Touchy people

I'm very uncomfortable being touched.

I don't mind shaking hands, even with strangers. I can take jostling in crowded palces, like the subway, because there's no way round it and it's largely impersonal. But I really dislike it whne people put their hand on my shoulder, or tap me somewhere, especialy when I don't see it coming. This brings 2 questions:

1) Why do some people think they can just invade anyone else's private space and touch them however they feel like?
2) Why do people keep touching me when I've asked them please not to? Do I need to wear a sign saying "DON'T TOUCH ME!"?

I do like it when I'm attracted to someone and he touches me, I'll even tell him where I like it or want it (besides the point), and I like touching back. But co-workers, family, random strangers, ugh! I don't like it even when someone's trying to get my attention. Can't they talk first?

Glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I think "touchy-feely" people believe it makes them seem friendlier and allows them to connect more with the person they're talking to.

The problem is, like you, I see it as a gross violation of my personal space. I grew up as a city kid...not really a big city, but one with its share of crime and other problems. It's very easy for me to be paranoid and cynical about a random stranger on the street who randomly touches me and initiates conversation with me--likely it's not just a friendly chat but a hit-up for money, or worse. When I traveled to and worked in more rural Southern areas it took me a while to get used to the fact that sometimes a friendly chat is just that.

The weird thing is, like you, I actually do like touching from someone I know and trust--most of the time.

The US is considered a "medium-contact" society--apparently we as a culture have a concept of personal space but also collectively don't mind some friendly contact. I definitely wouldn't want us to be a high-contact society (like many middle-eastern and Latino countries), though I'm not sure I'd want to be in a low-contact one either (like Japan or India). It's a dilemma.

Quote: OneAngryDwarf

Glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I think "touchy-feely" people believe it makes them seem friendlier and allows them to connect more with the person they're talking to.

And not like some tentacled monster proding its prey. I know how they see it, the problem is they don't know how I see it.

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The problem is, like you, I see it as a gross violation of my personal space.

That's just what it is. There are exceptions, certainly, but overall that's just what ti is.

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I grew up as a city kid...not really a big city, but one with its share of crime and other problems. It's very easy for me to be paranoid and cynical about a random stranger on the street who randomly touches me and initiates conversation with me--likely it's not just a friendly chat but a hit-up for money, or worse.

I'm shy, too, so I sometimes don't respond well to random strangers striking up a conversation. But sometimes I do. I don't mind if they try, though I am wary in almost all cases

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The weird thing is, like you, I actually do like touching from someone I know and trust--most of the time.

It's not weird at all. If someone, stranger, co-worker, acuqaintance, and such, tried to get you to talk about something personal or intimate, you'd rightly tell them where to go and how to get there. But someone close to you has a valid expectation from such a request. Touching ranks about the same.

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The US is considered a "medium-contact" society--apparently we as a culture have a concept of personal space but also collectively don't mind some friendly contact. I definitely wouldn't want us to be a high-contact society (like many middle-eastern and Latino countries), though I'm not sure I'd want to be in a low-contact one either (like Japan or India). It's a dilemma.

I'd be fine without contact with strangers or acquaintances.

Latinos tend to see Americans as cool and aloof, I find them usually friendly and open. Go figure.

at the office there are three people who think they can put a hand on my shoulder or, worse, prod me on the side whenever they feel like it. I hate that. Unfortunately one of them is the boss and I can't quite tell him not to. I mean, no one else seems to mind. And offending the boss is never a good idea.

Another thing I dislike about Mexico are hugs. People like hugging for things like New Year's, Christmas and particularly birthdays. I've learned to endure it, but I still don't like it. You'll understand when I say I'm glad whem my birthday falls on a weekend.

Oh, about handshakes, I find too many men (a few women, too, but mostly men) have to say hello and goodbye every single day by shaking hands. Why? what's the difference between saying "hello" or "good morning" without shaking hands? In particular all too many of this type also have a cold, dead, wet mackarel handshake. Hey, you want to grab my hand, do it with something nice.

Quote: Nareed

I'm very uncomfortable being touched.

Women are always touching other women, where men don't touch each other and women don't touch them either. You're much safer dressed as a man.