Jokes
December 4th, 2025 at 1:06:19 AM
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Creating a new thread to avoid hijacking other threads with jokes. Just be funny!
A Frenchman goes to a sex education lecture. The teacher comes out and begins "There are exactly 18 positions for human sexual intercourse."
The Frenchman calls out "Nineteen!"
"No no. There are only 18 positions."
"Ah, but there are nineteen!"
Now the lecturer is annoyed. "I am the professor, and I assure you there are only 18 positions for human sexual intercourse. I will list them. First- the missionary position, horizontal with the man on top of the woman..."
"Mon Dieu! Vingt!
Quote: DRichQuote: gordonm888But that's like giving a government agency the mission of making sure that people fornicate in the missionary position.
Is there a new position that I am not familiar with?
link to original post
A Frenchman goes to a sex education lecture. The teacher comes out and begins "There are exactly 18 positions for human sexual intercourse."
The Frenchman calls out "Nineteen!"
"No no. There are only 18 positions."
"Ah, but there are nineteen!"
Now the lecturer is annoyed. "I am the professor, and I assure you there are only 18 positions for human sexual intercourse. I will list them. First- the missionary position, horizontal with the man on top of the woman..."
"Mon Dieu! Vingt!
December 4th, 2025 at 3:34:55 AM
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A dog walked into a tavern and said, 'I can't see a thing. I'll open this one'
this is the oldest 'walks into a bar' joke known... found on a clay tablet in Sumeria. Nobody 'gets it' anymore
the second link is some other really old jokes
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/tbgetc/this_bar_joke_from_ancient_sumer_has_been_making/
https://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyle/worlds-oldest-joke-traced-back-to-1900-bc-idUSKUA147851/
this is the oldest 'walks into a bar' joke known... found on a clay tablet in Sumeria. Nobody 'gets it' anymore
the second link is some other really old jokes
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/tbgetc/this_bar_joke_from_ancient_sumer_has_been_making/
https://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyle/worlds-oldest-joke-traced-back-to-1900-bc-idUSKUA147851/
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
December 4th, 2025 at 10:54:56 AM
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"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know" Groucho Marx
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
December 4th, 2025 at 11:01:45 AM
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Gambling related joke. 🤣💡
Walter went to the Casino and left a Millionaire. He was a Multimillionaire before he went to the Casino. 🤣💡
Walter went to the Casino and left a Millionaire. He was a Multimillionaire before he went to the Casino. 🤣💡
In both The Hunger Games and in gambling, may the odds be ever in your favor. :D
"Man Babes" #AxelFabulous
"Olive oil is processed but it only has one
ingredient, olive oil."-Even Bob, March 27/28th. :D The 2 year war is over! Woo-hoo! :D
I sometimes speak in metaphors. ;) Remember this. ;)
Crack the code. :D 8.9.13.25.14.1.13.5.9.19.14.1.20.8.1.14! :D
"For about the 4096th time, let me offer a radical idea to those of you who don't like Nathan -- block her and don't visit Nathan's Corner. What is so complicated about it?" Wizard, August 21st. :D
December 5th, 2025 at 3:57:07 AM
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A priest, a rabbi and a Witch Doctor walked into a bar called "The Joker".
The bartender asked them, "Is this a joke?"
"No" they all replied.
"Then get out." said the bartender.
The bartender asked them, "Is this a joke?"
"No" they all replied.
"Then get out." said the bartender.
Sanitized for Your Protection
December 5th, 2025 at 9:23:03 AM
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Two atoms walking on the sidewalk bump into each other.
The first one asks: Are you OK?
The second one says: No, I've lost an electron!
The first asks: Are you sure?
The second replies: I'm POSITIVE!
The first one asks: Are you OK?
The second one says: No, I've lost an electron!
The first asks: Are you sure?
The second replies: I'm POSITIVE!
December 5th, 2025 at 12:00:42 PM
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Quote: smoothgrhTwo atoms walking on the sidewalk bump into each other.
The first one asks: Are you OK?
The second one says: No, I've lost an electron!
The first asks: Are you sure?
The second replies: I'm POSITIVE!
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This may tag me as prejudiced, but I just don't trust those atoms.
They make up everything.
May the cards fall in your favor.
December 5th, 2025 at 2:08:22 PM
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I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen far too many get elected.
