Quote: kpThere is not much you can do with someone who believes sex should only be for procreation, and then only in the missionary position, on Mondays, at 9pm.
....with the lights off and eyes closed, and no condom. And then pray for forgiveness next Sunday for your sinful indulgence.
Well, I agree. If they are willing.Quote: kpThis is a good area where you can try and change the other person if it's a case of being educated vs. preferences and outlook. You can take an inexperienced lover and train them to your desires.
Yes if the sex wasn't great why would I want to live with that for the rest of my life?Quote: boymimboThat said, would you discard a partner if they had every single other quality that you wanted but wasn't great in bed? This comes after stating that "you don't need anything from someone else". Well apparently you need great sex.
Again, I think you are confusing the terms NEED and WANT. If I am going to commit myself to one person for the rest of my life there are certain things that I really want them to have. Why would I just take anything? It's like saying if you don't need anyone or anything then why have friends? I have friends cuz I enjoy hanging out with them. And I'm not going to hang out with friends who are back-stabbing or trash talkers, etc. I have standards.Quote: boymimboIf you don't need anything from someone else, then why have a partner at all. What's the point? You list all of these great qualities that you want your partner to have, yet you don't need anything from him? You kind of are setting yourself up to try to obtain something that's not attainable.... a partner with great qualities but who you don't need. What about his needs?
Well, all I have to say is that there was one time in my life where I had mind-blowing sex. I had never experienced anything like it before. It was so incredible that it made me weep. Literally. And it wasn't even someone I was in love with. Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that I will never forget that experience and how I felt. I had never felt that way about sex with someone before and didn't know it could be that amazing. Now, I don't expect my future mate to be exactly like that but I'll tell you what, after having experienced that there is no way in hell I will settle for sub-average sex ever again.Quote: Gabes22I really think that great sex isn't high on my list of needs in a relationship, especially a long term one.
Quote: HotBlondeWell, all I have to say is that there was one time in my life where I had mind-blowing sex. I had never experienced anything like it before. It was so incredible that it made me weep. Literally. And it wasn't even someone I was in love with. Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that I will never forget that experience and how I felt. I had never felt that way about sex with someone before and didn't know it could be that amazing. Now, I don't expect my future mate to be exactly like that but I'll tell you what, after having experienced that there is no way in hell I will settle for sub-average sex ever again.
Hoooawwww!
But that is normal.
Normal to who?Quote: FleaStiff>It was so incredible that it made me weep. Literally.
But that is normal.
Quote: FleaStiffWhich means he will be looking down on you.
I'm glad you said it first and not me. Having to
look up to someone is the 'daddy' complex, the
take care of me thing, and it doesn't work in a
marriage situation. Its the 50 year old man married
to a 20 year old woman. Thats not a marriage, its
father and daughter having sex. If you're not equal
in most things, intelligence, education, humor, even
age, all the things that make people 'click', eventually
all the little resentments will creep in and derail the
relationship. Its inevitable. In the old days, people
just kept their mouths shut and loathed their spouses
in secret. Not so much today, there are too many
options.
Anyone mention that? Maybe it's the same as trustworthy. Else you just got a fling going.
Quote: HotBlondeWell, I agree. If they are willing.
Yes if the sex wasn't great why would I want to live with that for the rest of my life?
You find the man of your dreams and he meets all of your requirements and he is great in bed and you get engaged. He gets a neuropathy from an infection and everything else is the same but he is no longer 'good at sex' but can procreate. Do you call off the engagement?
Quote: SOOPOOYou find the man of your dreams and he meets all of your requirements
This whole thing is starting to crack me up.
It used to be, you got married to somebody
reasonable and worked with what you got.
Now marriage is like buying a new car, you
come up with what you want, will settle for
nothing less, and start shopping. Hotblonde
is no different than my daughter and her
unmarried friends. They all have their lists
and the list gets longer every year. So they
just hang out and go to each others houses
and bake cookies and brownies, with the
expected results as the years roll by.
Quote: EvenBobThey all have their lists
and the list gets longer every year. So they
just hang out and go to each others houses
and bake cookies and brownies, with the
expected results as the years roll by.
World Domination?
I looked up how to play "Old Maid" just now, as I had forgotten.
Quote: HotBlondeIt was so incredible that it made me weep. Literally.
Every woman I've had sex with has cried afterwards. I used to think this was a good thing. My ex-wife informed me otherwise. :|
But seriously, HotBlonde, as I said before, keep your heart and mind open (but not your legs), and you will find that someone who's not perfect but is indeed perfect for you. Did I settle for less than perfection? Yes. But I am in love and have been in love with my wife since the day I met her. Sure we have our disagreements, but we are perfect for each other.
Once I opened up my heart and started to realize that it's not about a "bar" where all requirements must be met, it became alot easier for me to become more confident and meet women.
