I never thought I'd be posting this thread...

I need help. I'm a young guy who likes to gamble a little, but more or less just find it fascinting, so I've been posting here for the last few months. I recently posted about running bad in poker, but now I'm running pretty bad in life. This friday, out of the blue, my girlfriend of over 2 years who I felt so close to up and left me. She told me I'm great, but she'd just fallen out of love with me recently. There's some complications, though - she had a crush on one of her old high school friends, who recently just got out of a really big relationship and professed his love for her. That's really the only time things went downhill. Shortly after she told me she wasn't sure if she loved me anymore, and didn't know what to do with her feelings for the other guy. I was heartbroken, but when I gained my composure, we talked about it, made some compromises, and went on a short vacation. Things started looking up, I've felt closer to her than ever, even though she was about to move 2 hours away for a summer internship in our home town (and guess who lives there.) Four days into summer, she dumps me after I drive 2 hours to see her. On top of all that, I don't know how I'm gonna pay rent and having problems getting even the most remedial of jobs to hold me over for the summer.

I don't even know what I need help with, Wizard - everything! Can it really just be coincidental timing with her losing feelings for me and this guy, who's a mutual friend of ours, professing his love and everything shortly after going irreparably, unnegotiably south? I don't think so, and I think she's definitely gonna pursue him during the summer, but he's not good long-term relationship material at all and she's gonna have to come back to school next year. What happens when she comes back? How do I be friends with her or NOT be friends with her? She was my best friend, in addition to my lover, but now I don't know how I could manage cutting her off or keeping in contact - they both seem awful! What's going on? I'm still so confused and hurt, the child in me is fighting to accept it's even real. On top of all that, I still have all my money issues, I have to clean the house, live in OUR apartment for the summer, and take care of the pets we have together...

I'm really low, Wiz. I mean, I'd never contemplate suicide, but if I had it in me, this is the kind of low it would take. The person I trusted most in the world abandoned me when I was already down and really NEEDED her for the first time, I feel financially and geographically trapped in a prison cell, and I have no dignity because nobody seems to want to employ me. I never, in a million years, saw this coming from this person and I don't even know my left from my right now.

quit gambling. gambling and emotional instability do not mesh well together. so go get a job. meet another girl. a job has two benefits. it provides an income and gives you a chance to meet other people. maybe you will meet a girl at work who youre interested in or at least have coworkers you can go out to the bars with and meet someone there. its always easier meeting someone new while with a group.

I definitely don't gamble enough to have "quit" be an appropriate word. And I'm already on poker hiatus for a while.

I am very sorry to hear about your girl friend.

Now then, take a deep breath. Take another deep breath. Okay, take a third deep breath.

Life has its ups and downs, and it takes a very strong person to deal with things. Right now things seem very bad, but with the help of friends and some good advice, you will make it through this.

First of all, stop gambling. This includes poker. Poker and casinos will still be there when things in your life settle down. Going through a rough patch in life can lead to what I call "life tilt" and you do not want to be at the casino or poker table when that happens.

Second, you need a job. Any job. This will help your financial difficulties as well as get you out of the house and doing something. Be willing to accept the fact that this may not be your dream job. Apply everywhere you can think of. Once you have that job, it is okay to keep looking for something better in your free time, but get out of the house. If you are not filling out 7 to 10 applications per day, you are not working hard enough to get a job.

Third, turn to family and friends. Not necessarily for money (though if they can help out in any way great) but for support. That's what they are there for. And play with your pets! They can provide great emotional support too.

Fourth, find something active to do during your free time after you land a job. This can include joining a sports team/league, volunteering, or exercising. Drinking at a bar is not a healthy way to spend your free time.

Things look bad right now. And the truth is, sometimes life sucks. But you WILL make it through this tough time. It may take a while, but hang in there.

Feel free to turn to this forum for advice. I think that most of the regulars posting here are mature individuals as opposed to a lot of forums, but be sure to take advice from random strangers with a grain of salt. After all, we do not know your exact situation and background like your friends and family do.

Best of luck, hang tough, and you WILL pull through.

I was wondering if I had anything to add, and whether I should reply [sometimes I carelessly make jabs, alternately I sometimes try to give 100 hrs of therapy worth thousands for free in 5 minutes].

But I will point out, in case this escapes you, that you will always have trouble with women if you are struggling with your personal life. Women are great sympathizers to start with, but will turn cold on you once other instincts kick in, and brother, the instinct to pick well with choosing a mate is hard-wired in our otherwise often lovely potential life partners. When they do make mistakes, it is often because they over-rate status and wealth and can't see other flaws. If you are one heck of a guy who, however, doesn't seem to have prospects and perhaps goes about his avocations in a seedy manner [your poker playing may be seen this way by women], you are really setting yourself up for this kind of disappointment.

