Valentine's Day
Poll
 | 5 votes (9.61%) | ||
| | 29 votes (55.76%) | ||
| | 18 votes (34.61%) |
52 members have voted
Quote: WizardI wouldn't dare. My wife is firmly of the opinion that what Super Bowl Sunday is to men Valentine's Day is to women. It is a day when the the world revolves around women, and the men are the ones who are supposed to push it.
And this is my fund-a-mental problem with St Val's... it so orientated about what you can do for HER, rather than a display of mutual love and affection.
Quote: WizardIt is a day when the the world revolves around women, and the men are the ones who are supposed to push it.
And knowing this in advance begs the question, why weren't
you loaded down with an array of pleasing treats? Do you
like being in trouble?
Quote: WizardI hear that Valentine's Day is starting to spread to other countries. To the non-American men out there, although I had nothing to do with it, I apologize anyway. Truly a dreadful American export.
Actually it's an English invention (it surprised me, too). Or fabrication, depending on your point of view.
In Mexico it's been celebrated for as long as I can recall. It's called either "Día de San Valentín," or "Día Del Amor y La Amistad." It's not a big holiday, although it's marketed heavily by retailers and restaurants. Let's say it would be hard to find a dinner table at many of the best restaurants, but not impossible.
Chaucer wrote about it with the marriage of some king, the French used it as a love court day. Mass production of cards was as early as 1840's.
Not that I'll be doing much other than running around after a lady tonight and getting sweaty (I'm off for a run tonight with my friend).
Quote: mustangsallyYou are so lucky to have a beautiful wife and 3 beautiful kids. Great job!
Thanks for the advice and the compliment. I appreciate it!
Quote: boymimboYou can bank those points all the way to Mother's day :)
Thanks for the point formulas.
In my experience husbanding points have a half life of about six months. Mothers day is about three months away so if I don't use my points before then they will go down in value by 1-(1/2)^(90/182.5) = 28.95%.
Quote: EvenBobAnd knowing this in advance begs the question, why weren't you loaded down with an array of pleasing treats? Do you like being in trouble?
There is never any shortage of snacks around here. It isn't that I am against gifts but they should never be expected. For example, BuzzPaff has given me some really nice license plates, which made great gifts. However, just giving my wife something she could easily buy herself, and probably won't like, seems inefficient and wasteful. I tend to think those advising compliments and XO's are right, not that I'm smart enough to actually follow that advice.
Quote: WizardMy wife is firmly of the opinion that what Super Bowl Sunday is to men Valentine's Day is to women. It is a day when the the world revolves around women, and the men are the ones who are supposed to push it.
Gosh, that's too bad, Wizard. SuperBowl is loved by many women; it's not just for men ya know. And Valentine's is for couples, not just for women I thought. For a woman to celebrate it as just for her is selfish IMO.
I wished my girlfriend "Happy VD" this morning, and she laughed. She brought home cherry M&Ms last night, and we both had a handful. We're going out in a bit for a Valentine's dinner special (2 steaks and trimmings, and a rose for her) and she's buying. It was her suggestion as a VD celebration. I cook for her every other night of the week, and give her lots of hugs and kisses every day, and we've been going out 13 years now, currently living together. Valentine's is just another day for us, nothing special. I figure guys who make a big deal of Feb 14 just because society tells them to just aren't making any effort the rest of the year (but I could be wrong in your case Wiz...sorry if I am). And the woman knows that, and expects her guy to at least show affection on this one single day since he's off the hook for "just being a guy" the other 364. Shame. Shame for both not being affectionate to your sig-other, and shame for falling for the candy/jewelry/flower corporate message.
Quote: thecesspitAnd this is my fund-a-mental problem with St Val's... it so orientated about what you can do for HER, rather than a display of mutual love and affection.
quote: "valentines is not complicated, give and you shall receive"
.
She also got some flowers, which our 5 yr old picked out. No card. That works a-ok for us.
Regardless of it's true origins, I still insist that V-Day is created and marketed by Hallmark :)
Did you meet your estimated spending quota according to CNBC?
Quote: WizardHowever, just giving my wife something she could easily buy herself, and probably won't like, seems inefficient and wasteful.
As soon as time permits, I'll do a gift thread. Gifts and presents are complicated things, which can be delightful or break relationships apart.
BTW how did you all come through V-Day?