I appreciate the funny attempts that people make to throw me, or anyone else on here, off. If you're asking me specifically, of course not. He's already passed the list of standards and that's all it's for... the initial screening. Once you've passed that and have fallen in love and made a commitment, then your loyalty stands. At least I'm speaking for myself. You may say I'm giving some sort of "Fantasyland" response, but then screw me for being a good-hearted person and thumbs up to the guy who actually has a kick-ass girl like that by his side.Quote: SOOPOOYou find the man of your dreams and he meets all of your requirements and he is great in bed and you get engaged. He gets a neuropathy from an infection and everything else is the same but he is no longer 'good at sex' but can procreate. Do you call off the engagement?
That's wonderful. I do have to say that I was feeling pretty unloveable tonight. I realized that I'm not perfect in any means. I have a double chin and extra pounds I'm trying to get rid of that I didn't used to have, I like to have fun and sometimes drink too much, I'm usually hyper and am not always as positive as I'd like to be (esPECIALLY after drinking) and am as not as far advanced in my career as I'd like to be at this point. Also I am over-analytical and can be pretty anal-retentive. But maybe eveyone's got their own things. I'm at the point now in my life where I'm wondering if "committing" to someone is even the smartest thing. It is really starting to come off as a way of settling.Quote: boymimboHoly crap, EvenBob, I agree with you.
But seriously, HotBlonde, as I said before, keep your heart and mind open (but not your legs), and you will find that someone who's not perfect but is indeed perfect for you. Did I settle for less than perfection? Yes. But I am in love and have been in love with my wife since the day I met her. Sure we have our disagreements, but we are perfect for each other.
Once I opened up my heart and started to realize that it's not about a "bar" where all requirements must be met, it became alot easier for me to become more confident and meet women.
Quote: boymimboDealbreakers are few and far between: cheating, bad at sex, drug addict, thief, criminal. My standards are pretty low. Love, however, is created by something that can't be defined. My wife is not perfect, but she's perfect for me. She has a mixture of qualities, none of which that are dealbreakers, that make her special for me. Were I to write down what I wanted in a wife or what characteristics I wanted in a companion and then decided to only accept those on the list I would have never met her, or I would have discarded her right away. For example, she's politically opposite from me. She drinks more than she should. She's antisocial, all of which are qualities that do not describe perfection. I'm not perfect either. I like to gamble, I'm too friendly, I'm politically left. I myself am guilty of one of the qualities on my own list (and it's not bad at sex).
So, rather than look for a list of qualities, keep your heart and mind open and see what comes along. I'm not saying "be desparate", but keep your heart and mind open, and the imperfect man (but perfect for you) will come into your life.
I was going to stay out of this, but never until reading boymimbo's post have I ever seen an "opinion" that was so undeniably, inarguably true. I just had to say it out loud, This Statement Is The Truth.
Lists are for grocery shopping, x-mas wishes and football stats. You can't list subjective, intangible things. You can if it's for fun, as in you and the girls creating dream guys (or you and the guys describing dream cars), but to hold that list as anything other than fantasy is defeating and unrealistic.
If I got my dream car, I'd be on top of the world....for about a month. Then I'd realize the cost of maintenance, fuel, tires, fear of it being damaged, paranoia that someone might lean on it,...it'd be a burden. I had the same with an ex. Just an absolute physical knockout. A girl that could dress up nice during the day, put on some ripped jeans and go skating that afternoon, and make Frederick's look like K-mart in the evening. Sex that was so good it felt like magnetic force tearing your soul from your body, I'd actually go deaf for like 3 minutes, just crazy. She was everything I could ever hope to want....on paper. But there's something you can't plan for, can't create, can't make happen to fall and stay in love. Love can't be created by recipe.
Same as boymimbo, my wife isn't my "paper-wife". Not even close by a longshot. She talks way too damn much, isn't adventurous at all, won't skate, hates my motorsports habits, can't have intelectual thought games like we do so often here. But she's got business smarts, she takes care of her house and especially her family, she has a heart of gold, she'd go to the ends of the earth to make me and our son happy. Of all the things I had on my "list", she has maybe 1. And all the things that I found to actually matter never once entered my mind as "list worthy".
If you take anything from this, let it be that lists are dumb. They're fine for some fun and games, but the more you hold them as truth, the farther from attaining any semblance of that list you'll be.
Quote: boymimbo
For example, she's politically opposite from me. She drinks more than she should. She's antisocial,
It shows how people are different. Any of those is
a deal breaker for me. I'm antisocial, its very important
that my wife isn't. Drinking is something I refuse to
tolerate in a woman, I owned a bar for too long. The
women who drank were the biggest headache, don't
get me started. And I'm a staunch conservative and
can be in the presence of a Lib for about 2min before
I start to implode.
Quote: HotBlondeMy Non-Negotiables and Must-Haves
Responsible
Quote: HotBlondeI like to have fun and sometimes drink too much
Quote: HotBlondeNot obese
Quote: HotBlondeI have a double chin and extra pounds I'm trying to get rid of that I didn't used to have
Quote: HotBlondePositive
Quote: HotBlondenot always as positive as I'd like to be (esPECIALLY after drinking
Quote: HotBlondeMakes a Financially Healthy Living
Quote: HotBlondenot as far advanced in my career as I'd like
Nobody is perfect. Sometimes it's our imperfections that make us human and therefore lovable.
