I think the only way we're going to get out of our financial worries is for you to go out on the streets and sell your body".
The wife reluctantly agreed that she would do it as it would solve their current problems and said that she would go out on Friday and see what happens.
That night, the wife returned and went upstairs to the bedroom where her busband was waiting expectantly.
"How much did you manage to earn?" he asked.
"91 dollars" she replied.
"91?", the husband queried, "which guy gave you the $1?".
"All of them" said the wife.
The wife reluctantly agreed that she would do it as it would solve their current problems and said that she would go out on Friday and see what happens.
That night, the wife returned and went upstairs to the bedroom where her busband was waiting expectantly.
"How much did you manage to earn?" he asked.
"91 dollars" she replied.
"91?", the husband queried, "which guy gave you the $1?".
"All of them" said the wife.
March 17th, 2011 at 3:56:32 PM
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During the Stalin era this scene takes place in a Soviet classroom:
"Children," the teacher says, "give me an example fo the word 'catastrophe' used in a sentence."
One child says, "If I were to lose my coat, that would be a catastrophe."
"No, Vanya," says the teacher. "that would merely be loss."
Another child tries "If I were to fall and break my arm that would be a catastrophe."
"No, Anya. That would be missfortune."
A third child says "If the great Comrade Stalin were to die, that would be a catastrophe."
"Yes, Sveta, that's right. Explain to the class why."
"Well, it woulnd't be loss or missfortune..."
"Children," the teacher says, "give me an example fo the word 'catastrophe' used in a sentence."
One child says, "If I were to lose my coat, that would be a catastrophe."
"No, Vanya," says the teacher. "that would merely be loss."
Another child tries "If I were to fall and break my arm that would be a catastrophe."
"No, Anya. That would be missfortune."
A third child says "If the great Comrade Stalin were to die, that would be a catastrophe."
"Yes, Sveta, that's right. Explain to the class why."
"Well, it woulnd't be loss or missfortune..."
Donald Trump is a fucking criminal
March 17th, 2011 at 4:31:26 PM
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Quote: AZDuffmanAngedr management class? Perhaps you should be the one to go? I can see how it happened with you by the computer:
OMG, some conservative mentioned Obama in a joke--must-get-him-back. I know, I'll make a Palin joke, everyone I know loves them. I'll just say she's retarded, everyone knows that, right pant-pant-pant. Let me post it pant-pant-pant. Hey, why did people tell me to leave politics out of it? Someone put Obama's name in a joke pant-pant-pant. Don't they know he is great and Palin is retarded pant-pant-pant. The guy who posted the Obama joke is not apologizing pant-pant-pant. I'll call him racist, that always works pant-pant-pant.
I'd bet I am close to your reaction when and since you posted.
I seem to be quite fascinating to you. Sorry Happily married here.
If you don't like the joke move on.
You seem to have dedicated 10,000x the time to this than it took me to Google the joke.
Get a sense of humor. Grow up and refrain from name calling and attempt to get some hobbies aside from me.
So far this is the best joke on here.
I have a bewitched egg that I use to play VP with and I have net over 900k with it.
March 17th, 2011 at 4:38:47 PM
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Quote: Wavy70I seem to be quite fascinating to you. Sorry Happily married here.
If you don't like the joke move on.
You seem to have dedicated 10,000x the time to this than it took me to Google the joke.
Get a sense of humor. Grow up and refrain from name calling and attempt to get some hobbies aside from me.
So far this is the best joke on here.
Who called a name? As to sense of humor, you are the one who needed the point of a joke and why it wasn't political explained to you.
You had to use google to get your lame joke? Sad. Maybe you should google "Korean War" and learn when the shooting war ended?
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others
March 17th, 2011 at 4:50:51 PM
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Two rival bands of smugglers, one from Poland and one from Russia, both find at the same time the same abandoned Red Army truck loaded with weapons at the Poland/USSR border. After edging ever closer to a firefight over the truck, the Russian boss says, "Why don't we just split the weapons fairly like good socialists?"
"Never" Replies the Polish leader. "It's fifty-fifty or we fight!"
During nuclear weapons negotiations between Kissinger and Gromyko, the following exchange took place:
"Look, Andre, if we're going to give up something we'll want something from you in return."
"That seems fair, Henry. What do you need?"
"Five thousand tons of coal per month, a dozen cargo ships and one bycicle."