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
December 5th, 2025 at 4:29:34 PM
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Quote: odiousgambitA dog walked into a tavern and said, 'I can't see a thing. I'll open this one'
this is the oldest 'walks into a bar' joke known... found on a clay tablet in Sumeria. Nobody 'gets it' anymore
the second link is some other really old jokes
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/tbgetc/this_bar_joke_from_ancient_sumer_has_been_making/
https://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyle/worlds-oldest-joke-traced-back-to-1900-bc-idUSKUA147851/
link to original post
That link to Reddit led me to some research that sheds some possible light on the Sumerian joke. It's hypothetical of course but it seems to be a sexual joke at least a few people have hypothesized.
The "Dog" is just a horny man "horny old dog". And the bars are theorized to also have been whorehouses. You would buy drinks and take a woman into the rooms in the back behind closed curtains.
And there may have been a euphemism about showing off one's privates by "opening this one". (Like a woman might ask a man his size and the man would reply "open this one" so she could find out.
So the joke should read "A horny old dog entered a bar/brothel and couldn't see anything. So he said "Let me open this". The joke is he could be referring to opening the closed curtains to see the ongoing sex or opening his pants to expose himself and/or doing both simultaneously.
I should note there are a few theories that the joke is much more harmless (like about a dog that had its eyes closed and that's why it couldn't see) but the prevailing one I found is the one above.
For Whom the bus tolls; The bus tolls for thee
December 5th, 2025 at 4:44:38 PM
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Here's one I pulled off in a casino. Cashing out a few hundred in chips, and there's this fat chick in the cashier's cage. And she had all the positive attributes of fat chicks. Two of them, in particular.
So when she asked me "Do you prefer large?" I answered, in my sleaziest available voice- "Why, yes. Yes I do."
She gets it and is looking down with that "Oooh, I'm being ogled!" smile.
Then she looks up and sees I'm just an old monkey, and it changes to "Ewww, I'm being ogled!"
So when she asked me "Do you prefer large?" I answered, in my sleaziest available voice- "Why, yes. Yes I do."
She gets it and is looking down with that "Oooh, I'm being ogled!" smile.
Then she looks up and sees I'm just an old monkey, and it changes to "Ewww, I'm being ogled!"
December 5th, 2025 at 6:54:34 PM
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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
Bob Hope
Bob Hope
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
December 5th, 2025 at 7:48:45 PM
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Quote: odiousgambitA dog walked into a tavern and said, 'I can't see a thing. I'll open this one'
this is the oldest 'walks into a bar' joke known... found on a clay tablet in Sumeria. Nobody 'gets it' anymore
the second link is some other really old jokes
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/tbgetc/this_bar_joke_from_ancient_sumer_has_been_making/
https://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyle/worlds-oldest-joke-traced-back-to-1900-bc-idUSKUA147851/
link to original post
It sounds like this predates
the message from Nanni to Ea-nasir...
May the cards fall in your favor.
December 6th, 2025 at 4:17:58 AM
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there are others older too, but the dog one is the oldest "walks into a bar" joke known as I understandQuote: Dieter
It sounds like this predates
the message from Nanni to Ea-nasir...
link to original post
interesting though
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
December 6th, 2025 at 7:22:05 AM
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A man is hitting on a woman at an airport bar. After rebuffing him several times, to no avail, she tries a different approach.
Taking three coins from her pocket, she lays them in the palm of her hand. The penny represents a blonde woman, she says.
Take it and put it up to your cheek. The man does so, and she asks "Does this remind you of the last time you had sex? The man answers no.
She takes the nickel and says "This represents a brunette, take it and put it up to your forehead". " Does that remind you of the last time you had sex? The man answers no.
The woman picks up the dime and says, "This represents every fiery redhead in the world." Put it to your chin. Does this remind you of the last time you had sex? The man answers no.
Exasperated, the woman takes the three coins and puts them in the man's hand. "Close your eyes and shake the coins in your fist.
Does this remind you......."
Taking three coins from her pocket, she lays them in the palm of her hand. The penny represents a blonde woman, she says.
Take it and put it up to your cheek. The man does so, and she asks "Does this remind you of the last time you had sex? The man answers no.
She takes the nickel and says "This represents a brunette, take it and put it up to your forehead". " Does that remind you of the last time you had sex? The man answers no.
The woman picks up the dime and says, "This represents every fiery redhead in the world." Put it to your chin. Does this remind you of the last time you had sex? The man answers no.
Exasperated, the woman takes the three coins and puts them in the man's hand. "Close your eyes and shake the coins in your fist.
Does this remind you......."
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
December 6th, 2025 at 7:42:52 AM
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A boy and girl are arguing over which sex is better. After much back-and-forth, the boy drops his pants and says, "As hard as you try, you'll never have one of these."