People have different expectations in relationships. Some women describe a man by his wallet and it is not just some dirt-poor gold digger. I knew an attorney who first described her boyfriend as "having this great home overlooking San Francisco Bay". Some women look at money, some seek harmony in interests and attitudes. Some have a "for better or worse, but not for lunch attitude" and some women seek an actual involvement in each other including their working hours as part of their partnership. Some women value "bon bons, beauty parlors and "Not tonight honey, I've got a headache". Alot depends upon expectations. Girls often grow up with some sort of stuffed teddy bear that they personify when they are in the mood and leave on the shelf at other times. Later the girl grows up to be a woman who views a husband as pretty much the same thing. Teenage girls often describe their ideal man to each other and never once seem to consider what this handsome, wealthy, stud would be doing with a nail-painting airhead like them.Quote: boymimboIf you don't need anything from someone else, then why have a partner at all. What's the point? You list all of these great qualities that you want your partner to have, yet you don't need anything from him? You kind of are setting yourself up to try to obtain something that's not attainable.... a partner with great qualities but who you don't need. What about his needs?
Courtesy of Richard Armour:
Room Temperature
Some hoist the windows, gasp for air,
While others find it chilly.
Some turn up thermostats a hair,
While others think them silly.
Some like it cold, some like it hot,
Some freeze, while others smother.
And by some fiendish, fatal plot,
They marry one another.
Perhaps its just a question of finding someone with whom you don't mind constantly living at the wrong temperature.
A man who buys a pumpkin and expects to come home to a pumpkin pie can be very disappointed in finding a jack 'o lantern and the rest of it in the garbage, but he is wise to hold his tongue and realize he probably fails to meet her expectations from time to time also. Its the willingness to not just sacrifice the pumpkin pie but to keep quiet about it as well that can make the difference.
But if you start picking and choosing bases on qualities (nice, good in bed, financially sound), what is the actual dealbreaker here? What is the definition of "financially sound", or "good in bed"?
I went to an family engagement party last night, and the couple is young (27) and have been together for 6 years. The bride-to-be is absolutely HOT. She has a great job, is nice, but for some reason that I don't comprehend, I can't stand her. But the mother of the groom said that "she is perfect for you" and that rang true. The couple is perfect together. My nephew probably didn't have a list. He just found her and got lucky.
That's why when I say "keep your mind and heart open", it's important.
Quote: boymimboShe has a great job, is nice, but for some reason that I don't comprehend, I can't stand her.
Why? Is her voice irritating, is she conceited, does she talk down to you, you must have a reason for disliking her.
Quote: boymimboBut if you start picking and choosing bases on qualities (nice, good in bed, financially sound), what is the actual dealbreaker here? What is the definition of "financially sound", or "good in bed"?
Those are relative measures which will carry different weight with different people. Assuming HotBlonde is a reasonably intelligent and rational woman, and she's never posted anything to indicate otherwise, you can also assume she can make such judgments responsibly. At least I assume that to be the case, and see no need to question her criteria.
Well, in regards to what you wrote, there are a few things that come to mind that I want to comment on. First know that I appreciate everything that you all write, so please don't be mad if I write stuff that is in opposition to what you write, I still enjoy all of what you all have to share. That being said, you and boyimbo are men. You are both giving the male perspective. Patti wrote this book for women. I'm even reading "He's Just Not That Into You" which was written for women too (a very, very fun and informative book, btw). You guys are coming from a great place, but women are ones to be pursued and henceforth we have to have different standards to men. Remember, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", meaning we are so different that it's likeQuote: FaceI was going to stay out of this, but never until reading boymimbo's post have I ever seen an "opinion" that was so undeniably, inarguably true. I just had to say it out loud, This Statement Is The Truth.
Lists are for grocery shopping, x-mas wishes and football stats. You can't list subjective, intangible things. You can if it's for fun, as in you and the girls creating dream guys (or you and the guys describing dream cars), but to hold that list as anything other than fantasy is defeating and unrealistic.
If I got my dream car, I'd be on top of the world....for about a month. Then I'd realize the cost of maintenance, fuel, tires, fear of it being damaged, paranoia that someone might lean on it,...it'd be a burden. I had the same with an ex. Just an absolute physical knockout. A girl that could dress up nice during the day, put on some ripped jeans and go skating that afternoon, and make Frederick's look like K-mart in the evening. Sex that was so good it felt like magnetic force tearing your soul from your body, I'd actually go deaf for like 3 minutes, just crazy. She was everything I could ever hope to want....on paper. But there's something you can't plan for, can't create, can't make happen to fall and stay in love. Love can't be created by recipe.
