Smallcap

He posted this on another forum. I thought long and hard before posting it here. I don't think I violated his confidence because he wrote: "I feel confident enough to tell my story and not feel shame if I can help another person." After reading that, I no longer had second thoughts about posting it. If the mods read this and disagree with me and feel it should not have been posted and take it down, that's okay. But I don't think they will feel that way. I also feel his story could possibly help others.

Here it is; from this point on the words are Smallcaps:


"So I started on this board in 2012. I owe a lot to it cause I got some good advice with my newbie questions but then once I got into the swing of things worked I came up with a different style of play and did really well for myself. I played most big action places if not all in Canada, USA, carribean , and Panama. Made one trip to South Korea.

i had some denial about my up bringing and started to develop debilitating anexity that the professional gambling surley did not help. I started therapy 2.5 years ago and that’s when it became difficult for me to play. I moved to California to get away from things back east and start a new life. I thought about going back to being a financial advisor but with all that money I didn’t want to get off my ass and work a real job. I started getting sugar baby on seeking arangements and prob blew like 75k on them. I have deep seated intimacy issues so really relationships involve panic on me. I started banking baccarat in the cali card room and did real well with that but for some reason it tilted me. I started straight gambling 20k a hand on banker and in less then a week I made 700k. That’s was the end for me and everytime I tried to call up the bank and give me 150k cashto start up a new bankroll to start card counting I would get this massive anexity and go play baccarat to alleviate it. The intention was always to card count and travel but never to play bac. I lost 680k the following week and my bankroll hit atm was 1,893,000. I wanted to hit 2 million then I was gunna chill out with the minus ev stuff. It never happened. So over the the last 1.5 to 2 years my life would look like hanging out in SANTA Monica and getting escorts/sugar babies.then ever 3 months I would get bored and want to try earning money threw card counting. I did this successful from about November to Jan 2017-2018. I played Vegas and got tossed and flyers all over in a week and the flyers made it all over. I did some stuff about ctring in an ein number and when the found out my real identity they bugged and flyerd me all over. It was really hard for me to play. I found some horrible countable games in the cards rooms where I could get a score 17 and play all day with 5k-6k top bets. I played all day and night and after like 2-3 weeks I turned around the slump and made like 150k. Now what I didn’t realize at the time is I was craving action so I was looking for huge games to play. I know the dragon limits in la are huge and I found a game with a rebate I could count the dragon 7 in bac and make 4K a day in ev right by my house. It was a horrible as it score 16 when u factor in the rebate because the pen was 1 deck. I ran insanely bad and lost 183k betting. 700 on the dragon 7 when the true count trigger indicted it needed to be bet. I took some time off and that tilted my lights out and start doing a betting progression of 10k to 20k on a wining hand. So I have decided I’m quitting trying to card count and going back to a career where I can slowly build up a business over time ( prob 10 years). Gambling has turned really destructive for me and I’m still processing a lot of stuff emotionally from therapy. My roll now sits at 380k from 1,893,000. I tell this story to see if I can help any other people out here. If ur getting anexity before u play , or from traveling, or carrying cash please go see a therapist who has there PhD. From all the deep work I did is I really didn’t ever want to card count. I did this unconiously cause I wanted his love I never got and this made him proud and he would brag to all his friends about me. My therapist things this is why I self sabotaged myself. My parents have personality disorders that I wasn’t aware of so my upbringing was torturous and I rebelled as hard as I could as a teenager.

so what I have to show from my ap career is 380k. No friends, no relationship and isolation. When u realize the money is just a defense mechanism to block deep seated pain you really have no use for it besides living. Please think twice for anyone who wants to get into this career if they have other options. It’s not the best mental health career and I see patterns of childhood truama playing out in a lot of ap pros. There are certain tells and I can pick them up cause I can see what was repressed in me so I know what to look for in them.
i can’t be the only won where the gambling turned ugly for them. Im confident enough to tell my story and not feel shame if I can help another person. Bet of luck to everyone and good cards!"

