Long distance and lacking communication

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 5years this year but last year he went to live in another state for work reasons. It's been 5 months that we've been long distance and It's been really hard for me to cope. A lot of the time I'm the one doing the calling and he doesn't pick up my calls or reply to my texts, and when I eventually get to talking with him or he calls me, he says sorry and says something like, his phone's been acting up. Every time I have pleaded with him to keep the communication consistent for our relationship and every time he agrees but then the next day he doesn't reply or take my calls for 24hrs or so..it makes me wonder what is going on? He says I shouldn't freak out but last year I found out he had cheated on me one time with a girl he worked with then fired her, it was the worst hell I've ever been through, it made me sick. I've tried to work past it since and I worry he's taking advantage of our situation, but he always tells me he loves me and I shouldn't worry, but then why doesn't he call when he says he will? I asked him when he's going to come back but he says he's not sure when he can.. I love him so much but I don't know what to think anymore.

Sounds like a good episode of Cheaters.

Move in with him.

Don't call him. If he wants to be with you, let him prove it.

I think if he has already cheated, and is now stand-offish, than you should expect the worst. That being said, long distance CAN work, but only if both parties are willing to put forth the effort.

Wake up and smell the coffee. Here is my lines that he is cheating again:

Yes -2000
No +1800

Seriously, in my opinion, a long distance relationship needs commitment from both sides to make it work. Certainly, men generally feel more secure in a relationship and in any normal relationship, generally, women need to feel reassured that they are loved and are cared for, where as men, in general, do not like to feel nagged or tied down. So certainly, in a long distance relationship, even when the man is not cheating, I think that the woman feels that the onus is on them to keep the relationship going and that there will be a certain imbalance.

However, men who realize this and who are aware of this who truly love the woman will go out of their way to reassure their partner and will generally be successful on carrying on this relationship. At the same time, there are alot of men (not all, perhaps some) who do not realize this yet love the woman just the same.

In the case of your writing, I would break down the odds even more:

He loves you and is aware of your feelings and is doing something about it, as he should: 0%
He loves you but is an insensitive sot: 25%
He loves you but is cheating on you anyway: 15%.
He doesn't love you but doesn't have the courage to tell you that he's cheating: 60%.

I would explore the 25% first before writing off the relationship. Head down there on a surprise weekend. Find a friend willing to spy for you. But the only way you are really going to find out for sure is to go down there.

Most of all, there are plenty of guys in the world that will treat you better and you probably deserve nothing less. I would deliver this ultimatum and see if he responds.

I am not a therapist nor do I have any valuable experience in this area so this is not a professional response by any stretch of the imagination.

What he is doing is known as hedging his bets. If the job he took does not work out he knows if he comes back you will be waiting. You are proving it by calling all the time. If he was serious he's say, "Why don't you move out here with me?"

Don't communicate for two weeks and see what happens. Than means no calls, texts, emails, or smoke signals. If he doesn't call you then IT'S OVER. Accept that, consider it a break-up with no drama, then move on.