Funniest joke you've eber heard thread
September 12th, 2013 at 5:37:02 PM
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Quote: ontariodealer
The doctor says i can clearly see your nuts.
I'm so embarrassed, I actually chuckled at that. Does
a man's mind ever really leave 7th grade?
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
September 12th, 2013 at 6:16:10 PM
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Quote: EvenBobI'm so embarrassed, I actually chuckled at that. Does
a man's mind ever really leave 7th grade?
I don't think so. I had a good laugh, too.
I heart Crystal Math.
September 12th, 2013 at 7:03:48 PM
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A group of workers at an office decide they are all going to go out after work the next day. A very large lady that works in the office gets all dressed up in a short dress and her nicest shoes the next day in preparation for the after work festivities. The whole crew heads to the bar after work and this big lady is going crazy off to the side by herself. Drinking, dancing, singing... She's having the time of her life!
She's having such a great time she decides she's going to go to the middle of the bar and get up on one of the round bistro style tables and starts dancing for everyone to see. While she's dancing a drunk dude walks by and says "You sure have some sturdy legs." The lady looks down at him and not really knowing how to take that says "Ummmmm, thanks, I think..." The drunk guy looks up and says "Shut up lady I was talking to the table!"
ZCore13
She's having such a great time she decides she's going to go to the middle of the bar and get up on one of the round bistro style tables and starts dancing for everyone to see. While she's dancing a drunk dude walks by and says "You sure have some sturdy legs." The lady looks down at him and not really knowing how to take that says "Ummmmm, thanks, I think..." The drunk guy looks up and says "Shut up lady I was talking to the table!"
ZCore13
I am an employee of a Casino. Former Table Games Director,, current Pit Supervisor. All the personal opinions I post are my own and do not represent the opinions of the Casino or Tribe that I work for.
September 12th, 2013 at 7:52:31 PM
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Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...
September 12th, 2013 at 8:13:38 PM
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A young woman goes to her doctor and tells him she is disappointed in the size of her breasts. Doctor Jones says "I could give you a boob job but I have developed a much cheaper alternative. For the next 60 days, every morning when you are in the shower, you must rub your boobs for 30 seconds while chanting 'Scooby Dooby Doobies, I want bigger boobies' ...but you must do this without fail or you will lose all progress".
She is skeptical but figures it is worth a shot, so she starts the routine the next morning. After two weeks she notices her boobs getting larger and is very excited! After three weeks she can hardly contain herself. The next morning she is riding the bus to work and she suddenly realizes she forgot to perform the routine that morning. After a moment of panic she decides she can't give up on the progress she has made and begins discreetly rubbing her breasts and softly saying her mantra.
After about 15 seconds she realizes the young man across the aisle is looking at her and she freezes. He smiles and says "you don't need to stop. and you must be a patient of doctor Jones huh?"
She says "yes I am, but how did you know?" The man says....
"Hickory Dickory Dock"
She is skeptical but figures it is worth a shot, so she starts the routine the next morning. After two weeks she notices her boobs getting larger and is very excited! After three weeks she can hardly contain herself. The next morning she is riding the bus to work and she suddenly realizes she forgot to perform the routine that morning. After a moment of panic she decides she can't give up on the progress she has made and begins discreetly rubbing her breasts and softly saying her mantra.
After about 15 seconds she realizes the young man across the aisle is looking at her and she freezes. He smiles and says "you don't need to stop. and you must be a patient of doctor Jones huh?"
She says "yes I am, but how did you know?" The man says....
"Hickory Dickory Dock"
September 12th, 2013 at 9:16:26 PM
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Quote: FaceBuzz is so old, he been bitchin' about the Leafs since they were called the St Pats
=p
I have a 45 year old daughter. She has never seen the Maple Leafs win the Stanly Cup. Maybe my great-great granddaughter might some day. And yet there is this joke :
With an estimated worth of US$1 billion in 2012, the Leafs are the NHL's most valuable franchise, followed by the New York Rangers and the Montreal Canadians, respectively.