That's really disturbing and sad. I am glad he realized his gambling that started off as fun at first gradually turned into a full fledged and debilitating addiction and decided to stop when he has SOME money left. Ouch went from having over a million, almost 2 million in a bank to only having $380k due to gambling. That hurts ME and I surmise that he is feeling 100 times worse than I do. At least he didn't lose all of it and can still have a great life with the $380k if he doesn't blow it away in gambling.

He, and all APs, need to be clear on the difference between 'work', which is +EV 'gambling', and just plain -EV gambling.

.....

Quote: FleaStiff

Seems he was doing just fine until he went to a shrink.

As I understand the rules of WOV are you are not allowed to insult the poster but you can severely criticize the post.


And that was a really dumb ass post.

Quote: lilredrooster

As I understand the rules of WOV are you are not allowed to insult the poster but you can severely criticize the post.

In this case we have to defend it because it was a really funny comment. At least I enjoyed it.

Quote:

And that was a really dumb ass post.

If you mean the whole thread maybe so. A lot of unconfirmed stuff there ... sort of an odd combination of warning plus bragging plus 'raising consciousness of mental illness'.

I think a vulnerable person could read it and say "I want to do that, I'd make sure I kept the 1.8 million" or whatever it was.

Quote: odiousgambit

In this case we have to defend it because it was a really funny comment. At least I enjoyed it. A lot of unconfirmed stuff there ...

I don't know about you buddy but I don't crack wise when somebody opens up and shares something painful.

Unconfirmed? what do you want him to do? post videos

FYI a lot of people here know Smallcap personally and know what he's done. He's appeared on a GWAE podcast.

Yet another real dumb ass comment from the peanut gallery.



I've found a great new enjoyment in my life - blowing away some of the moronic comments on this site.

It feels soooooo good.

Quote: odiousgambit

In this case we have to defend it because it was a really funny comment. At least I enjoyed it.




If you mean the whole thread maybe so. A lot of unconfirmed stuff there ... sort of an odd combination of warning plus bragging plus 'raising consciousness of mental illness'.

I think a vulnerable person could read it and say "I want to do that, I'd make sure I kept the 1.8 million" or whatever it was.

Yea or they might say $380k? He'll that's better than I make at mcdonalds

Quote: darkoz

Yea or they might say $380k? He'll that's better than I make at mcdonalds

I was considering writing something like that but then I thought really hard and wondered if it could have come across as insensitive so I decided not to write it. ;)

Quote: lilredrooster

FYI a lot of people here know Smallcap personally and know what he's done. He's appeared on a GWAE podcast.

that I didn't know or suspect, sorry

My issue with this thread is that smallcap is a member here. He could have posted this here if he wanted to. He hasn't been by for about 6 weeks, mostly lurks, but has been on for years.

I'm going to PM him and ask if he wants this up here (as opposed to where red found it). Anybody who knows him, maybe you could point him this way.

I'm locking the thread for now. Stand by, please.

https://wizardofvegas.com/forum/gambling/blackjack/22474-gambling-with-an-edge-guest-card-counter-smallcap/

So. Someone PM'd me that Smallcap had also said much of the same in his latest appearance on GWAE podcast (link below). That tips the balance, as I think his intent is to give anyone interested the benefit of his experience and any hard-won wisdom, and be able to discuss these things.

I'm re-opening this thread, but reserving the right to delete it in its entirety once I hear back from smallcap, if he wants it gone.

Thanks for your patience.

http://www.richardmunchkin.com/2018/01/gambling-with-edge-guest-card-counter.html?m=1

Quote: lilredrooster

He posted this on another forum. I thought long and hard before posting it here. I don't think I violated his confidence because he wrote: "I feel confident enough to tell my story and not feel shame if I can help another person." After reading that, I no longer had second thoughts about posting it. If the mods read this and disagree with me and feel it should not have been posted and take it down, that's okay. But I don't think they will feel that way. I also feel his story could possibly help others.

