Where is BBB?
posted 12 times between them
in May. OD 10 times and Face twice.
Some of us obviously need to get out more $:o)Quote: EvenBobSpeaking of BBB, Oncedear and Face
posted 12 times between them
in May. OD 10 times and Face twice.
Quote: OnceDearSome of us obviously need to get out more $:o)
So go out and take a stroll. I
live in a park with a stream
running thru it. I'm already
where most people set out
to go.
Quote: EvenBobSo go out and take a stroll. I
live in a park with a stream
running thru it. I'm already
where most people set out
to go.
You live in Michigan. You need to head south hundreds of miles to find anything nice. And no, I don't consider Ohio nice so keep going south,
Quote: DRichYou live in Michigan. You need to head south hundreds of miles to find anything nice.
Are you serious? In the summer
here it's gorgeous. No humidity,
lush thick green everywhere.
You do realize MI has been a
vacation destination since
the 1880's. Why would I go
hundreds of miles south where
the heat and humidity are
stifling, the tree's are short,
and people talk like they have
a mouthful of marbles.
Hemingway's family vacay'ed
in MI every summer, he wrote
about it extensively. And in W MI
we have the largest group of
people from the Netherland's
outside of Europe. So there are
gorgeous blond and beautiful
women everywhere you turn.
I married one.
Finally a post it would be OK for your wife to seeQuote: EvenBobAre you serious? In the summer
here it's gorgeous. No humidity,
lush thick green everywhere.
You do realize MI has been a
vacation destination since
the 1880's. Why would I go
hundreds of miles south where
the heat and humidity are
stifling, the tree's are short,
and people talk like they have
a mouthful of marbles.
Hemingway's family vacay'ed
in MI every summer, he wrote
about it extensively. And in W MI
we have the largest group of
people from the Netherland's
outside of Europe. So there are
gorgeous blond and beautiful
women everywhere you turn.
I married one.
Quote: EvenBobAre you serious? In the summer
here it's gorgeous. No humidity,
lush thick green everywhere.
You do realize MI has been a
vacation destination since
the 1880's. Why would I go
hundreds of miles south where
the heat and humidity are
stifling, the tree's are short,
and people talk like they have
a mouthful of marbles.
No humidity in the summer?!?!
I live in Michigan too. We must exist in alternate dimensions.
Quote: ams288No humidity in the summer?!?!
I live in Michigan too. We must exist in alternate dimensions.
No, you live on the sucky side of
the state. There's humidity at times,
but like today, there was none and
it's that way a lot. If I go to IND
or OH, I can't breathe. Or Detroit.
Anywhere east of Lansing sucks
in MI. I've had people visit here
from the eastern part and they
go, holy crap, why have I never
come here. We consider it the
best kept secret in the state.
We are only 40 miles from Lake
Mi and it always gives us breezes
from the lake. You live on the East
side of a Great Lake, you get to
sit and stew in your own juices.
Quote: EvenBobAre you serious? In the summer
here it's gorgeous. No humidity,
lush thick green everywhere.
You do realize MI has been a
vacation destination since
the 1880's. Why would I go
hundreds of miles south where
the heat and humidity are
stifling, the tree's are short,
and people talk like they have
a mouthful of marbles.
Hemingway's family vacay'ed
in MI every summer, he wrote
about it extensively. And in W MI
we have the largest group of
people from the Netherland's
outside of Europe. So there are
gorgeous blond and beautiful
women everywhere you turn.
I married one.
I guess we just have different definitions of nice and vacation.
Having grown upin Ohio I spent a lot of time in Michigan. I enjoyed very little of it. I did like a little town called Marshall, it was quaint and had many nice people but I sure wouldn't go there for a vacation. I also liked that Christmas store that was near Mackinac Island.
even visited forum in a week. I'm very
worried that she isn't doing well. Does
anyone have any news?
She seems to be doing okay.Quote: EvenBobThis is getting serious. Barb hasn't
even visited forum in a week. I'm very
worried that she isn't doing well. Does
anyone have any news?
Quote: EvenBobThis is getting serious. Barb hasn't
even visited forum in a week. I'm very
worried that she isn't doing well. Does
anyone have any news?
Maybe you should have taken her last post more seriously instead of joking about it.
New problem came up yesterday, too. Not fond of life drama, but maybe you guys can help. Sensitive topic, so serious advice only please.
