Youuuuuuuuuu might not be an AP if...(contest)
November 9th, 2015 at 5:41:26 PM
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This is a split from a very amusing thread (found here) and quoted courtesy Romes in that thread.
Give it your best shot! Rules:
1. One one-liner per post (to give others a chance).
2. Someone else must post (not necessarily a contest entry) before you can post again (at least one other person).
3. Game ends November 17th, 12am Eastern US (9pm Las Vegas)
4. Judges will be Mission, Face, and me. We will each award from 1 to 8 points (total) for humor, originality, and pertinence.
5. Highest scoring quip will win $25 US paid by me via Paypal NLT Nov. 20. Judges' decisions are final. Judges are not eligible.
6. All entries must be within TOS guidelines, including profanity.
Example: You MIGHT not be an AP if....you always hold a Jack with a pair of 5's on JOB VP, because "Jacks always come when you have 5's. Just like 10's go with 3's." (Yes, someone actually said this to me.)
Give it your best shot! Rules:
1. One one-liner per post (to give others a chance).
2. Someone else must post (not necessarily a contest entry) before you can post again (at least one other person).
3. Game ends November 17th, 12am Eastern US (9pm Las Vegas)
4. Judges will be Mission, Face, and me. We will each award from 1 to 8 points (total) for humor, originality, and pertinence.
5. Highest scoring quip will win $25 US paid by me via Paypal NLT Nov. 20. Judges' decisions are final. Judges are not eligible.
6. All entries must be within TOS guidelines, including profanity.
Example: You MIGHT not be an AP if....you always hold a Jack with a pair of 5's on JOB VP, because "Jacks always come when you have 5's. Just like 10's go with 3's." (Yes, someone actually said this to me.)
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
November 9th, 2015 at 5:58:21 PM
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"...if you have a bobblehead John Patrick on your dashboard."
"What, me worry?"
November 9th, 2015 at 6:04:59 PM
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If your strategy to win involves doubling your bet whenever you lose, you might not be an AP.
May the cards fall in your favor.
November 9th, 2015 at 6:10:17 PM
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YOUUUUUUUUUU MIGHT NOT BE AN AP IF...you keep borrowing money from me every other week to pay for "milk" for your kids. (yeah right)
November 9th, 2015 at 6:12:08 PM
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You use a plush monkey to win at baccarat.
November 9th, 2015 at 6:16:07 PM
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".....................if you play 6:5 Blackjack"
A flute with no holes is not a flute, a donut with no holes is a danish
November 9th, 2015 at 6:17:05 PM
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Quote: Gabes22".....................if you play 6:5 Blackjack"
Not true...
DUHHIIIIIIIII HEARD THAT!
November 9th, 2015 at 6:21:31 PM
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If you're always on here bragging what a great AP you are.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
November 9th, 2015 at 6:27:42 PM
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Some guy once said "AP is a myth."
DUHHIIIIIIIII HEARD THAT!
November 9th, 2015 at 6:28:41 PM
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if you sell books on how to AP
November 9th, 2015 at 6:31:33 PM
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You bet your entire bankroll, on your next throw of the dice, due to your dice influence.
November 9th, 2015 at 6:32:52 PM
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If the casino sends a limousine around to pick you up.
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
November 9th, 2015 at 6:35:53 PM
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Youuuuuuuuuuuu might not be an AP if you tell me that my surrendering a hand caused you to lose that hand, but then you fail to thank me for the blackjack on your next hand!
November 9th, 2015 at 6:54:22 PM
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You might not be AP if ........ you don't beat your children and still think the best of your football career is ahead of you.
At my age, a "Life In Prison" sentence is not much of a deterrent.
November 9th, 2015 at 7:04:27 PM
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You're selling the craps table in your living room that you bought because you thought you were an AP.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
November 9th, 2015 at 7:07:28 PM
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... you hedge when all your half-point parlay cards ride on Monday Night Football.
"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow." -- Ecclesiastes 1:18 (NIV)
November 9th, 2015 at 7:11:57 PM
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You're casino host calls you by your first name and has your cell number on his speed dial in the first position.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
November 9th, 2015 at 7:19:57 PM
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You tell the bj table watch this, because YOU know the count is high, and you bust.
November 9th, 2015 at 7:27:32 PM
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...you hear talk of "Martingale" and wonder how nursing is going to help you win
November 9th, 2015 at 7:29:55 PM
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You might not be an AP if.....
.....you've noticed a winning pattern on the live Keno game, but only on odd numbered games on odd numbered days when you wear your lucky Hush Puppy shoes.
.....you've noticed a winning pattern on the live Keno game, but only on odd numbered games on odd numbered days when you wear your lucky Hush Puppy shoes.
There's emptiness behind their eyes
There's dust in all their hearts
They just want to steal us all and take us all apart
November 9th, 2015 at 7:31:42 PM
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You lose the count every time a hot waitress goes by.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
November 9th, 2015 at 7:38:09 PM
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You complain to the pit boss that you deserve a comp. Because you can't understand why you are losing with positive decks.
