Top 10 Oddest Things I Have Seen People Do in Casinos
"People are strange, when you're a stranger," or so say The Doors in the appropriately named song, "People are Strange." The greatest truisms are often those that are simply put, and the one previously quoted is perhaps one of the most true ever put to verse. If you spend enough time in casinos, or anywhere for that matter, and you have a tendency to people an observer of people, you are going to see some strange actions. With that said, here are the ten most bizarre things I have ever seen people in casinos do:
We might as well start off with what is, unfortunately, the most disgusting thing that I have personally witnessed in the realm of casinos which also happens to be one I have witnessed no fewer than at least three times. In fact, I specifically remember two occasions in a casino and one in a slot parlor (in which the person in question was a mere fifteen feet from the bathroom) that a person (whether or not intentionally) decided to relieve themselves right in the chair in which they were sitting rather than using the proper facilities. In the case of the parlor, the person was ultimately asked to leave.
The first occasion that I witnessed was one in which I was sitting next to an elderly gentleman while we were both playing a Video Poker game at Wheeling Island Hotel-Casino-Racetrack, and I'm sure it was a pure accident. I was playing pretty much on auto-pilot (it was a game for which I have the strategy down cold for that paytable, Joker Poker-Kings) and it occurred to me that I heard the pitter-patter of a liquid dripping onto the floor. I was initially concerned that I had managed to knock over my coffee with my foot (I have a tendency to rest my right leg on the shelf to the right of the machine, sometimes) but then realized the sound was coming from the other side. Looking to my left and down, I realized that the offending nosie was coming from an elderly gentleman to my left. He had a very humiliated expression, so I just asked if he was doing okay, and he apologized and answered in the affirmative stating that sometimes he doesn't realize he has to go until it happens.
The occasion in the slot parlor was nothing short of deliberate. How do I know? The guy said so. He actuallty announced, in advance, "I'm sick of these damn machines in this place always beating me, I have half a notion to piss right here." I chuckled becasue I thought that to be a highly amusing statement, and in fact, firmly believed he was joking. He turned to me and said, "Oh, you think I'm funny?" He then proceeded to urinate exactly where he sat. I wasn't really sure at this point whether or not to say anything, but I hadn't realized that the person operating the parlor had walked in to smoke a cigarette a minute or so before, and she promptly realized (it had quite a stench) that he had, in fact, urinated and proceeded to throw the guy out.
The final occasion that I remember is one in which I was on a slot play and a lady sitting next to me stood up and went to play another machine. After she got up, I noticed that her seat looked quite damp and the pungent smell in the air suggested that the offending substance was likely urine. I have no cause to assume that it was or was not an accident, though I did find it interesting that she got up to play a different machine as opposed to going to the bathroom to clean herself up, or alternatively, leaving.
I would be remiss not to mention that I also had a close call on one occasion! On this particular occasion, I was playing a machine that I knew to be at an advantage as great as 8% (definitely) and perhaps as high as 10%. However, there was another person there who was aware of the play and that person was, "Waiting me out," I knew that the person would jump on the machine if I went to the restroom, cash out my ticket, and place it on top of the machine. The person had done this once before. The long story short is that I hit the, 'Service,' button to get the slot attendant to watch the machine for a moment and proceeded to the restroom to have the longest and most desperate urination of my life!
I made it, though. I probably drink a little too much coffee when I'm playing.
9.) A Bizarre Offer
On one occasion, I was at the Horseshoe Casino (soon to be renamed JACK Casino) in Cleveland, Ohio and there was a gentleman playing some kind of Blackjack progression system. In any event, he was ahead pretty substantially at the time I first saw him, or at least it appeared, but then he ended up losing everything he had won (but left even, according to him). This was apparent by the argument that he and his significant other were having in which she was berating him over a car that was going to be repossessed if he did not make the payment.
The link above goes to the thread in which I detailed the full account of what happened, should anybody be interested. The short story is that the slightly dirty woman looked at me (I was watching the argument with, I must admit, an unabashed interest) and after suggesting that my bills were probably paid, said that she should go home with me. My response: I'll pass, thank you.