Same as boymimbo, my wife isn't my "paper-wife". Not even close by a longshot. She talks way too damn much, isn't adventurous at all, won't skate, hates my motorsports habits, can't have intelectual thought games like we do so often here. But she's got business smarts, she takes care of her house and especially her family, she has a heart of gold, she'd go to the ends of the earth to make me and our son happy. Of all the things I had on my "list", she has maybe 1. And all the things that I found to actually matter never once entered my mind as "list worthy".
If you take anything from this, let it be that lists are dumb. They're fine for some fun and games, but the more you hold them as truth, the farther from attaining any semblance of that list you'll be.
we're literally from 2 different planets. If I have no standards, then what?
Plus it's good to know what you value. Remember, my list was broken down to TOP 10. There were tons of other stuff on my list, but these were the most important. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be with someone who is honest and responsible. It seems silly not to have any standards at all.
I do have to say, kudos to you for being as observant as you are. Even though I may not possess every quality on my list of requirements for a partner does not mean that I can't still want those in a mate. And maybe it can even mean that I'm not ready to be with someone like that if you're saying I myself must personally meet my own requirements first.Quote: kpQuote: HotBlondeMy Non-Negotiables and Must-Haves
Responsible
Nobody is perfect. Sometimes it's our imperfections that make us human and therefore lovable.
If I'm understanding your question correctly, if I am not having a great time in bed, for example, why in the world would I want to commit to ONE GUY for the REST of my life? I may as well just stay single and screw whoever I want, whenever I want. And as far as being financially sound, I would not feel comfortable dating someone who waits tables for a living. Sure, you may say, they could have a lot of potential, and may "make it big" some day, but I don't gamble in this area (ironic for being on this site, I know). I'd rather see a guy who is where he wanted to be. Why waste my time? I'm not going to live my life in "maybe it'll happen some day" land.Quote: boymimboBut if you start picking and choosing bases on qualities (nice, good in bed, financially sound), what is the actual dealbreaker here? What is the definition of "financially sound", or "good in bed"?
You have various interests in life (gambling is obviously one of them, but so too did you enjoy dancing and drinking). You've achieved a certain financial success and have no particular desire to date any poverty stricken young man who parks your Rolls Royce for you. Well, thats good. Some women have an outlook wherein a stethoscope placed on their chest would reveal the sound of a cash register rather than a heart. (Some men too, probably. I seem to recall a few women who've engaged in Sex-Travel and come back suddenly involved with men who've killed them or who were gay).
There is nothing wrong with having a list of absolute deal killers though your focus might better be on developing a list of deal making points rather than deal breaking points. You want to avoid losers. Nothing wrong with that. I guess you want young and handsome too and the other usual things. Its probably best for you to simply go out and do the various things that you enjoy doing. Skydiving? Rock Climbing? Wind surfing? Whatever? Read your books at a yacht club or polo club. Some fellow yachtie or fellow horseman will surely hit on you. You've learned by now how to separate the wheat from the chaff and know that you will indeed kiss some frogs to find that they are only frogs, not princes. I would suggest you focus on what makes "the prince" rather than just what would make someone "the worst of the frogs".
For you, some measure of financial success is necessary. Good! Why waste your time with Mr. Handsome Valet Parker when in a few minutes you will meet his employer, Mr. Handsome Restaurant Owner. For you, it seems that fidelity is important. ("commit to one guy for the rest of my life"). Many women these days have no such views of marriage or of men. Its not a matter of right or wrong. Its a matter of choice. If you want to turn down "Cabana Boy" to protect your relationship with a Hubby then you want a man who will be turning down "Cabana Girl" to protect his relationship with you.
Deal breakers? Focus on the "pluses" not the "minuses". You don't need our approval for either list!
Quote: HotBlonde
If I'm understanding your question correctly, if I am not having a great time in bed, for example, why in the world would I want to commit to ONE GUY for the REST of my life? I may as well just stay single and screw whoever I want, whenever I want. And as far as being financially sound, I would not feel comfortable dating someone who waits tables for a living. Sure, you may say, they could have a lot of potential, and may "make it big" some day, but I don't gamble in this area (ironic for being on this site, I know). I'd rather see a guy who is where he wanted to be. Why waste my time? I'm not going to live my life in "maybe it'll happen some day" land.
Then stay single. Better yet, get married, have great sex until it gets boring (it will), divorce him because he's no good in bed anymore (but you have children), find someone else great in bed, get married, have great sex until it gets boring (it will), divorce him because he's no good in bed anymore (but you're collecting alimony from two ex husbands and child support from the first) and so on and so forth.
My point is, define "good in bed". Define "financially sound". Is financially sound someone who already has $1,000,000 saved up for retirement, or is it someone with a decent job with potential?
As stiffyflea said, you're not looking for our approval. If anything, my advice is to keep your heart and mind open, and you might be surprised at who you let in.
Yet one woman of very independent spirit met her Mr. Right and within a few weeks was not only his wife but also his assistant in his work life and therefore had what she really wanted a totally committed relationship with her Mr. Right: Night and Day, Seven Days a Week! A couple who got married on their new sailboat and set off on a fifteen year cruise even having some of the three kids arrive into the world on board the yacht surely had a more adventuresome life than many young marrieds have.
