Relationship Strength
Poll
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12 members have voted
I've been watching Coach Lee and Coach Corey Wayne on YT and I think they know what they're talking about.
Poll question: Do you know how to act properly for success in relationships?
But everyone is different. We’ve been together 30+ years. We got each others’ backs. But what’s worked for us won’t always work for someone else.
I look at so many relationships and do not get the point. How many people are really happy vs tolerate each other for mutual survival?
Well that was a heck of an Internet rabbit hole for 30 min.Quote: AZDuffmanI went MGTOW about 10 years ago, before I ever heard the term.
Quote: AZDuffmanI went MGTOW about 10 years ago, before I ever heard the term.
Quote: unJonWell that was a heck of an Internet rabbit hole for 30 min.
Just did the same thing. My first guess was something like "Married Guys and The Other Woman".
Definitely some good stuff in their attitudes and discussions, though they do usually come across as far more emotional than chicks. It's like they insisting they don't want to conform to anyone else, than get all upset about the rest of the world not conforming to them.
I would take the original question "Do you know how to act properly for success in relationships?" and re-word it to ask myself "Do I know how to define success property for a relationship?"
Quote: TomGJust did the same thing. My first guess was something like "Married Guys and The Other Woman".
Definitely some good stuff in their attitudes and discussions, though they do usually come across as far more emotional than chicks. It's like they insisting they don't want to conform to anyone else, than get all upset about the rest of the world not conforming to them.
Depends who you talk to, like anything you get a variety of people. Mine is that look at the successful bachelors in history. When you are not bogged by a relationship you have time for other pursuits. Then throw in not having to deal with the drama and games so many women bring. Then throw in the anti-male bias of Family Court. Add it up and to many of us MGTOW is the way to go.
Gives new meaning to the need for hand sanitizer
Quote: TomGJust did the same thing. My first guess was something like "Married Guys and The Other Woman".
Definitely some good stuff in their attitudes and discussions, though they do usually come across as far more emotional than chicks. It's like they insisting they don't want to conform to anyone else, than get all upset about the rest of the world not conforming to them.
I would take the original question "Do you know how to act properly for success in relationships?" and re-word it to ask myself "Do I know how to define success property for a relationship?"
Hey, TomG, please edit your post to fix the quote error. The first sentence was AZ not me you were quoting!
Quote: AZDuffman
I look at so many relationships and do not get the point. How many people are really happy vs tolerate each other for mutual survival?
My wife and I have lived apart
for a long time. We have separate
houses now, it kind of happened
gradually. We wouldn't have it
any other way. Almost every
married man I tell this to says
'how do I get a deal like that'.
But they're kidding themselves.
Most married men are totally
dependent on wive's as live
in slaves. They do 90% of
the cooking/cleaning/laundry
and the guy would be lost and
miserable if he had to do it all
himself.
Quote: EvenBobMy wife and I have lived apart
for a long time. We have separate
houses now, it kind of happened
gradually. We wouldn't have it
any other way. Almost every
married man I tell this to says
'how do I get a deal like that'.
But they're kidding themselves.
Most married men are totally
dependent on wive's as live
in slaves. They do 90% of
the cooking/cleaning/laundry
and the guy would be lost and
miserable if he had to do it all
himself.
I have heard that it is difficult to get married after 30 because by then you have learned to do for yourself. I was raised to know how to do for myself. Our dad showed us how to keep the car and our mother how to do domestic stuff.
Back to MGTOW some people really do not get it when you say it. One guy I worked with asks if I am married. Nope. Have a GF. Nope. Asks if something else. Hell no I say. Then I say I am no longer looking. At that point he loses comprehension. As if I said 2+2=FISH. I don't go into how what I would want is next to impossible to find. I just let him sit and wonder.
This MGTOW movement means no steady gf?
Or no dealing with women at all?
No sex, nothing?
Quote: darkozJust to be clear
This MGTOW movement means no steady gf?
Or no dealing with women at all?
No sex, nothing?
You still "deal" with women. You just do not attempt a relationship. You are what used to be called "confirmed bachelor."
Sex with prostitutes or outside a relationship if one prefers.
Quote: billryanThe He Man Women Haters Club.
Geez, someone who remembers that from way back when Bugsey Siegal was running Vegas :-)
For what it's worth there's one woman that you always need to write off and ignore. She's called "co-worker." Don't poop where you eat.
Wow, sounds like the 1950s.Quote: EvenBob
Most married men are totally
dependent on wive's as live
in slaves. They do 90% of
the cooking/cleaning/laundry
and the guy would be lost and
miserable if he had to do it all
himself.
Nearly all couples I know share household tasks. I know several where the man does most of the cooking. And a couple where the wife is the sole breadwinner and the husband is the full-time “house-husband”. Times have changed
Quote: Ace2Wow, sounds like the 1950s.
Nearly all couples I know share household tasks.
I just ran thru my head the
9-10 married couples I know
offhand. None of the men
cook and none do laundry
on a regular basis. They do
housework here and there
but the women do 90% of
everything. The men do the
yardwork and house
maintanence.
