Mosca
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August 14th, 2018 at 7:17:24 AM permalink
There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’


I dunno, I gotta get my day moving, it’s already 10AM here and I’ve wasted 3 hours screwing around.
A falling knife has no handle.
DogHand
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JoemanMoscaRigondeauxCrystalMathodiousgambit
August 14th, 2018 at 7:26:36 AM permalink
Quote: Mosca

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’


I dunno, I gotta get my day moving, it’s already 10AM here and I’ve wasted 3 hours screwing around.



Mosca,

How about this?

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’
She did not know B.S.
So she just had to guess
Among splittin', standin', or hittin'.

Dog "Longfellow" Hand
Joeman
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August 14th, 2018 at 7:29:15 AM permalink
Quote: Mosca

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’

She looked down to find there
A nice pocket pair,
And said, "That fishy's stack I'll be gettin'!"
"Dealer has 'rock'... Pay 'paper!'"
odiousgambit
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August 14th, 2018 at 7:35:39 AM permalink
Quote: Mosca

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’


I dunno, I gotta get my day moving, it’s already 10AM here and I’ve wasted 3 hours screwing around.



There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’
cuz her face was so sad
[her luck ran really bad]
Everyone thought her knickers weren't fittin'

btw,
https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=1-hyW6vrCubbjwTojInACw&q=british+slang+knickers&oq=british+slang+knickers&gs_l=psy-ab.13..0j0i22i30k1l2.2187.8440.0.10706.24.18.0.0.0.0.1072.1914.6-1j1.2.0....0...1.1.64.psy-ab..22.2.1913....0.MqCUkqJONXA
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!”   She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
rxwine
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August 14th, 2018 at 9:13:03 AM permalink
There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’
She held the best pair
On the front of her chest
And it got all the dealer's attention.
There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.
Romes
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August 14th, 2018 at 9:25:52 AM permalink
There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin'
She refused to big bet
Took a ton of house edge
And all of the ploppies were smitten
Playing it correctly means you've already won.
beachbumbabs
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August 14th, 2018 at 10:16:24 AM permalink
This is fun, Mosca! Not to stop the first one, but here's another start to work with.

There was a young girl from Decatur
Who asked the casino to rate her
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
Joeman
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August 14th, 2018 at 10:20:05 AM permalink
Quote: beachbumbabs

There was a young girl from Decatur
Who asked the casino to rate her

The boss said, "Let's see,
You look OK to me.
I'd say you're a seven or eighter."
"Dealer has 'rock'... Pay 'paper!'"
beachbumbabs
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August 14th, 2018 at 10:20:11 AM permalink
Quote: Romes

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin'
She refused to big bet
Took a ton of house edge
And all of the ploppies were smitten



I like your last line. Steal!


There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin'
Her spread was her legs
While chippies she begs
And all of the ploppies were smitten
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
Ayecarumba
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August 14th, 2018 at 10:37:11 AM permalink
There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’
She meant to just call
But did lose it all
Motion counts, the Floor isn’t kiddin’
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication - Leonardo da Vinci
AxelWolf
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August 14th, 2018 at 10:39:06 AM permalink
No one came up with addicted/addiction, sh*ttin and pissin? I assume we have all heard the stories.
♪♪Now you swear and kick and beg us That you're not a gamblin' man Then you find you're back in Vegas With a handle in your hand♪♪ Your black cards can make you money So you hide them when you're able In the land of casinos and money You must put them on the table♪♪ You go back Jack do it again roulette wheels turinin' 'round and 'round♪♪ You go back Jack do it again♪♪
Mission146
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August 14th, 2018 at 10:41:53 AM permalink
Quote: Ayecarumba

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’
She meant to just call
But did lose it all
Motion counts, the Floor isn’t kiddin’



There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin',
But why can't you see,
If you don't drop the, 'G.';
These rhymes simply wouldn't be hittin'?
https://wizardofvegas.com/forum/off-topic/gripes/11182-pet-peeves/120/#post815219
Ayecarumba
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August 14th, 2018 at 10:43:13 AM permalink
There was a young girl from Decatur
Who asked the casino to rate her
Red chip the bet size
But a pair of big eyes
No room, but I’ll send you a waiter
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication - Leonardo da Vinci
Face
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August 14th, 2018 at 10:49:28 AM permalink
There was a young girl from Decatur
Who asked the casino to rate her
Too much they would give
The casino wouldn't live
So they tossed that bish in with the gators.
The opinions of this moderator are for entertainment purposes only.
Mission146
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August 14th, 2018 at 10:57:12 AM permalink
Quote: Face

There was a young girl from Decatur
Who asked the casino to rate her
Too much they would give
The casino wouldn't live
So they tossed that bish in with the gators.