The man who lives in Alaska and hunts a moose to last thru the winter may have a different role than the wife who tries to make that moose last all winter and still have a varied diet of different moose-based meals, but they each have the same values of independence and self-sufficiency. They each enjoy a remote wilderness adventure as a lifestyle rather than a two week vacation. Its the mutual goals and mutual outlooks on life that are important.
Quote: HotBlondeEven though I may not possess every quality on my list of requirements for a partner does not mean that I can't still want those in a mate. And maybe it can even mean that I'm not ready to be with someone like that if you're saying I myself must personally meet my own requirements first.
I don't think you necessarily have to meet your own requirements as a potential mate may have a different list of requirements. But I would expect some overlap, though. For example, if someone had as a requirement that they want an outdoors type that is into camping, hiking, rafting, rock climbing, etc, then it would be a reasonable assumption that they would in turn would be looking for the same type of person. It would make no sense to seek out an avid camper when you hate camping.
But even differences can work. I'm an avid traveler. My wife hates to travel. I'm happy to make a solo trip to Vegas for a week and she's happy to have the house to herself for a week.
Number one I notice that I can develop feelings for someone pretty quickly. Having this list is great cuz I can easily overlook bad traits for the sake of wanting to have feelings for this person. A friend of mine on this site said something along the lines of having your head and heart both in a relationship. I've tended to always gone with my heart and not paid attention to my head and warning signs.
Number two I realized that I had pretty low standards when it came to my exes. One was a pathological liar and is a lump on a log and doesn't seem very motivated in life, another is already in his 50's yet takes no responsibility for himself and curses and blames everything and everyone around him, my most current one was extremely careless with my heart and suffers from depression and dillusions. I want to have standards so that I can weed through the losers. I'm 34 now and I'm not wanting to waste any more time.
"Good in bed" can't be easily defined. It's like chemistry between 2 people, either it's there or it's not. Some people I enjoy being in bed with them, some people I don't.Quote: boymimboMy point is, define "good in bed". Define "financially sound". Is financially sound someone who already has $1,000,000 saved up for retirement, or is it someone with a decent job with potential?
"Financially sound"... I prefer white collar over blue collar or rednecks.
I'm looking for someone to fall in love with, someone who I just think is fantastic, someone who is a great example of a human being, someone who would be an awesome dad to our future kids. I want to be in love and be with someone who I can call my best friend and he is someone I can be 100% intimate with, keeping no secrets and loving and trusting in each other.Quote: FleaStiffSome women consider serial monogamy to be passe. Some women view marriage as a legally necessary prelude to receiving alimony since their real goal is to be happily divorced. Some women opt for open marriages or at least more "open" than used to be acknowledged.
Patti says you should have at least 2 similar interests with your partner.Quote: kpI don't think you necessarily have to meet your own requirements as a potential mate may have a different list of requirements. But I would expect some overlap, though. For example, if someone had as a requirement that they want an outdoors type that is into camping, hiking, rafting, rock climbing, etc, then it would be a reasonable assumption that they would in turn would be looking for the same type of person. It would make no sense to seek out an avid camper when you hate camping.
Quote: boymimbohave great sex until it gets boring
Whats IS great sex, exactly. I've had sex with a few
women and its never what I would call 'great'. Its OK,
its fine, its good, its mostly OK though. What the heck
is this 'great' sex everybody is always talking about. Did
I have it and not know it? I've had great pizza, is it like
that?
Haha, well I think it's subjective. I think sushi is great but some people would say it's disgusting. I may write a great review on a restaurant and there may be some people who don't feel the same way I do about that particular place.Quote: EvenBobWhats IS great sex, exactly. I've had sex with a few
women and its never what I would call 'great'. Its OK,
its fine, its good, its mostly OK though. What the heck
is this 'great' sex everybody is always talking about. Did
I have it and not know it? I've had great pizza, is it like
that?
In regards to your "Did I have it and not know it?" question above, if you had it you'd know it!
I can share my experience with you all but don't want to offend anyone by being too explicit.
Like I mentioned earlier, I had mind-blowing sex with one guy once. But I have had great sex with others as well. I think it really just comes down to sexual chemistry, rhythm, and a big, BIG part of it is mental. At least for me and probably most women. And believe it or not my amazing sex guy didn't fit what you would think is what a woman would want. You might think he was young, muscular, really handsome, etc.
He wasn't really any of that. I even brought a couple girl friends to see him perform (he's a jazz musician) and they were like, "What? Him? That guy is amazing in bed??? You're crazy, I don't see it." The guy I had the best sex with talked and dressed kinda nerdy, not very tall, 21 years older than me and balding, he was so-so looking but you could tell that he used to be better-looking, and had a pudgy belly. And it's not like he had any special skills in bed. I liked the size of his member. I liked that he was somewhat cocky, and he was kind of a jerk. He's a musician and plays several jazz instruments. I'm a musician too and we had that in common. I watched him perform his instruments, so that probably left a mental mark on my brain. Maybe in the back of my mind I was turned on by his extreme talent with his wind instruments (they do have to use their mouths to play them, you know).