Evidently in one Canadian province, HOCKEY FAN is spelled S-U-C-K-E-R .
Shed not for her
the bitter tear
Nor give the heart
to vain regret
Tis but the casket
that lies here,
The gem that filled it
Sparkles yet
September 12th, 2013 at 9:37:10 PM
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Quote: CrystalMathA Buddhist walks into a hamburger joint and says "make me one with everything."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlIrI80og8c
Oscar
September 12th, 2013 at 10:52:13 PM
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September 12th, 2013 at 11:50:59 PM
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A novice gambler walks through a casino and sees a hot blonde craps dealer so he walks over to talk to her and throws a $5 chip on the don't pass line. The shooter then rolls a 10.
Gambler: "honey, I'm new at this. If I back my don't pass bet what do I win?"
Blonde dealer: "if you win I'll lay you at 1:2"
Gambler: "that's an odd hour, but it sounds like fun!"
Gambler: "honey, I'm new at this. If I back my don't pass bet what do I win?"
Blonde dealer: "if you win I'll lay you at 1:2"
Gambler: "that's an odd hour, but it sounds like fun!"
September 13th, 2013 at 6:06:15 PM
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A friends wife told him to go out and get "some of those pills" that would give him an erection.
He returned and handed her some diet pills.
Services are Monday at 10.
He returned and handed her some diet pills.
Services are Monday at 10.
September 13th, 2013 at 8:21:48 PM
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It was a dark and stormy night. A pedophile and a small boy are walking through the woods. The boy says "Geez, it's really spooky out here." The pedophile answers "Yeah...and I have to walk back by myself."
I should have stopped an hour ago...
September 14th, 2013 at 1:49:23 AM
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Q: What did the dealer say to the deck of cards? A: "I can’t deal with you anymore." ... :)
Q: What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? A: In a casino, you really mean it!... jajajaja ...
Q: What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? A: In a casino, you really mean it!... jajajaja ...
"18 hit me, 19 hit me, 20 hit me, 21 hit me" - homer simpson
September 14th, 2013 at 7:16:09 AM
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice. LOL
Nothing, you already told her twice. LOL
♪♪Now you swear and kick and beg us That you're not a gamblin' man Then you find you're back in Vegas With a handle in your hand♪♪ Your black cards can make you money So you hide them when you're able In the land of casinos and money You must put them on the table♪♪ You go back Jack do it again roulette wheels turinin' 'round and 'round♪♪ You go back Jack do it again♪♪
September 14th, 2013 at 7:27:18 AM
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I vote this the best so far. If for nothing else, it's the most edgyQuote: Wavy70What’s the difference between Sarah Palin’s mouth and vagina?
Not everything that comes out of her vagina is retarded…
♪♪Now you swear and kick and beg us That you're not a gamblin' man Then you find you're back in Vegas With a handle in your hand♪♪ Your black cards can make you money So you hide them when you're able In the land of casinos and money You must put them on the table♪♪ You go back Jack do it again roulette wheels turinin' 'round and 'round♪♪ You go back Jack do it again♪♪
September 15th, 2013 at 9:32:08 AM
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This one blows me away:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate
in hell.
"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said............
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate
in hell.
"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said............
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
"What, me worry?"
September 15th, 2013 at 4:30:33 PM
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Little Johnny's dad was a retired gambler. Having picked up a few of his old man's bad habits, Johnny wagered on anything and everything, and he was good at it. Eventually, it became such a problem, that Johnny's teacher called his father to discuss it. After a long conversation, they decided to teach him a lesson.
One day after class Johnny approached his teacher. "You're not really blonde," he said. "I've seen your bush and it's pitch black, you dye your hair."
"I most certainly do not," she replied.
"I bet you ten bucks you do," he said.
She saw that this was an opportunity to teach him a lesson, so she waited for all the other children to leave the class and took off her pants, showing him that her pubic hair was the same color as the hair on her head. Johnny paid her the ten dollars and walked sullenly out of the room.