Quote: slytherMrs Slyther had gone to the store to pick up some stuff to make a v-day dinner for us, but unbeknown to her, I had already arranged for a sitter and we were going to go to her favorite wine bar for dinner. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't let her start cooking until the sitter showed up :)
She also got some flowers, which our 5 yr old picked out. No card. That works a-ok for us.
Regardless of it's true origins, I still insist that V-Day is created and marketed by Hallmark :)
Did you meet your estimated spending quota according to CNBC?
The survey is published by OpenTable, so likely the survey was published already to foodies so I think the results were biased.
I spent about $60 on my wife. My wife spent about $30 on me, so we are the typical 1:2 ratio.
But she and I do just fine -- she has put up with me for 43+ years so far, so I think we're going to make it. I can't develop enough emotion about Valentine's Day to "hate" it.
Quote: DocValentine's Day was the 13-hour day of driving home, so there wasn't much of the romance stuff. As we got the car on the road Tuesday morning, she commented, "By the way, Happy Valentine's Day." My reply was, "Back at ya." Nothing else. No gifts.
Such the hopeless romantic...
What a lucky woman!
Just kidding, congratulations on a long marriage...
Not my thing, but if it makes you happy, that's an awesome accomplishment.
Congratulations! I think I have cultivated similar expectations from my wife, and it seems to make my life a bit easier.Quote: Wizard... my wife has such low expectations ....
Quote: WizardI managed to survive the day outside of the dog house. It seems after 17 years of marriage my wife has such low expectations for Valentine's Day that she has conceded that is one battle that just isn't going to go her way.
A couple of things about women:
* in spite of what would seem to be complete assurance she doesnt read your posts here, never fully trust that. Women are quite clever in these matters and generally don't miss a thing. Remember all the ladies spying on the texting logs in the cell phones.
*If checking here is the case, she got the opposite of what she truly wants, acknowledgement to the general public that she is still #1 with you, 17 yrs of excessive familiarity notwithstanding. So, something that could be done in that category in the future might be in order.
[this from a guy {me} who should not be claiming to understand women! what a joke]
As a side note, my gf's been wanting to play the new Star Wars MMO game pretty badly but I've been refusing due to the time sink issues and cost. So I could have done something romantic for Valentine's Day but instead decided to get the cheapest box of chocolates I could find, dumping the chocolates out, and putting a copy of the Star Wars game inside as a surprise. I saved myself from having to attempt something actually romantic in turn for a $130 entry fee (2 copies) and $15/month for who knows how long, and a couple hours several nights a week playing it with her. Worth it. BTW, she loved it.
Quote: HowManyOn Valentine's Day, I give my wife a card that reads- CONGRATULATIONS!
A WINNER IS YOU!
BTW broke up with palmela she was too handsy.
You married an intelligent, independent wife and have raised 3 smart kids. Why can't they (and you) understand that they don't need to follow the herd and be manipulated by advertisers into negative emotions over fake tests and traps? Plan something fun together for another time and place, one of your choosing, that incorporates your family's interests and preferences. Rent a boat for a day on Lake Mead. Take a trip to Knott's Berry Farm. Go camping. Go play Lazer Tag. Go drive go-karts at a family place. Mini-golf. Whatever: something fun. And have a normal Saturday today.
And I say this as a woman, even though you only asked the men. It's just asking for a fight when you put false expectations on someone else, as you feel your wife is doing here.
Quote: beachbumbabsYou married an intelligent, independent wife and have raised 3 smart kids. Why can't they (and you) understand that they don't need to follow the herd and be manipulated by advertisers into negative emotions over fake tests and traps?
Thank you for the advice. Some in this family would agree with you and some of us buy into the hype that everything you do on Valentine's day will be compared to the expectations set by Hallmark commercials. That is just par. Anything less and you lose points -- big time.
Quote:Plan something fun together for another time and place, one of your choosing, that incorporates your family's interests and preferences. Rent a boat for a day on Lake Mead. Take a trip to Knott's Berry Farm. Go camping. Go play Lazer Tag. Go drive go-karts at a family place. Mini-golf. Whatever: something fun. And have a normal Saturday today.
None of those things smack of being romantic. Maybe the boat ride a little, but that last time we did that I drove too fast and I was in the dog house the rest of the day. Mind you this is in one of those little electric boats they rent to anybody with a heartbeat and a credit card.