"I'm sorry. That's completely impossible."
"But why?"
"The Poles don't make bycicles."
"Never" Replies the Polish leader. "It's fifty-fifty or we fight!"
During nuclear weapons negotiations between Kissinger and Gromyko, the following exchange took place:
"Look, Andre, if we're going to give up something we'll want something from you in return."
"That seems fair, Henry. What do you need?"
"Five thousand tons of coal per month, a dozen cargo ships and one bycicle."
"I'm sorry. That's completely impossible."
"But why?"
"The Poles don't make bycicles."
Donald Trump is a fucking criminal
March 17th, 2011 at 5:04:34 PM
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“The first black president! That’s unless you screw up. Then it’s gonna be: what’s up with the half-white guy?”
“Sarah Palin was supposed to be here but pulled out at the last minute. Someone should tell her: that’s not how you practice abstinence.” “Shut up, you’ll be tellin’ that one tomorrow.”
= by Wanda Sykes
PS: I think she meant to say "birth control" instead of abstinence
Quote: Wanda SykesI'm not politically correct. I still say 'black,' I do. Because 'African American' -- there's no bonus; it's not going to make your life any easier. You don't see black people standing around going, 'Woo yeah, African American. Man, I tell you, this beats the hell out of being black. We should have made the switch years ago.'
March 17th, 2011 at 5:17:29 PM
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Quote: AZDuffmanWho called a name? As to sense of humor, you are the one who needed the point of a joke and why it wasn't political explained to you.
You had to use google to get your lame joke? Sad. Maybe you should google "Korean War" and learn when the shooting war ended?
It must be quite boring and lonely there huh?
Duff. Get over it. You are obsessed with me. You have no sense of humor and a weak grasp on history. That must be why you never replied to me attempting to explain the last century to you.
You explaining history is like Helen Keller giving driving instructions.
Have a good life or continue having the one you have. It does not matter to me.
I have a bewitched egg that I use to play VP with and I have net over 900k with it.
March 17th, 2011 at 5:18:14 PM
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Q: How do you get a blonde out of a tree?
A: You wave at her
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)
The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don''t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I''m sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don''t have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."
A: You wave at her
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)
The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don''t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I''m sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don''t have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."
March 17th, 2011 at 5:35:29 PM
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Oh, please, if you're going to tell blond jokes, at least tell a good one. For example:
During a Q&A after an astronomy talk, a blond says "I understand how you figure out stellar compositions, their distance from Earth and what kinds of planets orbit them. But how do you figure out what the stars' names are?"
At a social function a blond is introduced to a Naval surgeon "Man!" She says. "You doctors really like to specialize, don't you?"
And I've yet to heard a funny Palin joke.
During a Q&A after an astronomy talk, a blond says "I understand how you figure out stellar compositions, their distance from Earth and what kinds of planets orbit them. But how do you figure out what the stars' names are?"
At a social function a blond is introduced to a Naval surgeon "Man!" She says. "You doctors really like to specialize, don't you?"
And I've yet to heard a funny Palin joke.
Donald Trump is a fucking criminal
March 17th, 2011 at 5:42:17 PM
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Quote: FarFromVegasNot the funniest, but brief and semi-appropriate:
What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives women wild?
A hundred-dollar bill.
I vote this one the funniest so far!!!
March 17th, 2011 at 5:44:40 PM
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Quote: zippyboy
"I think my new roommate is gay."
"Really? Why do you say that?"
"Coz I snuck in his room the other night and his dick tastes like shit."
OK - really sick, but I must admit I laughed while I gagged at the same time!
March 17th, 2011 at 5:58:37 PM
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Quote: Wavy70You explaining history is like Helen Keller giving driving instructions.
That reminds me: Why did Helen Keller scream?
Someone left a plunger in the toliet.
There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.
March 17th, 2011 at 8:07:13 PM
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I tell ya, I tell ya I get no respect.....I went to my proctologist and found out his hobby was photography..............he told me to bend over and say cheese.
rodney dangerfield
rodney dangerfield
March 17th, 2011 at 8:21:21 PM
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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
March 17th, 2011 at 8:29:04 PM
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A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
March 17th, 2011 at 9:00:20 PM
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Let's just say the best joke ends with the punchline.
We call our act the Aristocrats.
You can Youtube it but not for the delicate.
We call our act the Aristocrats.
You can Youtube it but not for the delicate.
