Gambling Aphorisms Collection

Please limit to only aphorisms about gambling (not about women, sex, or money unless they also have gambling). If you write your own, then give yourself credit.

1) Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something. ~Wilson Mizner

2) The subject of gambling is all encompassing. It combines man's natural play instinct with his desire to know about his fate and his future. ~Franz Rosenthal, Gambling in Islam, 1975

3) The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. ~Kin Hubbard

4) The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice is so pleasurable, that I assume it must be evil. ~Heywood Broun

5) Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed. ~Mark Twain

5) Dear Lord, help me to break even. I need the money. ~Author Unknown

6) Casinos and prostitutes have the same thing in common; they are both trying to screw you out of your money and send you home with a smile on you face. ~VP Pappy

7) Horse sense is a good judgment which keeps horses from betting on people. ~W.C. Fields

8) The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. ~Ambrose Bierce

9) Casinos embrace table limits, because the last thing a casino owner wants to do is gamble. ~Paco

No one can win at roulette unless you steal money from the table when the croupier is not looking. ~Albert Einstein

Whenever a casino offers a bet for less than the table minimum, ask yourself "Why?" ~DJ Teddy Bear

Marriage is a lot like poker. It starts off with two hearts and a big diamond. In the end you're looking for a club and a spade. ~Author Unknown

"I'm gambling away my children's inheritance" --- bumper sticker

One of the favorite books on my shelf is The Quotable Gambler by Paul Lyons. Among the quotes on the back cover:

"Going to the bathroom during a poker or dice game is a mistake. You might miss a hot hand worth a hundred thousand, and nothing in the bathroom is worth that much." -- Nick "The Greek" Dandalos

"PLAYED FIVE ACES - NOW PLAYING A HARP" -- Cheater's Tombstone

"I cheat my boys every chance I get. I want to make 'em sharp." -- William Avery Rockefeller

Quote: MrV

"I'm gambling away my children's inheritance" --- bumper sticker

I saw a guy in Vegas lose his kids 40K college
fund playing roulette. He was talking about it
to his friends and how worried he was if his
wife found out before he could replace it. He
also railed on and on about how the casino
cheated him and he'd never be back. Right...

No reasonable man objects to paying for his mistakes. There are no preferred creditors
in mistake-making and no exceptions or exemptions. But I object to losing money when
I am right. I do not mean, either, those deals that have cost me money because of sudden
changes in the rules of some particular exchange. I have in mind certain hazards of
speculation that from time to time remind a man that no profit should be counted safe
until it is deposited in your bank to your credit.

-- REMINISCENCES OF A STOCK OPERATOR by Edwin LeFevre The Sun Dial Press, Inc. Garden City, New York Copyright 1923, by George H. Doran Company

If you must play, decide upon three things at the start: the rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time. ~Chinese Proverb


In every bet there is a fool and a thief. ~Proverb

Kerry Packer was one of the biggest whales of all time, and the richest Australian in the world before he died. One of the VPs from the MGM personally flew to Australia to inform Packer that he'd been banned from the casino after he left the Baccarat tables thirty-three million dollars richer than when he'd sat down.

Anyhow, Packer was also a big poker player, and liked to play in poker tournaments in Las Vegas. At one tournament, a wealthy Texan who didn't know who Packer was bragged that he was worth sixty million dollars. Packer took a quarter out of his pocket, and said, "Flip you for it."

Not quite as pithy as other quotes in this thread, but still one of my favorites. If you want an actual aphorism, though, I'll go with Victor Bethell: "A gambler without a system is as a ship without a compass." Might make a good sig for somebody.

I am also a huge fan of the Wizard's sig: "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, only whether you had a good bet."

Quote: heather

One of the VPs from the MGM personally flew to Australia to inform Packer that he'd been banned from the casino after he left the Baccarat tables thirty-three million dollars richer than when he'd sat down.

This sounds like an urban legend. A casino would never
pay for a ticket to Australia and back just to tell somebody
they're banned. And they'd want their money back, they
could always ban him if started winning again.

I read the story in Lyle Stuart on Baccarat. I do tend to trust Stuart, although I guess you never know. He did mention specific people who got fired over the $33 million win, which was well-documented in the media. FWIW, the "flip you for it" is from The New Gambler's Bible, if I recall correctly.

Quote: heather

I read the story in Lyle Stuart on Baccarat. I do tend to trust Stuart, although I guess you never know. He did mention specific people who got fired over the $33 million win, which was well-documented in the media. FWIW, the "flip you for it" is from The New Gambler's Bible, if I recall correctly.

He did lose 33mil at MGM, but I can't verify they banned
him. Casinos he never even played at banned him because
they were terrified. The coin flip story has several versions
out there, which is true is anybodies guess.

"I got promoted and started making twice as much money, so I figured I should learn how to gamble. Makes sense, right?" -- Told to me by some woman at the craps table, and she was serious.

Win if you can, Lose if you must, but always CHEAT

Quote: EvenBob

I saw a guy in Vegas lose his kids 40K college fund playing roulette. He was talking about it to his friends and how worried he was if his wife found out before he could replace it. He also railed on and on about how the casino cheated him and he'd never be back. Right...

I think you need to look up the meaning of aphorism. It is allowed to be serious, but it has to be pithy.

There is no such thing as "social gambling." Either you are there to cut the other bloke's heart out and eat it -- or you're a sucker. If you don't like this choice -- don't gamble. -- Robert A. Heinlein, Notebooks of Lazarus