I need to know if I should leave him or not?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. We have lived with each other for 2 years. Our relationship has been a good one for the most part. We are happy and very much in love however the last 4 months things have changed between us. He lost his job in March and I have been doing well in mine. I have a son from a previous marriage so we have had many fights about him disciplining my son and the fights have gotten worse until finally he gave up and doesn't say anything. Of course that made us more angry with each other and we just don't get along anymore. So on advice from friends we decided on couples counseling. The day after the first appointment I found his Facebook page open. Now at this point we had deleted each other from our Facebooks cause I'm a jealous kind of girl so out of frustration we did it to hurt each other. So just to be noisy I looked at his messages and I found numerous message he exchanged with a old friend he has known since high school. The messages were in no way innocent. They were dirty and things that me and him should be talking about. I immediately freaked out and confronted him. His response was it was adult talk and nothing to worry about. That the girl is married, lives 300 miles away and is just his friend. He said it was "sarcasm" and just talk. No feelings or intentions were behind it. It was just stupid talk. Now I have kind of done the same thing myself and of course he doesn't know this but I am so hurt. To think I was in the another room when he is telling this girl these things makes me sick. Well, me and this girl got into online as well cause I had to call her out. She first told me things like I'm insecure and I can't keep a man. That all guys will cheat on me cause I'm pathetic. She also threatened to drive down and beat the crap out me. Then she sent me another message telling me that they are just friends and have never done anything together and never would. However if she wanted him she could have him a heartbeat She again bashed me and called me every name in the book and dissed me every which way telling me how stupid i was to not let him talk to a girl. That guys and girls do talk without having to have sex. She also said that she knows how unhappy he is with me and that he would be so much better without me. This broad basically called out everything me and him have been dealing with and rubbed it in my face. I feel like his emotions were on her and I was forgotten. I read him the messages & he ended up messaging her and telling her how it was very low for her to say those things to me and he was sorry if he mislead her in anyway but he had no feelings behind the messages. That they were just words. She responded back that they are again just friends and that it sucked that I ruined there friendship. She also mentioned that if he wants to be miserable with me good luck. He then deleted her from his Facebook and a day later deleted his Facebook all together. He has apologized so many times and has told me it meant nothing and he regrets it and has seemed so remorseful. I just don't know where to go from here. I love him but I'm so scared he will do this again. He has proven to me it was nothing and she confirmed it but just thinking about him online talking to her makes me so mad. I want to move on but I want to make sure I'm making the right decision. What is the best advice you can give me?

Quote: mellymel2105

What is the best advice you can give me?

To grow up.
You've got a boyfriend. He sure doesn't seem much but he may be about as good as you deserve. He seems to have lousy friends. You act impulsively and childishly. You are needy and clinging. If he gets a job maybe he will leave you. I don't know.
I don't think anyone much cares. If he does it again, it will probably because you drove him to it. So make up your mind yourself... you going to drive him away by keeping on fighting and complaining about him and being suspicious of his actions? I note that you didn't ask for advice in how to help him get a job or how to help yourself not make stupid malicious calls and comments.

Sounds like you have the typical situation of a single mother who lets her boyfriend move in to play house. And lets see, you said you have done the same thing on Facebook. No offense, but you have a very "ghetto" mouth and I can imagine the back and forth with this other woman online. You won't let him discipline your son.

The other poster is right. Grow up.

And another piece of advice. A child with a mother with a live-in boyfriend is statistically most likely to be abused and have problems in general. "Shacking up" doesn't just sound low-class. It is a bad situation to be in, most so for the kids.

Dump him and then grow up before you get into another relaltionship. If he confided in another woman that he is unhappy, then there is nothing you can do. Plus, he's lying; people don't just say things online and it is not innocent. You did the same thing? You should have realized by then that you aren't in any position to carry on a relationship.

First, you're asking for personal relationship advice from a bunch of people whose primary interest here is gambling and Las Vegas. I suspect that you already know the answer. Dump him! Send the bum packing. You'll find another bum.

Second, would it kill you to insert a paragraph or two? It really does help organize your thoughts when you have to group them together in concise little packets and it makes it so much more pleasurable to read.

Choices

A stay.
B leave.
C act like a person who has no brain in her head and leave then come back and then leave and then come back etc...
D Grow up and make a decision like and adult
E None of the above.
F All of the above.

I'd love to see the transcript of this cat fight, if you still have it.

My two cents is that I wouldn't end it over the relationship with this old friend. If that is the worst you have on him after a three-year relationship, then I'd let it go. I think you snooping on him is just as bad.

Quote: s2dbaker

First, you're asking for personal relationship advice from a bunch of people whose primary interest here is gambling and Las Vegas.

Google "is my boyfriend cheating on me." Look who comes in fourth.

4th you can do better!!!

