Is it a good or bad idea to let a 15 year old visit her mom in jail?

Was searching for off topic/jail forums to ask for impartial opinions and this is one that came up


my wife just went to county jail for eight months for a money crime. . I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am thinking of letting my daughter visit her in jail. My daughter seems to be enthusiastic about visiting her mom when she is in jail.

I am wondering what is the best way of preparing for a visit. Daughter seems to be taking her mother being away for a while fine and she does seem a little excited. I wonder why. She even poked some fun at her mom that "she is getting ordered around now" in a clear joking way. My wife was self deprecating about it and didn't mind.

my daughter seems to want to ask her mom some things about what it is like inside jail. I told her what kind of questions and she wrote them down and gave me a list

how's the food what are the other prisoners like are you able to sleep at night, or is it noisy what do you do to keep from getting bored how are the guards are you able to do jobs like in the kitchen or laundry Does she have a cell all to herself or does she have to share? If she has to share, how is that going? Does she get along with her cellmate? does she have to change and shower with other people? what's the funniest thing you've seen since you got there

are these questions OK or are too personal? Is it OK for a 15 year old to know such things? Should I maybe steer the conversation away from such matters?

also another thing I wonder, Should I tell my wife to keep quiet in jail and try not to talk to others really? Just as a way of maybe keeping her out of any potential trouble

Main problems I have have is

She will see her mom in jail clothes

She will see other inmates

She will see guards that could be intimidating

Is that ok for her to see?

I am all for off topic discussions but you would be much better off asking these questions on an inmate family support forum.

But to answer, you should already be aware that 15 year old is old enough to know what's going on. No problem with visiting.

I would take her but not allow those questions. That being said why are you posting such a personal account on a gambling forum? Did she go to jail for embezzlement due to a gambling problem?

Tough question.

I'm against the idea of shielding children from the unpleasant realities of life. I mean, how else are they supposed to be prepared when they go out into the real world?

Frankly, a visit to a jail might help an child stay on the right side of the law.

But the comment about poking fun and "she is getting ordered around" has me concerned. Is your daughter gloating or otherwise making fun of mom's situation? In that case, a visit might not be a good idea. On the other hand, remind her that "Bossy mom is coming home in X months, and she'll remember this visit" might help to curb her enthusiasm.

Also, some of those questions make it sound like she's thinking the jailtime is something of an adventure.

Is your wife in a minimum security, country club type of prison? If so, a visit might confirm that it's just a fun adventure in her mind.

Quote: GWAE

you would be much better off asking these questions on an inmate family support forum.

Ditto.

Let your daughter see her. The truth is usually the best option.

I would bring her up. She needs to see it is not an adventure if that is in her mind.

Most of her questions were legit thoughts. I do find it hilarious she asked whether mom has her own cell phone or has to share. Perhaps she doesn't realize that prisoners aren't allowed cell phones at all and must make calls from monitored public telephones (which must go through an operator with a request for the recipient to accept all charges). It's a shame that todays teenagers don't even know public telephones ever existed.

Also, as I was in a similar situation once (on the visitation side, not the inmate side), one joke is that it takes a lot more work for the innocent civilians to get into jail than the guilty criminals. The process for going through multiple layers of inspection, searches, organization, metal detectors, and the wait times for your inmate to be summoned are usually several hours. I suspect after the first time she goes through it she will not be too anxious to repeat the grueling requirements.

Of course, I am speaking of only the places I visited, perhaps your wife's prison is more minimal security but I am sure they will still have their requirements that make going through the airport security look like a vacation :)

Quote: darkoz

It's a shame that todays teenagers don't even know public telephones ever existed.

Why? (as if they were a good thing). I wish we had cell phones when I was a kid.

Skip to 1:47

Quote: darkoz

I do find it hilarious she asked whether mom has her own cell phone or has to share. Perhaps she doesn't realize that prisoners aren't allowed cell phones at all and must make calls from monitored public telephones (which must go through an operator with a request for the recipient to accept all charges). It's a shame that todays teenagers don't even know public telephones ever existed.

I laughed when I realized your interpretation was cell phone not jail cell.

Quote: miplet

I laughed when I realized your interpretation was cell phone not jail cell.

Wow, I had to laugh just now too. I think you are right.

I've gotten used to my cell phone too much methinks, as well.

Quote: I1924

also another thing I wonder, Should I tell my wife to keep quiet in jail and try not to talk to others really? Just as a way of maybe keeping her out of any potential trouble

I used to have a pen pal in prison. I asked him the question about keeping your head down and not talking to people, and he said that can be just as bad as going around running your mouth. If you just keep to yourself and not talk to anyone, then people (other inmates) will get suspicious and think you're up to something, and they won't trust you and may even try to start s**t. He said to just talk to people like you normally would; be respectful, don't be an ass, etc.

Then again, this guy was doing years of time in a federal prison. If you're just doing a few months in a county jail, the "inmate culture" might be a little looser.