There was a young girl from Decatur,
Who asked the casino to rate her,
But much to their dread,
She was way way ahead;
Pit boss said, "I might do it later."
https://wizardofvegas.com/forum/off-topic/gripes/11182-pet-peeves/120/#post815219
Mission146
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CrystalMathodiousgambitbeachbumbabsgordonm888
August 14th, 2018 at 11:31:07 AM permalink
You guys know, traditionally, limericks should be slightly inappropriate, right?

There was a young girl from Decatur,
Who asked the casino to rate her,
“I will not acquiesce,
‘Til you lift up your dress;
And show me what I’m eating later.”

(Post pre-approved by OD, though he said he didn’t know if Wizard or BBB might have something to say about it.)
https://wizardofvegas.com/forum/off-topic/gripes/11182-pet-peeves/120/#post815219
OnceDear
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August 14th, 2018 at 11:48:17 AM permalink
There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’,
She had curly hair,
And a nice perfect pair,
You could see 'cos her blouse was tight fittin'
Psalm 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion.
Face
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Face
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August 14th, 2018 at 11:52:12 AM permalink
Quote: Mission146

You guys know, traditionally, limericks should be slightly inappropriate, right?



There was a young girl from Decatur,
Who asked the casino to rate her,
She thought she'd get somethin
Pit said "We owe nothin!"
So the boss was invited to felate her
The opinions of this moderator are for entertainment purposes only.
Ayecarumba
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August 14th, 2018 at 12:17:47 PM permalink
Quote: Face

There was a young girl from Decatur,
Who asked the casino to rate her,
She thought she'd get somethin
Pit said "We owe nothin!"
So the boss was invited to felate her



Haha.. Face’s writing just cracks me up. I imagine him writing a children’s book titled, “Dr. Face’s Redacted Book of Poems”
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication - Leonardo da Vinci
DRich
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August 14th, 2018 at 12:21:25 PM permalink
There was a young man in the basement
Who moved from New York to Las Vegas
The heat and Chinese decks ran so bad
The money shoe was now empty for the lad
Time to move back in with Mom and Dad
At my age, a "Life In Prison" sentence is not much of a deterrent.
OnceDear
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August 14th, 2018 at 12:35:01 PM permalink
Quote: DRich

There was a young man in the basement
Who moved from New York to Las Vegas
The heat and Chinese decks ran so bad
The money shoe was now empty for the lad
Time to move back in with Mom and Dad



1 day suspension for an insult to poetry*. Dammit man, none of that scanned and the fifth line has to rhyme with the first in a limerick.

no, not really. Not even for the thinly disguised sleight
Psalm 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion.
DRich
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August 14th, 2018 at 12:49:38 PM permalink
Quote: OnceDear

1 day suspension for an insult to poetry*. Dammit man, none of that scanned and the fifth line has to rhyme with the first in a limerick.

no, not really. Not even for the thinly disguised sleight



Sorry, I am a computer nerd. I know nothing about the liberal arts.
At my age, a "Life In Prison" sentence is not much of a deterrent.
Mosca
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August 14th, 2018 at 1:11:14 PM permalink
A young man from Pittsburgh did say,
“The odds? They don’t matter, just play!
He bet all his hunches,
Lost money in bunches,
And now he cleans up the buffet.
A falling knife has no handle.
rxwine
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odiousgambitMission146MoscaJoeman
August 14th, 2018 at 1:49:26 PM permalink
Quote: beachbumbabs

This is fun, Mosca! Not to stop the first one, but here's another start to work with.



