Definition of a dick
So today, my brother gets a registered letter from his father (my stepfather), informing him that he is being removed from the family car insurance plan effective October 1st. My brother is 22 and completed his college education, so it is not unreasonable for him to start paying his own insurance. But a registered letter? And the man is coming to visit in 7 days. He couldn't say it in person? Does anyone else think this is a dickhead move?
ZCore13
took 8 sec to load this bad boy. 8 sec to get back
dad has proof the son was informed
he was cancelled if it ever needs to
be proved. I wouldn't take it personally.
Quote: kewljMy mother and stepfather, who isn't one of my favorite people are coming to Las Vegas to visit over Labor Day weekend. Trying to put the past behind us, I have put them up at nearby Red Rock Casino (comped of course). It's not really, myself that they are coming to visit, as much as my half brother, who has been staying with me since he graduated college last spring. My brother just informed them last weekend during a phone call that he was planning on staying here for a while.
So today, my brother gets a registered letter from his father (my stepfather), informing him that he is being removed from the family car insurance plan effective October 1st. My brother is 22 and completed his college education, so it is not unreasonable for him to start paying his own insurance. But a registered letter? And the man is coming to visit in 7 days. He couldn't say it in person? Does anyone else think this is a dickhead move?
It's peculiar to say the least. And it could be a dh move, but hard to say without knowing any background on all the parties involved. Judging by your description of your stepfather, I think you may be biased towards classifying it as such.
Quote: kewljBut a registered letter?
Who sends letters any more? I think of the post now as old-school spam and the bargain option for online shopping delivery (plus bank statements). I'd no idea they still took letters from the public, or even that the public knew letters could be mailed, never mind registered.
insurance company.
Probably the insurance company asked or required the father to have the letter sent.
In what state is the main address for this policy?
The 'legal argument case' sounds reasonable at first, except I have never heard of such a thing. Why would you have to prove to the insurance carrier that you have notified the third party?? A person can change add or drop people from there insurance at there own discretion. If you knew my stepfather, you would know this is actually a very typical kind of move by him. My point is that wouldn't it have been something a father might want to tell his son in person or if it absolutely couldn't wait a week, then over the phone. You don't just send a certified letter to your son.
Quote: kewljThe state was Florida.
The 'legal argument case' sounds reasonable at first, except I have never heard of such a thing. Why would you have to prove to the insurance carrier that you have notified the third party?? A person can change add or drop people from there insurance at there own discretion. If you knew my stepfather, you would know this is actually a very typical kind of move by him. My point is that wouldn't it have been something a father might want to tell his son in person or if it absolutely couldn't wait a week, then over the phone. You don't just send a certified letter to your son.
Because if the son was on the family insurance plan and WASN'T given notice he was being dropped, then goes out and injures someone in an accident, the injured party's lawyer could sue the dad's insurance company for the damages, claiming that the son was never notified his insurance was inactive.
Yeah, a phone call would have been nice, but I am betting the letter was necessary. Every time I have ended any kind of insurance, they send a termination letter.
Quote: sodawaterBecause if the son was on the family insurance plan and WASN'T given notice he was being dropped, then goes out and injures someone in an accident, the injured party's lawyer could sue the dad's insurance company for the damages, claiming that the son was never notified his insurance was inactive.
Yeah, a phone call would have been nice, but I am betting the letter was necessary. Every time I have ended any kind of insurance, they send a termination letter.
Not very likely at all. I owned an Insurance Agency for 13 years. The Dad is the named insured on the policy. Drivers on a policy need no notice as they are just listed drivers. The named insured gets all correspondence and carries all the financial risk.
If the kid was a named insured on the policy the Insurance Company would be required to notify him personally.
The Dad is just notifying the kid that he is going to have to get his own insurance in his own name. He's doing it in a very strange and cold way, but this is all on the Dad, not any insurance company.
ZCore13
like that when I lived out of state, I wouldn't
have given it a second thought. It's an
insurance policy, he's not telling me somebody
died.
Quote: EvenBobIf my dad had sent me a registered letter
like that when I lived out of state, I wouldn't
have given it a second thought. It's an
insurance policy, he's not telling me somebody
died.
Here is the situation, EB. My stepfather has been unhappy that my brother has been staying here all summer. So after my brother informed his father that he is staying here indefinitely, during a phone call Sunday, my stepfathers response was to run out Monday morning and mail a certified letter that he is dropping my brother from his insurance. It wasn't a legal requirement. It was just his nasty, typical way of handling things.