I keep wondering why people keep asking for advice on relationships here.

Quote: Wizard

Google "is my boyfriend cheating on me." Look who comes in fourth.

wow, I get 3 top ads but for what comes up otherwise, your site is #1. That explains why we get these still I think.

when I was typing in the above, google started offering to auto-finish what I was typing with common similar questions, and the number one thing offered was "is my boyfriend gay?" Evidently the Wizard doesnt try to answer those.

Quote: gambler

I keep wondering why people keep asking for advice on relationships here.

1. Google
2. Because we answer!

Also, I think it's bad form to criticize a poster's grammar, spelling, lack of paragraphs, "ghetto language" and so on. I think the only point when you do that is to make yourself feel better than that person by publicly shaming them.

Not everyone has good language skills, so if you want to answer their question, answer. If you see a long block of text with misspelling, then click onto something else.

I'll make an exception for people WHO TYPE LIKE THIS FOR AN ENTIRE POST. We can yell at them.

Anyway, my advice always to every poster seems to always be to break up. I think it's because I'm so happy with my wife, that I think everyone deserves that. Or maybe I'm just really lucky and everyone should stay together...

Quote: Wizard

I'd love to see the transcript of this cat fight, if you still have it.

The more important point is not what was said but why the call was ever made in the first place.

She knew this woman was 300 miles away. She knew the length of her boyfriends penis. She knows how far and how often he can travel. Simple math makes it impossible for there to have been anything going on. She knew that but she makes a useless senseless phone call that intentionally escalates the situation. And it all involves some sort of sexy cyberchat which she herself seems to have engaged in with other men.

Its rather clear she is the source of the trouble with this other woman, the source of the trouble with her boyfriend and the one who has to change her actions so as attract better men or atleast offer them a stable, pleasant relationship.

Quote: FinsRule

Also, I think it's bad form to criticize a poster's grammar, spelling, lack of paragraphs, "ghetto language" and so on.

That actually one of the best written of such "cheating boyfriend" questions I have received. I've seen MUCH worse.

Quote: s2dbaker

First, you're asking for personal relationship advice from a bunch of people whose primary interest here is gambling and Las Vegas. I suspect that you already know the answer. Dump him! Send the bum packing. You'll find another bum.

I agree with every word of this!!!

This sounds like a teen mom reality show type of relationship. Maybe Jerry Springer(now I am dating myself). If you are not talking and fighting and he is off bad mouthing you to another girl behind your back end it. What are doing still with him? You are not happy neither is he so why continue an unhappy union?

I think you should give him another chance. You both did bad things - you admitted to doing the same thing he did on Facebook as he did. You spied on him. You should forgive him and yourself because you are as guilty as he is.

Don't throw 3 years down the toilet without at least giving it another try. Continue the couples counselling. Both of you should delete your Facebook pages.

Sorry this relationship has doomed written all over it. In fact if you are lucky, the worst thing would be for it to become a just go your seperate ways breakup.

You say you love him but you do not trust him. Are these two mutually exclusive? Are you sure it is love you feel and not emotional dependency? If you can write " We just don't get along anymore", why are you still there if you are economically independent. Time to move on and get your life together.

Not sure what this is doing on WOO, I am sure there are plenty of sites for this type of post; Jerry Springer, Dr. Phil, Cheaters, etc. or the new 1 w/ Wendy Williams
( or should I say Hilliams, :), Love Triangle.

There *is* a probability aspect here, as it turns out.

If you think you should break up, you should.

You never "think" a significant other is The One. You KNOW it. With probability 1. Ergo, anyone for whom you do not feel this way should be cut loose.

Quote: mellymel2105

So just to be noisy I looked at his messages and I found numerous message he exchanged with a old friend he has known since high school. The messages were in no way innocent. They were dirty and things that me and him should be talking about.
...
Now I have kind of done the same thing myself and of course he doesn't know this but I am so hurt

Perhaps I'm the only one that feels this way, but it appears that you are upset that he is doing something that you yourself are doing. You can't be upset with him for something you are doing, thus you must be upset that he got caught doing it, while you haven't been caught yet. Him being caught would seem to indicate that he is either careless or stupid. Either of those characteristics would be sufficient for breaking up with him.

And in case you missed the sarcasm in my answer, then here is my real answer: break up with him. You're both too immature to be in a relationship. Break up, figure yourself out, then try again.

To the OP, your relationship sounds like one I had in the past.

However I was 13 at the time and at school.

For someone with a child you sound extremely immature for a start. You also sound like the kind of person that will put up with nasty treatment from men just to keep them. And also you sound like you can also be nasty as well.

Who is going to suffer by all this nastiness and juvenile behavior.... yep your child.

Dump him, raise your standards of maturity, and standards of men you date in the future, but most importantly put your child first ALL the time.