A few hours later Johnny's teacher called his father. "I think I finally taught him a lesson," she said.
"The hell you have," his father said angrily. "This morning he bet me $50 he'd see your vagina before the end of the day."
One day after class Johnny approached his teacher. "You're not really blonde," he said. "I've seen your bush and it's pitch black, you dye your hair."
"I most certainly do not," she replied.
"I bet you ten bucks you do," he said.
She saw that this was an opportunity to teach him a lesson, so she waited for all the other children to leave the class and took off her pants, showing him that her pubic hair was the same color as the hair on her head. Johnny paid her the ten dollars and walked sullenly out of the room.
A few hours later Johnny's teacher called his father. "I think I finally taught him a lesson," she said.
"The hell you have," his father said angrily. "This morning he bet me $50 he'd see your vagina before the end of the day."
♪♪Now you swear and kick and beg us That you're not a gamblin' man Then you find you're back in Vegas With a handle in your hand♪♪ Your black cards can make you money So you hide them when you're able In the land of casinos and money You must put them on the table♪♪ You go back Jack do it again roulette wheels turinin' 'round and 'round♪♪ You go back Jack do it again♪♪
September 15th, 2013 at 4:38:41 PM
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A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.
The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealers fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so why should I tip him?" The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?" "Yes." "Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me."
"OK, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for...I'll take an eight."
The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealers fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so why should I tip him?" The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?" "Yes." "Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me."
"OK, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for...I'll take an eight."
♪♪Now you swear and kick and beg us That you're not a gamblin' man Then you find you're back in Vegas With a handle in your hand♪♪ Your black cards can make you money So you hide them when you're able In the land of casinos and money You must put them on the table♪♪ You go back Jack do it again roulette wheels turinin' 'round and 'round♪♪ You go back Jack do it again♪♪
September 15th, 2013 at 4:57:00 PM
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Sorry, my fave joke here is still the one about Saran
Wrap. It's the only one I laughed out loud at. What
does that say about me.
Wrap. It's the only one I laughed out loud at. What
does that say about me.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
September 15th, 2013 at 5:06:47 PM
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Farmer's daughter joke:
A traveling salesman knocks on the door of the farmhouse. The door opens and a very beautiful and very pregnant farmer's daughter is standing there.
The salesman looking at her swollen belly says, "Dang, I see my competitor already sold you a vacuum."
Just then, the farmer steps from behind the daughter with a shotgun and blasts him with both barrels killing him.
"Yeah, but we hadn't paid him yet," says the farmer.
A traveling salesman knocks on the door of the farmhouse. The door opens and a very beautiful and very pregnant farmer's daughter is standing there.
The salesman looking at her swollen belly says, "Dang, I see my competitor already sold you a vacuum."
Just then, the farmer steps from behind the daughter with a shotgun and blasts him with both barrels killing him.
"Yeah, but we hadn't paid him yet," says the farmer.
There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.
September 15th, 2013 at 5:12:40 PM
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Everything there is to say about you has already been said.Quote: EvenBobSorry, my fave joke here is still the one about Saran
Wrap. It's the only one I laughed out loud at. What
does that say about me.
♪♪Now you swear and kick and beg us That you're not a gamblin' man Then you find you're back in Vegas With a handle in your hand♪♪ Your black cards can make you money So you hide them when you're able In the land of casinos and money You must put them on the table♪♪ You go back Jack do it again roulette wheels turinin' 'round and 'round♪♪ You go back Jack do it again♪♪
September 15th, 2013 at 5:24:55 PM
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A sick, pathetic, degenerate sports bettor was in hock up to his ying yang with the bookies. He needed a good bet to get out of the trap. His brother-in-law was the coach of a nationally recognized college basketball team who had a game that night. He called his brother-in-law:
"Look, brother-in-law, I need a good bet to get out of hock with the bookies. You guys are favored by 11 points tonight. What's going to happen?"
"I don't give out information like that." his brother-in-law responded
"Look, I'm really in a fix. If you don't help me I'm sunk."