The girl smiles and drops her pants. " Boy," she says, " As long as I have one of these, I can have all of those I want."
The girl smiles and drops her pants. " Boy," she says, " As long as I have one of these, I can have all of those I want."
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
December 6th, 2025 at 9:34:35 AM
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A solitary man, the only customer, is quietly drinking at the bar on the 103rd floor observation deck of the once-named Sears Tower in downtown Chicago. The elevator opens and a drunk staggers into the bar. In the nature of all gregarious drunks, he swerves past all the open tables and takes the stool next to SM while giving the bartender his order.
The drunk tries repeatedly to engage SM in conversation, only to be met with stony silence. Finally, though, after the drunk's 23rd conversational gambit, SM has had enough. He turns to the drunk and asks, "Do you know why Chicago is called the Windy City?"
"No," replies the drunk, secretly pleased to have finally gotten a response. "Tell me why."
"The nickname refers to the powerful winds that blow in off Lake Michigan. They're so strong that if a man were to fall out of the window of Sears Tower here, they would blow him right back in."
Flabbergasted, the drunk states, "I may be drunk, but I can't believe that!"
"Come with me and I'll prove it to you," says SM as he slides off his stool and walks to the nearest window, followed dubiously by the drunk and the interested bartender. He opens the window, turns to the drunk, and says, "Now watch this closely: I'm only going to do it once." SM then clambers onto the windowsill, turns to face his audience, shouts "Here I go!", and falls backwards out of the window. As the drunk stares, incredulous, three tense seconds pass, then swoosh, SM soars back through the opening and lands upright beside the drunk.
" That's incredible! I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes! I have to try it myself!" exclaims the drunk, who then proceeds to climb onto the windowsill. Teetering precariously, he yells, "Here I go!" and tumbles gracelessly out of the window.
As the drunk is plummeting to his death, the bartender puts his arm around SM's shoulder and observes, "You're really a mean drunk, Superman."
The drunk tries repeatedly to engage SM in conversation, only to be met with stony silence. Finally, though, after the drunk's 23rd conversational gambit, SM has had enough. He turns to the drunk and asks, "Do you know why Chicago is called the Windy City?"
"No," replies the drunk, secretly pleased to have finally gotten a response. "Tell me why."
"The nickname refers to the powerful winds that blow in off Lake Michigan. They're so strong that if a man were to fall out of the window of Sears Tower here, they would blow him right back in."
Flabbergasted, the drunk states, "I may be drunk, but I can't believe that!"
"Come with me and I'll prove it to you," says SM as he slides off his stool and walks to the nearest window, followed dubiously by the drunk and the interested bartender. He opens the window, turns to the drunk, and says, "Now watch this closely: I'm only going to do it once." SM then clambers onto the windowsill, turns to face his audience, shouts "Here I go!", and falls backwards out of the window. As the drunk stares, incredulous, three tense seconds pass, then swoosh, SM soars back through the opening and lands upright beside the drunk.
" That's incredible! I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes! I have to try it myself!" exclaims the drunk, who then proceeds to climb onto the windowsill. Teetering precariously, he yells, "Here I go!" and tumbles gracelessly out of the window.
As the drunk is plummeting to his death, the bartender puts his arm around SM's shoulder and observes, "You're really a mean drunk, Superman."
December 6th, 2025 at 10:07:00 AM
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A C, an E-flat, and a G walk into a bar.
The bartender says "Get out of here! We don't serve minors."
The bartender says "Get out of here! We don't serve minors."
So the E-flat left, and the C and the G had a fifth between them.
December 9th, 2025 at 7:42:28 AM
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Trump reportedly seemed to fall asleep during a recent cabinet meeting while members were praising him.
That's really concerning because men often get sleepy just after he's been sucked up.
That's really concerning because men often get sleepy just after he's been sucked up.
Last edited by: Quadriga on Dec 9, 2025
December 9th, 2025 at 12:02:42 PM
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Elderly people get sleepy when working for long stretches. Whatever you think of Trump, he works very hard for very long stretches of time.
People also get sleepy when they eat pasta.
People also get sleepy when they eat pasta.
So many better men, a few of them friends, are dead. And a thousand thousand slimy things live on, and so do I.
December 9th, 2025 at 11:58:24 PM
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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked to solve a problem. Hypothesis: all odd numbers greater than 1 are prime.
