WHY? why not?

Ok so I have been attracted to "M" for a long time. We met last year. Started off as mutual friends of another person.We ended up spending hours together everyday, and I really grew to like him. He ended up kissing me on Valentine's Day, and that night we spent 8 hours together (doing nothing more than kissing,hugging, and talking). And whenever we're together he always tells me "I'm saving myself for marriage, I'm not ready for a long term relationship." But here's the problem, he flirts with other women. A lot. And we weren't officially dating. And then a few months later we both stopped going to college in the summer, and we didn't talk. At all. Come back to school and he's talking to me, but its less than the year before. We hang out one night, cuddling in his bed, and we talk about everything. From our families to just stresses of everyday life. We were holding hands, he had his arms around me, and he tells me " I wanna kiss you so bad" But we didn't. Why? because we'd both feel too attached? because? IDK! Then 2 weeks later he's started an online LDR with some girl he's never met in person before. who lives 3,000 miles away. Then he got a webcam and Skype.That was 3 months ago.I know I love him, he may or may not know this.Me and "M" are facebook friends, I check up on him. But since he's graduated, facebook is the only means of communication.He's telling "this girl" that he loves her. That he's hers forever. Calling her baby and all this.Doing who knows what with her through the webcam.And I'm supposed to play the role of supportive friend who happens to be a girl? He keeps telling me about her, and how "great" she is.But their relationship isn't facebook official yet( they've been talking for 3 months). He's told me if they are still talking by the end of next year that he's going to find some way to meet her.I WANT TO BE THE GIRL HE'S TELLING I LOVE YOU TO. Currently "M" and I aren't talking. I occasionally creep on his facebook to see if they've stopped talking to each other. Everytime I look, they haven't yet....SO PEOPLE>>>>>>What do I do?

Quote: superperson246

Ok so I have been attracted to "M" for a long time.

Darn--I thought this post was going to be about that casino.

He doesn't love you. I doubt he even likes you very much. Move on. Don't online stalk him. Pretend he was in a plane and it crashed into a volcano with no survivors.

Just my .02

Men are pigs, forget him.

This reminds me of a girl I knew of sorts through college. Every week she would have a new guy with her - hanging out. I don't know what they did behind closed doors but it's my belief it was very similar to what you experienced, cuddling and kissing but nothing more. This would all stop when her boyfriend who was going to school at Hofstra in NY would come back home to Seattle - then they would spend the time together and from my friends who lived with her they'd do more than just cuddling and kissing. This guy was just using you to cure loneliness, nothing more. I wouldn't be surprised if when you professed your love for him that he'd just start laughing out loud, seriously. You can of course take risks and if you really do feel that way about him then do so... but being one of the few people your age / your generation here I think I have it spot on.

Play the game and always remember that some men can deeply love more than one woman.
Some day when things work out you will want to come back to a bunch of guys who live for gambling and casinos for child rearing advice.
I would tell a kid to get into the trucking industry.

You deserve better than him--don't waste time figuring out "why" he is like he is; it is just the way it is... On the off chance he "comes around" later on, just plan on dealing with that based on how things happen between now and then. Move forward by opening yourself up the other possibilities out there. I see too many young people getting attached to one possible outcome when there are So many more out there!!

It is possible for men (and women, too) to "love" more than one person. It is probable that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of people who could be "the one" out there--in a world of billions of people, how can there really just be "one" for us? AFTER you pick some one, then give everything you have to making them the "one". I just don't think the whole "one" thing happens until we make a decision to forsake all others.

So...if in the end you pick someone else, never look back...if he comes around and you pick him, the same advice...never look back!

It seems to me that his being intimate, but not trying to have sex with you, is key here. At first I was wondering if he was homosexual, but later you indicate he definitely likes women. Some recent movie had the title "He's just not that into you" or some such, and I am sorry to say I think that is the mantra for this relationship.

Quote: odiousgambit

I think that is the mantra for this relationship.

There is no relationship. There are two separate people each with fantasies and not much sense of reality.

If you're cute, he's either gay or actually somewhat the nice, conservative ("saving self for marriage") guy he's claiming to be. He's young, so he may not have confidence yet to just turn down your advances.

If you're not cute, or are pretty overweight, then he's probably just not at all attracted to you and is trying to avoid saying it.

Either way, find a guy who is in to you and be happy. The "he isn't in to you" book is sort of cliche, and it's still 4x more common for a guy to have no clue how to attract women than it is for a girl to have no clue that her potential match doesn't see things at all the same way, but remember: everywhere you look guys are chasing girls, telling them just what they want to hear, flirting, etc. If "your guy" isn't doing any of those things with you, don't try to rationalize it. For whatever reason he finds you much LESS appealing than the average girl off the street, so cut your losses and move on.

I have to disagree with the crowd this time. This sounds like a good man to me. I've been accused of being too flirtatious before, but it is done just in fun. If that is the worst thing you have on him, I'd let it go. Not every guy is as sexually charged as Bill Clinton. Some do prefer to take things slow, and I think in general those guys are good catches. I voted for tell him "I love you." You'll never know what would have happened if you didn't.

I'm reminded of the casino night episode of The Office -- my favorite. Jim took a big risk by saying that to Pam, gambling his friendship with her, but it was what he had to do. It took a few seasons, but in the end it turned out the right thing to do, as Pam probably would have married Roy otherwise.

This is a gambling/probability site. And the posters are playing the odds and saying that he probably sees you as a friend.

But who cares? Fortune favors the bold!

I read an article that said that most guys like to have a "backup" in mind. I'm thinking you're the backup. Plenty of backups have gotten chances to start, so go for it! Who needs more friends? Tell him you love him, and if he doesn't reciprocate, then you block him on facebook.

FORTUNE FAVORS THE BOLD! GO FOR IT!

And let us know how it worked out.

I see this as an enormously +EV bet. Right now, you haven't played the "discussing your feelings" card. If you do actually tell him how you feel, one of two things will happen:

1) He'll say "sorry, I don't feel the same way about you." If he's a nice guy, he may even realize he's been stringing you along and apologize. There's a very real chance that he has no idea about how you feel for him or what his indecisiveness is doing to you, and finding out will put you in a better place where you can move on.
2) He'll say "great, let's date." This is obviously an even better outcome than #1.

You win either way. The only way you lose is if you keep your mouth shut.