Things Just Got Weird

So, yeah... since my divorce, I've been throwing myself out there. Keeping busy, taking in new events, reconnecting with old friends from work, school, college, just living life to it's fullest, you know? Anyways... while I was on my Lake Placid trip, an old friend from work, a girl, began chatting me up again. After a few days of back and forth, we decided it would be cool to get together sometime. Now, I definately wasn't looking to date or anything like that, but I did want to see her again and assumed this would be A-OK.

I've known her for 7 years. At our old job, I was her boss. At our old job, I was already 7yrs deep in a relationship. In our old job, her GIRLFRIEND also worked there, and I was also very good friends with her, too. Yup, she's total lesbian. You see? There has always been a skillion reasons why nothing would ever happen, never in either of our wildest imaginations. Can you understand why I thought this would be "safe"?

Fast forward to today and cut out a lot of sappy details... and we dig each other. Yeah, we got it bad. We're on that stupid, puppy-love bullet train, speeding out of control towards... I don't even know what. It's just crazy.

Gentlemen, I've turned a lesbian. Double-U Tee Eff do I do now?! Seriously, what is one supposed to think about this? Same as any other? Is it somehow different? Should I roll with it? Should I be scared? lol I'm kind of at a loss and would appreciate if someone with experience could shed some light.

Also to s2dbaker... do I get a toaster now? Or do I, like, lose a microwave or something? How does this work, exactly? ;)

I have no experience in this area, but first

HIGH FIVE

and second, I would just say roll with it, but try not to get too serious. Given your situation I'm guessing you already know that part.

If you don't mind me asking, about how old are you? When I was reading the divorce thread I think I had a number in my head that was way too high, based on the picture you posted in the picture thread. A +/-5 years answer would be totally fine, or no answer if you would prefer not to say.

HIGH FIVE ;) lol, oh man..

Yeah, I definately still have my head on straight. It's in the clouds, but my priorities are there ;) Getting my personal life squared is job #2 after job #1 of caring for my boy. And I told her the same; since she lives in the city and is in Master's courses, I didn't want to get all high-school and start skirting responsibilities to go make out in the parking lot (we save that for the weekends, it's so bad lol). So being smart about the whole thing is there, I just don't know... how to feel about it, I guess.

And I don't mind, I'm 31.

As a person with (minor) experience in this area, I would recommend some caution.

Here's the deal. There are essentially 2 very broad possibilities. One is that she does dig you and is in to you and maybe in love with you, and that's great and fine. The other is that she's experimenting, or lost, or not sure of what she's doing. This possibility bodes badly for you down the line.

In Lesbian couples, you often see Male/Female role echoes, and for the one playing the female side anyway, I have been quite convinced in many cases they could be turned, as you put it. I say go for it but be aware that their bisexuality is confirmed, whatever that might mean for the future. I can picture that if you have relationship troubles she might turn back, so to speak.

I think women have a tendency to embrace bisexuality more so than men. Look at Anne Heche and other actresses who have been in high profile relationships with both men and women. However, try to find one guy who was in a high profile relationship with a man, and ended up with a woman... maybe Alan Cumming, but even then, still more gay that straight.

Because of this, don't look at what you did as conquering her or changing her sexuality. That could lead to a lot of problems down the road. You need to view her as a special person and not define what she was or is. If she wants to be with you, awesome.

What does she say about it? Its hard to imagine the subject of her previous sexual orientation hasn't come up. If she says she loves banging you but also loves banging Sally, then you have to decide if that's what you want. If she says that since she's been banging you she doesn't understand how she ever was banging Sally, then it is more complicated for you. As my friends have warned me, do whatever you feel comfortable with and don't get anyone pregnant. And the political correctness police will tell you you can NEVER turn a gay person straight.

I would ask for the 3 way.

Talk about a New York minute. That's the fastest divorce involving a child that I've ever heard of!

Quote: thlf

I would ask for the 3 way.

Aaaaaaaand /thread

Quote: SOOPOO

What does she say about it?

This is important.

