Self conscious about surgical scars?

As I was playing volleyball in the park today with a number of other guys in mostly my age bracket (20's-30's), I noticed that I was the only one that still had a shirt on, on such a beautiful day. The "boys" were all showing off there muscular bods, and a couple really should have put their shirts back on, but I was the only one not bare-chested. It occurs to me that I am self conscious about the 8 inch surgical scar on my chest. I never go shirtless in public, and only do so swimming in the privacy of my own home and housemates.

I know there are many members here getting up in age and many surely have had different surgical repairs and improvements, so I am wondering if others share these feelings, or if it is just my own insecurities. :/

Quote: kewlj

....or if it is just my own insecurities. :/

I am going to go with that one Kewlj.

Maybe you should have made it a poll?

Millions of us have big scars. I think the answer might lie in why do take off your shirt on a nice day, is it for your benefit, or others?

For me, when I feel like singing, frogs cover their ears, but I do it anyway.

edit; that's one of the benefits about being married, [lol]someone who doesn't see our scars

Are you afraid to admit that you're human and needed some internal work done?

OR is your scar all gnarly with puss or something disgusting looking?

I'm assuming it's the former. As such, get over it. Chances are, it will get noticed, but not become any reason to be embarrassed.

It's likely not going to get any better

But, on the other hand, some scars can almost be entirely removed, or reduced. (plastic surgery, maybe laser)

I wouldn't try any crazy lotions or some other quackery, although don't let me influence you if you want to try. It's your money to throw where you like and how.

Embarrassed isn't the right word. I am not embarrassed. I am actually grateful to have had the procedure that saved my life. But I don't feel comfortable showing it off like some sort of trophy that I think some heart surgery people do. I don't really get that.

I don't have a hairy chest to cover it up and am fair skinned, even when tan, so it stands out. I think I am younger than most folks that have a scar in that area and just prefer to keep covered up, I guess.

I have one of those scars but don't mind going shirtless. When did you have your surgery? I had mine when I was in 5th grade for a VSD. I'm wondering if I got it a few years later if I would have been more self-conscious. But I was at that young enough age where you don't really think about how others might view you. Maybe if i got it in middle or high school I would have felt differently.

Quote: rudeboyoi

I have one of those scars but don't mind going shirtless. When did you have your surgery? I had mine when I was in 5th grade for a VSD. I'm wondering if I got it a few years later if I would have been more self-conscious. But I was at that young enough age where you don't really think about how others might view you. Maybe if i got it in middle or high school I would have felt differently.

Wait...are you kidding rudeboyoi? Grade school and middle school, you don't think and worry about how other's view you? That's all it is at that age...not wanting to be different. Power to you. :)

I had it in my late 20's, so I didn't have THAT to deal with.

There is scar art. Like tattooing, but scars are purposely put on the body. Looks extreme to me, but some people like it.

There is also disguising scars with tattoos.

Quote: kewlj

Wait...are you kidding rudeboyoi? Grade school and middle school, you don't think and worry about how other's view you? That's all it is at that age...not wanting to be different. Power to you. :)

I had it in my late 20's, so I didn't have THAT to deal with.

Well then use that to help yourself. If I managed to make it through all that without being self conscious then you shouldn't be self-conscious either. I was on the swim team in high school too. Can't swim competitively with a shirt on lol.

I think each person has to decide for themselves what they are comfortable with. Some people look at someone and say "wow I'd love to have that body" all the while that person only sees their flaws
If you are not comfortable with it then keep your shirt on - be true to yourself - if it is something you want to do to prove to yourself you can do it - try it in small doses - say, if you are walking down a street and nobody really around, take it off for 5 minutes then put it back on
In almost all situations, people are too busy thinking about themselves to care about others

Females must be self conscious about themselves around me, that must be it

Kj,

I think that's one of those things that to you looks huge and ugly, but nearly everyone else takes in stride. (I say that without having seen the scar.) My mom had heart surgery 10 years ago and is very matter-of-fact about her scar, which is not all that noticeable, but does show in nearly all shirts. I'm glad I can't see the foot-long scar on the outside of my arm, for that matter (where they built me a bionic elbow), but in both our cases, the scars are little more than seams, and again in both cases, thank God the surgeries were so successful (that seems to apply to you as well). I just ignore that it's there unless I happen to touch my arm, and I keep being surprised again that there's a seam.

There is a product called scar tape (very similar to an ace bandage with adhesive embedded) that seems to help minimize the scar over time; they definitely reduced the lumpiness and white area for me when I thought it was done healing. These are more affordable than most, and got pretty good reviews from people on the site; you might try them - they're washable and reusable, so a single box should last you some months.

Anyway, especially on a man, I don't think most scars are disfiguring; they're just life as it happened, and I can see you simply not worrying about it the next time you're "skins". Definitely up to you in the end, but if you simply decide it's not an issue, I think it won't be.

