I need confrontation training

i'm a nice guy...too nice.
more like a pushover. i usually dont speak up when something's bothing me.
and when i do, i dont communicate it effectively :(

yeah, thats my biggest problem... i have no idea how to effectively communicate to someone that what they're doing is bothering me.

I need some confrontation training classes.

suggestions?

This is an endemic problem for folks who have been raised in the Midwest. I had to completely relearn my behavior patterns in this respect as I entered the legal profession. Fortunately, my wife leant a hand... ;-)

There are a number of good books on this topic. Though not specifically on increasing one's Confrontation quotient, the best book I ever read on the self improvement topic has been Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. That book is a treasure. If you have never read it, do so.

Finally, if you want to improve on this, really it is as simple as looking at people in their eyes as you communicate. I am guessing you avert your gaze when interacting with others. Try looking folks in the eyes both before, during and after you speak to them. This one thing can be highly empowering.

You need to watch the Michael Douglas movie "Falling Down." :)

Quote: 100xOdds

i have no idea how to effectively communicate to someone that what they're doing is bothering me.

To my wife's chagrin, this has never been a problem
for me. I constantly embarrass her because I always
speak up. It comes from my bartending days. I don't
suffer fools at all, let alone lightly. Like when I complained
about the Subway sandwich. The little girls who I was
talking to were really taken aback by my attitude. But
I got what I wanted, didn't I.

Quote: EdgeLooker

You need to watch the Michael Douglas movie "Falling Down." :)

An unheralded classic. Thanks for reminding me to watch it again.

I was given an audiobook a few years ago when this issue was brought up during a performance review. The title is "Crucial Confrontations". Although I was skeptical of its potential, I listened to the 6 CDs on my drive to & from work. It was easy enough to listen to and I was able to take away some ideas that I have been able to implement over the years. It alone didn't solve all my communication problems, but it wasn't a total waste of time either. I am seeing paperback copies on amazon.com for less than $10 shipped. If you are interested in the audio version, let me know.

Hope this helps.

edit: Seeing audio version for around $10 too. Also, amazon is offering the same for free with an Audible 30-day free trial.

Quote: Lucyjr

I was given an audiobook a few years ago when this issue was brought up during a performance review. The title is "Crucial Confrontations".

Excellent book.

Lately I've been practicing a kinder, gentler me.

Quote: EvenBob

Like when I complained
about the Subway sandwich. The little girls who I was
talking to were really taken aback by my attitude. But
I got what I wanted, didn't I.

Yeah, but more people probably spit in your food.

Or next time you come in, they give you the ham that got dropped on the floor earlier.

Quote: midwestgb

This is an endemic problem for folks who have been raised in the Midwest. I had to completely relearn my behavior patterns in this respect as I entered the legal profession. Fortunately, my wife leant a hand... ;-)

Yeah, I find living in the Midwest people tend to be a bit less confrontational. I can often be passive/aggressive, not speaking my mind directly, then making a comment that I probably shouldn't make. It's something I'm working on as I transition into a totally different job.

Quote: rxwine

Yeah, but more people probably spit in your food.
Or next time you come in, they give you the ham that got dropped on the floor earlier.

That was the 2nd time I ever got Subway and I
guarantee there won't be a next time.

Quote: rxwine

Or next time you come in, they give you the ham that got dropped on the floor earlier.

That's not how the restaurant business works. When they see him come in, then they'll drop the ham on the floor, step on it, and serve it. It's common sense.

I am from the midwest and I also was too much of a pushover when I was young. When I went into management (at a young age) I realized that too many people would take advantage of me. I made a change to the other side. My wife says I am now too confontational. I try to be nice when I'm with her but other times I can still be my scary self. I don't make friends easily. When I get people swallowing hard .... I know I've got them.
I don't really want to be like this but it's my nature now.

Quote: Lucyjr

I was given an audiobook a few years ago when this issue was brought up during a performance review. The title is "Crucial Confrontations". Although I was skeptical of its potential, I listened to the 6 CDs on my drive to & from work. It was easy enough to listen to and I was able to take away some ideas that I have been able to implement over the years. It alone didn't solve all my communication problems, but it wasn't a total waste of time either. I am seeing paperback copies on amazon.com for less than $10 shipped. If you are interested in the audio version, let me know.

Hope this helps.

edit: Seeing audio version for around $10 too. Also, amazon is offering the same for free with an Audible 30-day free trial.

I pm you for the audio version, but no reply?

Quote: 100xOdds

I pm you for the audio version, but no reply?

This was done on purpose because it is your first lesson in confrontation training. Congratulations, you passed.