I'm the loser of the year

Quote: aceofspades

LOL Why would he be afraid - I've done nothing to him

All fears are not rational

Quote: petroglyph

All fears are not rational

Exactly, that's the word I was searching
for. Little kids are not rational, they have
no idea why they behave the way they
do.

Quote: aceofspades

LOL Why would he be afraid - I've done nothing to him

Maybe he's scurred of cologne, especially Tom Ford.

Hang in there, Charlie Brown. I think you're just having a bad day.

Quote: aceofspades

I just don't get it - I am his only uncle. He loves my dog, but not me.

Quote: aceofspades

LOL Why would he be afraid - I've done nothing to him

This thread is most 'revealing'. The big, bad, high rolling, divorce lawyer has a sensitive side. Lol. Even more revealing is that this 4 year old kid is pushing your buttons and getting the best of you, Ace.

Here's what you do. Buy him a remote control car.....not some $20 one from Walmart, but a good one. Kids love remote controlled cars. Then take him to the parking lot and play with him and you will bond. Problem solved. :)

Quote: aceofspades

I just don't get it

Well, let me give it a shot.

First, it could be a million things. Maybe you are unique and he doesn't know how to address you. Maybe you are imposing and he's intimidated by you. Maybe you don't oogle and cater to his every need, and he's resentful. Maybe he thinks you're the cat's ass and he's self conscious. It is certainly nothing to beat yourself up about. But if you're looking to change it, you have to do something about it.

Dealing with small children is very similar to dealing with dogs. You can't use reason, you have to use tactics and language that they understand. And much like dogs, or even grown folks, much of the communication is non verbal. You ever get on his level, physically? Looming over a child is bad. Maybe not "bad", but... unproductive. First, there's the intimidation factor. But even if that's not an issue, there's a phyical-mental thing at play here. When you're aloof and daydreaming, how is your head oriented? Kind of cocked back, looking into the sky? And when you're deep in concentration, where is it then? Down, focused. Don't you agree? Something as simple as the physical positioning of your head can affect the mentality of you or the person you're dealing with. So addressing a child, especially if you want their undivided attention, is difficult to impossible if you're forcing them to look up. Sit on the floor so making eye contact is done with a level head, or, if you have an object you are showing him, hold it in your lap so he is forced to look down. The physical orientation automatically makes their brain engage into the behavior your seeking - focus and attention.

Plus, sitting on the floor is non-verbal communication. There you are sitting just like he does. You're down on his level. You're approachable. You're no longer a grown up he has to fear, you're not an adult he has to worry about bothering. You're just family, and you're reachable, obtainable.

If something that simple isn't working, take it further. Are there other nieces and nephews of his age there? Play with them and interact with them in this manner. If Uncle Ace is blowing bubbles and all the other kids are having fun, he's not going to deny himself that fun. So he'll have his fun. He'll see - fun, Uncle Ace. Uncle Ace, fun. Soon, Uncle Ace = fun. And then you're golden.

If there's no other kids, you'll have to be more direct. If going right to him makes him disconnect, then playing by yourself may be the key. Just sit and start building with Legos. Guarantee you'll get his attention and he'll be staring at you in no time. Just let him stare; make eye contact, smile, and go right back to building. If he doesn't come over of his own accord, maybe ask him to help, or to judge, or to just check it out. If he doesn't, just keep building until you're done and then leave it for him to play with. Guarantee he'll go see what you did. And then the same thing happens - Uncle Ace, playing. Playing, Uncle Ace. Soon, Uncle Ace = playing, and playing is fun, so Uncle Ace = fun.

Of course, he could just be one of those moody kids. I have a cousin that was like that. Despite that every single one of my cousins are more like siblings than distant family, this one just wouldn't speak to me. It was nothing I did, she was just... I dunno. Moody. Self conscious. I just waited and eventually she opened up. She was 23, and I know this because it was just last year =p

Anyways, just some things to think about if you want to change it. If you're instead just lamenting it with no desire to alter it, stop. Kids are weird. Even my own tells me about weekly that he doesn't want to live with me. You can't let it get to you. They play by different rules.