I actually think it is going to be up to you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do what you need to do to get it together with a career and a more upstanding personal life in general. Yes, gambling probably fits in to that poorly. If you have resources in family and friends to help you do this, get with it. Bear in mind your resources, like your girlfriends, will be reluctant partners unless they see a desire to change.

OK, I'm making a lot of assumptions, but that's the way I see it. I'm well on my way to that 5 minutes again, so will sign off now.

Well, the funny thing is she left me for a drug dealer who works at pizza hut and doesn't have any ambition to go anywhere in life. She's just the last person I ever expected to do something so rash, so stupid, and to do it so suddenly and painfully. I mean, I just got done with classes so I've been looking for a job for all of like 2 weeks. It's not like I'm an unemployed kid who just won't get a job and she couldn't take it any longer and moved for something more stable.

I know I have to do all those things, but losing the only person I really had to lean on for getting through it hurts so much. I'll get past it, but goddammit it's gonna hurt a lot, and now my motivation is at an all-time low. I'm also 2 hours away from all my close friends and family and we have an apartment leased together, even though she's paying and crashing with her parents. I don't feel I really have that option. I'm also from a very poor family, so they are good moral support, but can only help financially to a very limited extent.

Quote: FootofGod

Well, the funny thing is she left me for a drug dealer who works at pizza hut and doesn't have any ambition to go anywhere in life.

My assumptions were largely wrong, sorry. So this is truly a question to be answered by someone who gets these questions regularly like the Wizard I guess.

I have noticed the attraction of the drug dealer type to certain women and been puzzled by that before. I have sort of concluded that the female instinct involving attraction to status gets perverted in some way, affected by what I would have to assume to be her own drug use. Ummmm, I'm guessing you would not want to hear what this says about her if true. If not true, very bizarre, but I'd guess she is trying to reform him.

FootofGod,

I am sorry about your breakup and the fact that your girlfriend turned out to be awful for you.

First of all, you are young, very young (I am jealous of you young folk), and you need to put it into perspective. Your life is going to have many, many, ups and downs, and this period of your life is simply a down.

First of all, you should count your lucky stars that this didn't happen with children or property as you have to put up with the breakup and all of the nastiness around it for years (especially with children). This relationship is a fairly easy one to recover from as it is not complicated, at all. My advice to you is to never take her back because the trust is absolutely gone, forever. She's made her choice, and you have to live with it (despite the quality of her choice), lousy as it seems. And don't be her friend either.

Suffer, mourn, contemplate, hopefully learn from your mistakes and move on. This will take time. There are millions, nay, billions of women out there. You will find someone as long as you keep your eyes open and don't defeat yourself. Hopefully you can look for the warning signs that indicate that she's going to be a "strayer".

I had a situation a number of years ago. I was very happy with the person I was with (we were together, pretty much, day in, day out for a year) but on Christmas Day, her ex-husband surprised her with a bottle of perfume and she went back with him, that day. It took her five days to tell me, and this was completely out of the blue. I had quit my job and took another one to be closer to her. We were going to live with each other. I was absolutely devastated, but I knew that it wasn't my fault at all and my self-esteem was intact.

Three weeks later, while on training for my new job, I met my wife and we've been together ever since. Talk about rebound!!!

Looking back at that relationship, I should have seen the warning signs. There were plenty. You just add them to the life lessons and move on.

Finally, your self-esteem and self-worth have to be there for you to get involved again. Otherwise you will find someone who will take advantage of your weaknesses. You have to be strong, and that too, takes time. Chin up, find some work (I know it's tough in these time), or volunteer to keep yourself busy.

I have immediate advice: listen to some blues. That's what the blues is there for. You ain't the first, you ain't gonna be the last. That's why there's the blues. Trust humanity on this one. Other humans came up with this to help everyone through. Take advantage of it.

My broad advice is that you should realize that life has focused you microscopically on today's troubles. Long term, it turns around.

Quote: odiousgambit

My assumptions were largely wrong, sorry. So this is truly a question to be answered by someone who gets these questions regularly like the Wizard I guess.

I have noticed the attraction of the drug dealer type to certain women and been puzzled by that before. I have sort of concluded that the female instinct involving attraction to status gets perverted in some way, affected by what I would have to assume to be her own drug use. Ummmm, I'm guessing you would not want to hear what this says about her if true. If not true, very bizarre, but I'd guess she is trying to reform him.

She smokes occasionally, but neither of us have ever been into hard drugs, and he mostly just sells pot. I think it's an attempt to reform him and a silly attempt to give up the present and immediate future to pursue something that is very long in the past. It's all very bizarre.