I just thought of half a dozen
more. In one of them the man
does all the cooking and all
the laundry. But he doesn't
work, his wife makes 6 figures
and he stays home and sponges
off her. I just remembered my
wife's nephews and nieces.
One of them is like what I
described above, he's a sponge
and does all the work in the
house. The rest are totally
traditional. Things aren't
changing quite like you think.
And the last group of men would
be totally lost if they were single.
Because they are Xtians, they basically
married the first girl they dated in
college and went from a home where
everything was done for them, into
a marriage where everything is done
for them. They're really quite pitiful
specimens.
Quote: EvenBobI just ran thru my head the
9-10 married couples I know
offhand. None of the men
cook and none do laundry
on a regular basis. They do
housework here and there
but the women do 90% of
everything. The men do the
yardwork and house
maintanence.
I just thought of half a dozen
more. In one of them the man
does all the cooking and all
the laundry. But he doesn't
work, his wife makes 6 figures
and he stays home and sponges
off her. I just remembered my
wife's nephews and nieces.
One of them is like what I
described above, he's a sponge
and does all the work in the
house. The rest are totally
traditional. Things aren't
changing quite like you think.
And the last group of men would
be totally lost if they were single.
Because they are Xtians, they basically
married the first girl they dated in
college and went from a home where
everything was done for them, into
a marriage where everything is done
for them. They're really quite pitiful
specimens.
Besides not living together, in what ways are you married? I would hate not living with my wife if I had a wife, what are you gaining? Maybe you should start your own thread about your marriage, so it doesn't dominate this thread. Please do.
Quote: WizardTry to keep the temperature at a comfortable level and be yourself. Don't overthink it.
This is pretty good advice.
Negative reinforcement: You ask her to do something, she just ignores you or ignores you and makes an excuse about it. She has trained you to think it's useless to keep asking her and you forget about it until after she has done it again. I don't know a counter for this. You have to be kind and not cause too much strain, but you can't let these things bother you. Cannot forget about them either, because that's what she wants you to do.
This was not a good relationship obviously, caused a lot of pain for me. At least now I realize I was trained to want the relationship and trained to accept it for so long being unhappy. Really doesn't seem like she cared much for me or about me, but at least I'm learning for the next time I meet someone and can stand a better shot, and know when to run away before it gets too bad, as soon as it doesn't feel right and seems unresolvable, and the yellow flags start showing up. I kept saying I loved her because I was brainwashed and hypntotized, not too far from the truth, I wasn't joking. She even mentioned how she used her behavioral science education for her benefit, but I didn't have much forebrain exercise of this fact, I would remember it and forget it quite a lot. I'm going to have to start keeping a journal I think, and review it regularly.
From what I'm learning, it's not the power per se, it's the attraction level. If you show too much interest, there will be a drop in attraction. I would say women don't know you're doing it, if you are, they would have no way of knowing. That's what they mean by a woman can be interested in a man that shows no interest in them, it drives them crazy with mystery and wonder, you're not supposed to give them the answer to the mystery. You're supposed to be strong, you act strong, by being strong and they're attracted to it. I can pass the quiz, but I cannot pass the essay yet. You're also not supposed to focus too much on those not interested, if they don't agree to a date after you ask them twice, walk away from them and ignore them until they understand and discuss the issue while focusing on someone who shows interest.Quote: WizardMy two cents is that most women will walk all over a nice guy. The one who has less interest has the power. However, I wouldn't pretend to be less interested than you are, women are much more perceptive than us. Try to keep the temperature at a comfortable level and be yourself. Don't overthink it.
Quote: onenickelmiracleI would hate not living with my wife if I had a wife,
You don't know that, you aren't married.
Cary Grant was married a bunch of times.
He said the main problem with marriage
is the dailiness of it. You get up with the
person, have breakfast with them, dinner,
spend every evening together and sleep
with them all night. He couldn't handle
it. I don't have that problem, I see my
wife when I want, not every minute I'm
home.
Like I said, most married men who I
explain my situation to say 'how can
I get a deal like that;.' Married women
are even more in favor of it than men.
Quote: EvenBobYou don't know that, you aren't married.
Cary Grant was married a bunch of times.
He said the main problem with marriage
is the dailiness of it. You get up with the
person, have breakfast with them, dinner,
spend every evening together and sleep
with them all night. He couldn't handle
it. I don't have that problem, I see my
wife when I want, not every minute I'm
home.
Like I said, most married men who I
explain my situation to say 'how can
I get a deal like that;.' Married women
are even more in favor of it than men.
They say that, but they are not being truthful when they're saying that to you. I'd think if women had said it to your wife, they would be truthful however. I don't know that, but this kind of garbage is why I was done with my ex. If she didn't want to be with me, she didn't want to be with me. I consider going from living together to not living together being backwards, and not something I would put up with. I didn't. You say you go to your wife's home whenever you want, but you really can't because you don't live there. If she wanted to, she could have the police arrest you if you showed up against her wishes. I would call such a scenario a de facto divorce without you realizing it. If you had more than one wife, it would be fine for them to live in separate houses, but I would prefer it they sleep on opposite sides of me, if we're making wishes.