Tread slowly and carefully and you could find yourself winning the sexual lottery - having a wife/girlfriend who has a habit of bringing home another girl for the two of you to share.

Sexual Nirvana my friend. Be careful and you may get there.

Quote: thlf

I would ask for the 3 way.

Ditto. But it might make you crazy if another chick gets her off better than you!

Quote: odiousgambit

In Lesbian couples, you often see Male/Female role echoes, and for the one playing the female side anyway, I have been quite convinced in many cases they could be turned, as you put it. I say go for it but be aware that their bisexuality is confirmed, whatever that might mean for the future. I can picture that if you have relationship troubles she might turn back, so to speak.

Yeah, she was definately a "lipstick lesbian". Her g/f was the short hair, boy clothes, tomboy athlete. And I thought about a "regress", but... is it any different than any other relationship? I mean, if you meet someone straight, there's always a chance that they go back to an ex or move on to someone else, right? Is this so different?

Quote: Tiltpoul

Because of this, don't look at what you did as conquering her or changing her sexuality. That could lead to a lot of problems down the road. You need to view her as a special person and not define what she was or is. If she wants to be with you, awesome.

Joking and puffing-of-chest aside, I don't look at it as a "conquering". I had to put that in there (I am sort of a typical guy, after all) but really, I like this chick. We have so many common interests and such crazy chemistry... that's what I'm focused on. I don't define her, I just... I'm off the map. I think I know a lot about relationships, enough to know that I know nothing about women. Then add this... and I'm out in that grey area of the map that says "Here thar be dragons" ;)

Quote: SOOPOO

What does she say about it?

We've talked about it. She admitted questioning her gayness, saying even her g/f used to say the only reason they were together is because the g/f was such a dude. And she confided that back in our work days, she had thoughts of "us". But she said she just "didn't know how to go about it" when it came to guys. I don't know. Honestly, although this was a somewhat long convo, it wasn't long enough, you know? Not long enough to really understand and get a feel of where she stands on herself. I guess time will tell ;)

But c'mon, SOOPOO, give a guy a little credit. I'm not "banging" anyone lol ;) I'm taking it slow and just enjoying the courtship, all those stupid "feel like a 14yr old" feelings all over again. She plays rugby and lacrosse, runs marathons, carries a gun, loves the Leafs, and wants nothing more than to be in the woods. Oh, and she is GORGEOUS. I'm not about to muck this up by complicating things with sex too soon ;)

Quote: 1BB

Talk about a New York minute. That's the fastest divorce involving a child that I've ever heard of!

That's what happens when people put self aside for benefit of child. We still talk, we're still friendly, we're still "family" with each other's fams, she hasn't taken one single dollar in support from me to let me get on my feet... we're making it work and things are looking good =)

You guys and your three ways ;) Oh, man...

Have you ever owned a woman's mind? If you've ever managed to get inside and set up shop, really please that area behind her eyes, you will reap pleasures that no amount of additional sexual partners could possibly attain. That is my goal, THAT is Nirvana =D

You can't 'turn' a real Lesbian, therefore she wasn't.
Be careful, you're in the inevitable rebound relationship
that comes with every divorce. Its not real, they seldom
last or work out. Let it play out, have good time, in 6
months come back and read this thread and see if you
don't smack your forehead and say WTF was I thinking..
This woman obviously wanted you when you were married
and is probably living out some kind of fantasy she had
about you. She'll get over it, and then you'll see what you
really have together.

Wise words, EB. I'm definitely living in the moment, just enjoying it for what it is. Perhaps it is just what you said, but man, what a ride =)

Quote: Face

But c'mon, SOOPOO, give a guy a little credit. I'm not "banging" anyone lol ;) I'm not about to muck this up by complicating things with sex too soon ;)

No offense meant, face, but I would guess that anyone reading your original post would have surmised you were sexually intimate. And until you see how she reacts the day after your first 'consumation', it is hard to classify your relationship as 'turning' her. One of my best friends is a lesbian. She'd kill me if she knew I used the 'turned' phrase....