"Okay, I'll tell you what. Three of my star players came down with the flu last night. We might be favored by 11 but we'll be lucky to stay within 11 points of THEM." The brother-in-law responded.
"Wow! Thanks, brother-in-law. You're a life saver! By the way, do you know a good team I can parlay this to?"
"Look, brother-in-law, I need a good bet to get out of hock with the bookies. You guys are favored by 11 points tonight. What's going to happen?"
"I don't give out information like that." his brother-in-law responded
"Look, I'm really in a fix. If you don't help me I'm sunk."
"Okay, I'll tell you what. Three of my star players came down with the flu last night. We might be favored by 11 but we'll be lucky to stay within 11 points of THEM." The brother-in-law responded.
"Wow! Thanks, brother-in-law. You're a life saver! By the way, do you know a good team I can parlay this to?"
"Quit trying your luck and start trying your skill." Mickey Crimm
September 15th, 2013 at 11:18:46 PM
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Quote: EvenBobSorry, my fave joke here is still the one about Saran
Wrap. It's the only one I laughed out loud at. What
does that say about me.
We can see your nuts?
"Then you can admire the real gambler, who has neither eaten, slept, thought nor lived, he has so smarted under the scourge of his martingale, so suffered on the rack of his desire for a coup at trente-et-quarante" - Honore de Balzac, 1829
September 15th, 2013 at 11:36:46 PM
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Quote: thecesspitWe can see your nuts?
Its just so silly, it's funny. It's a joke Groucho would have told.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
September 16th, 2013 at 2:44:33 PM
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What are two nuts on the wall?.......Walnuts
What are two nuts on the chest?.....Chestnuts
What are two nuts on a chin?....Blowjob
What are two nuts on the chest?.....Chestnuts
What are two nuts on a chin?....Blowjob
Each day is better than the next
September 16th, 2013 at 3:05:36 PM
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Quote: treetopbuddyWhat are two nuts on the wall?.......Walnuts
What are two nuts on the chest?.....Chestnuts
What are two nuts on a chin?....Blowjob
O.K. this could result in being nuked but I have to pass it along as an 80 year old man told be joke 30 years ago and it always cracks me up......juvenile humor but hey I'm juvenile.
It came to the Captain's attention that the men were fornicating. The ship had been out at sea for nearly 6 months.
He pulled the men together and announced that they would have 3 days of R&R and that he expected clean living following the R&R.
The ship had been out to sea only two days after R&R when Seamen Jones approaches the Captain. "Captain the men are fornicating again" declares Seaman Jones. The Captain upset asks "what evidence do you have? To which Seamen Jones replies...."I tasted s*** on Seamen Anderson"s d*** last night.
Each day is better than the next
September 22nd, 2013 at 2:40:23 AM
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A man walks up to the bar, and speaks to the bartender. "I bet you $500 that I can piss in this cup from across the room." The bartender looks at the man like he was nuts and says with a laugh, "Ooook buddy. You got a deal." So the man walks over to the other side of the room, pulls down his zipper and just lets it fly. Piss goes everywhere; on the bar, on customers, all over the bartender, but not a drop lands in the cup.
The man walks back over to the bartender. The bartender says, "Ha ha ha. Well pay up." So the man pays him, turns around and begins to laugh hysterically. The bartender asks, "You just lost $500, why are you laughing?" The man turns around and says to the bartender, "Well you see that man over there." The bartender says, "Yeah." He replies, "
Well, I bet him $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar and you, and that you would be happy and laugh about it!"
The man walks back over to the bartender. The bartender says, "Ha ha ha. Well pay up." So the man pays him, turns around and begins to laugh hysterically. The bartender asks, "You just lost $500, why are you laughing?" The man turns around and says to the bartender, "Well you see that man over there." The bartender says, "Yeah." He replies, "
Well, I bet him $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar and you, and that you would be happy and laugh about it!"