Can the kid's parents shed any light on this?

Are you sure the boys ma didn't poison the well?

Quote: petroglyph

Are you sure the boys ma didn't poison the well?

Yes. It's psychology-101. The young naturally gravitate to the "furry one" rather than the caregiver. No contest, according to experiments with monkeys, and people.

In other words, the one who does the feeding, cleaning, training, etc, does so over the relatively briefer time slots. You have to appear fun and glitzy in a warm and cuddly manner to take over the bulk of a younger child's attention span.

Might sound counter-intuitive and uncaring - like a lot of the stuff on these sorts of internet forums - the laissez faire approach to the young in the greater sense. But, it works even with a lot of adults... as far as I can tell. (How do ya think the "child predators" go about it?)

Quote: 1BB

Can the kid's parents shed any light on this?

I have brought this up for a couple of years...basically telling my parents and my sister (my nephew's mother) that my nephew does not like me
I am immediately screamed at and told that I am overreacting, that he is "just a child"
I said, there is no harm in his not liking me - that not everyone in the world likes everyone else in the world
They immediately scream at me that I am crazy

Quote: petroglyph

Are you sure the boys ma didn't poison the well?

HAHA - nah my sister wouldn't do that - she always tried to get him to talk with me on the phone, to no avail

Quote: Face

Well, let me give it a shot.

First, it could be a million things. Maybe you are unique and he doesn't know how to address you. Maybe you are imposing and he's intimidated by you. Maybe you don't oogle and cater to his every need, and he's resentful. Maybe he thinks you're the cat's ass and he's self conscious. It is certainly nothing to beat yourself up about. But if you're looking to change it, you have to do something about it.

Dealing with small children is very similar to dealing with dogs. You can't use reason, you have to use tactics and language that they understand. And much like dogs, or even grown folks, much of the communication is non verbal. You ever get on his level, physically? Looming over a child is bad. Maybe not "bad", but... unproductive. First, there's the intimidation factor. But even if that's not an issue, there's a phyical-mental thing at play here. When you're aloof and daydreaming, how is your head oriented? Kind of cocked back, looking into the sky? And when you're deep in concentration, where is it then? Down, focused. Don't you agree? Something as simple as the physical positioning of your head can affect the mentality of you or the person you're dealing with. So addressing a child, especially if you want their undivided attention, is difficult to impossible if you're forcing them to look up. Sit on the floor so making eye contact is done with a level head, or, if you have an object you are showing him, hold it in your lap so he is forced to look down. The physical orientation automatically makes their brain engage into the behavior your seeking - focus and attention.

Plus, sitting on the floor is non-verbal communication. There you are sitting just like he does. You're down on his level. You're approachable. You're no longer a grown up he has to fear, you're not an adult he has to worry about bothering. You're just family, and you're reachable, obtainable.

If something that simple isn't working, take it further. Are there other nieces and nephews of his age there? Play with them and interact with them in this manner. If Uncle Ace is blowing bubbles and all the other kids are having fun, he's not going to deny himself that fun. So he'll have his fun. He'll see - fun, Uncle Ace. Uncle Ace, fun. Soon, Uncle Ace = fun. And then you're golden.

If there's no other kids, you'll have to be more direct. If going right to him makes him disconnect, then playing by yourself may be the key. Just sit and start building with Legos. Guarantee you'll get his attention and he'll be staring at you in no time. Just let him stare; make eye contact, smile, and go right back to building. If he doesn't come over of his own accord, maybe ask him to help, or to judge, or to just check it out. If he doesn't, just keep building until you're done and then leave it for him to play with. Guarantee he'll go see what you did. And then the same thing happens - Uncle Ace, playing. Playing, Uncle Ace. Soon, Uncle Ace = playing, and playing is fun, so Uncle Ace = fun.

