AZDuffman
AZDuffman
Joined: Nov 2, 2009
  • Threads: 221
  • Posts: 11677
March 17th, 2011 at 12:49:18 PM permalink
Quote: Wavy70

Haven't thought you made any jokes yet.
You missing an anger management class to chat with me by chance?



Angedr management class? Perhaps you should be the one to go? I can see how it happened with you by the computer:

OMG, some conservative mentioned Obama in a joke--must-get-him-back. I know, I'll make a Palin joke, everyone I know loves them. I'll just say she's retarded, everyone knows that, right pant-pant-pant. Let me post it pant-pant-pant. Hey, why did people tell me to leave politics out of it? Someone put Obama's name in a joke pant-pant-pant. Don't they know he is great and Palin is retarded pant-pant-pant. The guy who posted the Obama joke is not apologizing pant-pant-pant. I'll call him racist, that always works pant-pant-pant.



I'd bet I am close to your reaction when and since you posted.
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others
thlf
thlf
Joined: Feb 24, 2010
  • Threads: 16
  • Posts: 267
March 17th, 2011 at 1:08:15 PM permalink
LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, That was good Sally , but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.
zippyboy
zippyboy
Joined: Jan 19, 2011
  • Threads: 2
  • Posts: 1108
March 17th, 2011 at 1:55:58 PM permalink
Don't all the world's funniest jokes start this way?
Quote: rxwine

So, Paul (the disciple) was at the cross as Jesus was being crucified......




A man was needing extra money in this economy, so he advertised on craigslist that he would rent out his guest room by the month. A few days later, he was talking to a friend of his....

"I think my new roommate is gay."
"Really? Why do you say that?"
"Coz I snuck in his room the other night and his dick tastes like shit."
"Poker sure is an easy game to beat if you have the roll to keep rebuying."
zippyboy
zippyboy
Joined: Jan 19, 2011
  • Threads: 2
  • Posts: 1108
March 17th, 2011 at 2:10:25 PM permalink
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one-by-one began to tell their stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?", the teacher asked.
"Yes ma'am," Johnny replied. "My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Nancy. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed right in the middle of 20 enemy troops. She shot 15 of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed 4 more with the knife till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," cried the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy give you from this horrible story?"

"Stay the hell away from Aunt Nancy when she's drinking."
"Poker sure is an easy game to beat if you have the roll to keep rebuying."
Switch
Switch
Joined: Apr 29, 2010
  • Threads: 12
  • Posts: 934
March 17th, 2011 at 3:09:39 PM permalink
A couple were having financial problems and it got so bad that the husband turned to his wife and said "I think the only way we're going to get out of our financial worries is for you to go out on the streets and sell your body".

The wife reluctantly agreed that she would do it as it would solve their current problems and said that she would go out on Friday and see what happens.

That night, the wife returned and went upstairs to the bedroom where her busband was waiting expectantly.

"How much did you manage to earn?" he asked.

"91 dollars" she replied.

"91?", the husband queried, "which guy gave you the $1?".

"All of them" said the wife.
Nareed
Nareed
Joined: Nov 11, 2009
  • Threads: 373
  • Posts: 11413
March 17th, 2011 at 3:56:32 PM permalink
During the Stalin era this scene takes place in a Soviet classroom:

"Children," the teacher says, "give me an example fo the word 'catastrophe' used in a sentence."

One child says, "If I were to lose my coat, that would be a catastrophe."

"No, Vanya," says the teacher. "that would merely be loss."

Another child tries "If I were to fall and break my arm that would be a catastrophe."

"No, Anya. That would be missfortune."

A third child says "If the great Comrade Stalin were to die, that would be a catastrophe."

"Yes, Sveta, that's right. Explain to the class why."

"Well, it woulnd't be loss or missfortune..."
Donald Trump is a fucking criminal
Wavy70
Wavy70
Joined: Nov 3, 2009
  • Threads: 15
  • Posts: 907
March 17th, 2011 at 4:31:26 PM permalink
Quote: AZDuffman

Angedr management class? Perhaps you should be the one to go? I can see how it happened with you by the computer:

OMG, some conservative mentioned Obama in a joke--must-get-him-back. I know, I'll make a Palin joke, everyone I know loves them. I'll just say she's retarded, everyone knows that, right pant-pant-pant. Let me post it pant-pant-pant. Hey, why did people tell me to leave politics out of it? Someone put Obama's name in a joke pant-pant-pant. Don't they know he is great and Palin is retarded pant-pant-pant. The guy who posted the Obama joke is not apologizing pant-pant-pant. I'll call him racist, that always works pant-pant-pant.



I'd bet I am close to your reaction when and since you posted.



I seem to be quite fascinating to you. Sorry Happily married here.

If you don't like the joke move on.
You seem to have dedicated 10,000x the time to this than it took me to Google the joke.

Get a sense of humor. Grow up and refrain from name calling and attempt to get some hobbies aside from me.

So far this is the best joke on here.
I have a bewitched egg that I use to play VP with and I have net over 900k with it.
AZDuffman
AZDuffman
Joined: Nov 2, 2009
  • Threads: 221
  • Posts: 11677
March 17th, 2011 at 4:38:47 PM permalink
Quote: Wavy70

I seem to be quite fascinating to you. Sorry Happily married here.

If you don't like the joke move on.
You seem to have dedicated 10,000x the time to this than it took me to Google the joke.

Get a sense of humor. Grow up and refrain from name calling and attempt to get some hobbies aside from me.

So far this is the best joke on here.



Who called a name? As to sense of humor, you are the one who needed the point of a joke and why it wasn't political explained to you.

You had to use google to get your lame joke? Sad. Maybe you should google "Korean War" and learn when the shooting war ended?
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others
Nareed
Nareed
Joined: Nov 11, 2009
  • Threads: 373
  • Posts: 11413
March 17th, 2011 at 4:50:51 PM permalink
Two rival bands of smugglers, one from Poland and one from Russia, both find at the same time the same abandoned Red Army truck loaded with weapons at the Poland/USSR border. After edging ever closer to a firefight over the truck, the Russian boss says, "Why don't we just split the weapons fairly like good socialists?"

"Never" Replies the Polish leader. "It's fifty-fifty or we fight!"


During nuclear weapons negotiations between Kissinger and Gromyko, the following exchange took place:

"Look, Andre, if we're going to give up something we'll want something from you in return."
"That seems fair, Henry. What do you need?"
"Five thousand tons of coal per month, a dozen cargo ships and one bycicle."
"I'm sorry. That's completely impossible."
"But why?"
"The Poles don't make bycicles."
Donald Trump is a fucking criminal
pacomartin
pacomartin
Joined: Jan 14, 2010
  • Threads: 649
  • Posts: 7895
March 17th, 2011 at 5:04:34 PM permalink



“The first black president! That’s unless you screw up. Then it’s gonna be: what’s up with the half-white guy?”

“Sarah Palin was supposed to be here but pulled out at the last minute. Someone should tell her: that’s not how you practice abstinence.” “Shut up, you’ll be tellin’ that one tomorrow.”


= by Wanda Sykes

PS: I think she meant to say "birth control" instead of abstinence

Quote: Wanda Sykes

I'm not politically correct. I still say 'black,' I do. Because 'African American' -- there's no bonus; it's not going to make your life any easier. You don't see black people standing around going, 'Woo yeah, African American. Man, I tell you, this beats the hell out of being black. We should have made the switch years ago.'


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