DJTeddyBear
DJTeddyBear
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November 21st, 2010 at 5:03:52 PM permalink
Wiz -

First of all, thanks. After all the bullshit posts we've seen lately, this one has me totally laughing my ass off.

Second, on some of the DJ sites I participate in, when the subject of contracts come up, the biggest response is to talk to a lawyer. Do you plan on talking to a lawyer? Of course, considering the subject of this contract, and the max $10 value, I'd say a lawyer might not be necessary...

Third, The second condition is redundant. On second thought, maybe not. Sounds like you're protecting yourself from the guy living for a million years. Yeah, you covered your bases there!


What if he dies, and his soul, in the form of a ghost, decides to violate the terms of the contract in some manner?

What if his soul/ghost decides to bite you in your ass, or do some other unpleasant deed to you?




I was gonna make some of these same points:
Quote: mkl654321

Hmmm. First of all, would he still have the $10 after a million years? Do souls have pockets? Bank accounts?

Presuming your mortal death occurs somewhat sooner than one million years from now, does the soul-only version of you still retain possession?

Define $10. I assume that's American dollars. What sort of currency will be available in the afterlife? And if inflation continues, even slowly, what will $10 be worth in a million years? I foresee the penny biting the dust in my lifetime. In a million years, will the USA exist? And if so, will $10 bills still be printed? Or be considered anything in a cash-less society? Think of the history of the Italian Lira.
I invented a few casino games. Info: http://www.DaveMillerGaming.com/ 覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧 Superstitions are silly, childish, irrational rituals, born out of fear of the unknown. But how much does it cost to knock on wood? 😁
JerryLogan
JerryLogan
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November 21st, 2010 at 5:08:47 PM permalink
I rest my case. If it's so very easy to rile non-believers, then they themselves have a constant little voice in the back of their heads telling them of their constant state of misery, confusion, unhappiness, conflict, hate, and even homosexuality. But getting them to admit it is not possible.
mkl654321
mkl654321
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November 21st, 2010 at 5:11:20 PM permalink
Quote: JerryLogan

I rest my case. If it's so very easy to rile non-believers, then they themselves have a constant little voice in the back of their heads telling them of their constant state of misery, confusion, unhappiness, conflict, hate, and even homosexuality. But getting them to admit it is not possible.



Yes. Getting people to "admit" something that is totally untrue, and total bullshit, is definitely difficult.

The reason why you've rested your case is that your case is nonexistent.
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.---George Bernard Shaw
DJTeddyBear
DJTeddyBear
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November 21st, 2010 at 5:32:31 PM permalink
It occurs to me....

Why would an atheist hesitate to sell his soul?


Could it be that he's violating the Wiz' Seventh Commandment?
Quote:

7. Thou shalt not hedge thy bets.

I invented a few casino games. Info: http://www.DaveMillerGaming.com/ 覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧 Superstitions are silly, childish, irrational rituals, born out of fear of the unknown. But how much does it cost to knock on wood? 😁
Wizard
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Wizard
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November 21st, 2010 at 5:33:54 PM permalink
Thanks for all the comments so far. I can tell you the seller is taking them seriously into consideration. He seems a little nervous about this, to be honest with you. Here is version 3.0 of the contract. I'm calling version 1.0 the simple soul for $10, and version 2.0 what I originally posted.

Quote: Soul contract version 3.0



As of the ___ day of ______________, in the Christian year ____________, I _________________, hereby sell my soul to Michael Shackleford for the sum of $10, subject to the following terms and conditions:

  1. This document covers the soul in all possible forms and ideations, covered by any human religion, including those religions that believe there is no soul, with the following exceptions:
    a. The soul as conceived of by the evil overlord Xenu.
    b. The soul as conceived of by the native Umbumbu peoples of Krakatoa.
    c. The soul as conceived of by all incarnations of Buddha prior to his incarnation as 典he Buddha.
    d. The soul, as sold on the open market by Francisco, in the year B.C.E. 42 in the small market in East Athens between the salt dealer and the donkey peddler.
  2. The soul of ___________________ cannot be assigned, sold, given or left to any acquaintance, descendent or beneficiary of Michael Shackleford, the estate of Michael Shackleford or any trust in which Michael Shackleford is named. The soul of ______________ will remain the sole possession of Michael Shackleford, or transcendent variations and incarnations of his soul, exclusive of iconic demon variations beginning the 44-th Karmic lifetime, for the duration of this contract.
  3. This document is not to be communicated in any form, reproduced in any form, or disseminated in any form, without the explicit written permission of ____________________. Any such act constitutes a violation of the terms of this sale and immediately revokes the sale so that the soul of _________________ reverts to his possession.
  4. ___________________ will have the option of repurchasing his soul for the sum of $10 after the greater of one trillion human-years or one million trillion soul-years, but in no event can such sale occur before the human death of __________________ .
  5. If _______________ declines to repurchase his soul, this contract will continue in effect until the souls of Michael Shackleford and _____________ dissolve into quantum foam, at which time, given that time will cease to exist, this contract shall be deemed null and void.