The mathematician goes first- "Let's see- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 isn't prime, so I believe the hypothesis is false.:
Then the physicist tries it- "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 isn't prime... 75% of my samples verify the hypothesis, so I think it is probably true, but with low confidence."
The engineer's turn- "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime..."
The mathematician goes first- "Let's see- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 isn't prime, so I believe the hypothesis is false.:
Then the physicist tries it- "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 isn't prime... 75% of my samples verify the hypothesis, so I think it is probably true, but with low confidence."
The engineer's turn- "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime..."
December 10th, 2025 at 11:52:32 AM
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.
An Irishman walks into a bar. He orders two shots, drinks them both, and then leaves.
The next day, the Irishman returns, orders another two shots, drinks them both, and then leaves.
He continues to do this for some time, when one day the bartender questions him, “How come you always order exactly two shots?”
The Irishman replies, “well, you see my brother and I used to go out drinking every night, but he lives across the country now, so every night, I order two drinks. One for myself, and one for my brother.”
Things remain the same for a while until one day the Irishman comes in and orders only one shot. The bartender becomes concerned and asks him “how come you’re only ordering one shot? Did something happen to your brother? Is he ok?”
The Irishman replies, “of course not, my brother’s fine. I just quit drinking”
.
An Irishman walks into a bar. He orders two shots, drinks them both, and then leaves.
The next day, the Irishman returns, orders another two shots, drinks them both, and then leaves.
He continues to do this for some time, when one day the bartender questions him, “How come you always order exactly two shots?”
The Irishman replies, “well, you see my brother and I used to go out drinking every night, but he lives across the country now, so every night, I order two drinks. One for myself, and one for my brother.”
Things remain the same for a while until one day the Irishman comes in and orders only one shot. The bartender becomes concerned and asks him “how come you’re only ordering one shot? Did something happen to your brother? Is he ok?”
The Irishman replies, “of course not, my brother’s fine. I just quit drinking”
.
the foolish sayings of a rich man often pass for words of wisdom by the fools around him
December 10th, 2025 at 12:43:49 PM
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If I ever created a shoe company, I would call it Tuabar.
No end to the ad campaign possibilities, where someone else walks in Tuabar.
No end to the ad campaign possibilities, where someone else walks in Tuabar.
December 10th, 2025 at 1:41:46 PM
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.
Two nuns were riding their bikes down a cobblestone street ...on their way to the church.
One nun says to the other, "I've never come this way before."
The other nun replied, "It's probably the cobblestones."
.
Two nuns were riding their bikes down a cobblestone street ...on their way to the church.
One nun says to the other, "I've never come this way before."
The other nun replied, "It's probably the cobblestones."
.
the foolish sayings of a rich man often pass for words of wisdom by the fools around him
December 10th, 2025 at 6:55:33 PM
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I'm getting old. I've got a pool in the backyard shaped like a kidney with a stone in it.
--Dangerfield
--Dangerfield
Sanitized for Your Protection
December 11th, 2025 at 2:57:45 AM
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Nathan and her mom seem pretty close. Although she once missed Nathan's 21st birthday because she was at a casino.
She nevertheless got to see one thing she loves hit 21.
She nevertheless got to see one thing she loves hit 21.
December 14th, 2025 at 3:30:14 AM
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the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
December 15th, 2025 at 4:09:27 AM
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.
Two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one robber grabs a bottle and asks the other robber "is this whiskey?"
The other says "yeah but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank"
.
Two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one robber grabs a bottle and asks the other robber "is this whiskey?"
The other says "yeah but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank"
.
the foolish sayings of a rich man often pass for words of wisdom by the fools around him
December 15th, 2025 at 6:06:13 AM
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Quote: NathanQuote: KevinAAThe jackpot starts at $50 million, which is really $25 million since the jackpot is paid out in a 30 year annuity.
The probability of winning is about 1 in 300 million.
That's worth less than 10 cents. And they want FIVE DOLLARS for that? I know there are lower prizes, but come on, people don't play these games trying to win ten bucks. They want to win the jackpot.
Even if the jackpot climbs to $600 million, which is really $300 million because of the stupid annuity feature, that's a prize that's worth one dollar on a FIVE DOLLAR ticket.
Idiots!
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I also think raising the price from $2 to $5 was an idiotic thing for the Lottery Officials to have done. We are in a RECESSION and these IDIOTS thought that more than doubling the price was a GOOD IDEA. MORONS. 🤦♀️
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Perhaps the game operators felt the $5 price point would steer some disadvantaged players away from a 50% house edge game, strengthening the economy overall.
