Love/Gambling question

I'm a dealer and I'm currently dating a woman I met when she played on my table about a month ago. I took note at that time that she didn't tip the dealers, nor did she tip the cocktail waitress whenever she ordered a drink.

She said she was fairly new to playing in the casino, so during casual conversation over the course of our first couple of dates, I talked about my job and how tips are the majority of my income. I mentioned a few anecdotes about typical players and how I make my money a dollar or two at a time. It all adds up. I pointed out that many casino employees are much like a bartender and waiter--that it's common courtesy to tip a couple of dollars if you receive good service--but I never singled her out.

A few days ago she met me at my casino so we could go out after my shift. She had time to play for an hour or two and when we got a chance to talk she excitedly told me that she'd won several hundred dollars at the tables. Great, I thought.

The next day at work, one of the dealers came up to me and asked, "What's the deal with your girlfriend? She won big at my table and didn't tip a dollar. She didn't even give the waitress anything."

So my question is, what do I do now? First of all, do I even bring this up to her? She's tipped when we went to the bar and to the restaurant. I have little doubt that it's merely inexperience why she hasn't tipped anyone in the casino. But I also don't want to create a big deal out of this. It's not like we're married. We've seen each other five or six times over the course of a month. That said, when I visited her place of employment (a professional environment) I went out of my way to make as good impression as I could on her coworkers.

And... if I *do* say something to her, what do I say, and how do I say it? I don't want to end up in the doghouse with a new love interest. Is it my place to educate her on casino etiquette? How can I do so without embarrassing her?

This one has me stumped.

Jamie

I don't know if there is anyone here qualified to give you advice on this issue other than to remind you that these are separate and distinct issues and should not be merged into some over-riding Personna that dictates your interaction with her.

She may or may not have known the first time about tips in a casino. She certainly knows it now. She doesn't do it. She probably won't ever do it. She sees others tipping the Tray Lizard, she sees others tipping the dealers, she is not completely ignorant of the situation.

She has views on this issue.
You have views on this issue.
To the extent this issue will affect your relationship, it is between the two of you and should not be a matter for your co-workers who have been stiffed.

I don't understand the issue as to tipping in other situations but not tipping in the casino. I would question her on it directly rather than deal with invalid data. Do you want to screw a broad who doesn't tip in a casino is a different question than getting serious about a broad who doesn't tip in a casino. Perhaps she can deduct tips in other situations from her taxes or something?

It's all about you.

You are far too early in the relationship to be influencing her habits, decisions, or ethics, and I doubt you want to make or break a relationship based on the fact that she doesn't tip. Expect the ribbing from your co-workers as this habit continues. Once you're deeper into the relationship, you can tell her what's going on and how it makes you feel. At this point in the game however, ignore it.

I have several different theories, each increasingly funny.

1 - She's a counter/advantage player, and tipping just cuts too much from her profits
2 - If she tips a lot, she's worried that it'll look suspicious that people are "helping" your new girlfriend. "helping" is in quotes because it means "cheating"
3 - I think she may be just dating you to get inside information on how casinos work, so she can plan a big heist.

Anyway, I can tell you from my 1 long year of marriage that you should tell her somehow. No one here can tell you how, because we don't know her personality. You should do it directly and gently, not passive agressively. There's not too big of a rush, but you need to think of a way to tell her, and whenever it comes up, just do it.

Quote: FinsRule

I think she may be just dating you to get inside information on how casinos work, so she can plan a big heist.

Nope. If that were the case, she would be a good tipper and very chatty with everyone including the co-workers. Also she would be dating a cage employee, not a dealer.

I'd try playing at the tables with her in your favorite casino. You set the example by tipping a see if she follows. If she doesn't learn by your example (since you've already mentioned it), you'll have to be more direct about it if the relationship moves forward...

I would let the matter drop.

Quote: RonC

I'd try playing at the tables with her in your favorite casino. You set the example by tipping a see if she follows. If she doesn't learn by your example (since you've already mentioned it), you'll have to be more direct about it if the relationship moves forward...

I'd say let it go. If you see someone else win big, and they decide not to tip, you don't run them down and explain to them how you make your money off tips, do you?

She's you're girlfriend.

Wow. I'd drop her. Sure, it's a give-and-take in any relationship. But she knows it's important to you, and she didn't give. Not even a dollar. This is a harbinger of the direction this relationship is going to go. Think of it as a Drunkard's Walk, and the first step was away from you.

I wouldn't make a big deal over it. It isn't easy to talk a stingy tipper into suddenly being a generous one. My wife and I have been married 15 years, and we've never seen eye to eye on the topic of tipping, and never will.