There was a young girl from Decatur
Who asked the casino to rate her
They said she was good
Too good for these hoods
So they released a gator who ate her.
There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.
rxwine
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Mission146CrystalMathMosca
August 14th, 2018 at 2:09:10 PM permalink
A young man from Pittsburgh did say,
“The odds? They don’t matter, just play!
He says he wins money
but something is funny
and he never has time to convey
There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.
rxwine
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August 14th, 2018 at 2:25:21 PM permalink
For anyone

There once was a player named Dan
Who played all the games with one hand
There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.
OnceDear
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August 14th, 2018 at 2:49:59 PM permalink
There once was a player named Dan
Who played all the games with one hand
It seemed a neat trick,
t'other hand on his 61ck.
I wouldn't shake hands with that man.
Psalm 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion.
beachbumbabs
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August 14th, 2018 at 5:01:08 PM permalink
Another start...you guys are really good at this!


There once was a guy from Belair
Who bet it all red on a dare
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
OnceDear
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Mosca
August 14th, 2018 at 5:06:44 PM permalink
There once was a guy from Belair
Who bet it all red on a dare
Plink Plink "13 black"
A smile he did crack
"Wife's money and so I don't care."
Psalm 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion.
beachbumbabs
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Moscarxwine
August 14th, 2018 at 5:07:46 PM permalink
Quote: rxwine

For anyone

There once was a player named Dan
Who played all the games with one hand



There once was a player named Dan
Who played all the games with one hand
The other would tap
On a bulge in his lap
Til his signaling got him a ban
Last edited by: beachbumbabs on Aug 15, 2018
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
CrystalMath
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beachbumbabs
August 14th, 2018 at 5:11:13 PM permalink
Quote: beachbumbabs

Another start...you guys are really good at this!


There once was a guy from Belair
Who bet it all red on a dare



There once was a guy from Belair
Who bet it all red on a dare
He lost the whole ten
And now he’ll be dead
‘Cause he still has overgrown hair
I heart Crystal Math.
OnceDear
OnceDear
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Joined: Jun 1, 2014
August 14th, 2018 at 5:11:47 PM permalink
Quote: beachbumbabs

The other would tap
On a bulge in his lap
Til his signaling got him a ban

Ohhhh cheeky :o)
Psalm 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion.
Ayecarumba
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August 14th, 2018 at 6:27:55 PM permalink
Quote: rxwine

For anyone

There once was a player named Dan
Who played all the games with one hand



There once was a player named Dan
Who played all the games with one hand
Past post and Pinch
He thought it a cinch
Til the backroom then six feet of sand
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication - Leonardo da Vinci
Ayecarumba
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August 14th, 2018 at 6:40:45 PM permalink
Quote: beachbumbabs

Another start...you guys are really good at this!


There once was a guy from Belair
Who bet it all red on a dare



There once was a guy from Belair
Who bet it all red on a dare
Snipes said, “Bet on black”
“We’ll get something back”
But the green slots a new one would tear
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication - Leonardo da Vinci
rxwine
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August 14th, 2018 at 8:36:10 PM permalink
There once was a guy from Belair
Who bet it all red on a dare
His color came in
He bet it again
And left with nothing but air
Last edited by: rxwine on Aug 14, 2018
There's no secret. Just know what you're talking about before you open your mouth.
DogHand
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August 14th, 2018 at 8:49:19 PM permalink
Quote: rxwine

For anyone

There once was a player named Dan
Who played all the games with one hand



Whilst the other unzipped,
The pit critters all flipped,
And that's why Dan has been banned.

Dog "Shakespeare" Hand
Joeman
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Mosca
August 15th, 2018 at 5:55:10 AM permalink
New day, new limerick...

There was an old man from the mountain
Who thought he'd get rich with his countin'
"Dealer has 'rock'... Pay 'paper!'"
DogHand
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JoemanOnceDearCrystalMathbeachbumbabsMoscarxwineodiousgambit
August 15th, 2018 at 8:04:37 AM permalink
Quote: Joeman

New day, new limerick...

There was an old man from the mountain
Who thought he'd get rich with his countin'



Bellagio swore
"Show that bastard the door!"
Then the guards chucked him into the fountain.