I used to work at Knott's Berry Farm, by the way. First real job, as in Social Security being withheld, that I ever had. I'm surprised an east coaster would have heard of the place.
Quote: beachbumbabsMost of this got said earlier, so just as a reminder; this is a made-up holiday where, if your wife/family/especially you buy into it, you can't win. Either you're spending money on dead flowers or other crap nobody needs, or you're somehow a disappointment as a husband and father, according to that standard.
Yup. If you believe there are hype and standards you have to meet, then that will be your reality.
Don't enjoy it? Change it. There is nothing simpler.
Have a random Saturday, Babs =)
Like Teller (of Penn & Teller), Florence Henderson, Jack Benny, and Frederick Douglass, I have the "honor" of 2/14 being my birthday.
In and of itself, this wouldn't be a problem, but when your father sells liquor to bars & restaurants for a living, refuses to celebrate my birthday on any other day, and likewise demands that we have to go out to a restaurant that's one of his customers - none of which take reservations - my birthdays usually consisted of spending the better part of two hours in a restaurant's bar waiting for a table to open up. Eventually I started a "tradition" of finding a pizza place I had never tried before and ordering a pizza to go.
This year: a 28-ounce porterhouse, grilled at home (unfortunately, I live in a townhouse with a wood balcony, so "grilling" means a George Foreman grill - then again, it's not exactly "mail order catalog" steak), followed by a slice of Red White & Blue Cake (it's like Black Forest, but with Red Velvet cake instead of Devil's Food and blueberry filling instead of cherry).
+1, Absolutely. It is worse than that, sometimes we actually create that undesirable reality. I warned my kids about that role playing [and now them with their kids], if "the game" is played to sincerely or too many times, it does become at the very least, the status quo .Quote: FaceYup. If you believe there are hype and standards you have to meet, then that will be your reality.
You are either engaged in your own life or you are a witness to it..
Simple yes, but not always easy.Quote:Don't enjoy it? Change it. There is nothing simpler.
Advice from "The Oracle, in the Matix" http://youtu.be/yhzNhLgPX9o
I always take 30 sec to send her a cyber
card just to keep her from getting mad,
in case that was on the horizon. Which
it always is. This is what I sent this year:
Quote: EvenBobMy wife hates VD, so we never do anything.
I always take 30 sec to send her a cyber
card just to keep her from getting mad,
in case that was on the horizon. Which
it always is.
Boy you are one romantic fellow! And a cyber card at that. You couldn't take a few minutes and spend a couple bucks on a real card?
I am also not an especially romantic or affectionate type person. Similar to BeachBumBabs opinion, I feel like Valentines Day is an artificial type holiday. If I want to take my significant other out to dinner or a show or movie, or do anything special, I will do so when I want....not when someone tells me I should because it is a special made up holiday. I am not going out on that made up holiday and pay higher prices and deal with crowds.
Besides, there are already 'set' days that we are required to celebrate, like birthdays and anniversaries. I have only been married 5 months, so I haven't dealt with an anniversary celebration, but I take it there is some kind of acknowledgement required. Lol.
As for Valentines Day. We went to a breakfast buffet this morning, "worked" a few hours, then I spent most of the afternoon lounging around the pool, watching a couple basketball games. Currently my brother is cooking some steaks on the grills for the entire household (4 people), so if he doesn't burn them, it will have been a wonderful day, valentines day or not. :)
Quote: kewlj
I am also not an especially romantic or affectionate type person.
Is the romance and affection that Gay men
feel towards each other the same as non
Gay men feel towards women? How can
you really know if you've never been both
Gay and straight. And I don't believe bi-
sexual behavior, either you are or you
aren't.
Quote: EvenBobIs the romance and affection that Gay men
feel towards each other the same as non
Gay men feel towards women? How can
you really know if you've never been both
Gay and straight. And I don't believe bi-
sexual behavior, either you are or you
aren't.
Seems like you answered your own question. I am not sure why the question was asked in the first place. Seems like you looking for differences in people based on labels.
I am a gay man and have been all my life, so I can't tell you how my feelings differ from you "breeders". :) But I don't think being gay, straight, bi, or whatever one may want to all themselves really matters. Isn't what we are talking about showing appreciate for a person that you care for and are happy and grateful that they are part of your life. I don't think that has boundaries determined by labels.
