DJTeddyBear
DJTeddyBear
Joined: Nov 2, 2009
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October 4th, 2010 at 12:58:28 PM permalink
I know the obvious answer is that my problem is I don't win enough. LOL.


As you all know, I spend a week in Vegas, 9/19-9/25, and lost way more than I had hoped to even risk.

When I came home from work on 9/30, my wife's car was in the driveway, but she wasn't home. I automatically knew this meant she was at a casino, and she wasn't driving. I don't blame her. I was in Vegas for a week. She wasn't with me. She's got a right to have some fun too.

So after an hour and she hasn't called me, I sent her a text message telling her I knew where she was. I simply wrote: "While you're there, do something I forgot to do last week. Bring home a free poker magazine. And cash."

She handles the finances. When I came home after Vegas, I had given her most of what I had left. So she knew I was running low. She came home after I went to bed, and left a magazine with $100 on the table for me. I saw it in the morning when I was leaving for work.

She left a note "Is that enough?" I wrote "Yes", took the cash, and went to work.

$100 is plenty. She knows that I typically get $100 from her every 7 to 10 days.

But here's the thing. She was heading out of town to visit her brother for the weekend. I wasn't going with her. Did she think that after the horrible week I had in Vegas that I might be planning on going to a local casino so soon? Is that why I might need more?

As she's leaving Saturday, she again asks if it was enough, then tells me that she probably won't be going to a casino while she's there. Her brother lives about 5 miles from Turning Stone in NY.

After she leaves, I think about it, and it REALLY starts to make me think she was expecting me to go to a casino. So the bug is planted. I want to go.

Except I don't have any money. I have $100, but need at least $250 to sit down to poker.

After a couple hours of brooding about it, I check the hours of the bank. It's 2:10 and they close at 3:00. They have a coin counting machine that doesn't charge a commission. I grab my pickle jar full of coins and say to myself, if it's more than $150, I'm heading to the casino in the morning.

My pickle jar had $293.16 in it!

I went to Sands PA first thing in the morning. I came home 7 hours later up $152.

When the wife found out, she claimed she never intened to plant a seed. And she was pissed. But it's hard to be mad when I came home a winner.


Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view), I have bookings every weekend for the rest of the month, so a repeat is not gonna happen anytime soon.


But do I have a problem?
Superstitions are silly, childish, irrational rituals, born out of fear of the unknown. But how much does it cost to knock on wood? 😁 Note that the same could be said for Religion. I.E. Religion is nothing more than organized superstition. 🤗
Croupier
Croupier
Joined: Nov 15, 2009
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October 4th, 2010 at 1:03:37 PM permalink
Do you gamble at the expense of your family?
Do you gamble and cannot pay your bills?
Do you go out of your way to gamble when you have free time? (as opposed to doing other things you enjoy)
Do you lie about going to gamble?

If the answer to these all these questions is yes then I would say you might have a problem and should consider contacting your local gamblers anonymous, for further help.

If not, I would say you do not have a gambling problem, but like me may have some problems with impulse control and self control.
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mkl654321
mkl654321
Joined: Aug 8, 2010
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October 4th, 2010 at 1:26:13 PM permalink
The problem you actually have is a failure to communicate. Obviously, you both had different ideas of what the $100 was for. She thought it was your usual walking-around money. You thought it was carte blanche to go play poker.

I somehow doubt that she anticipated your emptying out the coin jar to boost your poker playing bankroll. I also doubt that the agreed purpose of that coin jar was for you to play poker with that money.

By the way, the fact that you won has very little to do with anything. Your wife was pissed because she felt you should have asked her if it was OK for you to gamble with the $100 (and, with the coin jar money). (By the way, did you put that $293 back in the coin jar?)

I'm perhaps reading a bit too much into this, and inferring a subtext where there perhaps is none, but I would guess that the reason you didn't clarify the money question before your wife left is that you didn't want to be told "no".

So my answer would be is that you possibly have an incipient problem, gambling or relationship-related, and I would suggest taking a good look at your own real motivations. It's supposed to be a huge red flag when you start to conceal your gambling from your loved ones (which is what you did, by not clarifying whether you could or could not use that money, then waiting until such clarification was impossible--and going to gamble anyway).
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.---George Bernard Shaw
DJTeddyBear
DJTeddyBear
Joined: Nov 2, 2009
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October 4th, 2010 at 1:57:41 PM permalink
Quote: Croupier

Do you gamble at the expense of your family?
Do you gamble and cannot pay your bills?
Do you go out of your way to gamble when you have free time? (as opposed to doing other things you enjoy)
Do you lie about going to gamble?

1 & 2: The wife handles the finances. I normally don't have an ATM card, but before my Vegas trip, she gave me one for an account that normally has nothing in it. Every couple days she reloaded that account for me. If there wasn't any money left to use for the reload, she would have told me.