I have a bewitched egg that I use to play VP with and I have net over 900k with it.
March 17th, 2011 at 11:18:35 PM
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Medical distinction between Guts and Balls
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.
We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But
do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,
being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to
ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping
your wife on the ass and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome.
Both result in death.
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.
We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But
do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,
being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to
ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping
your wife on the ass and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome.
Both result in death.
March 19th, 2011 at 3:26:41 AM
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Quote: Wavy70Let's just say the best joke ends with the punchline.
We call our act the Aristocrats.
You can Youtube it but not for the delicate.
This is an old disgusting joke that just won't go away and several big name comics have used it over the years. Gilbert Gottfreid for one takes great pleasure in telling it as can be seen on the Youtube clip. It's also used by not so funny comics when they are losing their audience. It usually gets their attention back.
I wonder at what age Mr. Gottfreid will deem it appropriate to sit his young children down and share this filth with them.
March 19th, 2011 at 5:44:27 AM
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In a down economy, what is the best job?
Proctologist. Things are always looking up.
Why do women have vaginas?
So men will talk to them.
In Medical school a very stressful time is when you take your Board exams. Some turn to religion. But not Christianity. You are told not to be like Jesus.
He got nailed on the Boards.
Proctologist. Things are always looking up.
Why do women have vaginas?
So men will talk to them.
In Medical school a very stressful time is when you take your Board exams. Some turn to religion. But not Christianity. You are told not to be like Jesus.
He got nailed on the Boards.
March 19th, 2011 at 6:07:59 AM
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Best joke ever?
Two words. Jerry Logan
Two words. Jerry Logan
http://wizardofvegas.com/forum/off-topic/general/10042-woes-black-sheep-game-ii/#post151727
March 19th, 2011 at 8:26:18 AM
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One man used to constantly have very very strong headaches. One day, when he could not bear the excruciating pain anymore, he went to see a doctor. The doc examined him, and said: "I am afraid, I have some very bad news. It turns out that your headache is caused by your unusually large balls, they push on a blood vessel, and cut off the flow of blood to your head, so it starts hurting like hell. The only cure is to amputate your balls."
The man is obviously very upset, but, realizing that he cannot live with his headaches any longer, he schedules the operation, and gets it done.
Walking out the door, having become a few ounces lighter, and naturally depressed, he walks down the street, and sees a fancy clothes boutique. Thinking about how appropriate it would be, starting the all new, ball-less life, to buy all new fancy clothes, he walks in, and is greeted by a nice gentleman. "Welcome, please, come in, I got an exceptional pair of shoes, just for you, size 10!". The man asks, surprised: "How do you know my size?". "I have been doing this for a very long time", - replies the manager with some well-earned pride in his voice.
So, the man buys the shoes, the shirt, the pants, the jacket, and every time the sales person is right-on guessing the correct size. Finally, he decides, to buy some underwear as well. He is starting all new life after all, would be a shame to start new life in old underwear.
"Perfect! - replies the gentleman, - size 36, I see!"
"Aha! - the man is glad to have caught him, - finally, you are wrong! I wear size 34 all my life!"
"No-no, - says the gentlemen confidently, - it can't be. You cannot wear size 34, because it would squeeze your balls, so that they'd push on a blood vessel, and cause you terrible headaches!"
... always get a second opinion!
The man is obviously very upset, but, realizing that he cannot live with his headaches any longer, he schedules the operation, and gets it done.
Walking out the door, having become a few ounces lighter, and naturally depressed, he walks down the street, and sees a fancy clothes boutique. Thinking about how appropriate it would be, starting the all new, ball-less life, to buy all new fancy clothes, he walks in, and is greeted by a nice gentleman. "Welcome, please, come in, I got an exceptional pair of shoes, just for you, size 10!". The man asks, surprised: "How do you know my size?". "I have been doing this for a very long time", - replies the manager with some well-earned pride in his voice.
So, the man buys the shoes, the shirt, the pants, the jacket, and every time the sales person is right-on guessing the correct size. Finally, he decides, to buy some underwear as well. He is starting all new life after all, would be a shame to start new life in old underwear.
"Perfect! - replies the gentleman, - size 36, I see!"
"Aha! - the man is glad to have caught him, - finally, you are wrong! I wear size 34 all my life!"