My ex-husband, with whom I have been amiable but not generally in each other's lives, has become homeless. Thumbnail: mid 60s, very decorated Vietnam vet, family and friends who care, but he has turned away from all of us in the past year. Physical issues from the war, probably very depressed but no diagnosed mental illness. Serially tossed out of friend, VA, and brother housing for being a bad roommate. Last I talked to him was Sept, he refused to return my calls in March, though he got the messages (family death).
I'm living with mom to caretake 24/7. My house stands empty a couple miles away. He's 300 miles away, incommunicado with all family and friends.
Do I go get him? Leave him be? I'm pretty upset about this, but might not be my business any more, despite family ties and continued friendship on some levels. He probably doesn't know I know this happened - he hasn't reached out to anyone, but his brother got a call from the shelter.
I'd appreciate a male perspective on whether to insert myself somehow into this, especially since I'm not looking to re-establish a relationship, just care enough not to leave him to rot when I have resources. Thanks in advance.
Based on your description of the situation, I would advise you to stay in contact with his brother and suggest that he ask the people at the shelter about how to get your Ex into the State's mental health system. If your ex is not homeless due to alcoholism or drug addiction then a State mental health system may assign him to a social worker and psychologist/therapist and be able to arrange for him a state-provided apartment and food stamps. This is the best outcome, assuming he is willing to "follow the rules" and see the state-appointed therapist (for free) on a periodic basis -usually weekly.
Since your ex has failed to behave appropriately with a friend, the VA, and his brother it is likely that you would develop major problems if you allow him to live in your house while you stay with your Mom. This is a rabbithole that I suspect you should avoid. No one who has tried to rescue him has been successful and I imagine they have been made miserable during their attempts to rescue him.. Your Ex's problem is not "homelessness" -rather it is "mental illness resulting in homelessness," Unfortunately, you cannot treat his mental illness and your Ex may need to reach rock bottom (which he is at right now) in order to make the small changes that will be requested of him by the State mental health system.
You have my sympathy. This is a tough situation.
Quote: beachbumbabs
Do I go get him? Leave him be? I'm pretty upset about this, but might not be my business
OMG, you do NOTHING! He will
ruin your life, forget about it. He's
not your problem. He's not a
blood relative, he's your ex, don't
give it another thought. He wants
somebody to 'rescue' him so he
can ruin their lives like he's ruined
his own. Look back on all the things
you disliked when you were married
and multiply by 10. Where he is now
is where he's been headed to all along.
You're going to do what you want no
matter what advice you get. Don't say
you weren't warned if you decide to
'save' him.
Quote: gordonm888I Since your ex has failed to behave appropriately with a friend, the VA, and his brother it is likely that you would develop major problems if you allow him to live in your house while you stay with your Mom. This is a rabbithole that I suspect you should avoid. No one who has tried to rescue him has been successful and I imagine they have been made miserable during their attempts to rescue him..
Very well put. Danger Will Robinson, avoid
at all costs.
Quote: DRichMy inclination would be to not contact him but if he contacted me I would probably offer to help.
Wow, glutton for punishment you are.
I've known these kind of people, they
are soul suckers. They want to suck
whatever they can out of you so you'll
be just as miserable as they are. My
sister has a son like that in his 50's
now. It got so bad she moved to
another state 20 years ago and he
has no idea where she is. Soul suckers,
believe it..
I know from personal experience in AL-ANON that advice from those who have been through it all was surprising and brutal, but it was very helpful - not so much for the alcoholic in my life, but for me, personally. You might be surprised with what they have to say, and I'm pretty sure it will be advice for you - how to accept or deal with the situation - rather than actions you ought to take to solve your ex-husband's problems.
It would be presumptuous on my part to offer advice, knowing as little as I do about the circumstances. But I do think that what's going through your mind right now, especially with the other situations you are dealing with, is what needs the most, and immediate attention.
I would do some googling, find a local chapter, and either give them a call if possible, or go to a meeting. You might need to translate their stories so that they fit your particular experience, but I think you might be amazed to learn that there a lot of people going through a similar situation.
Good luck.
To clarify, Bob is not to my knowledge a heavy drinker, or any type of drug addict. He is a moderate to heavy smoker, and was severely overweight for a couple decades, but I understand he's dumped a bunch of that in the last year - those are probably his only addictive behavior(s).
Still appreciate the resource suggestion. They might have some very valid ideas.