Here it is; from this point on the words are Smallcaps:


"So I started on this board in 2012. I owe a lot to it cause I got some good advice with my newbie questions but then once I got into the swing of things worked I came up with a different style of play and did really well for myself. I played most big action places if not all in Canada, USA, carribean , and Panama. Made one trip to South Korea.

i had some denial about my up bringing and started to develop debilitating anexity that the professional gambling surley did not help. I started therapy 2.5 years ago and that’s when it became difficult for me to play. I moved to California to get away from things back east and start a new life. I thought about going back to being a financial advisor but with all that money I didn’t want to get off my ass and work a real job. I started getting sugar baby on seeking arangements and prob blew like 75k on them. I have deep seated intimacy issues so really relationships involve panic on me. I started banking baccarat in the cali card room and did real well with that but for some reason it tilted me. I started straight gambling 20k a hand on banker and in less then a week I made 700k. That’s was the end for me and everytime I tried to call up the bank and give me 150k cashto start up a new bankroll to start card counting I would get this massive anexity and go play baccarat to alleviate it. The intention was always to card count and travel but never to play bac. I lost 680k the following week and my bankroll hit atm was 1,893,000. I wanted to hit 2 million then I was gunna chill out with the minus ev stuff. It never happened. So over the the last 1.5 to 2 years my life would look like hanging out in SANTA Monica and getting escorts/sugar babies.then ever 3 months I would get bored and want to try earning money threw card counting. I did this successful from about November to Jan 2017-2018. I played Vegas and got tossed and flyers all over in a week and the flyers made it all over. I did some stuff about ctring in an ein number and when the found out my real identity they bugged and flyerd me all over. It was really hard for me to play. I found some horrible countable games in the cards rooms where I could get a score 17 and play all day with 5k-6k top bets. I played all day and night and after like 2-3 weeks I turned around the slump and made like 150k. Now what I didn’t realize at the time is I was craving action so I was looking for huge games to play. I know the dragon limits in la are huge and I found a game with a rebate I could count the dragon 7 in bac and make 4K a day in ev right by my house. It was a horrible as it score 16 when u factor in the rebate because the pen was 1 deck. I ran insanely bad and lost 183k betting. 700 on the dragon 7 when the true count trigger indicted it needed to be bet. I took some time off and that tilted my lights out and start doing a betting progression of 10k to 20k on a wining hand. So I have decided I’m quitting trying to card count and going back to a career where I can slowly build up a business over time ( prob 10 years). Gambling has turned really destructive for me and I’m still processing a lot of stuff emotionally from therapy. My roll now sits at 380k from 1,893,000. I tell this story to see if I can help any other people out here. If ur getting anexity before u play , or from traveling, or carrying cash please go see a therapist who has there PhD. From all the deep work I did is I really didn’t ever want to card count. I did this unconiously cause I wanted his love I never got and this made him proud and he would brag to all his friends about me. My therapist things this is why I self sabotaged myself. My parents have personality disorders that I wasn’t aware of so my upbringing was torturous and I rebelled as hard as I could as a teenager.

so what I have to show from my ap career is 380k. No friends, no relationship and isolation. When u realize the money is just a defense mechanism to block deep seated pain you really have no use for it besides living. Please think twice for anyone who wants to get into this career if they have other options. It’s not the best mental health career and I see patterns of childhood truama playing out in a lot of ap pros. There are certain tells and I can pick them up cause I can see what was repressed in me so I know what to look for in them.
i can’t be the only won where the gambling turned ugly for them. Im confident enough to tell my story and not feel shame if I can help another person. Bet of luck to everyone and good cards!"

tldr: trying to be an AP when you are a gambling addiction is bad times

Quote: beachbumbabs

So. Someone PM'd me that Smallcap had also said much of the same in his latest appearance on GWAE podcast (link below). That tips the balance, as I think his intent is to give anyone interested the benefit of his experience and any hard-won wisdom, and be able to discuss these things.

