EvenBob
EvenBob
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September 26th, 2010 at 3:18:39 PM permalink
I'm not sure. I know very few that do. In fact, I know 2 men who's wives are permanently mad at them. I know other men who have hobbies and spend 95% of their time in the basement. My brother knows a guy who picks up a six pack and a pizza on the way home from work and goes right to his rec room in the basement and never even see's his family. Charleston Heston said the secret to marriage is to say "I'm sorry honey, I was wrong" about 10 times a day. And even then its touch and go. The things women can get mad about never ceases to astound me. I've found that the less you say to them, the better off you are. Lets face it, they're really just a younger version of our mothers and they have even more power over us than she did. I really think that if I had a choice of being stuck on an island with a man or a woman, I'd take a hetro guy over a woman. At least there would be peace and quiet..
"It's not enough to succeed, your friends must fail." Gore Vidal
odiousgambit
odiousgambit
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September 26th, 2010 at 3:36:02 PM permalink
wow, you and your wife had a fight, right? [g]

well I personally think the first thing to realize is that humans have been forced into monogamy, the right move for us, but it fights what was natural to our ape ancestors. Birds are monogamous. Deer, goats, herd types in general have harems. Primates have at least some instinct for the latter route, sometimes as in the early Mormon Church, and some sects today, this is acted out..

Ideally, I think you do *not* marry your idealized Lover. You have a different relationship with your spouse, although sex should be part of the picture.

my 2 cents
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
chook
chook
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September 26th, 2010 at 3:49:24 PM permalink
Quote: odiousgambit

...our ape ancestors.



Speak for yourself.
I'm going with the Adam & Eve magic spell version.
You can't trust a dog to mind your food.
mkl654321
mkl654321
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September 26th, 2010 at 4:09:02 PM permalink
Quote: EvenBob

who's wives....hetro



Many marital disagreements are caused by lack of spelling ability.

Men and women are fundamentally different and fundamentally compatible. Any truly reciprocal relationship involves compromise from both parties. I've observed that most "permanently mad" states are a result of the husband refusing to modify his behavior in any way whatsoever from when he was single. Often, this involves staying a complete slob, rather than picking up after himself, because after all, he has a live-in free maid; why should he be neat and/or clean?

Another reason such conflicts are usually the husband's fault is that women are culturally and dispositionally inclined to resolve rather than exacerbate conflict. This means that they yield more than men do, even when they shouldn't. The state of war that exists in certain households is often the result of the wife's (incorrectly) allowing her husband to be a boor, and then, after his behavior becomes intolerable, snapping at last.

If a man truly can't understand what makes a woman mad, then he's not only unperceptive, but clueless as well. It actually doesn't take a genius to figure out what is wrong: after all, a man can simply ASK, if he can't divine it any other way. Women are usually implicit rather than explicit in their emotional cues, and part of what irritates them about men is that they think that they shouldn't HAVE to blurt out exactly what is bothering them; if we were paying any attention to their feelings, we should be able to figure it out. Men, in turn, see that as unfair.

The assertion, "the less you say to them, the better off you are" pretty much sums up what is wrong with male-female relations. Not discussing the source of conflicts exacerbates and prolongs those conflicts. Men may be reluctant to discuss anything but motorcycles and football, but the tension that is prolonged by their fear of talking with their spouses is THEIR fault. Mr. Six-Pack-and-Pizza is a coward.
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.---George Bernard Shaw
Wizard
Administrator
Wizard
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September 26th, 2010 at 4:12:47 PM permalink
Many disagree with me on this, but I'm of the general opinion that a heterosexual man and woman can't be just friends. If it were not for the sexual compatibility, we wouldn't get along at all.

One thing I've always wondered if there is one person in a lesbian relationship who takes the scapegoat roll. Speaking only for my family, everything that goes wrong in our house is my fault. Easier to just accept it than fight it.
It's not whether you win or lose; it's whether or not you had a good bet.
mkl654321
mkl654321
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September 26th, 2010 at 4:21:03 PM permalink
Quote: Wizard

Many disagree with me on this, but I'm of the general opinion that a heterosexual man and woman can't be just friends. If it were not for the sexual compatibility, we wouldn't get along at all.

One thing I've always wondered if there is one person in a lesbian relationship who takes the scapegoat roll. Speaking only for my family, everything that goes wrong in our house is my fault. Easier to just accept it than fight it.



That assertion (that men and women "can't" be friends) seems far too strong to be defensible. I know literally dozens of couples who are each others' best friends. I also know many persons, including myself, who have good friends of the opposite sex.

I reiterate my impression that many couples' incompatibility is caused by the man's perception that he need not modify his behavior in the slightest, just because he's sharing a household with a woman. And of course, the reason for such incompatibility is always dismissed as "she's a ------ (insert insult) bitch/pain in the ass/etc." NEVER is it the man's fault.

I think the above is a lingering cultural artifact from the not-so-distant days when women were supposed to cook, clean, make babies, and otherwise shut the fuck up. A LOT of men still resent that women have largely broken free of that role.
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.---George Bernard Shaw
thecesspit
thecesspit
Joined: Apr 19, 2010
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September 26th, 2010 at 4:24:19 PM permalink
Quote: Wizard

Many disagree with me on this, but I'm of the general opinion that a heterosexual man and woman can't be just friends. If it were not for the sexual compatibility, we wouldn't get along at all.



Three of my best friends are female, and I've lived with two of them, in completely platonic relationships. Actually I live with one of them right now.

Quote:

One thing I've always wondered if there is one person in a lesbian relationship who takes the scapegoat roll. Speaking only for my family, everything that goes wrong in our house is my fault. Easier to just accept it than fight it.



Why does there need to be a scapegoat in a two person relationship, regardless of the sexes of those involved. I know that defining a lesbian relationship in the traditional 'male/female' roles is a waste of time. Actually defining most relationships in those terms in a waste of time, if you want to understand it...
"Then you can admire the real gambler, who has neither eaten, slept, thought nor lived, he has so smarted under the scourge of his martingale, so suffered on the rack of his desire for a coup at trente-et-quarante" - Honore de Balzac, 1829
EvenBob
EvenBob
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September 26th, 2010 at 4:25:29 PM permalink
Quote: mkl654321


The assertion, "the less you say to them, the better off you are" pretty much sums up what is wrong with male-female relations.



Wrong. It avoids conflicts. Its something you learn the hard way. Let her talk, act like you care and understand, and say as little as possible. All women want is to talk anyway, they don't really want your input unless they ask for it. Its something I've heard Dr Laura say over and over and its a hard lesson to learn. Men are problem solvers and women just like to vent. If I just listen (or pretend to) it will all get resolved on its own.
"It's not enough to succeed, your friends must fail." Gore Vidal
EvenBob
EvenBob
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September 26th, 2010 at 4:30:12 PM permalink
Quote: Wizard

Speaking only for my family, everything that goes wrong in our house is my fault. Easier to just accept it than fight it.



Yup. When something goes wrong and it really is my wifes fault, I slip away and pretend it never happened. Other than that, everything else is my fault, usually because I didn't do something to prevent whatever went wrong. Assigning blame seems to be paramount, rather than just moving on. As Heston said "I'm sorry, honey, its my fault" is what saves the day.
"It's not enough to succeed, your friends must fail." Gore Vidal
mkl654321
mkl654321
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September 26th, 2010 at 4:42:01 PM permalink
Quote: EvenBob

All women want is to talk anyway, they don't really want your input unless they ask for it.



Yet another assertion that is emblematic of what is wrong with male-female relationships. (And a patronizing, self-serving, and full-of-crap assertion, at that.)
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.---George Bernard Shaw

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