"No-no, - says the gentlemen confidently, - it can't be. You cannot wear size 34, because it would squeeze your balls, so that they'd push on a blood vessel, and cause you terrible headaches!"
... always get a second opinion!
"When two people always agree one of them is unnecessary"
March 19th, 2011 at 8:28:38 AM
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Hmm I always liked the classic:
What do you call a gay bar with no chairs?
A fruit stand!
Since im gay its ok for me to tell a gay joke, if a straight guy did it would be offensive. Interesting way things work.
What do you call a gay bar with no chairs?
A fruit stand!
Since im gay its ok for me to tell a gay joke, if a straight guy did it would be offensive. Interesting way things work.
March 19th, 2011 at 8:30:22 AM
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Quote: NicksGamingStuff
Since im gay its ok for me to tell a gay joke, if a straight guy did it would be offensive. Interesting way things work.
Just be sure to never tell any straight jokes though ...
My strategy is to be sure to never ever tell anyone publicly whether I am gay or not. That way, I can tell any jokes I please.
I also never fill in the "race" field in any or the questionnaires I have to fill (like in the doctor's office, or when applying for a job, or a mortgage). I just like them kept in the dark!
"When two people always agree one of them is unnecessary"
March 19th, 2011 at 9:48:53 AM
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Quote: weaselmanJust be sure to never tell any straight jokes though ...
My strategy is to be sure to never ever tell anyone publicly whether I am gay or not. That way, I can tell any jokes I please.
I also never fill in the "race" field in any or the questionnaires I have to fill (like in the doctor's office, or when applying for a job, or a mortgage). I just like them kept in the dark!
You beat me to the first line!
As to the race boxes, I ignore them or will check "native american." I was born here so the definition fits. And I remember the liberal professor in college who held up a sheet of paper and said since I didn't match I wasn't "white." Then he said how he couldn't be "black" since he didn't match something black he pointed to.
I would prefer the government stop collecting racial data for everything except medical issues that race could play a part of (eg: sickle cell anemia.) There is zero reason to collect it otherwise.
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others
March 19th, 2011 at 9:53:54 AM
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Quote: AZDuffman
I would prefer the government stop collecting racial data for everything except medical issues that race could play a part of (eg: sickle cell anemia.) There is zero reason to collect it otherwise.
I would not make an exception for the medical either. They are not going to diagnose you based on a sheet of paper anyway, and the doctor, who makes the diagnoses, should not have any problem determining your race without looking at the questionnaire. Or he could just ask if in doubt.
There are diseases, linked to certain genetic traits, other than racial. They don't ask me in those questionnaires if I am Jewish, or I was born in Eastern Europe ... so, I have to think that this sickle cell anemia stuff is just a lame excuse.
"When two people always agree one of them is unnecessary"
March 19th, 2011 at 10:35:23 AM
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Quote: weaselmanI would not make an exception for the medical either. They are not going to diagnose you based on a sheet of paper anyway, and the doctor, who makes the diagnoses, should not have any problem determining your race without looking at the questionnaire. Or he could just ask if in doubt.
There are diseases, linked to certain genetic traits, other than racial. They don't ask me in those questionnaires if I am Jewish, or I was born in Eastern Europe ... so, I have to think that this sickle cell anemia stuff is just a lame excuse.
Redheads require more anesthesia than others. You can imagine the responses I get if I inquire about a woman's natural hair color.
March 19th, 2011 at 11:06:26 AM
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Quote: AZDuffmanReagan: The USA is better than the USSR. In this country anyone can walk up to the gates of the White House and say, "I hate Reagan, he is a war monger!"
Gorbachev: "So what, in the USSR anyone can walk up to the gates of the Kremlin and say, "I hate Reagan, he is a war monger."
In Soviet Russia, gate walks up to you and says Reagan is warmonger!
A falling knife has no handle.
March 19th, 2011 at 12:19:21 PM
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Quote: weaselmanI would not make an exception for the medical either. They are not going to diagnose you based on a sheet of paper anyway, and the doctor, who makes the diagnoses, should not have any problem determining your race without looking at the questionnaire. Or he could just ask if in doubt.
There are diseases, linked to certain genetic traits, other than racial. They don't ask me in those questionnaires if I am Jewish, or I was born in Eastern Europe ... so, I have to think that this sickle cell anemia stuff is just a lame excuse.