♪♪Now you swear and kick and beg us That you're not a gamblin' man Then you find you're back in Vegas With a handle in your hand♪♪ Your black cards can make you money So you hide them when you're able In the land of casinos and money You must put them on the table♪♪ You go back Jack do it again roulette wheels turinin' 'round and 'round♪♪ You go back Jack do it again♪♪
September 22nd, 2013 at 12:36:34 PM
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Cows masturbating.......Beef Strokin' Off.
Each day is better than the next
September 27th, 2013 at 12:13:25 PM
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"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
September 27th, 2013 at 12:53:41 PM
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that's a knee slapper.....prudish
Each day is better than the next
September 27th, 2013 at 1:45:00 PM
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Quote: treetopbuddythat's a knee slapper.....prudish
I know people like that, who say it before they go in.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
October 25th, 2013 at 11:57:37 PM
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A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home."
I went over.
Nobody was home!
-Rodney Dangerfield
I went over.
Nobody was home!
-Rodney Dangerfield
There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.
October 26th, 2013 at 12:19:23 AM
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So, this 90 year old guy gets out of a cab and walks into the club where his old friends are already sitting around.
He announces to them all that he's marrying is 75 year old girlfriend of two months.
His friends surprised and the first friend says, wow she must be great in bed!
The ole boy says, nah she don't care much for sex and to tell you the truth I don't much care either.
Second friend asks she got money?
Nope, she's about as broke as I am.
Third friend thinks he's got it figured out and says, well she must be a great cook, hunh?
Ole boy says, no I don't think she knows how to boil water.
When the first one chimes back in and asks, what the hell you getting married for?
The ole boy says...........She can still drive.
He announces to them all that he's marrying is 75 year old girlfriend of two months.
His friends surprised and the first friend says, wow she must be great in bed!
The ole boy says, nah she don't care much for sex and to tell you the truth I don't much care either.
Second friend asks she got money?
Nope, she's about as broke as I am.
Third friend thinks he's got it figured out and says, well she must be a great cook, hunh?
Ole boy says, no I don't think she knows how to boil water.
When the first one chimes back in and asks, what the hell you getting married for?
The ole boy says...........She can still drive.
October 26th, 2013 at 2:18:56 AM
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October 26th, 2013 at 2:28:47 AM
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How many dead hookers can you fit in the garage?
Another 2 if I move the lawn mower.
Another 2 if I move the lawn mower.
Buffering...
October 26th, 2013 at 2:47:03 AM
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Here is a true story that happened to my grandfather in Watertown,TN (A little Mayberry like town)
Doyle was eating a sandwich at the general store at lunchtime after 8 hours of bailing hay.
The sherrif walks up and says Doyle I heard you have been hauling around Mary Wanna is this true?
My grandfather then replies Mary Wanna? I don't even know the bitch!
One of the funniest stories he ever told me.
RIP Granddaddy
Doyle was eating a sandwich at the general store at lunchtime after 8 hours of bailing hay.
The sherrif walks up and says Doyle I heard you have been hauling around Mary Wanna is this true?
My grandfather then replies Mary Wanna? I don't even know the bitch!
One of the funniest stories he ever told me.
RIP Granddaddy
October 26th, 2013 at 9:52:00 PM
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based on what you've posted before, this is actually kind of scary.Quote: wrobersonHow many dead hookers can you fit in the garage?
Another 2 if I move the lawn mower.
"Dice, verily, are armed with goads and driving-hooks, deceiving and tormenting, causing grievous woe." -Rig Veda 10.34.4
October 26th, 2013 at 9:58:04 PM
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Quote: teddysbased on what you've posted before, this is actually kind of scary.
I would have said 3 more, but I have a Deere
rider..
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
October 26th, 2013 at 10:41:33 PM
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Quote: EvenBobI would have said 3 more, but I have a Deere
rider..
Well, you can strap one in the seat.
There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.
October 26th, 2013 at 11:50:00 PM
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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you already told her twice.
Nothing you already told her twice.
October 26th, 2013 at 11:54:45 PM
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Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. And then we met..
