Youuuuuuuuuu might not be an AP if...(contest)
November 9th, 2015 at 10:13:51 PM
permalink
.....................you're wearing a dirty hoodie with a picture of Barrack Obama and play only between the 1st and the 3rd of the month..................
November 9th, 2015 at 11:01:06 PM
permalink
You might not be an AP.... if your idea of "hitting a progressive" is wacking "Flo" with her "Name Your Price Tool".
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication - Leonardo da Vinci
November 10th, 2015 at 3:40:54 AM
permalink
You may not be an AP if your first post to the Forum is written in Korean.
Youuuuuu MIGHT be a 'rascal' if.......(nevermind ;-)...2F
November 10th, 2015 at 3:43:25 AM
permalink
Quote: TwoFeathersATLDeleted
I found that humorous.
Pray for protection from enemies and witchcraft.
November 10th, 2015 at 4:31:24 AM
permalink
Did you see it before it was deleted? It was only there for about 60 seconds.
That was funny! But it wasn't nice ;-(
That was funny! But it wasn't nice ;-(
Youuuuuu MIGHT be a 'rascal' if.......(nevermind ;-)...2F
November 10th, 2015 at 4:52:03 AM
permalink
You may not be an AP if you're playing JoB video poker and you hold a pair of 3s and the ace kicker.
November 10th, 2015 at 5:24:13 AM
permalink
You might not be an AP if you have to ask casino patrons for bus fare home
A flute with no holes is not a flute, a donut with no holes is a danish
November 10th, 2015 at 5:38:58 AM
permalink
If you rally blackjack players to raise and lower bets in unison to try to destroy the house.
Pray for protection from enemies and witchcraft.
November 10th, 2015 at 6:23:21 AM
permalink
you might not be an AP if you're this person. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbayEIsorO8
November 10th, 2015 at 6:33:58 AM
permalink
Quote: beachbumbabsBuzzard,
Not funny. See ya.
Oh come on, it was funny!
But you might not be an AP if you can't figure out how to stay out of trouble with pit bosses or moderators
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
November 10th, 2015 at 6:38:07 AM
permalink
These are great! Keep 'em coming...
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
November 10th, 2015 at 6:42:31 AM
permalink
lol Babs, I'm glad someone appreciated my response to Tarzan saying Hi/Low was overly complicated. Apparently not a lot of people have seen Jeff Foxworthy... I'll try to form the response correctly:
IF you think "EV" is the night before a holiday, and SD is something you get from a hooker inside a casino..... Youuuuuuuuuuuu might not be an AP.
IF you think "EV" is the night before a holiday, and SD is something you get from a hooker inside a casino..... Youuuuuuuuuuuu might not be an AP.
Playing it correctly means you've already won.
November 10th, 2015 at 6:59:01 AM
permalink
Quote: Romeslol Babs, I'm glad someone appreciated my response to Tarzan saying Hi/Low was overly complicated. Apparently not a lot of people have seen Jeff Foxworthy... I'll try to form the response correctly:
IF you think "EV" is the night before a holiday, and SD is something you get from a hooker inside a casino..... Youuuuuuuuuuuu might not be an AP.
Do you know who Tarzan is? He's not a newbie to blackjack.
Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth. - Mahatma Ghandi
November 10th, 2015 at 7:07:37 AM
permalink
Yes, I've seen him on here and other sites which is why my first response to him was "I hope this is satire?"Quote: 1BBQuote: Romeslol Babs, I'm glad someone appreciated my response to Tarzan saying Hi/Low was overly complicated. Apparently not a lot of people have seen Jeff Foxworthy... I'll try to form the response correctly:
IF you think "EV" is the night before a holiday, and SD is something you get from a hooker inside a casino..... Youuuuuuuuuuuu might not be an AP.
Do you know who Tarzan is? He's not a newbie to blackjack.
I'm gonna count that as another person responding =P.
IF you think the dice going out of the tub and the shooter not requesting 'SAME DICE' is a curse to 7 out... Youuuuuuuuuu might not be an AP.
Playing it correctly means you've already won.
November 10th, 2015 at 7:09:01 AM
permalink
If you think Stanford Wong is an Ivy League porn flick... youuuuuuu might not be an AP.
November 10th, 2015 at 7:13:35 AM
permalink
If you think while you're in the coffee shop, "They're taking their time with my order - oh well, ONE game of Keno can't hurt", you might not be an AP.
November 10th, 2015 at 7:22:05 AM
permalink
IF you think Beyond Counting is the first algebra book a 6th grader receives, youuuuuuuuuuu might not be an AP.