8.) Putting the, 'O,' in Keno?
This particular event actually merited consideration for a higher spot on this list, but then I do not want to be accused of finishing up with a sexual thing in order to shamelessly draw reads. With that being said, other than the time I actually witnessed a couple actually having sex in the premises of a casino (that will appear later) this is the strangest sexually-related thing I have ever witnessed.
This is one of three scheduled sexual entries on this list...which is sort of sad in a way!
This one also took place at Wheeling Island Hotel-Casino-Racetrack, but I do not point that out as any kind of indictment against that particular establishment, I would just suggest that if you spend more time at one particular location than any other, then that will be the location at which you will generally see the most bizarre anything that there is to see.
While playing Video Poker, I heard a soft murmuring sound coming from behind me. Initially, I had turned and just assumed that the lady was clearing her throat, exceptionally politely, without trying to make too much of a scene about it. I decided to ignore what she was doimg, at that point, regarding it as nothing particularly out of the ordinary.
I took notice of it again a few minutes later, and then after a near-continuous five minutes of this sound decided, unfortunately, that I needed to figure out what was going on. I cashed out my ticket and walked over to the self-serve beverage station as walking from there to the opposite side of the nearest bar and looking left would give me a good vantage point. What I noticed was truly strange! The woman was wearing a sports jacket of some kind and had her hand under it fondling her left breast, in a relatively clear and apparent way, while she played the Keno game!
Not believing what I was seeing, I decided to go full circle and walked all the way around en route to the machine at which I was originally sitting: Generally speaking, I would not attempt to look down a woman's sports jacket, but assuming what I thought was occurring was actually taking place, this lady was not exactly a modest virgin flower! Upon approaching her, I took a quick glance downward and it strongly appeared that she was not wearing anything whatsoever (on top) underneath her sports jacket.
In case it isn't clear, this woman was fondling her uncovered breast and becoming aroused while playing Keno. This really should be #1, but I didn't want to finish on a sexual note, so I am burying it! I can only imagine what would have happened if she had hit a jackpot!
And, no, before anyone asks, she was not particularly (read: at all) attractive.
7.) It Goes Over My Head!
This is the second of three scheduled sexually-charged entries!
My girlfriend and I were staying at...well, I think you can guess at this point...late last year and had been playing nickel Caveman Keno and drinking. Just for the record, we were not buying them from the bar, at least not for the most part, we each bought one from the bar in order to obtain bar glasses and then we were using those to go up to the room and fix the rest of them!
In any event, she had hit for $50, or something like that, on a 6/7 after pressing her bets (as I recall) and we decided to go back up to the room for the night. We ran into a couple in the hallway who asked if we were having a good time to which I answered in the affirmative and returned the question. After answering in an equally affirmative way they asked, "Are you here to party?"
I answered that we were, in fact, partying as I consider a night of moderate drinking to fall appropriately enough into the category of, "Party." The gentleman of the two then asked if we would like to party with them. I considered the question for a second and after deciding that my girlfriend and I were not planning on going to sleep for two-three hours anyway, and because I did not think I would find any positive plays downstairs, I replied, "Sure we can all party for awhile," let me grab our drinks.
The guy then said, "Cool, we'll be in here," and then returned to their room. I went into our room with my girlfriend and proceeded to make a couple of drinks for that couple (planning on returning to make us fresh drinks after presenting them) and my girlfriend grabbed me and said, "What the Hell are you doing!?"
I replied, "I'm making a few of these drinks for them, these have to be better than whatever they are drinking! We're going to go have a couple of drinks with them, they seem nice enough."
My girlfriend exclaimed, "They don't want to drink, they want to party!"
I retorted, "Yeah, drink."
Increasingly frustrated with my lack of understanding, in a harsh whisper my girlfriend exclaimed, "They. Want. To. Have. Sex. With. Us. Do you understand?"