I was thinking more for keeping track to see if something genetic might be based on race, research purposes. I only picked sickle cell since it was the first thing I could think of and one of the most direct race/genetic things out there. Interestingly, the gene that causes sickle cell was indirectly responsible for slavery taking hold in North America. The same gene gives blacks a better ability to work in hot and humid weather. This was needed for rice farming in the New World. Later slaves were used for more and more labor, but without that indentured servants might very well have filled the need for labor.
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others
March 19th, 2011 at 1:55:50 PM
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Quote: AZDuffmansickle cell The same gene gives blacks a better ability to work in hot and humid weather.
Can you cite a reference? The only thing I remember from medical school is that carrying one gene, thus being a carrier but not with the disease, did give some protection from malaria. But able to work better in hot and humid weather?
March 19th, 2011 at 4:02:39 PM
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Quote: SOOPOOCan you cite a reference? The only thing I remember from medical school is that carrying one gene, thus being a carrier but not with the disease, did give some protection from malaria. But able to work better in hot and humid weather?
Well, there is a lot of malaria in hot and humid weather, and if you got it, you can't work very well, so ...
"When two people always agree one of them is unnecessary"
March 19th, 2011 at 4:38:25 PM
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Quote: SOOPOOCan you cite a reference? The only thing I remember from medical school is that carrying one gene, thus being a carrier but not with the disease, did give some protection from malaria. But able to work better in hot and humid weather?
It was in my college US History Textbook and repeated by the professor. Protection from malaria would go along with working in the hot and humid weather since malaria is a tropical disease. That could be what it meant, has been almost 20 years since the class.
I will san anecdotally I have met a few balck people who could not take the "dry heat" of Phoenix/Vegas and openly stated that while they hated that they were more than fine with the sticky, humid heat of say Atlanta. Same with in the summer working with black guys who were fine with the sticky weather but come winter I was fine and they were freezing to death. I fully realizde that is not projectable, but still makes me think there is something to it.
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others
March 19th, 2011 at 6:31:44 PM
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We seem to have gotten off-topic here, so in an attempt to bring us back:
In a daring experiment in Europe, scientists used mosquitoes to deliver a "vaccine" of live malaria parasites through their bites. For their next daring experiment, scientists are going to try to deliver a syphilis vaccine through sex with Paris Hilton.
Anyone have a funny joke about sickle cell?
In a daring experiment in Europe, scientists used mosquitoes to deliver a "vaccine" of live malaria parasites through their bites. For their next daring experiment, scientists are going to try to deliver a syphilis vaccine through sex with Paris Hilton.
Anyone have a funny joke about sickle cell?
"Poker sure is an easy game to beat if you have the roll to keep rebuying."
March 20th, 2011 at 1:54:56 AM
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Quote: zippyboy
Anyone have a funny joke about sickle cell?
Gosh non that I would re-post!
I do appreciate the experts on SCA that have posted here today. Not since my Phrenology courses have I heard such delightfully historical ideas of the world.
I think a few have recieved info here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kVKUpJ8vto
I have a bewitched egg that I use to play VP with and I have net over 900k with it.
March 20th, 2011 at 9:49:04 AM
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Quote: zippyboy
Anyone have a funny joke about sickle cell?
It's not a joke. It's a true story.
This happened in the 70's. Someone I worked with was a member of the National Guard. He came to work on Monday and told us that his National Guard unit went to a low income area and they set up a free medical clinic for the weekend.
One mother came in with her child and said her child had that 'black' disease. When she was asked what she meant by 'black' disease, she replied--'You know, that SICK-AS-HELL disease'.
March 20th, 2011 at 10:26:44 AM
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Quote: NicksGamingStuffHmm I always liked the classic:
What do you call a gay bar with no chairs?
A fruit stand!
Since im gay its ok for me to tell a gay joke, if a straight guy did it would be offensive. Interesting way things work.
Yes, it is interesting:
Dave Chappelle about his white friend Chip
March 21st, 2011 at 10:07:31 AM
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Similar to "Roaches in the liver" (Cirrhosis)
March 22nd, 2011 at 12:28:10 PM
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The Itch
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Ted the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Ted revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Ted to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Ted readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed . Soon after she dressed , the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Ted would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Ted to their chambers.. Horatio then slipped Ted the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Ted worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved , and Ted left satisfied and hailed as a hero.. Upon returning to his chamber, Ted found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins . With his obsession now satisfied , Ted couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to 'get lost'.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Ted.