Playing it correctly means you've already won.
November 10th, 2015 at 7:47:30 AM
permalink
Ok, that's 3 now that have made me laugh out loud. Not sayin' which 3.
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
November 10th, 2015 at 7:51:36 AM
permalink
Youuuuuu might not be an AP if you're either of these guys
or
or
November 10th, 2015 at 7:57:15 AM
permalink
If you think that knowing a six-deck shoe has 312 cards in it makes you a card counter, youuuuuuu might not be an AP.
"In my own case, when it seemed to me after a long illness that death was close at hand, I found no little solace in playing constantly at dice."
-- Girolamo Cardano, 1563
November 10th, 2015 at 8:02:45 AM
permalink
Youuuuuuuuu might not be an AP if you think staying in a hotel without paying for the continental breakfast, then eating the continental breakfast anyway, is an AP move
November 10th, 2015 at 8:04:06 AM
permalink
Ace, a free meal is ALWAYS an AP move for us poor schmucks =P.
IF you think "Beat The Dealer" is what you do out back of the casino after losing, youuuuuuu might not be an AP.
IF you think "Beat The Dealer" is what you do out back of the casino after losing, youuuuuuu might not be an AP.
Playing it correctly means you've already won.
November 10th, 2015 at 8:04:46 AM
permalink
If you think "but wait, all of the dealer's cards were whole cards", youuuuuu might not be an AP.
"In my own case, when it seemed to me after a long illness that death was close at hand, I found no little solace in playing constantly at dice."
-- Girolamo Cardano, 1563
November 10th, 2015 at 8:05:14 AM
permalink
If you think blackjack is a team sport, you may not be an AP.
Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth. - Mahatma Ghandi
November 10th, 2015 at 8:06:40 AM
permalink
If you think "taking the middle" means sitting between two of your friends in the sportsbook, youuuuuuu might not be an AP.
"In my own case, when it seemed to me after a long illness that death was close at hand, I found no little solace in playing constantly at dice."
-- Girolamo Cardano, 1563
November 10th, 2015 at 8:07:24 AM
permalink
Quote: Ibeatyouraces...If you reply to this thread more than four times...
That one needs to be in the semi finals, at least.
Youuuuuu MIGHT be a 'rascal' if.......(nevermind ;-)...2F
November 10th, 2015 at 8:10:06 AM
permalink
If you're reading this thread and wondering why everyone is talking about tests for intelligent high-schoolers, youuuuuu might not be an AP.
"In my own case, when it seemed to me after a long illness that death was close at hand, I found no little solace in playing constantly at dice."
-- Girolamo Cardano, 1563
November 10th, 2015 at 8:11:33 AM
permalink
Quote: jjjooogggSorry,
I didn't read the rules.
You might not be an AP if you didn't read the rules before you put your chips on the felt. ;-)
Youuuuuu MIGHT be a 'rascal' if.......(nevermind ;-)...2F
November 10th, 2015 at 8:18:10 AM
permalink
If the only card counting legend you know of is Galifianakis.
Pray for protection from enemies and witchcraft.
November 10th, 2015 at 8:55:46 AM
permalink
You might not be an AP if you need to ask the inspector whether 23456 is a straight.
November 10th, 2015 at 9:04:19 AM
permalink
IF you get paid out on a hand where you shouldn't, and you give the money BACK.... Youuuuuuuu might not be an AP.
Playing it correctly means you've already won.
November 10th, 2015 at 9:10:49 AM
permalink
Youuuuuuuu might not be an AP if ....... eating 100 mcnuggets in an hour for the Wiz's cash is your best play!
November 10th, 2015 at 9:23:29 AM
permalink
Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu might not be an AP if.........................you tip the dealer for any other reason than a cover play
A flute with no holes is not a flute, a donut with no holes is a danish
November 10th, 2015 at 9:29:13 AM
permalink
I hope we can all have fun in the spirit of the thread, and for anyone trying to be literal, I use the word "might" =D. #lawyered
IF your name is PAIGOWDAN, youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu might not be an AP.
IF your name is PAIGOWDAN, youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu might not be an AP.
Playing it correctly means you've already won.
November 10th, 2015 at 9:58:54 AM
permalink
Quote: beachbumbabs
4. Judges will be Mission, Face, and me. We will each award from 1 to 8 points (total) for humor, originality, and pertinence.
Every one that has made me laugh out loud is one that I shouldn't be promoting with this color name XD Please keep in mind Bab's Rule #6 and take caution when referencing active members of the site.
If you've never dragged yourself off your deathbed to take advantage of a Sic-Bo SNAFU, you ain't no AP.