Dog "T.S. Eliot" Hand
onenickelmiracle
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August 15th, 2018 at 12:34:17 PM permalink
Quote: DRich

There was a young man in the basement
Who moved from New York to Las Vegas
The heat and Chinese decks ran so bad
The money shoe was now empty for the lad
Time to move back in with Mom and Dad


We need an "OH, SNAP!" button.
I am a robot.
beachbumbabs
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August 15th, 2018 at 4:31:54 PM permalink
Quote: DogHand


There was an old man from the mountain
Who thought he'd get rich with his countin'
Bellagio swore
"Show that bastard the door!"
Then the guards chucked him into the fountain.

Dog "T.S. Eliot" Hand



This is so perfect I think it killed the thread!

Just in case we need another start...

There once was a guy from Kentucky
Who came to the Strip to get lucky

* keep it PG...
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
DogHand
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August 15th, 2018 at 4:47:28 PM permalink
Quote: beachbumbabs

This is so perfect I think it killed the thread!

Just in case we need another start...

There once was a guy from Kentucky
Who came to the Strip to get lucky

* keep it PG...



There once was a guy from Kentucky,
Who came to the Strip to get lucky,
He got a young hooker,
And finally took 'er,
But found the experience yucky.

Dog "Wadsworth" Hand
Joeman
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August 16th, 2018 at 5:48:23 AM permalink
Quote: beachbumbabs

This is so perfect I think it killed the thread!

Just in case we need another start...

There once was a guy from Kentucky
Who came to the Strip to get lucky

* keep it PG...



There once was a guy from Kentucky,
Who came to the Strip to get lucky,
But the hooker who stole
The whole of his roll
Sent him home with not even a buckie!
"Dealer has 'rock'... Pay 'paper!'"
Lovecomps
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odiousgambit
August 17th, 2018 at 5:56:58 PM permalink
Quote: Mosca

There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’


I dunno, I gotta get my day moving, it’s already 10AM here and I’ve wasted 3 hours screwing around.



There was a young lady from Britian
Who at a card table was sittin'
She had the math beat,
So she thought in her seat,
But in the end a check had to be written.



I thought that I'd go with the original post :-)
The best things in life are not free.
gordonm888
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August 17th, 2018 at 6:03:54 PM permalink
There was a young lady from Britain,
Who at a card table was sittin’
On each thigh she'd tatoo'ed
A card with a two
And announced "That's a pair I'll be splittin' "
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
CrystalMath
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beachbumbabs
August 17th, 2018 at 6:17:23 PM permalink
Quote: beachbumbabs

This is fun, Mosca! Not to stop the first one, but here's another start to work with.

There was a young girl from Decatur
Who asked the casino to rate her


After a bottle of wine
You’ll be a nine
You can blow on my dice a bit later
I heart Crystal Math.
Lovecomps
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August 17th, 2018 at 6:26:26 PM permalink
I once knew of a really loose slot
And it always did paid out a lot
The pit boss found out
And ripped the thing out
And sent it to the junkyard to rot.
The best things in life are not free.
gordonm888
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gordonm888
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August 18th, 2018 at 7:53:39 AM permalink
Here's a new starter:

This is just one of those zany facts
There once was a forum of Brainiacs
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
MrV
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August 18th, 2018 at 8:00:18 AM permalink
This is just one of those zany facts
There once was a forum of Brainiacs
They'd dither and fret
As to the best way to bet
Mods jumped in to quell the attacks
"What, me worry?"
gordonm888
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gordonm888
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August 18th, 2018 at 12:21:29 PM permalink
How about this:

This is just one of those zany facts
There once was a forum of Brainiacs
They're a Math Hall of Fame
But when they play Coop Game
They start foaming and fighting like maniacs.
Last edited by: gordonm888 on Aug 18, 2018
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
onenickelmiracle
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August 18th, 2018 at 1:21:19 PM permalink
This is just one of those zany facts
There once was a forum of Brainiacs
You tell a blueberry it's blue
You tell fools it's can't be true
Kentry wants to cry, why can't I be you too?
I am a robot.
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