"No, it's not," my girlfriend returned, "Well, yes it is. And...yuck. But, that's what they mean by, 'party!' They want to swing!"
I maintained that they did not want to swing, but suggested that I would go bring them each a drink and say that we had decided to go to sleep, instead. I felt that it would be rude, in either case, to totally dip out on them.
Bringing the drinks to their room, I noticed that they already had the door propped open. I knocked and the guy of the two answered the door shirtless and it appeared that the girl must have been laying on the bed. I presented the two drinks and stated that, sorry, we have decided to turn in for the evening as my girlfriend was not feeling well. He accepted both the drinks and the apology saying it was a shame we couldn't, 'Party together."
No, buddy, it really wasn't a shame. Ugh!
6.) Massaging the Machine
This one is only strange because of the degree of apparent care that the person was taking in terms of doing what he was doing. I have noticed that many Keno players will tap upon their numbers on the screen while the game is in progress in hopes of...who the Hell knows?
On one occasion, I witnessed a gentleman lightly caressing his numbers as the game was in play, and then after the game was over, he would actually stand partially up and spend a few seconds rubbing the top of the maching, kneading it really, as though he was giving the machine a shoulder massage. I had to believe that this was something that the gentleman was only going to do on one occasion, but sure enough, he appeared to be doing it after every losing play. After any winning play, he would play again immediately, but continue to lightly caress the machine as the game was in progress.
I hope he hit a jackpot, eventually, otherwise he's going to have blisters on his fingers in addition to losing his money!
5.) Chasing His Losses
I have seen people often switch their position at the Craps Table, (including myself) but that is usually because they either want to be shooting from closer or farther away, moving away from someone who is smoking, politely moving away to smoke, or simply moving because a space has cleared that gives the person a little more room in general. The one thing that I have never seen is a person switch all over the place as some means of a playing (but not betting) system.
When a particular genetleman that I have observed has a side of the table to himself, every time a Pass Line bet wins, he will take his chips, smokes and everything and move on the next closer slot to the Stick than where he was standing before. He always starts in the spot closest to the dealer. When a particular pass Line bet loses after a Point is Established, he will return to a point closer to the Dealer than the Stick. He does not have to be shooting in order to take this action, he does it regardless of who is shooting provided his side of the table is empty.
If he is already as close to the Dealer as possible, then he will remain in that spot in the event of a loss. I have no idea what he thinks that this moving back and forth all over the place is supposed to accomplish. If anyone out there has any theories, I would like to hear them.
4.) Putting the BIG, 'O,' in Keno
There must be something correlating Keno to sexual acts, but I have no idea what that thing could be. I'm not going to go into much detail here, but in a really seedy bar with a parlor room, I walked in and observed two people engaging in sexual congress while the female of the two was playing a Keno game. She was wearing a skirt of some sort and the guy was behind her...I originally thought that he was grinding her over the clothes in a manner that would still be overtly disgusting in public, but then I noticed that his genitalia were exposed.
I obviously left immediately. Blah! I didn't even necessarily want to talk about that one, but it would be remiss for me to leave it off of the list!
3.) All-In In the Dark
I remember one episode of a recurring Poker show (of which I forget the name) in which the format was some sort of heads-up tournament. In any event, professional poker player Gus Hansen was just kind of screwing off (for one reason or another) and went all-in nearly every hand.
Actually, here, I found it:
Poker Superstars III and he went all-in in the dark twenty times consecutively!
Anyway, someone must have seen that episode and determined that should actually be considered a viable strategy...even at a full table. In fairness, I did not actually witness this, but it was related to me by a source credible enough that I 100% accept the truth of the tale:
At a full or nearly fall 2/5 No Limit Texas Hold 'Em Table, a gentleman was apparently buying in for $100 and going all-in in the dark on every single hand. After the nearly inevitable loss, he would pull out a nice crisp $100 bill and proceed to do the same thing again. As most of you are probably aware, with a nearly full table, someone is going to have something worth calling a $100, 'Dark,' hand on almost every hand that will describe AT LEAST one player. As a result, the only thing this strategy is viable for is losing $100 with great frequency.