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. And then we met..
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
October 27th, 2013 at 4:37:04 PM
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Did you hear about the hooker who was so ugly
she died a virgin?
That is a really old joke, maybe 200 years old at
least. Big during vaudeville. They would substitute
whatever slang was current for 'hooker'.
she died a virgin?
That is a really old joke, maybe 200 years old at
least. Big during vaudeville. They would substitute
whatever slang was current for 'hooker'.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
October 27th, 2013 at 4:45:56 PM
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First of all... any madam will tell you that it doesn't really matter how old or unattractive a hooker is...there will always be a customer even if the price is low. Record in Louisiana was twenty-five cents behind a dumpster.
Second, although it can be rare particularly in the days of crack for old hookers to have any looks at all, those who stay off drugs often continue their occupations far up into what most people would think would be retirement years ... and often the motivation is not any sort of continuing financial need.
Second, although it can be rare particularly in the days of crack for old hookers to have any looks at all, those who stay off drugs often continue their occupations far up into what most people would think would be retirement years ... and often the motivation is not any sort of continuing financial need.
October 27th, 2013 at 4:54:34 PM
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Quote: FleaStiffFirst of all... any madam will tell you that it doesn't really matter how old or unattractive a hooker is...there will always be a customer .
Oh my god. It's a JOKE! How can she be a
whore if she's never had sex? It's a play on
words, like being a drug addict and has never
used drugs. Or a high school drop out that's
never been to HS. You can't called be a hooker if
you've never had sex for money. The cops
can arrest you for soliciting, but not for the act
itself.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
November 28th, 2013 at 7:16:04 PM
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For Today
There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.
May 3rd, 2016 at 2:48:06 PM
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Not a joke per se, but made me laugh....
My GF is a dentist, and a cute little one at that. An older male patient is sitting in the chair, and her assistant has him prepped for the novocaine injection before a previously noted cavity will be drilled and filled. She is one of 2 dentists in the office, the other male. When she comes into the operatory her assistant hands her the syringe and the patient says 'who are you? Are you the dentist?'
She answers.... "I usually do hair, but I'll give this a whack!"
My GF is a dentist, and a cute little one at that. An older male patient is sitting in the chair, and her assistant has him prepped for the novocaine injection before a previously noted cavity will be drilled and filled. She is one of 2 dentists in the office, the other male. When she comes into the operatory her assistant hands her the syringe and the patient says 'who are you? Are you the dentist?'
She answers.... "I usually do hair, but I'll give this a whack!"
May 3rd, 2016 at 4:41:38 PM
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During a conversation a nice older lady says that she is saddened by the loss of her long time husband. She is asked how he died. She responds that he died peacefully in his sleep. She adds, I really hope I die peacefully in my sleep as well, opposed to screaming in terror like his passengers.
Expect the worst and you will never be disappointed.
I AM NOT PART OF GWAE RADIO SHOW
May 3rd, 2016 at 8:05:41 PM
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A blonde driving in the country notices a boat in a field. In the boat is another blonde with a fishing pole. She pulls over, gets out, and asks "Hey, what the hell are you doing?"
"I'm fishing."
"You idiot! You can't catch fish in a field. It's blondes like you that make people think all blondes are stupid. If I could swim, I'd go out there and kick your ass."
"I'm fishing."
"You idiot! You can't catch fish in a field. It's blondes like you that make people think all blondes are stupid. If I could swim, I'd go out there and kick your ass."
“You don’t bring a bone saw to a negotiation.” - Robert Jordan, former U.S. ambassador to Saudi Arabia
May 3rd, 2016 at 8:06:15 PM
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Two Irishmen walk past a bar. Hey, it could happen.
“You don’t bring a bone saw to a negotiation.” - Robert Jordan, former U.S. ambassador to Saudi Arabia
May 3rd, 2016 at 8:11:05 PM
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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.
“You don’t bring a bone saw to a negotiation.” - Robert Jordan, former U.S. ambassador to Saudi Arabia