Again, I don't have a problem with a parent removing a 22 year old from the insurance and requiring him to pay his own. But, you tell him in a proper manner, either in person or by phone. You don't send a registered letter, like it is your neighbor down the street that you are suing.
And he definitely sounds like a dick.
Quote: onenickelmiracleCome on be mindful maybe you're looking for an excuse to stop talking to your mother again. Let all this stuff go and don't fall into that trap again.
Not at all. I am trying to rebuild somewhat of a relationship with my mother. This will have no effect on that. I have also tried hard to be cordial to her husband and will continue to do so, during their upcoming visit. I also will not bad mouth him in front of my brother as I don't want to influence my brother's relationship with his father. But it does confirm to me that they guy is a jerk. This is just not the way you deal with family members.
Quote: kewljI guess, I should have made this a poll. Seems to be more folks taking my stepfather's side than I would have thought.
A call would have been nice, however i don't fault him for the letter. CYA.
Quote: kewljNot at all. I am trying to rebuild somewhat of a relationship with my mother. This will have no effect on that. I have also tried hard to be cordial to her husband and will continue to do so, during their upcoming visit. I also will not bad mouth him in front of my brother as I don't want to influence my brother's relationship with his father. But it does confirm to me that they guy is a jerk. This is just not the way you deal with family members.
I don't know your families financial situation but maybe he is attempting to cover his assets. A lot of funny things happen in forms of notarized letters, court summons and other legal papers.
Certainly, for relationship maintenance, he could have called and said, "Hey, I'm sending a registered letter showing the change in your status on my insurance." For whatever reason, he didn't. But it might be an overreaction to see it as a hostile act towards your brother. More like a rite of passage for both of them.
The naked girl thread really was grist for DT also, the only Vegas part of it was the cash and chip cache in the apartment in question and the liklihood that some pickup or "lady of the evening" might find it, but this certified letter stuff is obviously nothing but a father who has a "real" son who soon after college has been hanging out in Las Vegas instead of embarking on a responsible career and who has, moreover, been sharing a room in a house that holds the man's gay son and God knows what assemblage of overnight males. Its clear the father wants to exert pressure on the "good" son to be responsible and is making it plain that in addition to financial pressure on the good son there will be social pressure brought upon the bad son.
Now lets not have any arguments about this good and bad or real person and unreal or unnatural person stuff, its obvious that is the father's/Stepfather's viewpoint. And I think its obvious its not going to change in any fashion.
Quote: FleaStiffbeen sharing a room in a house that holds the man's gay son and God knows what assemblage of overnight males.
For the record, my brother is not "sharing" a room with anyone. He has his own room. The rest is just offensive, stereotypical crap that shows lack of class. There has been one overnight guest in my home in the year since I moved in, my brother on two prior visits along with his current stay.
I would certainly hope he has his own room and I rather doubt there has been any parade in and out of your digs, but you do realize that its your father's viewpoint we are discussing and its rather obvious his actions have very little to do with insurance.Quote: kewljFor the record, my brother is not "sharing" a room with anyone. He has his own room. The only overnight, male guest in my home, since we moved in over a year ago has been my brother, who visited at Christmas time as well as his current stay. That is a very homophobic and offensive stereotype remark on your part. Shows real class.
Quote: FleaStiffI would certainly hope he has his own room and I rather doubt there has been any parade in and out of your digs, but you do realize that its your father's viewpoint we are discussing and its rather obvious his actions have very little to do with insurance.
He's NOT my father. Yes, I do realize this action has little to do with insurance. That was my whole point. It's all about a bully trying to manipulate and control people.
Quote: kewljFor the record, my brother is not "sharing" a room with anyone. He has his own room. The rest is just offensive, stereotypical crap that shows lack of class. There has been one overnight guest in my home in the year since I moved in, my brother on two prior visits along with his current stay.
I think it's fair because you do share personal details about your life in this forum. You didn't tell us until some 19 posts later that the father is unhappy with the son staying with you. That probably would have brought a different response from some of us. You still haven't said why he is unhappy. Is it the Vegas lifestyle, the exposure to gambling, does he just miss his son or is it something else? It's not a huge leap to wonder if a father, this father, has the concerns that FleaStiff raised. After all, your opinion of your stepfather seems to be pretty low.
Different people are offended by different things especially when discussing controversial subjects. I don't see any intent to be offensive in this case. Sometimes a question is just a question and an opinion is just an opinion. Some members here are offended by the off topic threads that are allowed here while others are not.
More and more posters here are saying to take it to DT when something non gambling related is brought up and I'm all for that. The latest on that is: "Site policy is that threads about sexuality, religion and politics should be placed on DT" That's all well and good but it doesn't prevent anyone from inserting these topics into any thread they choose.
