Finish this gambling limerick

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August 14th, 2018 at 7:26:36 AM permalink

Quote: Mosca
There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’

I dunno, I gotta get my day moving, it’s already 10AM here and I’ve wasted 3 hours screwing around.

Mosca,

How about this?

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’
She did not know B.S.
So she just had to guess
Among splittin', standin', or hittin'.

Dog "Longfellow" Hand

Joeman

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August 14th, 2018 at 7:29:15 AM permalink

Quote: Mosca
There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’

She looked down to find there
A nice pocket pair,
And said, "That fishy's stack I'll be gettin'!"

"Dealer has 'rock'... Pay 'paper!'"

odiousgambit

odiousgambit

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August 14th, 2018 at 7:35:39 AM permalink

Quote: Mosca
There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’

I dunno, I gotta get my day moving, it’s already 10AM here and I’ve wasted 3 hours screwing around.

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’
cuz her face was so sad
[her luck ran really bad]
Everyone thought her knickers weren't fittin'

btw,
https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=1-hyW6vrCubbjwTojInACw&q=british+slang+knickers&oq=british+slang+knickers&gs_l=psy-ab.13..0j0i22i30k1l2.2187.8440.0.10706.24.18.0.0.0.0.1072.1914.6-1j1.2.0....0...1.1.64.psy-ab..22.2.1913....0.MqCUkqJONXA

the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder

rxwine

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August 14th, 2018 at 9:13:03 AM permalink

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’
She held the best pair
On the front of her chest
And it got all the dealer's attention.

There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.

Romes

Romes

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August 14th, 2018 at 9:25:52 AM permalink

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin'
She refused to big bet
Took a ton of house edge
And all of the ploppies were smitten

Playing it correctly means you've already won.

beachbumbabs

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August 14th, 2018 at 10:16:24 AM permalink

This is fun, Mosca! Not to stop the first one, but here's another start to work with.

There was a young girl from Decatur
Who asked the casino to rate her

If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.

Joeman

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August 14th, 2018 at 10:20:05 AM permalink

Quote: beachbumbabs
There was a young girl from Decatur
Who asked the casino to rate her

The boss said, "Let's see,
You look OK to me.
I'd say you're a seven or eighter."

"Dealer has 'rock'... Pay 'paper!'"

beachbumbabs

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August 14th, 2018 at 10:20:11 AM permalink

Quote: Romes
There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin'
She refused to big bet
Took a ton of house edge
And all of the ploppies were smitten

I like your last line. Steal!

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin'
Her spread was her legs
While chippies she begs
And all of the ploppies were smitten

If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.

Ayecarumba

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August 14th, 2018 at 10:37:11 AM permalink

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’
She meant to just call
But did lose it all
Motion counts, the Floor isn’t kiddin’

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication - Leonardo da Vinci

AxelWolf

AxelWolf

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August 14th, 2018 at 10:39:06 AM permalink

No one came up with addicted/addiction, sh*ttin and pissin? I assume we have all heard the stories.

♪♪Now you swear and kick and beg us That you're not a gamblin' man Then you find you're back in Vegas With a handle in your hand♪♪ Your black cards can make you money So you hide them when you're able In the land of casinos and money You must put them on the table♪♪ You go back Jack do it again roulette wheels turinin' 'round and 'round♪♪ You go back Jack do it again♪♪

Mission146

Mission146

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August 14th, 2018 at 10:41:53 AM permalink

Quote: Ayecarumba
There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’
She meant to just call
But did lose it all
Motion counts, the Floor isn’t kiddin’

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin',
But why can't you see,
If you don't drop the, 'G.';
These rhymes simply wouldn't be hittin'?

https://wizardofvegas.com/forum/off-topic/gripes/11182-pet-peeves/120/#post815219

Ayecarumba

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August 14th, 2018 at 10:43:13 AM permalink

There was a young girl from Decatur
Who asked the casino to rate her
Red chip the bet size
But a pair of big eyes
No room, but I’ll send you a waiter

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication - Leonardo da Vinci

Face
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Face

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August 14th, 2018 at 10:49:28 AM permalink

There was a young girl from Decatur
Who asked the casino to rate her
Too much they would give
The casino wouldn't live
So they tossed that bish in with the gators.

The opinions of this moderator are for entertainment purposes only.

Mission146

Mission146

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August 14th, 2018 at 10:57:12 AM permalink

Quote: Face
There was a young girl from Decatur
Who asked the casino to rate her
Too much they would give
The casino wouldn't live
So they tossed that bish in with the gators.

