boyfriend troubles
It doesn't matter if he has cheated already or not, because he likes her more than he likes you.
Do you want to be with someone who doesn't treat you the way you should be treated?
If yes, then keep doing what you've been doing. If no, then break up with him. I'm sure you can find a guy that will treat you well.
My 2¢ is that this guy is kind of a jerk. I'd tell him you want some time apart. You sound young and both of you should have experiences with different people to find what kind of person you want to spend the rest of your lives with. Personally I wouldn't want to spend it with somebody excessively jealous, but not playing by his own rules.
As I always say, listen to what your brain is telling you to do.
I'm curious, what made you choose Thewizardofvegas forum for this topic? There are some smart people on here so it might have been a good move on your part.
I have a feeling its more than just one night.
>We get all wasted and chill out and end up passing out.
A novel experience for each of you, I'm sure!
>We've been dating for about 2 years now
Wow. It sure takes you a long time to wake up and face reality.
>he's is very protective over me
protective or restrictive and controlling?
>what should i do?
Probably just stay a drunken doormat.
Quote: WizardIf there is one thing almost all these stories have in common it is the girl snooping on the guys cell phone.
I noticed that too. It wouldnt surprise Billy Joel I don't think.
Quote: Wavy70What is wrong with an open relationship? Perhaps he needs to date the both of you simultaneously in order to know he is making the correct choice.
Open relationships are fine, but she didn't have the same prerogative.
Now that's thinking outside the box!! (no pun intended)Quote: Wavy70What is wrong with an open relationship? Perhaps he needs to date the both of you simultaneously in order to know he is making the correct choice.
Quote: WizardOpen relationships are fine, but she didn't have the same prerogative.
I am a bit of an idealist.
Quote: Wavy70What is wrong with an open relationship? Perhaps he needs to date the both of you simultaneously in order to know he is making the correct choice.
If that's the way he wants to play it, then he needs to be man enough to tell her what he wants and live with the results. Or at least let her date around as well. What's good for the goose is good for the gander!
Quote: WizardIf there is one thing almost all these stories have in common it is the girl snooping on the guys cell phone. Do with that what you wish.
My 2¢ is that this guy is kind of a jerk. I'd tell him you want some time apart. You sound young and both of you should have experiences with different people to find what kind of person you want to spend the rest of your lives with. Personally I wouldn't want to spend it with somebody excessively jealous, but not playing by his own rules.
As I always say, listen to what your brain is telling you to do.
Us girls have to snoop when our guy is caught telling many lies. My current BF of 2 years was funny, handsome and fun to be with at first. Then all sorts of missed dates, excuses of why he was seen with other girls while I was at home by myself.
I did listen to what my brain said after I looked at his most recent calls in his cell phone.
It helped me to lay down the law on what I was expecting from our relationship and that was 9 months ago. Our communication skills with each other is now fantastic and I think I have a keeper, and so does my Mom.
Quote: mustangsallyOur communication skills with each other is now fantastic and I think I have a keeper, and so does my Mom.
Uh, I doubt it. Past behavior indicates future behavior. If he was cheating before he will again. If you checked his cell phone before, you will again.
If he didn't cheat but was just "around" women then the story may be different.
Quote: mustangsallyOur communication skills with each other is now fantastic
I guess he learned and got a second cell phone that he keeps hidden.
Quote: kpI guess he learned and got a second cell phone that he keeps hidden.
My thoughts exactly. He didn't learn to change his values or priorities, he just learned to be less obvious.
He may have obtained a different phone or something but is he still leaving you home alone while he is out "working late"?
Maybe he decided to walk the straight and narrow, but most men decide that before they get caught the first time.
You may indeed have a keeper. Some other girl may have a keeper too though. Perhaps you will each meet some day.
Any unexplained absences around last Valentine's Day? Usually each girlfriend wants to spend time with him then... busiest day of the year for private detectives, I hear.
So I think you have to ask yourself if it was a case where his original transgressions were occurring in a period when he really would have felt he was cheating on a commitment, or if he just wasn't as far along as you were in spite of being lovers. Men are not the same as women at this 'Lovers' stage. If the "clearly cheating" condition was the case, I would agree with the others that he will be hard to tame and will likely slip back into his usual behavior.
Hmmm, are we all secretly wishing we could do an "advice to the lovelorn" column? I wouldnt have thought so in my case but I do feel compelled to add my 2 cents to these things.
It's true that if a guy is willing to cheat once, unless some fundamental changes are made in your relationship (beyond talking more), he is willing to cheat again. Guys and girls don't change unless there's a very good reason to do so. Let him off the hook for this one, and all you are doing is setting the bar for the next time. Only the next time, the stakes are likely to be much higher: marriage, children, inlaws, and real estate. Dating is supposed to be a trial period. Cheating is not tolerable at all (unless you are into the open relationship thing) during the trial.
Say goodbye.
And as for snooping, part of the dating experience is to get all of the information possible on your lover to make a decision of whether you want to be with him long term. So snoop away. Yes, you may have trust issues that you yourself need to resolve, but that's better than a cheating issue.
Quote: boymimboDump him. He's not into you. He's an asshole who wants to control you.
It's true that if a guy is willing to cheat once, unless some fundamental changes are made in your relationship (beyond talking more), he is willing to cheat again. Guys and girls don't change unless there's a very good reason to do so. Let him off the hook for this one, and all you are doing is setting the bar for the next time. Only the next time, the stakes are likely to be much higher: marriage, children, inlaws, and real estate. Dating is supposed to be a trial period. Cheating is not tolerable at all (unless you are into the open relationship thing) during the trial.
Say goodbye.
And as for snooping, part of the dating experience is to get all of the information possible on your lover to make a decision of whether you want to be with him long term. So snoop away. Yes, you may have trust issues that you yourself need to resolve, but that's better than a cheating issue.
Yup, yup, yup, yup, and yup.
Someone once said, people won't change unless it hurts more to stay the same. If he's already cheating, then losing you doesn't hurt him that much. And the snooping just makes you seem weird.
Follow boymimbo's advice. Say goodbye.
Quote: ItsCalledSoccerpeople won't change unless it hurts more to stay the same.
Gold, Jerry! Pure gold!
Dump him and get counseling on relationships.
There is a progression to such things and often the various stages are not clearly defined or understood on a mutual basis. It may indeed have been a problem of communication and awareness. Either way, good luck to you.Quote: boymimboDating is supposed to be a trial period. Cheating is not tolerable at all (unless you are into the open relationship thing) during the trial.
Quote: mustangsallyUs girls have to snoop when our guy is caught telling many lies. My current BF of 2 years was funny, handsome and fun to be with at first. Then all sorts of missed dates, excuses of why he was seen with other girls while I was at home by myself.
I did listen to what my brain said after I looked at his most recent calls in his cell phone.
It helped me to lay down the law on what I was expecting from our relationship and that was 9 months ago. Our communication skills with each other is now fantastic and I think I have a keeper, and so does my Mom.
You have to excuse us for being skeptical, but you said your boyfriend lies, so you used subterfuge to catch him at his lies and as a result he has reformed since you now had proof instead of simply rumors.
Maybe you didn't mean it that way, but most people would assume that he just learned to cover his trail better.
You may be too young to remember the scene in Heartburn (written by Nora Ephron, starring Jack Nicholson, and Meryl Streep). When she confronts him about his philandering her dialogue is:
- I know everything. It's all here.
You didn't even hide the evidence.
You just threw it in a drawer.
- Hotels. Motels.
You couldn't even pay cash, like a normal philanderer.
You charged everything.