It also doesn't have any teeth as long as we have the Off-Topic section here, a section with titles of GLBT Corner and Religion to name two. As long as this is the case we will have confusion.
I don't care where you live, there's no legal reason for that.
Yeah, Kewlj, that's a dick move.
1. For all the 'move it to DT' people, if he posted it there he'd get two responses, and then it would die. I post things like this on WoV because I want input and opinions from the people who frequent WoV. It is a far larger audience than DT.
2. Just making sure the letter was from the father, not the insurance company itself?
3. Agree with posters that surmise that if from the father, it may be not so subtle pressure to show his displeasure at him moving in with his alternative lifestyle step-son-in-law.
4. But overall, I'm guessing you are making too much of this. You probably have many better reasons to dislike the man.
As to DT, or "Dead Thread", it is the place where threads are born to die. A subject that would have a lively discussion here--like the Ferguson situation--has a measly 34 comments there. I know all about the "purists" who want only gambling and Vegas here; that isn't how it is and it didn't become that way by accident--people were drawn here by an interest in gambling and some side conversations started. Not a bad thing at all--drives traffic, we have good moderators, and keeps things lively when there aren't 10 craps threads going all saying exactly the same thing...
As to this thread, OP lives in Vegas, so it is about something going on in Vegas...
Quote: RonCI think it is a 'dick" move--even if someone (a lawyer buddy, the insurance company, whatever...) told him he had to do it, a phone call letting him know that and why would be appropriate. Although--is there any possibility that he was told that he had to do it and that he had reason to believe the son might refuse a letter if he knew what was in it?
As to DT, or "Dead Thread", it is the place where threads a born to die. A subject that would have a lively discussion here--like the Ferguson situation--has a measly 34 comments there. I know all about the "purists" who want only gambling and Vegas here; that isn't how it is and it didn't become that way by accident--people were drawn here by an interest in gambling and some side conversations started. Not a bad thing at all--drives traffic, we have good moderators, and keeps things lively when there aren't 10 craps threads going all saying exactly the same thing...
As to this thread, OP lives in Vegas, so it is about something going on in Vegas...
You and SOOPOO have very valid points about DT. The Wizard has cited three specific topics that he wants on there rather than here. Is it a rule, a policy or merely a suggestion? If I post about one of those topics here am I simply defying the Wizard or am I breaking a rule and risking suspension?
We've all heard the adage "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." I don't think this forum was ever "broke" and I doubt that anyone gave it much thought until DT came along. With only 110 active members after almost three years one must wonder if DT may be under performing. When the majority of the 4900 active members here don't join DT it says something.
Quote: kewljIt's all about a bully trying to manipulate and control people.
... And if this is the worst he manages this year, is that really so bad?
Don't know the background, but I think it's a semi-dick move just to pull the insurance. Really depends on other factors, though. If the kid is a loafer or the old man needs the cash, so be it. Bu if the kid is really trying to start a career in this economy, letting air out of his tires seems more like a shortsighted act of spite than a lesson in responsibility. Doing it in such an FU way strongly suggests that is the case. Sounds like the sort of person who likes to disguise passive aggression and malice as being "tough but fair" and "by the book." I'm reading a lot into a little though.
Quote: kewljI guess, I should have made this a poll. Seems to be more folks taking my stepfather's side than I would have thought.
Not me, kewlj. Your stepdad is a world class dick. Give him a swift kick in the ass for me when he gets to Vegas. At least dump a drink on his head. Show him that you can be a dick too.
Please do NOT take this personal. He is not a dick. He married your Mom and makes her happy.
P.S. If you own a hat, RICHARD, ** **** ** ** !
Rule or no rule, how many times dose he ave to say it?Quote: 1BBYou and SOOPOO have very valid points about DT. The Wizard has cited three specific topics that he wants on there rather than here. Is it a rule, a policy or merely a suggestion? If I post about one of those topics here am I simply defying the Wizard or am I breaking a rule and risking suspension?
We've all heard the adage "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." I don't think this forum was ever "broke" and I doubt that anyone gave it much thought until DT came along. With only 110 active members after almost three years one must wonder if DT may be under performing. When the majority of the 4900 active members here don't join DT it says something.
Not broke don't fix it? Its broken as far as he is concerned.
of about 6 people. Me, B9, Face, Nareed,
flea, AZ, and a couple others. We don't
accept just anybody, though.