I liked the way he talked in bed. And everything he did felt really amazing. EVERYTHING he did! (I probably shouldn't admit this but I'm actually getting worked up right now as I'm writing this.) But I think it was the mental combination of everything. So if you combine all that... He was kinda handsome but kinda nerdy with a pudgy belly but thought he was hot shit (as is the case with most men on this planet), he had a very satisfactorily-sized "member", he was a lot older than me and talked dirty... add all that together, and Poof!, amazing make-me-cry sex. It's gonna sound kinda funny to say but it was like he played my entire body like an instrument. Music, you know, is all wave frequencies. It was as though he was the first person to be in complete tune with my body. Afterward I noticed that the sex we had seemed to rearrange all the chemicals in my body. Ask my roommate. She's witness that when he would leave I would be moaning around the apartment and craving him so badly until I was able to feel him again. If you were to walk past my apartment you would think there was a cat in heat in there from all the moaning! When my roommate came home after my first amazing encounter she was like, "Are you crying?" I told her,"Now I know what it's like to have great sex. Why didn't anyone ever tell me???"
So, after that, I judge everyone by that incident. It hasn't gotten as good yet but I'm ok with just great sex now.
And might I note that it may be true that men are turned on by what they see (physical) whereas women are more turned on by mental things (why women like men with money or someone on stage). Women like physical visions too, which is why we often like a man in uniform (there's nothing sexier than a motorcycle cop in his tight dark pants) but it may even be the fact that it makes him distinguished, which brings it back to a mental thing.
Quote: HotBlonde
So, after that, I judge everyone by that incident. It hasn't gotten as good yet but I'm ok with just great sex now.
Sounds like what they say about heroin addicts. The very first
time was the best, and from then on they're just searching to
live that first time all over again.
stop that! :)Quote: boymimboHoooawww, HotBlonde, Hoooawwwww. (also bumping thread).
Now, because of comments there, I read the whole thing here.
Yes, I agree with some comments that the qualities HotBlonde listed in the first thread may make her appear shallow.
However, the list is just a guide, and a reminder to remain focused, and not let emotions prevent you from making intelligent choices.
That said, I believe that the items on that list are hard to qualify.
Upon reflection, there is only one quality on my own list that is easy: Non smoker. But even that can be overlooked. In my case, it depends upon what is being smoked. Smoking cigarettes is an automatic dealbreaker for me. However, occasional pot smoking is OK - in fact, please share!
The other problem with lists like that is, they change over time. Even if you find that perfect person who fits every qualification on the list, down the road, other faults will crop up. Hopefully by then the love is strong enough to make it easy to ignore the new faults. But if that's true, then someone you find today that has faults causing him to fail the test, may still be your soul-mate, and you let him go.
Yes and no.Quote: HotBlondeI smoke cigars on occasion, does that count?
How often is occasional?
Coming home reeking of cigar is bad, but to be around a woman - ahem, a hot blonde woman - who is putting a phallic shaped object in her mouth? That's mighty fine!
I love to see a woman on the cover of Cigar Aficionado.
I frequently walk thru town, past the window of a photagraphy studio. In the window are typical family portraits, wedding shots, first confirmation, a really old photo restored, etc. There's one portrait in the back, where it's hard to see, of a bride smoking a cigar. I LOVE that photo!
In that "Best sex" thread, I mentioned that I did have the best sex once.Quote: kpNow that we know the deal breakers that would prevent each of us from getting into a long term relationship, which of these would still be a deal breaker that would cause us to terminate a long term relationship? Is it the same list?
The deal-breaker in that relationship was that she wasn't Jewish.
That was then. Now, religion isn't as important to me.
When considering the sex, as well as her other qualities (she LOVES Star Trek!), she would have been a keeper today.
I love my wife. But she is NOT a Star Trek fan. She's mellowed to the point where she won't make fun of me for watching it. Instead she saves it up for a PriceLine commercial.
If you were a man, that would have been phrased along the lines of not letting the little head do the thinking for the big head.Quote: HotBlondeA friend of mine on this site said something along the lines of having your head and heart both in a relationship. I've tended to always gone with my heart and not paid attention to my head and warning signs.
Bottom line: List or no list, love is a crap shoot.
Quote: DJTeddyBearUpon reflection, there is only one quality on my own list that is easy: Non smoker.
Now that is shallow.
When was this thread created? I never saw it. Link please.Quote: DJTeddyBearAs I mentioned in the Best Sex thread...