May the cards fall in your favor.
December 15th, 2025 at 6:48:19 AM
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Doubling the ticket price resulted in less than half as many tickets being sold. Printing half the tickets means fewer trees get killed each drawing. Save The Planet.
I doubt many people only buy $2 worth of tickets. Whenever I see a line for a big drawing, people are buying $20-$40 worth.
I doubt many people only buy $2 worth of tickets. Whenever I see a line for a big drawing, people are buying $20-$40 worth.
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
December 15th, 2025 at 7:31:44 AM
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a different kind of laugh, chuckling over this error I just captured from that "test your IQ" clickbait that's selling I don't know what
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
December 18th, 2025 at 10:35:22 AM
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Quote: odiousgambita different kind of laugh, chuckling over this error I just captured from that "test your IQ" clickbait that's selling I don't know what
link to original post
This is from scammers named myIQ, they get you to take some simpleton IQ test then tell you you're a genius and to get the rest of the results you have to give them a dollar. Once they have your credit card information they start billing you monthly for $6 or $8 or some amount and it's extremely hard if not impossible to get them to stop. How much longer they can get away with it who knows what they're making a ton of money because their ads are everywhere.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
December 24th, 2025 at 3:21:49 AM
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A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender tells him,
'for you, no charge!
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
December 24th, 2025 at 4:41:46 AM
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Quote: odiousgambitA neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender tells him,
'for you, no charge!
link to original post
The neutron jokes made me think of the song "Neutron Dance". But then I had to look up why the Pointer Sisters gave the song that name. It wasn't clear in the lyrics, but it referred to a sign of the times, i.e., talk of a Neutron bomb. But then it "exploded" on the scene as a "big hit" from its use in a chase scene in "Beverly Hills Cops" an Eddie Murphy vehicle.
The song didn't "kill" anyone; it just "radiated" through popular culture.
There's no joke here, just "fallout".
Sorry if that "bombed."
Sanitized for Your Protection
December 24th, 2025 at 8:57:02 AM
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Quote: odiousgambitA neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender tells him,
'for you, no charge!
link to original post
"I was wondering, do you have a moment?"
December 25th, 2025 at 11:06:45 AM
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A priest, minister, and rabbi walk into a bar and order drinks
the bartender ...
the bartender ...
... looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
December 25th, 2025 at 11:33:23 AM
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Two boys went to the movies. One had to pee during the movie and went to the bathroom.
He asked directions of the attendant which were complicated.
"Go down the ramp, make a right, right, left, right, left, left, right."
The boy got lost and finally, having to pee so bad and blind in the dark theater the boy just pulled it out and peed
Finding his way back miraculously to his seat he asked his friend what he missed.
The friend replied "it was hilarious. Some kid climbed on the stage and peed all over the screen".
He asked directions of the attendant which were complicated.
"Go down the ramp, make a right, right, left, right, left, left, right."
The boy got lost and finally, having to pee so bad and blind in the dark theater the boy just pulled it out and peed
Finding his way back miraculously to his seat he asked his friend what he missed.
The friend replied "it was hilarious. Some kid climbed on the stage and peed all over the screen".
For Whom the bus tolls; The bus tolls for thee
December 26th, 2025 at 2:27:43 AM
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A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. They had just walked a long way in extremely cold weather, into a strong wind, with no chapstick. They begin arguing about when the End Times will come. The Bartender says it’s already begun, because …
I see there’s a pox o’lips now!
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
December 26th, 2025 at 7:09:30 AM
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Would you rather drink or have brain surgery?
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
December 26th, 2025 at 7:31:17 AM
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How do snowmen make babies?
Snowballs.
Snowballs.
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
December 26th, 2025 at 7:51:57 AM
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Quote: billryanHow do snowmen make babies?
Snowballs.
link to original post
Change the Y to I and add E-S
May the cards fall in your favor.
December 26th, 2025 at 3:05:31 PM
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Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
The chicken
The chicken who?
The chicken that crossed the road.
Go away!
Knock! Knock!
I told you to go away!
Don't you want to know why I crossed the road?
No! Go away.
"Well, that's a first." says the chicken.
Who's there?
The chicken
The chicken who?
The chicken that crossed the road.
Go away!
Knock! Knock!
I told you to go away!
Don't you want to know why I crossed the road?
No! Go away.
"Well, that's a first." says the chicken.
Sanitized for Your Protection
December 26th, 2025 at 5:20:25 PM
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How did the mathematician solve his constipation problem?