The moral of the story.............
Pay your bills
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Ted the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Ted revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Ted to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Ted readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed . Soon after she dressed , the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Ted would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Ted to their chambers.. Horatio then slipped Ted the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Ted worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved , and Ted left satisfied and hailed as a hero.. Upon returning to his chamber, Ted found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins . With his obsession now satisfied , Ted couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to 'get lost'.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Ted.
The moral of the story.............
Pay your bills
Each of us is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts.
Preparing for a fight about your bad decision is not as smart as making a good decision.
March 22nd, 2011 at 12:42:07 PM
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I am so stealing that!Quote: Wavy70What’s the difference between Sarah Palin’s mouth and vagina?
Not everything that comes out of her vagina is retarded…
Someday, joor goin' to see the name of Googie Gomez in lights and joor goin' to say to joorself, "Was that her?" and then joor goin' to answer to joorself, "That was her!" But you know somethin' mister? I was always her yuss nobody knows it! - Googie Gomez
March 22nd, 2011 at 1:00:07 PM
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"Poker sure is an easy game to beat if you have the roll to keep rebuying."
March 22nd, 2011 at 3:26:25 PM
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Quote: s2dbakerI am so stealing that!
Showing again how un-clever the anti-Palin crowd is. Be sure to say, "YES WE CAN" after you say it, anti-Palin types seem to get taken in by that line.
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others
March 22nd, 2011 at 3:53:35 PM
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A man releases a genie from a lamp and is granted one wish. The man leans over and whispers his wish into the genie's ear and the genie exclaims..."YOUR WISH IS GRANTED!!".
When the smoke clears, the man looks down and sees a little person about a foot tall dressed in a black tuxedo.
The man looks confused for a moment and then says, "No, no, no. Not a 12 inch pianist!"
When the smoke clears, the man looks down and sees a little person about a foot tall dressed in a black tuxedo.
The man looks confused for a moment and then says, "No, no, no. Not a 12 inch pianist!"
You serious, Clark?
March 22nd, 2011 at 4:25:06 PM
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All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others
March 22nd, 2011 at 5:03:22 PM
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Quote: WizardofEnglandBest joke ever?
Two words. Jerry Logan
Wanna hear a joke?
Two Words: Women's athletics
"In the poker game of life, women are the rake" Edward Norton (Rounders)
March 22nd, 2011 at 7:28:30 PM
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guy goes intio a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap.
the dr. says "I can clearly see your nuts".
the dr. says "I can clearly see your nuts".
March 22nd, 2011 at 7:53:54 PM
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Man in therapy says , "Doctor, last night I dreamt you were my mother. Does that makes sense to you?"
"I don't know," the doctor replies. "What did you do after you woke up?"
"I had a cookie and a coke for breakfast and then I came here."
"A cookie and a coke? You call that breakfast?"
"I don't know," the doctor replies. "What did you do after you woke up?"
"I had a cookie and a coke for breakfast and then I came here."
"A cookie and a coke? You call that breakfast?"
Donald Trump is a fucking criminal
March 22nd, 2011 at 10:56:46 PM
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Speaking of true stuff that could be the basis of a joke.
During a routine search, Scranton police Officer Nancy Baumann found three bags of heroin inside Mackaliunas' coat, records show. Baumann placed Mackaliunas in the back of the patrol car and was taking her to police headquarters when she noticed Mackaliunas fidgeting. The two women then got into a struggle, after which Mackaliunas asked to speak with another officer, whom she told she had "hidden more heroin in her vagina," according to the criminal complaint.
Investigators took Mackaliunas to Community Medical Center for further examination, police said. Doctors there retrieved "up 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, 8.5 prescription pills and $51.22" during a cavity search, according to the criminal complaint
During a routine search, Scranton police Officer Nancy Baumann found three bags of heroin inside Mackaliunas' coat, records show. Baumann placed Mackaliunas in the back of the patrol car and was taking her to police headquarters when she noticed Mackaliunas fidgeting. The two women then got into a struggle, after which Mackaliunas asked to speak with another officer, whom she told she had "hidden more heroin in her vagina," according to the criminal complaint.
Investigators took Mackaliunas to Community Medical Center for further examination, police said. Doctors there retrieved "up 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, 8.5 prescription pills and $51.22" during a cavity search, according to the criminal complaint
There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.