When parents break up with children and remarry, the different children involved don’t have any say in their new and usually often uninvited family. Now if you start mixing gay and straight kids up during the Step process, I’m sure controversies and differences of opinions could excel even faster. I know you want to write off quickly when the gay topics arise and how offensive the stereotypical crap that shows lack of class from people that don’t still today agree with your beliefs; but, the gay movement although rapidly moving forward it still has a ways to go before totally being accepted by the majority. Eventually, all the old timers will die and the new liberal movement will prevail.
No doubt your Step Dad is obviously being a Dick. But, at this adult age and this particular situation you didn’t volunteer for, I think you’re forced to keep your personal opinions to yourself when involving your step brother and his dad. Of course if your step brother comes to you and openly wants to discuss things, then of course that’s your opportunity to express your personal opinion. Yet, I would still be careful what I said and always try to show respect for his dad. Always keep in mind that blood is usually much thicker then water, especially in sensitive situations, and blood family always prevailed from what I’m familiar with.
Besides, for the love and sake of your mom, just roll with the punches during this rare and short interruption of your everyday life.
Quote: AxelWolfRule or no rule, how many times dose he ave to say it?
Not broke don't fix it? Its broken as far as he is concerned.
You seem a little annoyed, Axel. I hope all is well.
I guess I must be a little slow figuring out what it is that you're asking. I think you're asking how many times the Wizard has to say to take it to DT. Without a clear policy, rule or no rule as you say, he can say it until the end of time but it will still leave some confused.
Let's take a look at the confusion of which I speak. I'll use religion as an example. The Wizard says to take religion to DT. Fine and dandy. The home page of this site, WOV, has an off topic section. Within the off topic section are various headings including religion and off topic. Yes, there is an off topic section in the off topic section. Confused yet?
Under religion it says to discuss religion here. Under the Religion heading are 61 threads. Every one of them are open. Nowhere does it say not to post in them nor does it say to take it to DT. The last post under religion was made on June 28th, less than two months ago. That poster was not told to take it to DT. Confused?
Now to the "broke" issue. You're saying that as far as the Wizard is concerned this site is broken? This site with over 8000 members? This site with almost 5000 active members? The site that is most referred to and quoted by gamblers and APs alike on multiple respected sites? I must strongly disagree. Did the Wizard tell you that?
It's fine with me if things are moved to DT but I don't think that's the answer. SOOPOO, RonC and others are right when they make the case for leaving things as they are, hence my use of the "if it ain't broke" adage. DT is a somewhat eclectic group of some of our brightest and more knowledgeable posters who provide stimulating conversation but it's not everyone's cup of tea. Mining this site for DT members is not the answer. If someone hasn't joined by now there is a reason.
Quote: 4ofaKindStep Mother, Step Father, Step Brother, and Step Sister … from what I’ve personally witnessed with my sisters family and personal conversations with others in this Step family situation is that when “Step” enters a broken family, usually controversies and differences of opinion eventually show their faces, especially after years start piling on.
When parents break up with children and remarry, the different children involved don’t have any say in their new and usually often uninvited family. Now if you start mixing gay and straight kids up during the Step process, I’m sure controversies and differences of opinions could excel even faster. I know you want to write off quickly when the gay topics arise and how offensive the stereotypical crap that shows lack of class from people that don’t still today agree with your beliefs; but, the gay movement although rapidly moving forward it still has a ways to go before totally being accepted by the majority. Eventually, all the old timers will die and the new liberal movement will prevail.
No doubt your Step Dad is obviously being a Dick. But, at this adult age and this particular situation you didn’t volunteer for, I think you’re forced to keep your personal opinions to yourself when involving your step brother and his dad. Of course if your step brother comes to you and openly wants to discuss things, then of course that’s your opportunity to express your personal opinion. Yet, I would still be careful what I said and always try to show respect for his dad. Always keep in mind that blood is usually much thicker then water, especially in sensitive situations, and blood family always prevailed from what I’m familiar with.
Besides, for the love and sake of your mom, just roll with the punches during this rare and short interruption of your everyday life.
You make some valid points, 4ofakind. I think in many cases, when 2 parents break up and then one, takes a new husband or wife (stepmother or stepfather), the child is resentful, because his real mother or father is being replaced. Also, the child is still hoping the original parents will get back together and this new 'outsider', now stands in the way of that. In my own case, my father passed away, so there was no such resentment. I will admit, there was still a bit of a feeling that my Dad was being replaced (which I am not sure how you get over), but that was more than offset, by the fact that my mom seemed happy to have a new partner after a period of extreme sadness.
From the point of a step mother and or step father (just thinking out loud), I think they go into such a situation with the best of intentions. They really want to be a surrogate mother or father. I think things change, when they have a child of their own. The stepchild then becomes the 'outsider'.