Same way he would solve any problem- he worked it out with a pencil!
December 27th, 2025 at 3:39:17 AM
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When I was taking science courses, there was no talk about protons and neutrons consisting of other particles; just missed that myself … which made me look into it later. One motivating factor was finding out that they were teaching elementary school children about these sub-atomics. You can see why, they fit so well into the idea of making science fun, what with the funny name ‘quarks’ and the funny names of each.
I have to think the below originated from teaching kids,
I also came across quark jokes.
I’m guessing the likely reaction to a quark joke from an older baby boomer is
While a later boomer and those younger ‘get it’
I have to think the below originated from teaching kids,
I also came across quark jokes.
I’m guessing the likely reaction to a quark joke from an older baby boomer is
While a later boomer and those younger ‘get it’
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
December 27th, 2025 at 3:39:52 AM
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A student asks a scientist about the types of quarks. The scientist replies "Up, Down, Charm, Top, Bottom"
The student says "I think you missed one?" The scientist replies "Huh, that's Strange."
The student says "I think you missed one?" The scientist replies "Huh, that's Strange."
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
December 27th, 2025 at 4:24:16 AM
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A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.- noted American philosopher Yogi Berra
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
December 27th, 2025 at 4:42:28 AM
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I remember, as a kid, lying in bed waiting for Santa to come.
Then, there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and scurried along.
Then, there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and scurried along.
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
December 27th, 2025 at 6:18:22 AM
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Quote: billryanI remember, as a kid, lying in bed waiting for Santa to come.
Then, there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and scurried along.
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What' was a bad joke was getting clothes from "Santa." Not what I asked for!
Sanitized for Your Protection
December 27th, 2025 at 6:52:36 AM
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Quote: rxwineQuote: billryanI remember, as a kid, lying in bed waiting for Santa to come.
Then, there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and scurried along.
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What' was a bad joke was getting clothes from "Santa." Not what I asked for!
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Most of my Aunts and Uncles gave us money, but my godmother used to give out presents, and they were usually spot on.
My freshman year in college, I was home for school, and Christmas was at her house. I'd been over there a day or two earlier and saw a nice wrapped box with my name on it. Come Christmas Day, I open it and find two sets of flannel sheets. She must have sensed my disappointment as from that point on, she handed me a check every Thanksgiving. She's dead for seven years, but her estate still sends out a $10,000 check each Christmas as we inch towards wrapping it up. I'd rather get a set of sheets from her than a check from the estate, but life isn't fair.
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
December 27th, 2025 at 7:13:18 AM
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We would get underwear and socks from the grandparents on my father's side. Remember that scene in "A Christmas Story" movie?Quote: rxwine
What' was a bad joke was getting clothes from "Santa." Not what I asked for!
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Yep that was our attitude, 'I'm supposed to be happy about that?'.... and it played a role in which grandmother in particular I liked best.
In my older and wiser years, I suspect now that Dad's mother gave money for Christmas and said ' just get them something from me' and my mother used it to buy underwear and socks to help her budget. Meanwhile the gift from her Mom was always thoughtful and nice, yet for all I know it was the same thing, "here is some money just get them something from me". Now my mother was not evil and manipulative as a rule, but of course there is always a 'thing' between a woman and her mother-in-law and this was no exception. It was probably as mean a thing as she ever did, so I didn't suspect this.
And I wonder if this exact thing was common? The complaint is everywhere when you ask around, and it shows up in the movie. I gotta watch it again to see if they say who the socks are from.
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
December 27th, 2025 at 7:37:46 AM
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Quote: odiousgambitWhen I was taking science courses, there was no talk about protons and neutrons consisting of other particles; just missed that myself … which made me look into it later. One motivating factor was finding out that they were teaching elementary school children about these sub-atomics. You can see why, they fit so well into the idea of making science fun, what with the funny name ‘quarks’ and the funny names of each.
I have to think the below originated from teaching kids,
I also came across quark jokes.
I’m guessing the likely reaction to a quark joke from an older baby boomer is
While a later boomer and those younger ‘get it’
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I think it was 1970, when the smartest kid in my class asked my science teacher about quarks, and the teacher had no idea what a quark was. I went to the library and no one there knew anything about them, and they weren't in any of the reference books. My friend's older brother was going to Columbia and studied Science, so I asked him, and he was surprised I'd heard of them. The kid who asked ended up graduating a year early from Chaminade High School- Only the third boy in school history to graduate early, and went to Princeton and then on to Bell Labs.
The older I get, the better I recall things that never happened