Quote: racquetI would suggest that you call AL-ANON.
I had an alcoholic roommate
in Calif and felt really guilty
because I had no experience
and was young. I went to
a few meetings of AL-ANON
and they straightened me out.
Big time. They pull no punches.
You can't rescue anybody, they
will just use you till you're used
up and move on. This applies to
people who are dependent for
any reason, not just booze and
drugs A very useful org..
It's like this Barbara, you know when you are sitting on the plane waiting for take off, and the steward comes out and demonstrates how to put on the oxygen mask should it fall from the ceiling? They instruct you to, "if you are traveling with someone that needs your assistance, put your mask on first", otherwise you may not be able to.
You have a full plate. I to have housed several people over the years, and if I am truthful about it, none of them were really thankful and it always cost me in ways it shouldn't have.
If you can't stop yourself from putting a roof over his head, first realize you are doing it for you, not him. But to get the best results really, you would be better off putting him up in a small kitchen unit someplace like an "extended stay" or apartment. Because this will turn sour, and he will continue with his unwarranted destruction. And eventually you will tire of it as have all the others that appear to care for him. Let the holes in the walls be a professional landlords problem not yours.
People can lean on you far longer than you can hold them up.
It's also nice for you to have a place where you can hide at anytime you need. A "Barbara cave". Don't give away your sanctuary.
Quote: EvenBobI had an alcoholic roommate
in Calif and felt really guilty
because I had no experience
and was young. I went to
a few meetings of AL-ANON
and they straightened me out.
Big time. They pull no punches.
You can't rescue anybody, they
will just use you till you're used
up and move on. This applies to
people who are dependent for
any reason, not just booze and
drugs A very useful org..
That was my point. EvenBob is telling you what they will tell you, but more focused on just you, not someone, or everyone else. Whatever the addiction is, if it isn't alcohol, the pattern will be the same. In the case of AL-ANON, I learned a lot about being the child of an alcoholic, which is me. They don't focus on that specific "category", but a lot of people carry around an unnecessary feeling of guilt because - whatever they do - the soul they are trying to save doesn't get, or want to be saved.
I learned to focus on my behavior, my attitude, and my self. I think you should too.
Only you can best tell if your offer of help will not be taken well. I would guess most divorced couples, the last thing the man would want is to be 'saved' by his ex-wife.
Good luck.
hard and remember all the
things that made you divorce
him. Those are still there in him
only 10 times worse now. He
just kept becoming more of
who he was and this is the
result. Pretend you're a guy
and run the other way as
fast as you can.
Quote: beachbumbabsThank you all very much. I appreciate the advice and the consideration in giving it. You're welcome to continue - I just wanted to acknowledge what's been said so far.
Hi Barbara,
You have your hands full with your Mom. Care for your ex as you might care for a stranger or cousin. Don't let him drag you down, and it sure sounds like he would. Sounds like he has serious 'issues' that you won't ever fix, no matter how you try.
Take care of you, else you will be useless to help anyone.
Om. I'll leave him to his life.
He knows how to find me if he wants to. Always has.
Thanks, guys.
taken the advice of men for
a problem in your life, it's
appropriate that you ask for
our opinion on every issue
you face from now on. And
take our advice. We can make
your life so much easier, as
men always do for women..
Quote: TumblingBonesI have always been of the opinion that married men are more efficient then their wives. As evidence, I note that wives are constantly making decisions all thru the day. Husbands, however, simply decide who to marry. After that it's all out of their hands and they can relax.
I saw my wife Friday for the first
time in a month. She regaled me
the whole time with how her life
is a mess, and too many demands
being made on her time, how she
doesn't know if she can handle it.
Same spiel she's been handing me
for years. She brings 90% on herself
and then complains about it.
Quote: EvenBobI saw my wife Friday for the first
time in a month. She regaled me
the whole time with how her life
is a mess, and too many demands
being made on her time, how she
doesn't know if she can handle it.
Same spiel she's been handing me
for years. She brings 90% on herself
and then complains about it.
Tell her you’ll see her again in August to discuss all this
Quote: michael99000Tell her you’ll see her again in August to discuss all this
Why would I ever want to discuss
this with her. Why would I do that
to myself.The old marriages were
the best, where the husband hides
behind the newspaper and the
wife never stops talking. And he
never stops not listening.