I think it's funny when people judge, and I'm beginning to notice where I too judge others. Judging someone else is nothing more than conceit. I know I've said this many times but I love Byron Katie. Her Work and words have changed my life and will continue to for the rest of my life. She says there are only 3 types of business in this world: mine, God's and other people's. The only business I have and will ever have from the moment I took my first breath to the last is my own business. It is 100% impossible for me to have a hand in God's or anyone else's business for that matter. That being said I found that I am becoming defensive in reading that I am being judged for things people are labeling as "bad" in one way or another, whether it's "shallow" or whatever. That's what judging is: pointing the finger at someone and labeling something about them as being negative, wrong, bad, etc. On the one hand people seem to think that it somehow makes sense to judge others and how they live their lives and will endlessly do it their whole lives. On the other hand I find that when I become defensive that I now am judging others for judging me and that's where the Work always begins and ends: with me. I can try to get people to stop judging me till I'm blue in the face but then I am being a hypocrite by being in other people's business by wanting them to not judge me. Katie assures me that I can find peace in not being in their business and letting the world judge and do what it is they do. This is how the world is and always will be and rather than insanely trying to change it I can only change my self and what I do in this world. This is why I LOVE the song, "Man In the Mirror" that Michael Jackson performed. Even Gandhi has commented on this. The only way to change the world is to do it by changing your self in it... there is no other way.Quote: DJTeddyBearYes, I agree with some comments that the qualities HotBlonde listed in the first thread may make her appear shallow.
You are right on!Quote: DJTeddyBearHowever, the list is just a guide, and a reminder to remain focused, and not let emotions prevent you from making intelligent choices.
Maybe 2-3 times a year, for me personally. There is nothing better than going to the Disneyland Resort, getting a really nice glass of red wine, lighting up a cigar and sitting in front of a fire and just taking in the evening.Quote: DJTeddyBearHow often is occasional?
Plus, my dear TeddyBear, I have to say that your comments on smoking are quite contradictory to each other.
I do want to further comment above on my paragraph on judging. This is an example to me of my definition of responsibility. I am looking for someone who shares similar beliefs with me. If someone doesn't feel the same way I do about personal responsibility in this world I can't imagine ever being more than just friends with the person. I'm not looking for someone to be with who's csimply cute and nice. I've always considered myself to be a deep thinker and very introspective. It is important that I find someone who is on the same spiritual level as me. That's why honesty, responisiblity and a positive mind are my top non-negotiables. Most of us on this forum are intelligent. And while intelligence is only one part of the mind, the spiritual part is a whole other world.
Edit:
My friends and I were talking about something along these lines after a round of golf on the weekend. These guys are life-long best friends, now, for almost 30 years. I've been divorced once and have remarried, and the same is true for another of my friends, while my other friend hasn't made it to 3rd base (never mind home) in about 7-8 years.
There is no such thing as "THE one". There are many, many women out there that I could have married and lived "happily ever after". If I had waited for what I thought was "The one", with all of the qualities that were on my list, I'm pretty sure that I'd still be single to this day. I know that had I waited for "something better", my life would have been inexplicitedly changed forever, and I'm not sure for the better. I mean, my wife taught me how to deal correctly with my ex and taught me that from a career perspective I was worth far more than I thought I was. Those qualities are intangibles but were extremely helpful. And she was financially well off, good in bed, attractive, and so on and so forth. But she has bad qualities too. Nobody's perfect. And when you start a relationship, you tend to overlook the imperfections unless they are "dealbreakers".
For me single friend, he is waiting for the "one", to a fault. Now his confidence is shot so badly that he really doesn't know how to deal with woman. When he does find someone, he stares at his navel (figuratively) and freezes as he evaluates the probable qualities of this female, and then manages to eliminate himself (literally and figurate) from the whole thing. Sad.
My dealbreakers are essentially (ranked):
- is still married or separated and not on the path to divorce.
- unattractive: obese, short hair, dresses like a slob, no boobs (and a list of other qualities).
- drug addicts
- smokers (more than a few/day)
- terminally ill
- older (more than 13 years) or younger (under 21)
- doesn't put out after the 10th date
- hates children
- stupid, dumb (including acting dumb)
- willful freeloader (whether on me or the government)
- lives with their parents
- has small children (under 5)
- awful in bed (with no hope of improvement)
- superficial
Quote: NareedNow that is shallow.
Maybe, but not in a bad way.
Quote: HotBlondeThere is nothing better than going to the Disneyland Resort, getting a really nice glass of red wine, lighting up a cigar and sitting in front of a fire and just taking in the evening.
Disneyland is the last place I would have thought as a good place to enjoy a glass of wine and a cigar. But, then, I haven't been there since the 60s so things may be totally different from then or from my perception at that time.
Correction. 'Great' sex.Quote: HotBlondeWhen was this thread created? I never saw it. Link please.Quote: DJTeddyBearAs I mentioned in the Best Sex thread...
https://wizardofvegas.com/forum/off-topic/general/6204-have-you-ever-had-great-sex/
Perhaps I need to elaborate.Quote: HotBlondePlus, my dear TeddyBear, I have to say that your comments on smoking are quite contradictory to each other.
I have nothing against smokers per se, I just personally cannot tolerate the smell and lingering stentch of cigarettes.