The gentleman in question apparently took this action 10 times, and after losing ten consecutive hands ($1,000) he declared that, 'The cards just aren't running my way today,' and left the table. It is unknown to my friend who related this story whether or not the gentleman was intoxicated, but he did say that he did not visibly appear to be intoxicated, so he wasn't falling all over himself or anything. As would be expected, one of the other players snidely remarked, "Come back and play with us anytime!"
There is giving up and then there is REALLY giving up!
This particular event almost made first place, but after careful consideration, I decided to put it in second place. I walked into the main entrance at Wheeling Island on one occasion and observed a gentleman tossing change into the big waterfall/fountain that is almost as soon as you walk in the door. That in itself is not at all unusual, I often try to skip pennies over the water if I have any pennies on me, and would likely do the same thing when presented with any fountain or unclean body of water such as the Ohio River.
The peculiar aspect of what this gentleman was doing was that he was doing it with quarters...a LOT of them!
I approached the gentleman and inquired, "With all due respect, sir, what exactly in the Hell are you doing?"
His answer was essentially that he had come in with $40, and lost it, every day for the last fifteen days. He maintained that, in that span of time, he would normally have at least three or four winning days as he usually stopped if he hit $100. He said that he said to a friend (and pointed at the friend) that he would just take the $40, turn it into quarters, and throw them all into the fountain as that would save time. Laughing, he said that his friend VERY stupidly bet him $100 that he would not actually do that.
What occurred to the gentleman and not the friend is that the gentleman could straight up trade $40 for $100 this way. After the gentleman gleefully accepted the bet, the friend realized what had occurred and tried to recant the offer, but the gentleman held him to his proposed bet, because he had been serious when he proposed it. The gentleman stated that, as his friend watched, he was throwing the quarters one at a time so that there could be no argument that 160 quarters had been tossed into the water.
I approached the friend, who certainly did not have a pleased expression, and said, "I'll give you a discount: You can bet me $100 that I won't throw $80 into the fountain and I'll take you up on it!"
Saying nothing, the friend simply rolled his eyes at me.
I hate to end on a note that is beyond absurd, but that is exactly what we are going to do here. While at the Rivers Casino in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, I was playing Spin Poker at five Lines $0.05/Line very slowly while waiting for an Ultimate X machine that I knew to have available multipliers on quarters to open up.
While waiting, I observed a visibly intoxicated patron at the bar who was continuing to down draft beers while, apparently, either playing bartop Video Poker or Video Keno. Eventually, the older gentleman simply slipped out of his chair and onto the floor. The bartender had clearly observed what had happened, and I hurriedly went over to help the gentleman up as he was having some trouble finding his feet.
After getting the gentleman off of the floor and back to his seat, I noticed that he was Max betting on Video Poker for dollars.
Shame on you if you fall once, shame on the casino if you fall twice.
The gentleman thanked me for the assistance and continued to play. About five minutes and half a beer later, the gentleman again slid out of his chair and collapsed on the floor. In almost an exact repeat, I got up and helped the gentleman back into his chair. While the casino did not serve the guy any more beer after that, I suggested that maybe the bartender should consider taking away the rest of the beer that he had, and perhaps, give the guy a glass of water.
"I'll get him a water," the bartender replied, "But, I'm not taking away a beer that was already paid for."
"You're not going to serve him anything else, are you?"
The thing that I can't stand about myself is that I cannot fail to help in a situation such as this one, which sometimes causes me to be somewhere longer than originally planned. After pleading with the guy not to drink anymore beer, I finally convinced him to ask the bartender to dump the rest of his beer out. I then sat at the bar myself and overpaid for two beers and waited for two hours until I believed that the guy in question had essentially regained his faculties. He swore to me (at my behest) that he was not driving and had, in fact, not even driven there to begin with. He said that he took a cab there and was also taking a cab back.
In that two hours, the guy lost at least $500.