Quote: EvenBobWhy would I ever want to discuss
this with her. Why would I do that
to myself.The old marriages were
the best, where the husband hides
behind the newspaper and the
wife never stops talking. And he
never stops not listening.
Archie and Edith !!
Quote: michael99000Archie and Edith !!
What happened when men became
feminized and started to talk to their
wives about their feelings like wives
were demanding. The divorce rate
went thru the roof. I never tell my
wife anything she doesn't need to
know. It's not worth the hassle.
I wasn't always like that, I learned
the hard way. For instance I would
never tell my wife I'm having a
good day because she is probably
having a bad one and would resent
me. There's a reason men in the past
didn't talk much to their wives, they
knew better.
in 10 days. Face hasn't checked
in for weeks. What the heck is
going on.
Well, for one thing, the forum is mostly being moderated by a Wizard and a Limey.Quote: EvenBobBabs hasn't checked in here
in 10 days. Face hasn't checked
in for weeks. What the heck is
going on.
$:o)
Stay safe.
I look at a photo from the first time I met most board members when Max Pen invited us all out for dinner after a big score, three years ago. I can't even say what the event was for or somebody will drop a dime, crying they feel triggered. There were 23 people there that night, almost all of whom were regulars. All that remain are Axel, Drich, and Mr. Wizard and its pretty obvious he doesn't want to be here.
Quote: EvenBobWhat happened when men became
feminized and started to talk to their
wives about their feelings like wives
were demanding. The divorce rate
went thru the roof. I never tell my
wife anything she doesn't need to
know. It's not worth the hassle.
I sometimes ask women what fictional male characters do they find attractive. It's always the strong powerful and silent type, like Tony Soprano, Big (from Sex and the City), and Don Draper (from Mad Men). Never once is it anyone from the Big Bang Theory *ahem*.
If there's one thing I believe about women -- what they say they women (in general) want in men is the opposite of what they really want.
Too bad there's so few women here, I would welcome their perspective.
Quote: billryanAll that remain are Axel, Drich, and Mr. Wizard and its pretty obvious he doesn't want to be here.
Why would would you say that? Probably best if you PM your reply.
Quote: WizardWhy would would you say that? Probably best if you PM your reply.
Why bother? Last month you said if anyone was bothered by a particular item, to let you know. When several people did so, you said there was a poll and we should vote. When the vote went against it, you said the whole thing was meant to have been a joke.
I won't even bother going over our last series of PMs. I still don't get how being called a hypocrite isn't an insult, but calling a group of people prigs is suspension worthy, but its your bat and your ball.
Quote: Wizard
If there's one thing I believe about women -- what they say they women (in general) want in men is the opposite of what they really want.
Years (decades) ago a famous author,
I don't remember who, said the best
women are to be found in books of
fiction written by men. Because these
women are pure fantasy, they don't
exist in nature.
I had a woman friend tell me about 30
years ago that when a woman asks
how your day went, they're just being
nice, they could really not care less.
But when they tell you how their day
went, she said, you damn well better
hang on every word because there will
be a test later. She told me if men knew
how selfish and self centered most
women are they would never go near
them.
Quote: EvenBob
I had a woman friend tell me about 30
years ago that when a woman asks
how your day went, they're just being
nice, they could really not care less.
But when they tell you how their day
went, she said, you damn well better
hang on every word because there will
be a test later. She told me if men knew
how selfish and self centered most
women are they would never go near
them.
Minus the test part you can just replace the woman word with human being. Selfish and self centered by nature.
Quote: EvenBobYears (decades) ago a famous author,
I don't remember who, said the best
women are to be found in books of
fiction written by men. Because these
women are pure fantasy, they don't
exist in nature.
I had a woman friend tell me about 30
years ago that when a woman asks
how your day went, they're just being
nice, they could really not care less.
But when they tell you how their day
went, she said, you damn well better
hang on every word because there will
be a test later. She told me if men knew
how selfish and self centered most
women are they would never go near
them.
All the men here discussing how women really are... Inside a thread wondering where is BBB.
What does that say about the men on here?
Quote: mcallister3200Minus the test part you can just replace the woman word with human being. Selfish and self centered by nature.
Is the fact that this thread exists specifically to discuss the whereabouts of one of our female acquaintances ironic, or just sad?
Quote: darkozAll the men here discussing how women really are... Inside a thread wondering where is BBB.
What does that say about the men on here?
Great minds, I guess.
In any case, it ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy.
