ck1313
ck1313
Joined: Aug 27, 2011
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September 12th, 2013 at 6:17:50 AM permalink
Sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says "we don't serve food here"
Face
Administrator
Face
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
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September 12th, 2013 at 6:32:34 AM permalink
A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his seeing eye dog by the collar, and whips him around in circles over his head.

The bartender says "Hey, pal! What the hell are you doing?!"

Says the blind man "Just having a look around"

-_-
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Buzzard
Buzzard
Joined: Oct 28, 2012
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September 12th, 2013 at 6:47:42 AM permalink
Toronto Maple Leafs will win the Stanley Cup within this century. Now, that is a real JOKE !
Shed not for her the bitter tear Nor give the heart to vain regret Tis but the casket that lies here, The gem that filled it Sparkles yet
Face
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Face
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
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September 12th, 2013 at 6:58:01 AM permalink
Buzz is so old, he been bitchin' about the Leafs since they were called the St Pats

=p
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Ibeatyouraces
Ibeatyouraces
Joined: Jan 12, 2010
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September 12th, 2013 at 7:01:18 AM permalink
deleted
DUHHIIIIIIIII HEARD THAT!
Mission146
Mission146
Joined: May 15, 2012
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September 12th, 2013 at 8:15:47 AM permalink
This is a paraphrase of a joke told by Arlen Specter. (R.I.P)

A lady takes out a Personals Ad in the newspaper looking for a man who must fit the following criteria, she says, "I want a man who won't hit me, a man who won't run away from commitment, and he has to be sexy."

The following morning, her doorbell rings a number of times, so she rushes downstairs to get the door. When she opens the door, there's a man in a wheelchair on the other side who has had both his arms and legs amputated.

Lady: May I help you?

Gentleman: I'm here to respond to your personals ad, I believe I meet all the criteria you want in a man!

Lady: But, you have no arms or legs. No offense, but, how do you meet my criteria?

Gentleman: I can't hit you, because I have no arms. I can't run away from commitment, because I have no legs!

Lady: What about being sexy? How would we be sexually compatible?

Gentleman: Are you kidding? I rang your bell ten times just using my nose!!!
Vultures can't be choosers.
KeyserSoze
KeyserSoze
Joined: Jul 14, 2013
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September 12th, 2013 at 9:22:55 AM permalink
A Catholic boy enters a confessional-

Catholic boy: "Forgive me father but I have sinned. I masturbated while thinking of my sister."

Priest: "Wow, that's messed up. Especially since you have two cute younger brothers."
Talent hits a target no one else can hit; genius hits a target no one else can see.
Face
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Face
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
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September 12th, 2013 at 9:24:42 AM permalink
Quote:

Gentleman: Are you kidding? I rang your bell ten times just using my ______



C'mon, Mission. Live a little ;)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A woman is similar to a tornado; they both moan when they come and take the house when they leave.

(I laugh because it hurts XD)
The opinions of this moderator are for entertainment purposes only.
skrbornevrymin
skrbornevrymin
Joined: Jun 24, 2011
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September 12th, 2013 at 9:36:42 AM permalink
Quote: FleaStiff

Quote: teeth1

12 days of Xmas
Day Three
Dear Nuala,
We must be foremost in your thoughts. I had only posted my letter when the three French hens arrived. There was another sort-out between the hens and the doves, who sided with the partridge, and the vet had to be sent for again.

It has always annoyed me that people think a "French hen" is a bird of some sort. One might even say this puts me in a fowl mood as well as a foul mood.
A French hen is a measure of wine.



I was just thinking of the song in a whole new light: What if all the gifts listed in the song "Twelve days of Christmas" were actually the names of cocktails? Someone could have quite a time devising drinks that matched the weird names. The song would then become known as a drinking song. If it did, would children still be allowed to sing it at Christmas time?
DRich
DRich
Joined: Jul 6, 2012
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September 12th, 2013 at 9:52:28 AM permalink
A termite walks into a bar and jumps up on the stool. After looking up and down the bar he turns to the guy sitting next to him and asks, "Where's the bar tender?"
Living longer does not always infer +EV

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