As for the blues, yeah, I can feel that. I know I'm not going through anything special or exceptionally bad compared to other people or what's to come, but damn the pain is still very real. I was really close to proposing to this girl. We'd have been together for 3 years if we made it through the summer and everything seemed great. I know there will be other girls, but I've never had any luck with women and I dread the idea of searching again. Another thing I'm going to have to do against my will.

We're finally starting to talk things out rationally. I know what to do with everything else, but I still don't know what to do with HER. What happens if and when this blows up in her face? I was committed to her - I know I'll still be in love with her and want to give her another chance if I'm not involved with another, but is that right? I mean, she left me for another guy, but she didn't cheat on me. She just did a very stupid thing that's going to hurt both of us.

Getting on with life and doing well at it is the best "revenge", because eventually you will want to have her feel like she missed a good thing. So, get over her, get another girlfriend, do well in life, and always be nice to her.

The "best friend" thing? I've been there and done that, 30 years ago. You're gonna need another new best friend, too. Because best friends don't do that. She actually threw it back at me a year or so later: "I thought we were always going to be best friends?" Sure, except that I didn't really enjoy having my best friend rip my heart out and pee on it.

Clean break. Don't try the friend thing. Been there. yikes. My new girlfriend (and now wife) was tolerant but understandably not amused. Very little good and a whole lot of bad comes staying friends with exes.

You should expect that your heart will be broken several times before you and Ms. Right find each other. That is just part of the random process of finding a mate. About getting rejected in favor of the bad boy -- I know that VERY well. That is practically my life story.

Your odds will get better as you get older. The older women get, the better judgment they tend to use in picking a mate. Also the male-female ratio works more in men's favor as they get older. It can be tough for young men, because you're competing with lots of older men for the women your own age.

Again, it'll get better with time, just be patient.

Ah, the perfect and calming Wizard response. ;)

Thanks for the responses, everyone. Thank you, Wizard. I actually went out and got a job today. I'm not touching gambling or poker for a long, I'm going to work, get ready to give school my all next year, and improve upon my life as much as I can, and I'm going to do it for me. Maybe she'll realize what a bad mistake this is sooner rather than later and come to her senses, but if she doesn't, she's going to have to be the one to live with the consequences. And if she doesn't do it fast, I'm definitely not waiting around. I told her she needs to come up and have a talk with me tomorrow if she wants to have any communications with me, mostly because we have all this crap to sort out like who gets to keep what and what to do with our pets. I'm also going to give her one last warning of how terribly stupid this decision is. I know age and experience help, but that's no excuse to be deliberately foolish.

Quote: Wizard

Your odds will get better as you get older.

A side question: is this also true for gambling?
I wish it is.;)

Quote: pokerface

A side question: is this also true for gambling?
I wish it is.;)

The wizard should humor us all and make a table showing odds based on age.

Quote: FootofGod

The wizard should humor us all and make a table showing odds based on age.

I can only speculate about who makes better gamblers, the old or the young. If forced to guess, I'd have to say the old. If you need evidence, look around at who is playing 6-5 blackjack, or making sucker side bets. Usually it is younger players. Then look at who is playing at tables with liberal blackjack rules, or strictly making line bets and odds in craps, and it tends to be older players. Of course, there are lots of exceptions. We're talking 60/40 ratios or so. At the same blackjack table, I find that older players are more likely to play by the book, or close to it, while young players will be more likely to fly by the seat their pants in terms of strategy.

Of course John Patrick is one of the big exceptions to which you refer. :) Hard headed and rather determined to play it backwards.

Quote: Wizard

I can only speculate about who makes better gamblers, the old or the young. If forced to guess, I'd have to say the old. If you need evidence, look around at who is playing 6-5 blackjack, or making sucker side bets. Usually it is younger players. Then look at who is playing at tables with liberal blackjack rules, or strictly making line bets and odds in craps, and it tends to be older players. Of course, there are lots of exceptions. We're talking 60/40 ratios or so. At the same blackjack table, I find that older players are more likely to play by the book, or close to it, while young players will be more likely to fly by the seat their pants in terms of strategy.

i agree that older players tend to make better gamblers. but maybe a better way to phrase it would be when people started gambling. a player who started gambling in the 70s or before will probably be a better gambler than someone who started gambling in the 80s, better than someone that started gambling in the 90s and better than someone that started gambling in the 00s.

Older gamblers have had the experience of losing money! Therefore they have learned the hard way and now are making better bets!

Seriously though, back to the original post, I am glad to hear Foot that you were able to get a job. Focus on other things right now, like work, family, friends, and maybe volunteering. You can always find bright spots in life.

Older gamblers are no better than younger gamblers. The experience of their lives don't keep them away from the penny slots, which approaches the Andy Rooney level of wasting money.