There was a young girl from Decatur,
Who asked the casino to rate her,
But much to their dread,
She was way way ahead;
Pit boss said, "I might do it later."

https://wizardofvegas.com/forum/off-topic/gripes/11182-pet-peeves/120/#post815219

Mission146

Mission146

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August 14th, 2018 at 11:31:07 AM permalink

You guys know, traditionally, limericks should be slightly inappropriate, right?

There was a young girl from Decatur,
Who asked the casino to rate her,
“I will not acquiesce,
‘Til you lift up your dress;
And show me what I’m eating later.”

(Post pre-approved by OD, though he said he didn’t know if Wizard or BBB might have something to say about it.)

https://wizardofvegas.com/forum/off-topic/gripes/11182-pet-peeves/120/#post815219

OnceDear

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August 14th, 2018 at 11:48:17 AM permalink

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’,
She had curly hair,
And a nice perfect pair,
You could see 'cos her blouse was tight fittin'

Psalm 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion.

Face
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Face

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August 14th, 2018 at 11:52:12 AM permalink

Quote: Mission146
You guys know, traditionally, limericks should be slightly inappropriate, right?

There was a young girl from Decatur,
Who asked the casino to rate her,
She thought she'd get somethin
Pit said "We owe nothin!"
So the boss was invited to felate her

The opinions of this moderator are for entertainment purposes only.

Ayecarumba

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August 14th, 2018 at 12:17:47 PM permalink

Quote: Face
There was a young girl from Decatur,
Who asked the casino to rate her,
She thought she'd get somethin
Pit said "We owe nothin!"
So the boss was invited to felate her

Haha.. Face’s writing just cracks me up. I imagine him writing a children’s book titled, “Dr. Face’s Redacted Book of Poems”

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication - Leonardo da Vinci

DRich

DRich

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August 14th, 2018 at 12:21:25 PM permalink

There was a young man in the basement
Who moved from New York to Las Vegas
The heat and Chinese decks ran so bad
The money shoe was now empty for the lad
Time to move back in with Mom and Dad

At my age, a "Life In Prison" sentence is not much of a deterrent.

OnceDear

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Posts: 7477

Joined: Jun 1, 2014

August 14th, 2018 at 12:35:01 PM permalink

Quote: DRich
There was a young man in the basement
Who moved from New York to Las Vegas
The heat and Chinese decks ran so bad
The money shoe was now empty for the lad
Time to move back in with Mom and Dad

1 day suspension for an insult to poetry*. Dammit man, none of that scanned and the fifth line has to rhyme with the first in a limerick.

no, not really. Not even for the thinly disguised sleight

Psalm 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion.

DRich

DRich

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Posts: 11727

Joined: Jul 6, 2012

August 14th, 2018 at 12:49:38 PM permalink

Quote: OnceDear
1 day suspension for an insult to poetry*. Dammit man, none of that scanned and the fifth line has to rhyme with the first in a limerick.

no, not really. Not even for the thinly disguised sleight

Sorry, I am a computer nerd. I know nothing about the liberal arts.

At my age, a "Life In Prison" sentence is not much of a deterrent.

Mosca

Mosca

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August 14th, 2018 at 1:11:14 PM permalink

A young man from Pittsburgh did say,
“The odds? They don’t matter, just play!
He bet all his hunches,
Lost money in bunches,
And now he cleans up the buffet.

A falling knife has no handle.

rxwine

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August 14th, 2018 at 1:49:26 PM permalink

Quote: beachbumbabs
This is fun, Mosca! Not to stop the first one, but here's another start to work with.

There was a young girl from Decatur
Who asked the casino to rate her
They said she was good
Too good for these hoods
So they released a gator who ate her.

There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.

rxwine

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August 14th, 2018 at 2:09:10 PM permalink

A young man from Pittsburgh did say,
“The odds? They don’t matter, just play!
He says he wins money
but something is funny
and he never has time to convey

There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.

rxwine

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Posts: 12220

Joined: Feb 28, 2010

August 14th, 2018 at 2:25:21 PM permalink

For anyone

There once was a player named Dan
Who played all the games with one hand

There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.

OnceDear

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August 14th, 2018 at 2:49:59 PM permalink

There once was a player named Dan
Who played all the games with one hand
It seemed a neat trick,
t'other hand on his 61ck.
I wouldn't shake hands with that man.

Psalm 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion.

beachbumbabs

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August 14th, 2018 at 5:01:08 PM permalink

Another start...you guys are really good at this!

There once was a guy from Belair
Who bet it all red on a dare

If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.