Quote: kewljSeems like you answered your own question. I am not sure why the question was asked in the first place. Seems like you looking for differences in people based on labels.
I asked because I was curious. Why does
everything have to have a hidden agenda,
people here give me more credit than I
deserve. I can't imagine feeling romantic
towards a man, but I can't imagine it
towards a lot of (most) women either.
Doris Day about 1956, now that's a different
story. I had a huge thing for her for years.
Quote: EvenBobIs the romance and affection that Gay men
feel towards each other the same as non
Gay men feel towards women?
I don't think gays and lesbians would be asking to be allowed to be married if they didn't feel the same sense of romantic love as straight people.
Furthermore, how would kewlj, or anybody, be able to answer the initial question if you don't believe there is such a think as bisexuality?
Quote: WizardI don't think gays and lesbians would be asking to be allowed to be married if they didn't feel the same sense of romantic love as straight people.
Do people really get married for that reason?
I didn't and never would. Romantic love is
fleeting at best. Somebody once said you
can fall in love any time you like, marriage
is something far different.
The first years of our courtship I ordered from "Harry & Davids" the fruit of the month club package for my wife. They are always delivered to her desk in perfect state of ripeness almost within a day or two. Great product. It is done in front of everyone, with love.
That went over so well, I did it again, we share. She liked it so much, I found the Plant of the month club and sent that as a gift before the fruit ran out and re-upped on the fruit. Some flowery plant, every month [fed ex] right to the desk, some I knew some I learned. My wife loves flowers and color, and me. For years she wore a flower in her hair very often, and it went beautifully with the rest of her and her smile.
I know what colors she likes and I buy them often for the reason that she loves them, I don't need another reason. I look at her as a gift from God for what I endured, in my first marriage, because I would not leave my kids. She is my reward.
We get and mail each other cards, from the heart. We send each other cards if one of us travels and try to time them well.
If they matter to you, show 'em. Let them know, let everyone know, leave no doubt that there is no other. If your partner doesn't mean that much to you, find one that does. Find ways to show each other you matter, every day. The flowers on the table from a few days ago are starting to lose they're luster, I hope they will be on sale tomorrow. I can not find a better use for my money, and it makes her smile.
Quote: WizardFurthermore, how would kewlj, or anybody, be able to answer the initial question if you don't believe there is such a think as bisexuality?
My partner, spouse, significant other (I haven't found a term that I like yet), was married to a female for a number of years (3 children) and now is married to a male (and a wonderful male at that). I guess?? he might have some insight, if anyone could, but I am not about to ask him such a goofy question. Lol.
So how did the Wizard family Valentine's day turn out? Did you spend significant time in that dog house?
(I don't know the extent as he left the area quickly and in silence), but why isn't there a Single People's Day? It would be a reason for excellent celebration in a very personalized way. I'd much rather have a few drinks, play some video games or read than spend an exorbitant amount of money (for a college student) on nice flowers, a movie and dinner. It may be selfish, but at least it's honest!
Quote: EvenBobDo people really get married for that reason?
I didn't and never would. Romantic love is
fleeting at best. Somebody once said you
can fall in love any time you like, marriage
is something far different.
Then for what reason should one get married?
Quote: kewljSo how did the Wizard family Valentine's day turn out? Did you spend significant time in that dog house?
Thanks for asking. It started out badly but then turned into just an average day. Fortunately, I was spared the dog house. I'm so thankful I'm tempted to make a romantic gesture, but will wait until tomorrow.
Quote: Minty... why isn't there a Single People's Day?
There is! It's celebrated on every whenever-the-hell-you-want!
You wanna go on a consumerism fueled orgy? Why wait for the winter solstice? Do it now!
You wanna celebrate the resurrection of the Christ? Do it now!
You want to show your SO you love him/her? Do it now!
You want to remember those who have fallen in battle? Do it now!
I just had a remembrance of those affected by the dropping of the bomb. That was maybe a week ago, and a week ago sure as hell wasn't August. I'll probably go visit my grandpa's grave soon, and I highly doubt it'll be on the last Monday of May.
You want it? Get it. Do it. Have it. Your life is yours to make.
Quote: WizardI'm so thankful I'm tempted to make a romantic gesture, but will wait until tomorrow.
