the odds he still cares about me?

6 months ago I and my fiancée broke up after 2 years of living together we have a 9 month old child. We were going fine and then his mother got in a lodger who had moved down from the north she took the lodger in as a favor to an old friend. His mother lived 2 doors from us, the lodger is our age (22) For a month his mother continuously asked him to show her around but he kept saying no, he was always like that when it came to other women, never had the time or day for them. Then a month later his mother asked him to take her car and follow the lodger to the mechanics and to bring her back home. That day changed everything, he could not wait to spend time with her, our child was 3 months old and he always doted on her until that point. The next day we broke up and we thought it was best I stayed at my parents for a week or two, a week after going to my parents he told me he was moving out, so I decided it was time to go back, on my way out the door to go back home I received a telephone call from him, he asked if he could stay in the spare room for a while I agreed, I had hoped this would help us sort out with our differences. An hour later I pulled up on the drive of our house we were renting and his stuff was gone, he explained his mother had taken his car back and said he could not have it if he stayed with me in the house so he decided to stay at his mums. For the next two months he came around daily and spent time with both me and his child, he came around on the nights and declared he was still attracted to me, I thought this was a good thing and that we could work things out and so he would stay until I fell to sleep.

The lodger befriended me, claimed that my ex fiancée had a girl over while I was at my parents and I just stated that we were broken up, I could not condemn the man for moving on, even though inside I was hurting, she was being really nice, visiting me herself and I started to confide in her and told her about mine and my ex's bedroom activities, that night she asked him to go for a drive with her, when he got back he told me it could not happen again. However she said she asked him and he denied it ever happened.

Well a month ago I told him I had enough, I was moving on because it was obvious he didn't want to be with me, he claimed he just wanted some freedom and begged me to wait until he got back from trip with his mum and lodger, they were visiting old friends where the lodger had lived prior to moving south. well I received a telephone call at 10:30pm two nights later while he was up north, he told me he loved me, he said he wanted to marry me and I told him I would get counselling to see if I can change the things that bothered him he told me not to, he said that he loved me exactly how I was and said he could not wait to see me..I could tell though he had been drinking.

He came back 2 days later and made no reference to the telephone call, in fact he asked me why I didn't date my male friend who had visited and I asked him about the telephone call he just said "I was drunk" I gave him back the engagement ring which he tried insisting I keep. I asked for a poem I had written to him and a photo he had of me and he refused to give them to me. He did eventually 2 weeks ago we got into an argument and I once again requested them both he got so mad at me, ripped the poem up and threw it in the bin and threw my photo at me.

I do suspect him and the lodger are dating now, the way he is around her, the fact his became really close to her family, just the way he speaks to them was the same way he spoke to my folks and knowing him as I do that is a big sign, he is also always around her and she around him, and he barely see's his child. He said he isn't dating her but he apparently denied sleeping with me so I don't know the truth from his words but everything tells me he is. She was also at the party he was at when he called me on the telephone.

I moved to my parents this weekend and he called me, we talked for an hour and at the end of the call he said "I love you" and then said "oops sorry it's habit"

Does he still care about me? Is this normal after a break up? it feels strange... icky strange like there is something else happening and this isn't how it's suppose to be but that could be my own hopes that there is something else at play and it isn't his choice. He is still wearing the ring I brought him for his birthday shortly before we broke up. He doesn't speak to me unless SHE is not there and he only had his child once when SHE was away visiting her family.

What do you think? I still love the man but I don't want to keep thinking of what if's. Are these the actions of a man who's moved on in more than just the physical sense?, I worry that if there is hope for us and I shut the door on this chapter I will loose the man I love with every part of me, that he would just stay with this woman because I walked away and moved on in life... He is that type of person, he will settle for something rather than nothing. Then I wonder was I the settlement and is she the one? Did he call me on the telephone because he wanted to keep me there just in case his moves fell through with this girl. I don't know, I speak to my family and they dislike him due to how much I have cried and hurt over the last 6 months. Sorry for this being long, I wanted to give as much information as possible because the advice depends solely on the information provided and to give shortened information might give me false hopes or loose hope where I shouldn't or should.

Thanks for reading.. Please be kind with your answers it's taken a lot to write here and ask, I feel like some love sick foolish puppy grasping at anything to just believe. It just doesn't make sense to me how he has acted.

I don't know the answer to your question, but I do know that, somewhere out there, a good person is waiting to meet you and make you happy. You just have to keep looking. You deserve to be happy.

I pick choices 1, 2, 3, and 5.

Really need to see a pic of you before I can give advice

Ignore the other responses up until now.

You guys have a child together and you should focus on the father's relationship to the child. This, at this point in life, is far more important then your relationship to him. The kid needs a father figure in his/her life, and you've got to make it amenable for him to visit and spend time with the child, for the child's sake. 0 - 5 is the most important time in a child's development and the kid will look at everything and put it into their psyche. A mother who is extremely upset and an father who is non existent will almost guarantee the kid's failure later in life.