Pot smoke smells far sweeter to me. Not to mention that since I hardly ever smoke it, I can get a slight buzz just by walking thru a pot cloud - a rare but welcome event.
I dislike cigar smoke, but it doesn't repulse me as much as cigarettes. Nor does it linger the same way. And like I mentioned, there's something downright sexy about watching a woman put a phallic shaped cigar in her mouth. Sexy enough to tolerate the cigar smell.
Well, damn! Disney, wine and settling down in front of a fire? That's downright romantic. Throw in the cigar, and a bear-skin rug instead of the couch, and I'm starting to get turned on looking at the picture in my mind. (Sorry if that's TMI).Quote: HotBlondeThere is nothing better than going to the Disneyland Resort, getting a really nice glass of red wine, lighting up a cigar and sitting in front of a fire and just taking in the evening.
Most varieties of pipe smoke don't bother me at all.
Does that make more sense now?
I was just watching ABC's "Shark Tank" a couple minutes ago and realized that Kevin O'Leary is the kind of guy that turns me on.
Every time I see him I get chills... literally! I think he represents what I'm attracted to in a man. He's older, he's established, he's sexy, he's successful, he's a man who knows what he wants. He seems educated, well-mannered and looks like he'd be a family man... and on top of all of that he looks like he would be GREAT in bed, lol. I'm utterly attracted to this man.
And I think the Wizard would approve!! He's always telling me to go for an accountant, not a drummer. So, do I get your approval Wizard??
Quote: HotBlondeI was just watching ABC's "Shark Tank" a couple minutes ago and realized that Kevin O'Leary is the kind of guy that turns me on.
Kevin O'Leary is 63 years old, so I'm guessing he has more than 25 years on you. He is clearly well-spoken an very confident. He is of indeterminate, but reasonably high wealth.
When I was in my early 20's I was very attracted to a woman who was head over heels for a man who was 40 years older than us. He was very powerful and respected, but probably not ultra wealthy. I found an old photo of him with President Kennedy when he was in his mid 40's and another when he was very old. At the time of the affair he was probably in his early 60's.
I remember it was very frustrating for me. I thought she was crazy for screwing this old man who seemed to just want some young hot ass. The guy had been married since he was 25 and was not about to overturn his life for a young girl. She pursued him for ten years, and ended up dying young.
Quote: HotBlondeI was just watching ABC's "Shark Tank" a couple minutes ago and realized that Kevin O'Leary is the kind of guy that turns me on.
Kevin O'Leary is 63 years old, so I'm guessing he has more than 25 years on you. He is clearly well-spoken an very confident. He is of indeterminate, but reasonably high wealth.
When I was in my early 20's I was very attracted to a woman who was head over heels for a man who was 40 years older than us. He was very powerful and respected, but probably not ultra wealthy. I found an old photo of him with President Kennedy when he was in his mid 40's and another when he was very old. At the time of the affair he was probably in his early 60's.
I remember it was very frustrating for me. I thought she was crazy for screwing this old man who seemed to just want some young hot ass. The guy had been married since he was 25 and was not about to overturn his life for a young girl. She pursued him for ten years, and ended up dying young.
Quote: HotBlondeI was just watching ABC's "Shark Tank" a couple minutes ago and realized that Kevin O'Leary is the kind of guy that turns me on.
Kevin O'Leary is 63 years old, so I'm guessing he has more than 25 years on you. He is clearly well-spoken an very confident. He is of indeterminate, but reasonably high wealth.
When I was in my early 20's I was very attracted to a woman who was head over heels for a man who was 40 years older than us. He was very powerful and respected, but probably not ultra wealthy. I found an old photo of him with President Kennedy when he was in his mid 40's and another when he was very old. At the time of the affair he was probably in his early 60's.
I remember it was very frustrating for me. I thought she was crazy for screwing this old man who seemed to just want some young hot ass. The guy had been married since he was 25 and was not about to overturn his life for a young girl. She pursued him for ten years, and ended up dying young.
Well I'm 34 so that would make Kevin O'Leary almost 40 years older than me. He doesn't look that old. But I do have to say that I am also very, very highly attracted to Larry David and he just turned 64 years old. I would marry him in a second. He puts a permanent smile on my face. He's so damn lovable!Quote: pacomartinKevin O'Leary is 63 years old, so I'm guessing he has more than 25 years on you. He is clearly well-spoken an very confident. He is of indeterminate, but reasonably high wealth.
When I was in my early 20's I was very attracted to a woman who was head over heels for a man who was 40 years older than us. He was very powerful and respected, but probably not ultra wealthy. I found an old photo of him with President Kennedy when he was in his mid 40's and another when he was very old. At the time of the affair he was probably in his early 60's.
I remember it was very frustrating for me. I thought she was crazy for screwing this old man who seemed to just want some young hot ass. The guy had been married since he was 25 and was not about to overturn his life for a young girl. She pursued him for ten years, and ended up dying young.