Hold on now...don't do anything rash. Wait until tomorrow....maybe this temptation will pass. And if it doesn't.....send her a cyber card. That ought to cover it. Lol
Quote: WizardThen for what reason should one get married?
Not to steal EB's thunder, but I feel inspired to answer this one. After all, there may be some for whom marriage is in their future, and I think I have something important to say.
Marriage is stupid. It is so because there is some weird stigma attached to it that has made it so. You "have to" in order to be "normal". A relationship can't "succeed" without this being the "end goal". You can't really be "committed" unless you "commit".
It is all horse flop, and don't you dare let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise (again, this is for the as-of-yet-unwed folks. Married or formerly married, we're already screwed). Marriage is a business contract. There are many things which will try to overshadow or deny this, everything from commercials to church to opinions of friends to your nagging mother. Do Not Fall For It. You may think it is "guarantee of your love and commitment". Yet there's tens of millions of Americans who found out this is not true.
Marriage has zero to do with love and commitment. If it did, divorce would be an oddity. When/if love and commitment fails, there's only one thing a marriage guarantees - you're locked in a business contract. This is a fact that is undeniable.
So tell me... who in their right mind would make a business decision based purely on emotions? Crazy people. Ploppies. Idiots. The insane. Business is a place for facts and logic. Facts and logic are the antithesis of love and emotions. You cannot mix the two and expect a pleasurable return. You can mix and hope to get lucky, sure. Hell, even Bac players walk away winners. But to expect it to work? Pure folly.
Why should you get married? Because you want to. But know that if you do, it better be done with a damn bit more research and knowledge than "because I love him/her so".
Quote: WizardThen for what reason should one get married?
.
Compatibility, of course. How well do you get
along, are your interests the same. Love
marriages are the worst kind, they have a
high divorce rate. People used to marry for
lots of reasons, seldom for love. Men
always knew they could have a mistress
if they wanted love. A married woman
could have an affair. A good marriage
shouldn't let lack of romantic love ruin
it.
Quote: Face
Not to steal EB's thunder, but I feel inspired to answer this one. After all, there may be some for whom marriage is in their future, and I think I have something important to say.
Marriage is stupid. It is so because there is some weird stigma attached to it that has made it so. You "have to" in order to be "normal". A relationship can't "succeed" without this being the "end goal". You can't really be "committed" unless you "commit".
It is all horse flop, and don't you dare let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise (again, this is for the as-of-yet-unwed folks. Married or formerly married, we're already screwed). Marriage is a business contract. There are many things which will try to overshadow or deny this, everything from commercials to church to opinions of friends to your nagging mother. Do Not Fall For It. You may think it is "guarantee of your love and commitment". Yet there's tens of millions of Americans who found out this is not true.
Marriage has zero to do with love and commitment. If it did, divorce would be an oddity. When/if love and commitment fails, there's only one thing a marriage guarantees - you're locked in a business contract. This is a fact that is undeniable.
So tell me... who in their right mind would make a business decision based purely on emotions? Crazy people. Ploppies. Idiots. The insane. Business is a place for facts and logic. Facts and logic are the antithesis of love and emotions. You cannot mix the two and expect a pleasurable return. You can mix and hope to get lucky, sure. Hell, even Bac players walk away winners. But to expect it to work? Pure folly.
Why should you get married? Because you want to. But know that if you do, it better be done with a damn bit more research and knowledge than "because I love him/her so".
Now THIS should be on a Valentines day card. :)
As one who recently married in the last 5 months, I gotta say that I agree completely with some of this. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have done it. I made a commitment several years ago and don't need some piece of paper to confirm that commitment. But my partner felt otherwise....so I went along (there's a lot of this in marriage I hear).
Quote: Face
So tell me... who in their right mind would make a business decision based purely on emotions? Crazy people. Ploppies. Idiots. The insane. Business is a place for facts and logic. Facts and logic are the antithesis of love and emotions. You cannot mix the two and expect a pleasurable return. .
People used to know this. It wasn't until
romance fiction started to be popular
in the mid 1800's that the marry for
love thing started. Now it's a thriving
business in books and movies and TV.
If a woman said she was marrying a
man because he was well educated,
had a good family and good prospects
for getting a well paying job, she was
applauded for her intelligence. If she
said she was marrying because he
was handsome and she was in love,
she would have been thought daffy.