OnceDear

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Joined: Jun 1, 2014

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August 14th, 2018 at 5:06:44 PM permalink

There once was a guy from Belair
Who bet it all red on a dare
Plink Plink "13 black"
A smile he did crack
"Wife's money and so I don't care."

Psalm 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion.

beachbumbabs

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August 14th, 2018 at 5:07:46 PM permalink

Quote: rxwine
For anyone

There once was a player named Dan
Who played all the games with one hand

There once was a player named Dan
Who played all the games with one hand
The other would tap
On a bulge in his lap
Til his signaling got him a ban

Last edited by: beachbumbabs on Aug 15, 2018

If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.

CrystalMath

CrystalMath

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August 14th, 2018 at 5:11:13 PM permalink

Quote: beachbumbabs
Another start...you guys are really good at this!

There once was a guy from Belair
Who bet it all red on a dare

There once was a guy from Belair
Who bet it all red on a dare
He lost the whole ten
And now he’ll be dead
‘Cause he still has overgrown hair

I heart Crystal Math.

OnceDear

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Posts: 7477

Joined: Jun 1, 2014

August 14th, 2018 at 5:11:47 PM permalink

Quote: beachbumbabs
The other would tap
On a bulge in his lap
Til his signaling got him a ban

Ohhhh cheeky :o)

Psalm 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion.

Ayecarumba

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August 14th, 2018 at 6:27:55 PM permalink

Quote: rxwine
For anyone

There once was a player named Dan
Who played all the games with one hand

There once was a player named Dan
Who played all the games with one hand
Past post and Pinch
He thought it a cinch
Til the backroom then six feet of sand

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication - Leonardo da Vinci

Ayecarumba

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Posts: 6763

Joined: Nov 17, 2009

August 14th, 2018 at 6:40:45 PM permalink

Quote: beachbumbabs
Another start...you guys are really good at this!

There once was a guy from Belair
Who bet it all red on a dare

There once was a guy from Belair
Who bet it all red on a dare
Snipes said, “Bet on black”
“We’ll get something back”
But the green slots a new one would tear

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication - Leonardo da Vinci

rxwine

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August 14th, 2018 at 8:36:10 PM permalink

There once was a guy from Belair
Who bet it all red on a dare
His color came in
He bet it again
And left with nothing but air

Last edited by: rxwine on Aug 14, 2018

There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.

DogHand

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August 14th, 2018 at 8:49:19 PM permalink

Quote: rxwine
For anyone

There once was a player named Dan
Who played all the games with one hand

Whilst the other unzipped,
The pit critters all flipped,
And that's why Dan has been banned.

Dog "Shakespeare" Hand

Joeman

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August 15th, 2018 at 5:55:10 AM permalink

New day, new limerick...

There was an old man from the mountain
Who thought he'd get rich with his countin'

"Dealer has 'rock'... Pay 'paper!'"

DogHand

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August 15th, 2018 at 8:04:37 AM permalink

Quote: Joeman
New day, new limerick...

There was an old man from the mountain
Who thought he'd get rich with his countin'

Bellagio swore
"Show that bastard the door!"
Then the guards chucked him into the fountain.

Dog "T.S. Eliot" Hand

onenickelmiracle

onenickelmiracle

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August 15th, 2018 at 12:34:17 PM permalink

Quote: DRich
There was a young man in the basement
Who moved from New York to Las Vegas
The heat and Chinese decks ran so bad
The money shoe was now empty for the lad
Time to move back in with Mom and Dad

We need an "OH, SNAP!" button.

I am a robot.

beachbumbabs

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Posts: 14265

Joined: May 21, 2013

August 15th, 2018 at 4:31:54 PM permalink

Quote: DogHand

There was an old man from the mountain
Who thought he'd get rich with his countin'
Bellagio swore
"Show that bastard the door!"
Then the guards chucked him into the fountain.

Dog "T.S. Eliot" Hand

This is so perfect I think it killed the thread!

Just in case we need another start...

There once was a guy from Kentucky
Who came to the Strip to get lucky

* keep it PG...

If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.

DogHand

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Posts: 1528

Joined: Sep 24, 2011

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August 15th, 2018 at 4:47:28 PM permalink

Quote: beachbumbabs
This is so perfect I think it killed the thread!

Just in case we need another start...

There once was a guy from Kentucky
Who came to the Strip to get lucky

* keep it PG...

There once was a guy from Kentucky,
Who came to the Strip to get lucky,
He got a young hooker,
And finally took 'er,
But found the experience yucky.

Dog "Wadsworth" Hand

Joeman