Lighten Up

Forum's been heavy this week, thought I'd try to balance it a bit with some humor.

How Many Forum Posters Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to move it to the Lighting section

2 to argue then move it to the Electrical section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again

=)

Did you recycle a very old USENET joke?

In any case, you missed these:

X number who declare government ought to pay for replacing light bulbs

Y number who claim replacing a light bulb is cheating :P

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the light bulb and one to hold the penis...

... I mean ladder.

Quote: Nareed

Did you recycle a very old USENET joke?

In any case, you missed these:

X number who declare government ought to pay for replacing light bulbs

Y number who claim replacing a light bulb is cheating :P

LOL, well done ma'am. =) Recycled? Yar. Reckon everything I do is recycled from something, somewhere. It's corny, but it made me smile, same as your "cheating" line and J420's "penis" line.

And that was the point =D

Quote: Face

LOL, well done ma'am. =)

Thank you.

Quote:

Recycled? Yar. Reckon everything I do is recycled from something, somewhere.

Not at all. There are new ideas coming up all the time.

Yeah mine was thought up by someone else too.
No one knows where these jokes come from but
it is good to hear them again sometimes.

Yeah I have a theory that the short guy named Morey on the Dick Van Dyke Show is the secret writer of all jokes.

Well done Face !

But do you beleive in God?

Quote: boymimbo

But do you beleive in God?

How many gods does it take to screw-in a light bulb?

Quote: boymimbo

But do you beleive in God?

LOL you just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?

I thought something like this might happen, but not from you, boymimbo. For shame ;)

These forums have been way passionate lately but I dont think its really a bad thing.

How many card counters does it take to change a light bulb ?
Depends on how many bullets Dan Lubin has in his gun !!

Buzz, I love ya, I wouldn't shoot ya or anyone!
We exhange views, flap our mouths!

I believe you Dan really I do. But please put that gun down, PLEASE!!

Buzz, it's more of a dart collection, and we all throw 'em when we're thrown at, no one can claim sainthood.

And as usual security, aka surveillance, is nowhere to be found. Probably elsewhere busting granny for picking up a 5 cent voucher off the floor.

Quote: buzzpaff

How many card counters does it take to change a light bulb ?
Depends on how many bullets Dan Lubin has in his gun !!

Now, that kid of humor is too heavy-handed and the joke doens't make sense. So:

Q How many card coutners does it take to screw-in a light bulb?
A Just one. But the count of burnt bulbs has to be high enough.

If you wanted to zing Dan, then the joke should be:

Q How many regular casino players does it take to screw-in a light bulb?
A None! The rules state the players may not touch the light bulbs! Doing so is cheating!

Ok, not very good, but it's more in character with Dan's postings and doesn't slander him as a would-be mass murderer.

You forgot about the 1 weirdo who would post something sexual relating to a light bulb and the human anatomy.

Quote: buzzpaff

And as usual security, aka surveillance, is nowhere to be found.

I'm right here, doing what I can to restore order and make things more pleasurable. Hey! Just like my real life job! Funny thing, that =p

I'll try.



A casino manager walks up to a bj table and decides to tell 'Old Sam', the long time dealer a joke he just heard:

How many card counters does it take to change a light bulb?

"What card counters?" one man blurts out (people at all the nearby bj tables glance around nervously)

Oh wait, one more time.

A casino manager walks up to a bj table and decides to tell 'Old Sam', the long time dealer a joke he just heard:

"How many card counters does it take to change a light bulb?"

When he gives the punchline no one laughs.

A minute later as he walks away, he thinks, guess they all heard that one already.

Lol, welcome back rx =)

Let's see how many I can remember...

Babylon 5:

Q How many Earthers does it take to screw--in a light bulb?
A Two. One to do it and one to report it to the Night Watch

Q How many Centauri does it take to screw--in a light bulb?
A None. They like it in the Shadows.

Q How many Marsies does it take to screw--in a light bulb?
A We will deal with light bulbs when the sands run red with Earther blood!

Q Why did the Minbari cross the road?
A Understanding is not necessary, only obedience.