Of course, he could just be one of those moody kids. I have a cousin that was like that. Despite that every single one of my cousins are more like siblings than distant family, this one just wouldn't speak to me. It was nothing I did, she was just... I dunno. Moody. Self conscious. I just waited and eventually she opened up. She was 23, and I know this because it was just last year =p

Anyways, just some things to think about if you want to change it. If you're instead just lamenting it with no desire to alter it, stop. Kids are weird. Even my own tells me about weekly that he doesn't want to live with me. You can't let it get to you. They play by different rules.

It's funny, when I came in and said Happy Bday to him, he looked in my direction but basically looked through me. I then asked if he would give me a hug. He said no and walked away. His best friend then came over, looked at me, and hugged my legs saying "I'll give you a hug" lolol

Quote: aceofspades

I am immediately screamed at and told that I am overreacting

Oh no you didn't! You told a parent
of a toddler he has a fault? You're
lucky you only got screamed at. Junior
has no faults, he's perfect in every way.
By saying that, you attacked the parenting
skills of mom and dad, that's a big no no..

Quote: aceofspades

I have brought this up for a couple of years...basically telling my parents and my sister (my nephew's mother) that my nephew does not like me
I am immediately screamed at and told that I am overreacting, that he is "just a child"
I said, there is no harm in his not liking me - that not everyone in the world likes everyone else in the world
They immediately scream at me that I am crazy



HAHA - nah my sister wouldn't do that - she always tried to get him to talk with me on the phone, to no avail

I think you should try screaming at him.

Quote: DrawingDead

I think you should try screaming at him.

LOL! Give him a real reason to hate you.

Quote: EvenBob

LOL! Give him a real reason to hate you.

I thought you would have said that to my "I'll teach him SC" comment lol

It's still early in the year I'm sure someone on this earth will try their best to be a bigger loser then you. Have faith.

Quote: Intheknow

It's still early in the year I'm sure someone on this earth will try their best to be a bigger loser then you. Have faith.

I'm not trying lol

I have some grown nephews, in their late 20's, who i wish would ignore me a little more than they do. Late night phone calls asking me to bail them out. One stayed with my wife and I in a spare bedroom in our home, rent free, for 30 months -abusing prescription meds and energy drinks and acting spooky and violent. And, of course, requests for money.

So, Count your Blessings.

Quote: Kerkebet

... The young naturally gravitate to the "furry one" rather than the caregiver. No contest, according to experiments with monkeys, and people.

Of course monkeys gravitate toward the hairy one. But I disagree with your opinion. Who do you think very young people are more naturally attracted to, their mothers or Willie Nelson, or Grizzly Adams?

Quote:

You have to appear fun and glitzy in a warm and cuddly manner to take over the bulk of a younger child's attention span.

Fun and glitzy? What about caring and nurturing, feeding and loving? That's what worked for me raising kids, not glitz.

Quote:

... the laissez faire approach to the young in the greater sense. But, it works even with a lot of adults... as far as I can tell. (How do ya think the "child predators" go about it?)

Yes there are many, many people that should never be tasked with rearing children. "how do I think child predators" go about it? I think they are as you said predators. I believe they use what ever means they have to attract their prey, just like other predators. But I envision them dressing nicely, shaving, smiling and alluring the best they can imagine. I don't see them with big beards and tats all over like bikers. Bikers would rather kill clean shaven pedophiles than emulate them, IMO.

Quote: gordonm888

One stayed with my wife and I in a spare bedroom in our home, rent free, for 30 months -abusing prescription meds and energy drinks and acting spooky and violent. .

Seriously? That's your fault, not his. My
sister, who I haven't seen since the week
Elvis died in 1977, tried to pull that BS on
me a few years ago. She got her loser
drop out tatoo'd 35 year old son to email
me and ask if he could live here for few
weeks. They live in Seattle, I haven't seen
the kid since he was 2.

It never happened, needless to say. The
conversation between me and sis was
colorful, if nothing else. Haven't heard
from her since.

Quote: aceofspades

No matter what I do, I lose - I miss winning on American Pharaoh only to lose on Pacquioa - it's as if the universe conspires against me so that I only place losing bets

FML I am such a loser


I am such a f88888g loser

Chuckle, and this gentlemen was idolized?? WTF, cute, I guess.