The opinions of this moderator are for entertainment purposes only.
November 10th, 2015 at 10:04:17 AM
permalink
You couldn't be an AP if you played a three-dice game.
November 10th, 2015 at 10:06:33 AM
permalink
...if your screen name/handle is your real name!
DUHHIIIIIIIII HEARD THAT!
November 10th, 2015 at 10:18:13 AM
permalink
Quote: charliepatrickYou couldn't be an AP if you played a three-dice game.
This version...
The opinions of this moderator are for entertainment purposes only.
November 10th, 2015 at 10:55:10 AM
permalink
If you continually hold two cards to a Royal because "it's due"..... Youuuuuuuuuuuuu may not be an AP.
November 10th, 2015 at 1:09:33 PM
permalink
If you can't figure out how to beat Sigma Derby, youuuuuuu might not be an AP.
"Truth is ever to be found in the simplicity, and not in the multiplicity and confusion of things."
-- Isaac Newton
November 10th, 2015 at 1:20:34 PM
permalink
you might not be an AP if you resort to playing 'casino war', 'guess the number I'm thinking', and 'rock, paper, scissors' but then get killed at all those games too
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
November 10th, 2015 at 1:38:50 PM
permalink
But, but I'm really good at rock paper scissors...Quote: odiousgambityou might not be an AP if you resort to playing 'casino war', 'guess the number I'm thinking', and 'rock, paper, scissors' but then get killed at all those games too
If you don't know how to take advantage of Ultimate X... youuuuuuuuu might not be an AP.
Playing it correctly means you've already won.
November 10th, 2015 at 2:04:14 PM
permalink
Casino Rock Paper ScissorsQuote: Romes...good at rock paper scissors...
Game is played with 48 cards, 16 of each symbol. Player has three chances to win, but loses on any loss.
1st Game : Both Player and Dealer draw cards. Win pays 1-1; Lose loses. Tie - go to 2nd game.
2nd Game: Player sticks and Dealer redraws. Payouts as above. Tie - go to 3rd game.
3rd Game: As above except Win pays 1-1, Tie or Lose loses.
House Edge = 2.81%.
Now I guess an AP might not play it!
Edit - let's add a side bet for fun
1 tie : 1/1
2 ties: 2/1
3 ties: 10/1 House Edge 4.01%
November 10th, 2015 at 2:20:20 PM
permalink
If a redneck knows more math than you do... you might not be an Advantage Player
November 10th, 2015 at 2:30:36 PM
permalink
Dam you, you took mine.Quote: TwoFeathersATLYou might not be an AP if you didn't read the rules before you put your chips on the felt. ;-)
♪♪Now you swear and kick and beg us That you're not a gamblin' man Then you find you're back in Vegas With a handle in your hand♪♪ Your black cards can make you money So you hide them when you're able In the land of casinos and money You must put them on the table♪♪ You go back Jack do it again roulette wheels turinin' 'round and 'round♪♪ You go back Jack do it again♪♪
November 10th, 2015 at 2:32:06 PM
permalink
OUCH!!Quote: MidwestAPYouuuuuuuu might not be an AP if ....... eating 100 mcnuggets in an hour for the Wiz's cash is your best play!
♪♪Now you swear and kick and beg us That you're not a gamblin' man Then you find you're back in Vegas With a handle in your hand♪♪ Your black cards can make you money So you hide them when you're able In the land of casinos and money You must put them on the table♪♪ You go back Jack do it again roulette wheels turinin' 'round and 'round♪♪ You go back Jack do it again♪♪
November 10th, 2015 at 2:39:08 PM
permalink
Quote: Wizard... you hedge when all your half-point parlay cards ride on Monday Night Football.
... you hedge when only one of your parlay cards is riding on the Monday night game.
November 10th, 2015 at 2:41:27 PM
permalink
You might not be an AP if you had to give yourself a hair cut.
edit: AND your mom kicked you ass because of it.
edit: AND your mom kicked you ass because of it.
♪♪Now you swear and kick and beg us That you're not a gamblin' man Then you find you're back in Vegas With a handle in your hand♪♪ Your black cards can make you money So you hide them when you're able In the land of casinos and money You must put them on the table♪♪ You go back Jack do it again roulette wheels turinin' 'round and 'round♪♪ You go back Jack do it again♪♪
November 10th, 2015 at 3:05:06 PM
permalink
Quote: AxelWolfYou might not be an AP if you had to give yourself a hair cut.
I buzz my own. Huge AP move!
DUHHIIIIIIIII HEARD THAT!