Quote: onenickelmiracleThey say that, but they are not being truthful when they're saying that to you.
I already said that. Most men need
wives for live-in slave labor.
Quote:You say you go to your wife's home whenever you want, but you really can't because you don't live there.
I never said that. I would NEVER go there
unless I told her first. You don't get it.
We live apart because we like living alone.
It's so much easier than living together.
No compromise, no putting the lid
down on the toilet. Eat sleep nap, or
don't, it's just you. It's heaven compared
to stepping around another person
all the time. I have 12 cats and a dog,
my wife would never allow any of that.
This way she doesn't have to.
Quote: DRichI must be different then most of you. I have never been happy when I wasn't in a relationship. Even after getting a divorce I was ready for another relationship. I began looking immediately but it took about eight years for me to find the right person. I was miserable for those eight years of being single.
Some folks are like that. Did you watch "Mad Men" when Don Draper was told he would be married again within a year? Or IRL there are peopled who go from a break-up to a new relationship, almost moved in if not moved in, within 1-2 weeks? Somehow that group finds each other.
Some people just do not like being alone, even for a few hours. Women probably more than men. Worked with one, couldn't tell how serious she was when she invited me over and said "I hate being alone!" That and having a kid was strike one and two, I never followed up. Her being in management of my company made it a full K. I am certain she has married again by now.
Takes all kinds.
Quote: EvenBobI already said that. Most men need
wives for live-in slave labor.
I never said that. I would NEVER go there
unless I told her first. You don't get it.
We live apart because we like living alone.
It's so much easier than living together.
No compromise, no putting the lid
down on the toilet. Eat sleep nap, or
don't, it's just you. It's heaven compared
to stepping around another person
all the time. I have 12 cats and a dog,
my wife would never allow any of that.
This way she doesn't have to.
It appears you have what is known to 1%er bikers as an "Old Lady." There for you when you need, but not a traditional H/W relationship. Not a bad thing.
Quote: EvenBobYou don't know that, you aren't married.
Cary Grant was married a bunch of times.
He said the main problem with marriage
is the dailiness of it. You get up with the
person, have breakfast with them, dinner,
spend every evening together and sleep
with them all night. He couldn't handle
it. I don't have that problem, I see my
wife when I want, not every minute I'm
home.
Like I said, most married men who I
explain my situation to say 'how can
I get a deal like that;.' Married women
are even more in favor of it than men.
The dailiness of it is the part I like the most.
Everyone is different. I can’t criticize Bob for not being like me. They got a thing that works, so let it alone.
-Women want what other women have.
-Money is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Someone will say that's a sexist view, but that doesn't mean that it isn't true.
Quote: MoscaThe dailiness of it is the part I like the most.
We had a lot in common when we first
got married. Have almost nothing in
common now. She's religious, I'm an
atheist. We read totally different books,
watch different TV shows and even music
is not the same. I like every kind of
food, she has a very narrow list of
what she'll eat. Mostly we're very bored
when we're together. She loved to travel
and I hate being away from home. So
we live apart and get all the legal benefits
of marriage. Plus she gets to tell people
she has a husband, very important to
women after a certain age.
I think a lot of what makes it work is the pure luck. of meeting the right person I know happily married couples who met when they were in college and others that didn't meet until in their late 40s. I also know multiple couples that didn't last. Not sure why it works for some and not others. I think the number 1 thing for us is that while we might disagree about something, that's strictly between the two of us. She knows that that in any conflict or problem with a 3rd party I'll always all have her back and I know the same. That counts fr a lot.
Quote: mcallister3200I think you’re just spending too much time reading self published behavioral books in this social distancing time ONM.
I never really read them more than a few pages. For some reason, that's always been my thing, just buying books and never reading them. There are pictures of me pretending to read books as a baby, guess it's a habit I learned early. I should get a kindle so I can at least save money. I have one, but I never use it and am planning on giving it away. Lol.
Quote: EvenBobWe had a lot in common when we first
got married. Have almost nothing in
common now. She's religious, I'm an
atheist. We read totally different books,
watch different TV shows and even music
is not the same. I like every kind of
food, she has a very narrow list of
what she'll eat. Mostly we're very bored
when we're together. She loved to travel
and I hate being away from home. So
we live apart and get all the legal benefits
of marriage. Plus she gets to tell people
she has a husband, very important to
women after a certain age.
She goes to church almost every day, and I’m an atheist. She doesn’t read books at all. She watches 90 Day Fiancé, I would leave the TV off. She listens to John Tesh, when I was young I was a stage guard for The Ramones. For me the spicier the better, when she cooks she boils chicken.
Like I said, everyone is different. Of course we have things we enjoy together, we make compromises and have learned from each other. We feel things the same way is the best I can describe it.