FootofGod, do the job and everything else for yourself. If you find motivation by spiting your ex-girlfriend, fine, but make sure you're doing what your doing for yourself. BUT FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO BE WITH. You are young, and had I the wisdom when I was your age, I would say "FIND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE TO BE WITH (Have fun)", and settle with someone later, because once you settle, you're with that person, exclusively, forever. That can be a great thing, but it can also be awful.

Don't worry, I'm not doing it to spite her, it's just the only reasonable thing to do, and totally gearing up will help me forget about her. And I plan on having tons of fun. It was put well to me that it is sort of a relief to have to think about one person and not two, because I'm telling her on Wed. that the breakup is mutual, not to call me, to defriend me on facebook, etc. It's not at all to spite her or to hurt her back, and I still think she's the love of my life - but I will not be friends with her, and this is the way it has to be.

Look, as far as other women go, I've tried to screw around before as a single guy, and it just doesn't work for me. It's the same reason I don't like strip clubs. This isn't new, it's just always been that way, and I may be young, but I came to terms long ago that, as a man, all I want is to chase tail, and if I have 5 women, I'll do anything to get with a 6th, etc., etc., and I've been comfortable with sacrificing the chase. The way I see it is you're never gonna have nearly as much as you want, so you might as well stop with as little as you can get away with.

It's definitely got to not be with random girls - like I said, tried, and it was just so unsatisfying it's not worth it. But I already have an old crush from high school coming down to drink with me at my place. And I'd assume she's not driving after that, I know she's just got out of some shitty relationships recently... I like those odds ;)

Quote: FootofGod

But I already have an old crush from high school coming down to drink with me at my place. And I'd assume she's not driving after that, I know she's just got out of some shitty relationships recently... I like those odds ;)

I am definitely liking where this story is going...

Odds that Foot "gets some" this weekend:

Yes -280
No +220

Jumping into a relationship (even a one night stand) is probably not in your best interest right now Foot. If you do get some, well, good for you. But, I would advise taking a break.

I know what you mean, gambler. Some people claim getting good action is one of the best things you can do to help, and others claim its pretty much the worst thing you can do. At any rate, its all still very hypothetical. I'm sure I can deal with it when the time comes.

My dad always told me the story about a cat that sits down on a rail road track. A train came along and cut off his tail. The cat turns around and the train cut off his head. Don’t lose your head over a piece of tail.

Quote: SmithTower

My dad always told me the story about a cat that sits down on a rail road track. A train came along and cut off his tail. The cat turns around and the train cut off his head. Don’t lose your head over a piece of tail.

Hahahaha. You guys are the greatest :)

Sorry to join this discussion at such a late point. I think I read all the posts.

Personally, I think the best thing you could do is to go to Vegas and lose a CRAP TON of money. (I do believe that "crap ton" is an official measurement.)

Everytime I've had a relationship end, I've found it very cathartic to borrow as much money as possible from friends, business associates, and maxing out any and all credit cards I can find and get a hold of. Use this money for one heck of a fun-filled week in Las Vegas. I usually shoot to lose somewhere around $75,000. The amount you want to lose may be higher or lower than this.

The main goal is to have a lot of fun during that week, and get back to your normal life in SERIOUS debt. If you can manage to acquire a drinking problem and/or STD while in Vegas, even better. If you can manage to not have a job or even a place to live when you get back, that's the BEST.

Girls like guys with problems. Girls like projects. If you come back from Vegas with absolutely nothing except maybe the shirt on your back (and even that may have been used as collateral), then you are in perfect position to be getting a chick who wants to fix you. She'll let you move in to her place, throw money at you, and help you get a job. Soon, she'll be buying you a car, paying the insurance, and you'll be the co-owner on her mortgage.

Once you're back on top, you can choose: stay with her for the money, or ditch her for someone better looking. Either way, when that relationship ends, you head back to Las Vegas and start all over.

You might ask: What happens when I'm 75 years old and I have nothing, because everything I ever had I blew away in Las Vegas? I say: You'll look back on your life and remember all the fun and wild times you had in Las Vegas. Plus, you're 75, grab some cash and head to Las Vegas! Where else can a 75 year old man hook up with a 25 year old girl with some Viagra?

So, when a relationship has ended, don't look at it as an end, but rather as the beginning of a new trip to Las Vegas!

(Please note, I am not a licensed therapist, nor do I play one on TV. Your mileage may vary. Void where prohibited. Please consult a physician before starting a new Las Vegas regimen. Side effects can include nausea, headaches, nosebleeds, gonorrhea, heart palpitations, broken bones, slaps in the face, rusty car parts, and death.)

Just to clairify, koceptum is JOKING. (I hope...)