I would say that it came to your attention that she didn't tip the last time, and it embarrassed you. Follow that up by saying it is her business whether to tip in a casino, but if she chooses not to, to please refrain from playing at your casino, because it makes you look bad. If she seems to lament not tipping the last time, suggest she offer a posthumous tip to the same dealer her next visit to make things right.

Thanks for all the well-reasoned responses. I was concerned that I was going to come across as a greedy dealer.

Quote: RonC

I'd try playing at the tables with her in your favorite casino. You set the example by tipping a see if she follows. If she doesn't learn by your example (since you've already mentioned it), you'll have to be more direct about it if the relationship moves forward...

I've done this actually, though briefly. We played for ten or fifteen minutes at a neighboring casino. I don't think either one of us won more than one or two hands. And the dealer was a real jerk--and apparently not very bright since I was still wearing most of my dealer uniform. He should have known I was a potential gold mine. Anyway, I didn't have much opportunity to tip him based on our losing performance and the dealer's attitude. I pointed out to her afterward that he missed out on a couple bucks by not even smiling. She nodded and seemed to understand and agree.

Quote: Wizard

I wouldn't make a big deal over it. It isn't easy to talk a stingy tipper into suddenly being a generous one. My wife and I have been married 15 years, and we've never seen eye to eye on the topic of tipping, and never will.

I would say that it came to your attention that she didn't tip the last time, and it embarrassed you. Follow that up by saying it is her business whether to tip in a casino, but if she chooses not to, to please refrain from playing at your casino, because it makes you look bad. If she seems to lament not tipping the last time, suggest she offer a posthumous tip to the same dealer her next visit to make things right.

My goal, of course, isn't to turn her into a generous tipper. But as you point out, it's a little embarrassing to have a significant other visit your place of business and effectively mistreat your coworkers.

I was envisioning asking her about her winnings and saying something like, "Did you throw the dealer a few bucks after you won?" and I could see her responding with, "No, was I supposed to?" She's a bit introverted, and I think it causes her to miss things. I get the impression that she thinks tipping is reserved for when you win a huge sum, like thousands. I'm going to try to take your advice and bring it up to her.

Thanks.

Jamie

There might be several different approaches you could take. If you want to be more subtle, tell her a story about a time you dealt out a great hand to somebody who won a hundred bucks and didn't even tip you one dollar. See if that reminds her about her own time winning some money and not tipping. If that doesn't work, and her lack of tipping really bothers you, then just bring it up to her directly. As you've said, you've only gone out a few times. If this is going to be a deal breaker, better that it come out now than after you've put a lot time and effort into the relationship.

Quote: konceptum

If this is going to be a deal breaker, better that it come out now than after you've put a lot time and effort into the relationship.

It won't be a deal breaker, but it brings to mind the dating advice I've read that says watch how your date treats the waitstaff at the restaurant on a first date because that's how that person will treat you in six months.

Jamie

While we are on the subject of tipping let me tell you a little story.

My wife and I had a combined $40 food comp at one of the casinos. We decided that we would get some food to go. The waitress informed us that there was now a 10% fee added to your bill for take out and you had to pay the 10% with cash. You couldn't use any comp dollars to pay the 10% fee. She also said that she thought it was ridiculous and wasn't going to charge the 10% take out fee.

I thanked her for not charging us the 10% take out fee and when she brought us our take out order, I left her a tip that was more than the 10% fee.

The next time we went and had the same situation, the waiter told us about the 10% fee. I said that I never paid a take out fee before which was the truth. He said that was the policy and he would charge the 10% fee.

When our take out order came the 10% fee was on the bill.

Two things made me see red about this policy.

The first is the fact that there is a 10% take out fee and the second is that you have to pay the 10% fee in cash. You cannot use any comp dollars that you have in your account.

NO, I did not leave a tip for the waiter. I have a new policy that if you charge me a fee for take out, you're not going to get a tip.

One last comment. That is a very smart waitress.

A couple days ago at lunch, she asked me, "How was work last night?" I didn't have to lie. I told her it was crappy because I hadn't made a single dollar. One of those rare nights when the stars just happen to line up the wrong way. I was in a fine mood. Seemed to have friendly players. The cards weren't bad. They weren't especially good, but several people won, other people lost. But for some reason, I didn't earn one dollar in tips. That's what I told her. And I told her it makes for a frustrating night when I work to be friendly, give out money, yet don't drop anything in my box.

She asked, "Yeah, but you make more than just tips, right?"

That gave me the opportunity to explain that my hourly pay is less than minimum wage, and tips make up the majority of my income. It was pretty clear that she wasn't aware of this. She didn't say anything like "Oh, maybe I should have tipped the dealer when I won the other night," but I hoped there was a moment of realization for her.

Jamie