Pray for protection from enemies and witchcraft.
November 9th, 2015 at 7:49:37 PM
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Every video poker machine in the casino is NSU
"Man Babes" #AxelFabulous
November 9th, 2015 at 7:53:21 PM
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You probably not an AP if you're playing roulette.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
November 9th, 2015 at 7:57:52 PM
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...If you reply to this thread more than four times...
DUHHIIIIIIIII HEARD THAT!
November 9th, 2015 at 7:58:11 PM
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If you correct other player's deviation mistakes.
Pray for protection from enemies and witchcraft.
November 9th, 2015 at 7:59:26 PM
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Your probably not an AP if your counting cards at a CSM table.
November 9th, 2015 at 8:03:35 PM
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Your probably not an advantage craps player if you think it means getting away with a roll of your buddies T-paper after dropping a deuce at his house.
November 9th, 2015 at 8:06:32 PM
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if you think Harrah's/Caesar's properties have good video poker.
At my age, a "Life In Prison" sentence is not much of a deterrent.
November 9th, 2015 at 8:13:26 PM
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...if you always insure your blackjacks because "You can't lose."
November 9th, 2015 at 8:15:33 PM
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... if you follow that old drunken guy around Montana and play the "hot" keno machines after he is done with them.
At my age, a "Life In Prison" sentence is not much of a deterrent.
November 9th, 2015 at 8:16:39 PM
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If you're drunk playing craps, or playing craps at all, drunk or not.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
November 9th, 2015 at 8:23:03 PM
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........If you worry more about actual wins and losses than expected value.
November 9th, 2015 at 8:30:49 PM
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if you lose 30 hands in a row at blackjack.
November 9th, 2015 at 8:33:22 PM
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If you keep asking other APs if its normal to have a losing year.
Pray for protection from enemies and witchcraft.
November 9th, 2015 at 8:33:57 PM
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Quote: rackoddballif you lose 30 hands in a row at blackjack.
Hmmmmmm interesting that you should post this, having only joined a few days ago…
November 9th, 2015 at 8:34:06 PM
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If your goal is to break even.
Pray for protection from enemies and witchcraft.
November 9th, 2015 at 8:57:02 PM
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Quote: rackoddballif you lose 30 hands in a row at blackjack.
Buzzard,
Not funny. See ya.
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
November 9th, 2015 at 8:58:42 PM
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Guys,
Remember the game rule; no flooding the thread. You have to wait for someone else to post before you can go again. There's been a couple of those already. If you followed yourself and want your second one to count, go back and delete it there, and re-post it.
Remember the game rule; no flooding the thread. You have to wait for someone else to post before you can go again. There's been a couple of those already. If you followed yourself and want your second one to count, go back and delete it there, and re-post it.
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
November 9th, 2015 at 9:01:41 PM
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Sorry,
I didn't read the rules.
I didn't read the rules.
Pray for protection from enemies and witchcraft.
November 9th, 2015 at 9:08:33 PM
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You might not be a AP if............. you think a ROYAL FLUSH is what the Queen does after she uses her royal commode
November 9th, 2015 at 9:11:57 PM
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1.) ...............If you boast that ( " ALL" betting systems are worthless") and offer a $30 K challenge but "EXCLUDE" blackjack.....................
2.)..............IF you're really, really good at mathematics and designing websites about gambling.......................
2.)..............IF you're really, really good at mathematics and designing websites about gambling.......................
November 9th, 2015 at 9:36:41 PM
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...............If you disqualify yourself from this contest by violating rule #1...ahem!
November 9th, 2015 at 9:39:26 PM
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... you announce with authority that proper strategy is to always assume the dealer's blackjack down card has a ten value.
“You don’t bring a bone saw to a negotiation.” - Robert Jordan, former U.S. ambassador to Saudi Arabia
November 9th, 2015 at 9:41:02 PM
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You might not be an AP... if the limo driver radios in after picking you up, "Shamu is in the tank"
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication - Leonardo da Vinci
November 9th, 2015 at 9:47:45 PM
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... you justify your side bets by claiming they are often what keeps you in the game.
“You don’t bring a bone saw to a negotiation.” - Robert Jordan, former U.S. ambassador to Saudi Arabia
November 9th, 2015 at 9:55:42 PM
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..................If you are a " regular " poster on this website , and really need to win this contest to make your next bet.
November 9th, 2015 at 9:57:47 PM
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... after staring intently at your hand you ask the dealer, "What do I have?"
“You don’t bring a bone saw to a negotiation.” - Robert Jordan, former U.S. ambassador to Saudi Arabia
November 9th, 2015 at 10:08:24 PM
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... you think the probability of both dice shows a 2 given atleast one die shows a 2 is 1 in 6.
“Man Babes” #AxelFabulous
November 9th, 2015 at 10:11:03 PM
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... you can't cough up the cash to leverage your +EV bet.
“You don’t bring a bone saw to a negotiation.” - Robert Jordan, former U.S. ambassador to Saudi Arabia