Sign at the Vorlon Tourist Office "We have NEVER been here."


Trek

Q How many Vulcans does it take to screw-in a light bulb?
A The logical number.

Q How many Borg does it take to screw--in a light bulb?
A Light bulbs are irrelevant. You will be assimilated.

Q How many Betazoids does it take to screw--in a light bulb?
A The Light bulb is hiding something.

Q How many Klingons does it take to screw--in a light bulb?
A Just one. But he has to battle ten other Klingons to the death first to earn the privilege.

Overheard on the Bridge of the Enterprise:

"Mr. Worf! Fire at will!... Hey, what happened to Riker?"

"Number One, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
"I think so, Jean Luc. But what if the Borg won't wear the nylons?"

Oh, well...

" Now, that kind of humor is too heavy-handed and the joke doens't make sense. "
You sir have never sat at a BJ table when Dan was dealing and asked him what the count was. I expected to see a smile, but found myself looking into Satan's eyes !

Meh, Dan's a good guy, that's simply his hot button. It's something he feels passionately about and goes in guns blazing when it's discussed. We all have beliefs like that. In the end, he got to blow off steam, the counters got to make their point, learning has taken place, and a bunch more topics got brought up. And that, dear Buzz, is...






=)

And that dear sir is exactly what Dan can not stand. That players would have the unmitigated gall to abide by the posted rules and use their brains to win. Shame on those nasty counters. How dare they !!!

Not at all. I don't recall if you were a member last this was discussed, but "winning" is not Dan's hang up. He straight up said he enjoys winners and I believe him. Why wouldn't he? He is but a dealer; some guy pulling $50k off a table or $100k out of a slot affects him not one single bit. Same as me, I don't own the place, nor do I get some sort of strange incentive or reward if the casino makes X more this month than last, so "winning" or "losing" are not factors in how I view a patron.

Dan's issue was a moral one, which I think he has since adjusted and admitted to adjusting (did you not see this part?) Was his stance on the extreme side? Sure. But I can empathize. Dan spends more time in a casino than nearly anyone here, and as a result, sees the worst of the worst, stuff that if you seen on a night out, you could remove yourself from. He, on the other hand, must be subject to it and is forced to deal with it. Constant subjection to these things changes you, makes you highly sensitive to it. While counting isn't the worst thing in the world, maybe not even a bad thing, repeated dealings with all manner of B.S. makes one just want everyone to stop f*ing around and "follow the rules". If you were to ask me my opinion 2 years ago on someone taking a TITO ticket they found on the ground, I could give a rip. Now, after having to deal with chasing down these people, returning them to their rightful owner, seeing people cry and have their nights ruined by the loss of their money, and the incredible pain in the ass the issue causes me, I want to run down an aisle and form tackle these people into the nearest bank of machines. It drives me absolutely bonkers, not because it's such a severe moral infraction, but because I'm just sick to death of that particular brand of B.S. I'm relatively sure Dan would confirm that this is basically the issue at hand.

In other words, it's quite simple. And simple things are no big deal.

While counting isn't the worst thing in the world, maybe not even a bad thing, repeated dealings with all manner of B.S. makes one just want everyone to stop f*ing around and "follow the rules".

Now we are back to square one. What rule am I violating when I count ? Notice I could ask that question without using the f word!

Quote: buzzpaff

Now we are back to square one. What rule am I violating when I count ? Notice I could ask that question without using the f word!

Oy. No rule. We've covered this. Thats why I put the quotation marks around that particular phrase.

You think Dan was wrong. Dan pretty much admitted he was. Dan supplied a reasonable cause for his demeanor (casino life), I recounted it, and supplied one of my own. It's very simple, it's a pet peeve. It gets his goat, as TITO takers get mine. It may not be rational, it may not be normal, it just is. Nothing more, nothing less. And now it's over.

And one oldie but a goodie ?

How many casino managers does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?

Five. One to hold the bulb and 4 to turn the ladder.

( "Blondes" can also be inserted here )

Just be careful what you insert in the " Blondes" !