3: That's a tough one, because there's not much I enjoy more than gambling - although I beleive I do it in moderation. Prior to the Vegas trip, it had been over a month since I saw a casino.

4: While I didn't tell her in advance, I disclosed everything when she came home, including the one hand where I lost over $250. But she's a poker player too. She agreed that it would have been hard to fold in that situation.



Quote: mkl654321

The problem you actually have is a failure to communicate. Obviously, you both had different ideas of what the $100 was for. She thought it was your usual walking-around money. You thought it was carte blanche to go play poker.

Actually, I thought she was tempting me to go.

Quote:

I somehow doubt that she anticipated your emptying out the coin jar to boost your poker playing bankroll. I also doubt that the agreed purpose of that coin jar was for you to play poker with that money.

There was no set purpose to it. It was simply my loose change, collected for a few years.

Quote:

By the way, did you put that $293 back in the coin jar?

I gave her $350 to put in the bank.

Quote:

So my answer would be is that you possibly have an incipient problem, gambling or relationship-related, and I would suggest taking a good look at your own real motivations.

Thanks for the advice.
Superstitions are silly, childish, irrational rituals, born out of fear of the unknown. But how much does it cost to knock on wood? 😁 Note that the same could be said for Religion. I.E. Religion is nothing more than organized superstition. 🤗
teddys
teddys
Joined: Nov 14, 2009
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October 4th, 2010 at 3:10:53 PM permalink
DJ, this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I would say it is indeed a red flag, and the seed of a problem may have been planted. If the first thing you thought of when you saw the $100 in the magazine was to go a casino, ahead of all else, that is the beginning of a single-minded focus on gambling. The fact that you enabled yourself even more by cashing in the coins just exacerbates the situation.

I would take a step back and think about things. Talk to people about it; your wife, and others. It may just be because you just got back from Vegas and you had the "gambling itch." But, when it comes to gambling, less is always better than more. Limiting yourself is the hard part.

For what it's worth, and to prove I'm not calling the kettle black, I've come to terms that I have a gambling problem. Thankfully, it's not destructive, but neither is it positive. I'm taking steps to correct it, but it still is going to take some time and effort to resolve.
"Dice, verily, are armed with goads and driving-hooks, deceiving and tormenting, causing grievous woe." -Rig Veda 10.34.4
MathExtremist
MathExtremist
Joined: Aug 31, 2010
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October 4th, 2010 at 3:23:44 PM permalink
Disordered gambling can be a serious problem when it occurs. Try the SOGS test: http://www.stopgamblingnow.com/sogs_print.htm
"In my own case, when it seemed to me after a long illness that death was close at hand, I found no little solace in playing constantly at dice." -- Girolamo Cardano, 1563
Ayecarumba
Ayecarumba
Joined: Nov 17, 2009
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October 4th, 2010 at 3:31:24 PM permalink
Quote: DJTeddyBear

But do I have a problem?



What would you have done if you had lost the pickle jar money? Would the $100 have followed? If you can't consistently stick to your loss limits, then I think you have a problem. It may not be "addiction" in the classic sense, but you can see it from there. Open communication (both ways) about your budget and spending with your spouse will go a long way toward keeping things under control.
When I die, I want everyone who ever worked with me on a group project to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.
odiousgambit
odiousgambit
Joined: Nov 9, 2009
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October 4th, 2010 at 3:47:56 PM permalink
Quote: DJTeddyBear


But do I have a problem?



Just 'having to ask' is not a good sign. From what I can gather, you are at risk, but not necessarily gone to full blown addiction.

If it was drugs or alcohol, I'd say you shouldnt try to work on this by yourself. I don't know what to tell a gambler on that.
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
Ayecarumba
Ayecarumba
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October 4th, 2010 at 3:55:39 PM permalink
Actually, asking is a great thing. It is the individual who is ashamed or in denial and doesn't ask that is in a real bad way. Addiction to gambling is just like drugs or alcohol, and your advice to not go it alone is right on.
When I die, I want everyone who ever worked with me on a group project to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.
EvenBob
EvenBob
Joined: Jul 18, 2010
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October 4th, 2010 at 4:00:15 PM permalink
I don't think its a problem until it starts to interfere with important things in your life. Right now it sounds like any other hobby, you enjoy it and look forward to it. We've been so programmed to think because its gambling related, it must be awful. I remember a few years ago one of the radio shrinks said if you drink 4 beers every weekend while watching a sports game, you're an alcoholic. What utter BS. Looking forward to playing poker and even Jonesing for it once in awhile doesn't mean you have a 'gambling problem'. I knew a guy who spent all his time and money on antique radios, and nobody thought anything about it. He was a radioholic, ohhhh nooo...
"It's not enough to succeed, your friends must fail." Gore Vidal

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