For you, let him go, and put the romance on the side. Find someone else (eventually) and take care of your child. Encourage his relationship to the child, and try to maintain a cordial friendship, no matter how much of an ass he's being. Maturity should reign here. Time will pass, and he may come to realize that you might be the one, or might not be. But if you're both focussing on the child, the focussing on each other may or may not come back. I would expect that it wouldn't.

Focus on the child.

Is he a Mormon? You could move to Hildale, AZ were polygamy is totally kewl. You may have to get used to facing the planet Kolob when praying but it may be worth it.

Whatever you do, don't listen to boymimbo.

He didn't even answer your question! You barely mentioned your child, that's not what your post was about.

I have always tried not to care/love people who don't show care/love to me.

He sounds like a real dirtbag.
You're better off without him.
Find someone else who isn't such a jerk.
Or just do something to improve your life and feel better about yourself.
I think you have some self esteem issues.

not trying to be mean, just a really random forum to sign up for and make a first post, but welcome and please please add pics

" He didn't even answer your question! You barely mentioned your child, that's not what your post was about."

Finn. stick to handicapping horses. Her kid is what the post should have been about. She need to get child support. If she doesn't need the money to live on, put it in a college savings account for the kid.

She doesn't even mention whether it's a boy or a girl. Time for Mommy to grow up. I wish I could feel better about the life ahead for that baby. What will the next boy friend be like ?????????????????????

Buzz,

She obviously wasn't concerned about her child in the post. If someone asks you for help on a geography question, is it your place to say "Math is so much more important, do you know algebra?"

Maybe she has parenting completely figured out. She has a love question. The right response isn't "Don't listen to other people's love answers, be a better parent"

If so, then that should be the answer to every question here. I shouldn't be playing pai gow, I should be at home with my child, what kind of parent am I?

Oh shoot, maybe I'm right....

That's the good thing about horse racing, I get to watch it with my daughter.

My top pick for this weekend - Union Rags.. Not to win.

Only problem with daughters is they grow up to fast. I have 3 daughters and 8 granddaughters. May not have been the answer is her questions, but an answer I felt compelled to give. Someone a kick in the ass is all it takes for a 22 year old to grow up. i hope that's true in this case !!
Easy to pick a horse to lose , as you well now. What's your line on Union Rag losing ??

The child should be the paramount importance here, not your romance to this slimeball.

He will always "care about you" as he is stuck with you, like it or not, as the father of the child, for the next 17+ years. He is obviously cheating on you and doesn't have the guts to admit it. The guy's a slimeball. My advice to you is to focus on the child, ensure that the father of the child is too (financially and physically), and drop the romance as there isn't any. Let him be, and let himgo. Perhaps when he matures and grows a pair of balls, he may become a better man. You deserve better!

Union Rags is 2-1 morning line, will probably go off at 8-5 or 9-5. I'd say 7-2 is a fair price for him.

I'd take any bets at 2-1 on him.

Fin, I was born at night, but it was not last night. " Jockey Julien Leparoux replaces Javier Castellano as the rider of Union Rags for trainer Michael Matz as Castallano opted to ride Algorithms for trainer Todd Pletcher." You are willing to take 2-1 against a non-favorite, who's jockey has decided he is not the best horse in the race. ROFLMAO.

@Jeff - The reason we get seemingly random relationship questions is because the Wizard used to tackle relationship questions occasionally on his other site's "Ask the Wizard" column. That resulted in a really high Google rank for "relationship advice."

@OP - Move on, don't talk to the guy again. Get child support if you want, but I think you need a clean break. Of course ideally you'll put the kid first, but you pretty clearly don't have your head about you when this guy is around. Stop talking to him, seeing him, or interacting with him in any way. I'd give it a year and then reassess.

The guy is 22, which means he has the maturity of a 15 year
old. This is how immature people act. What I don't understand,
with contraception available in a dozen forms, how anybody
could get pregnant with an out of wedlock baby. The mind
boggles.

Quote: buzzpaff

Fin, I was born at night, but it was not last night. " Jockey Julien Leparoux replaces Javier Castellano as the rider of Union Rags for trainer Michael Matz as Castallano opted to ride Algorithms for trainer Todd Pletcher." You are willing to take 2-1 against a non-favorite, who's jockey has decided he is not the best horse in the race. ROFLMAO.

1. His morning line is 2-1. So I'm not like coming from left field on this. I could definitely see it going off less than that. So would you or a Union Rags supporter rather take the 8-5 or 9-5, or 2-1 from me.
2. Leparoux is a better jockey
3. Castellano switched to Pletcher so that if Algorithims gets hurt he can get another Pletcher horse for the Derby. Pletcher promised him that. Matz can't make the same promise for Leparoux.

Why in the hell would I bet on a horse who's ex-jockey thinks is not the best horse in the race? I mean we are talking about Derby horses. Jocks don't switch horses lightly with legitimate Derby hopes.

He sounds like a jerk and you definitely don't deserve that kind of treatment. I wouldn't hold out for him. There better guys out there.