About the lawyer, nah. I'm actually having dinner with two lawyers later this evening, but am not sure they have the sense of humor for this. I'll take a printout in my pocket and play it by ear.

There are obviously all kinds of possible contingencies. We'll have to go to the Man in the Sky, I guess, if the contract proves vague. Personally, I would prefer to keep it as simple as possible. Like the contract Homer signed with the devil (played magnificently by Ned Flanders), in which he sold his soul for a donut. Short and to the point.

Also, the seller has requested to sign the contact with a drop of blood, lest I be able to embarrass him with this in the future. Something like this coming out might hurt one's chances to run for high office. I agreed.

By the way, I looked up Xenu. Seems he is a deity of Scientology. Where did they come up with this stuff? I hope that if there is an afterlife Xena Warrior Princess has a place in it.
It's not whether you win or lose; it's whether or not you had a good bet.
mkl654321
mkl654321
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November 21st, 2010 at 5:41:31 PM permalink
After you die, how will you maintain complete control of the contract, and prevent its dissemination and communication? You could destroy it on your deathbed, I suppose, but wouldn't that act in itself void the contract? But if you didn't do that, your family, or even worse, your lawyer, would get hold of it (though I would suppose any minion of Satan could serve as custodian of the contract, so a lawyer might be OK).
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.---George Bernard Shaw
MathExtremist
MathExtremist
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November 21st, 2010 at 5:42:47 PM permalink
I wasn't paying attention earlier, apparently: why would you offer someone else $10 for something you don't think exists? How is that possibly a good bet? In fact, given my lay understanding of legal theory, "something that doesn't exist" probably doesn't form sufficient consideration to execute a contract.

But for drafting purposes, replace all the blanks except the first with "The Seller", and say "_______________ (hereinafter known as "The Seller")" the first time. There are fewer blanks that way.
"In my own case, when it seemed to me after a long illness that death was close at hand, I found no little solace in playing constantly at dice." -- Girolamo Cardano, 1563
Wizard
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Wizard
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November 21st, 2010 at 5:44:41 PM permalink
Quote: mkl654321

After you die, how will you maintain complete control of the contract, and prevent its dissemination and communication?



I assume that I don't need to have physical possession of the contract for it to count. Kind of like how just because you can't produce a contract doesn't mean it is null and void. In my opinion, the essence of the contract is eternal.
It's not whether you win or lose; it's whether or not you had a good bet.
Wizard
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Wizard
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November 21st, 2010 at 5:47:51 PM permalink
Quote: MathExtremist

I wasn't paying attention earlier, apparently: why would you offer someone else $10 for something you don't think exists? How is that possibly a good bet? In fact, given my lay understanding of legal theory, "something that doesn't exist" probably doesn't form sufficient consideration to execute a contract.



Here is how I roughly analyze this bet. Let's say there is a 1 in a million chance that there is a soul and none of the exceptions are met. Then I will have a slave in the afterlife for one million years. So for $10 my expected return is 1 year of indentured servitude. That sounds like a good bet to me.
It's not whether you win or lose; it's whether or not you had a good bet.
mkl654321
mkl654321
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November 21st, 2010 at 5:49:48 PM permalink
Quote: Wizard

Here is how I roughly analyze this bet. Let's say there is a 1 in a million chance that there is a soul and none of the exceptions are met. Then I will have a slave in the afterlife for one million years. So for $10 my expected return is 1 year of indentured servitude. That sounds like a good bet to me.



I would buy JerryLogan's soul for maybe even $12 or $14 if that would be a possible outcome. I'd make him do girly things for all eternity (not to mention the French maid uniform).
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.---George Bernard Shaw

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