I'm re-opening this thread, but reserving the right to delete it in its entirety once I hear back from smallcap, if he wants it gone.

Thanks for your patience.

http://www.richardmunchkin.com/2018/01/gambling-with-edge-guest-card-counter.html?m=1

I actually just listened to this a couple of days ago (catching up on old GWAE eps that I missed and looked interesting). On the episode, the story had not gotten to its saddest end. He talked about all the therapy and going on-tilt at Baccarat banker bets, but it sounds like the interview was recorded just before the CTR and EIN incidents and his bad run at counting the dragon bet, and following tilt. He was still upbeat about being an AP in the interview.

I think he's probably making the best decision for his future, sad that it had to happen this way though.

The gambling is not the issue. It's the mental health that's the issue. I'm not sure if smallcap has figured that out from his post.

I just finished listening to all 3 of the SmallCap GWAE episodes. Very interesting and enjoyable while stuck on a bus in Vietnam.

"It’s not the best mental health career and I see patterns of childhood truama playing out in a lot of ap pros."

I may be confused what was meant by this, perhaps someone can enlighten me?

I don't think he was saying many AP's have had childhood trauma. From my experience, AP's backgrounds vary greatly and it's a fairly diverse group of individuals from all walks of life. Ya, I know, lots of white males who are AP's but besides that.

I don't think getting into ANY career involving anything too stressful or potentially addictive when you have mental health issues or some trama is a good idea.

If you are going to self-sabotage yourself, It seems to me like you are going to find a way no matter what you are doing in life.

Quote: AxelWolf

If you are going to self-sabotage yourself, It seems to me like you are going to find a way no matter what you are doing in life.

your comment relates to the great nature vs. nurture debate that has raged for hundreds of years among social scientists. nobody can say for sure what the answer is.

probably almost all would agree that both contribute to what an individual chooses to do in his life but how much for nature and how much for nurture?

Impossible to say.

I for one do not claim to be any kind of expert. but I would nonetheless say that the tremendous expansion of gambling has dramatically increased the number of problem gamblers. Would I say that if it wasn't for gambling they wouldn't have any serious problems? No, I wouldn't say that. But I would guess that some of them would not have been harmed nearly as much.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nature_versus_nurture

I joined the forums around the same time as smallcap back in 2012 on the other forum BJTF and I know his story pretty well as I used to talk to him from time to time. He had an incredible run and took some risks to make it happen to have a worthwhile win rate to him since he was working a fairly good job as a financial advisor. He also didnt live too far from me back home.

What happened to him is sad and im a bit shocked by it all. Whats even more sad is he fell into the scam trap of therapy. Therapists rely on individuals that are at a very current level of low self-esteem and brainwash them with bullshit that in the long run really just makes them worse. Just look at what happened to smallcap, look hows hes 'writing' now, its basically a mirror image of what the therapist is brainwashing him with in the clinic.

My opinion is that smallcap has been way too hard on himself and reached a pivotal age in his life (30) where he felt like he wasted his life playing blackjack and age is passing him by so he started to lose his mind especially if he claims he has no friends etc. He needs to realize that 99% of the population live each day working a drone job and are basically wasting their life to get a paycheck doing something they hate and wasting it to the time theyre 60+. He should be proud of what he has done and the money he was able to earn doing something he enjoyed. I think the stigma of not working a 'normal' job and not doing what all the people around him are doing made him feel like a 'loser' at his age. He needs to realize hes a step ahead of all of them and these societal stigmas are nothing but 'bull$hit.

Smallcap, get out of therapy and stop being so hard on yourself. You need perspective and realize anyone trying to make you feel like a 'loser' are just jealous of you. Criticism is one of the biggest forms of flattery.