Edit: Found this tape linked to the other; same stuff but thinner and cheaper per sq. inch.

Scars are cool. Each scar tells a story. Like I got one above my right eye lid where it got split open after I eyed my friends elbow playing basketball. Instead of going straight to the hospital we got some taco bell instead.

Quote: rudeboyoi

Scars are cool. Each scar tells a story. Like I got one above my right eye lid where it got split open after I eyed my friends elbow playing basketball. Instead of going straight to the hospital we got some taco bell instead.

I'll happily take a few jagged scars over cauliflower ear. (having your head beat on about the ear)

Yeah, I'm quite a bit older. I can't help you with insecurity issues. I think we've all had them at some point in our lives.

My ex Brother In Law, who is still a close friend, had a terrible case of acne when he was a teenager. So much so that his back is just really awful to look at. He wears a shirt any time out in public. I don't blame him, I would too.

If I wasn't comfortable with my shirt off, I wouldn't take it off. And I wouldn't worry about what others thought. "I don't want to" is a perfectly valid and acceptable answer if asked about it. "I don't want to", "yes" and "no" are all answers to questions which require no further explanation.

Quote: kewlj

Embarrassed isn't the right word. I am not embarrassed. (...) But I don't feel comfortable showing it off like some sort of trophy that I think some heart surgery people do.

So don't show it off like a trophy. None of that "Hey, look what life did to me! Look what I survived!" bragging - just take your shirt off, if you want to and it's situationally appropriate.

Most of the time I keep my shirt on, but it's a courtesy to the general public - I'm chubby and hairy and don't give a rat's tail about grooming that which is usually covered up, so I don't and keep it covered up. Of course, I also don't play basketball and have been in a swimming pool about 3 times in the past 6 years, so it seems to work. If I start going swimming more often (doubtful!), I might start trimming (also doubtful!).

I really don't care about the scars they installed on my back.


I guess I'd liken it to the guys who go out in public and hold hands (and commit other public displays of affection). I have no problem with the guys who are genuinely fond of each other, and are holding hands out of sincere affection. I get darn annoyed by couples (or triples) who are putting on the display of affection as a performance primarily to elicit a response from others.

So long as your scar isn't chanting "I'm here, get used to it!", more power to you. You put on sunblock, right?

I've got a pair (4 actually but 2 that show) on my forehead from a halo brace when I broke my neck in an automobile accident at 28.
I tell people who ask that I had to have my horns docked.

Kewlj,

I can empathize. When I was 12 I had major exploratory surgery where they cut me open from the breastbone all the way down to my waist with a little jut around the belly button. To make it worse they had to go in a second time a year later which made the scar very wide. At the time the scar was about a half inch wide and 12 inches long. Through my teens and early 20's I was very self conscious about it and always wore a shirt swimming. As you get older you will begin to not care what others see or think and you will even forget about it.

We had a BBQ/Swim party yesterday at our house with about 20 guests. I was shirtless almost the whole time and I can say that not once did I even think about it. I only thought about it after reading your post. Forget what others say, just do whatever makes you comfortable and in the future hopefully you will also completely forget about your scar.

+1, especially...

Quote: DRich

Forget what others say, just do whatever makes you comfortable and in the future hopefully you will also completely forget about your scar.

No scars here, but at 40+/200+, you can probably count me as one of the "really should have put their shirts back on" crowd (to use KJ's words in his OP). I'll take my shirt off when I go swimming. If you don't like my appearance, you don't have to look. And count your blessings that I didn't decide to go bottomless as well! :P

I have shrapnel wounds on my derriere. I'm told that a good game of connect the dots could be played there. Now try to get that image out of your heads. :-)

I would suggest you not worry about taking off your shirt if you're not comfortable doing so. I don't. Too old, too hairy, too fat.

Surgical scars?
Cover'em with a tattoo. The young daughter of a friend of mine last year decided to donate a portion of her liver that was found to be compatible wiith a person that had Hep-C. Needless to say her scars were sizeable. She decided upon a zipper tat complete with a pierced zipper-closure. It looks, well, rather unique.

Quote: 98Clubs

Surgical scars?
Cover'em with a tattoo. The young daughter of a friend of mine last year decided to donate a portion of her liver that was found to be compatible wiith a person that had Hep-C.

Admiral! You never totally know the reason for a scar.

Remember a guy just recently in the news got burns all over one arm and the side of his face saving a kid out of burning car. He'll probably have some visible scars for life now.

Quote: kewlj

... I am wondering if others share these feelings, or if it is just my own insecurities. :/

It's you.

Everybody judges everybody, it's just a fact of life. I bet some are judging the guy that refuses to take his shirt off, wondering what his deal is, whether he has man-boobs or not, or whatever. You can't escape it. So embrace it.

I used to be self conscious, too. I have a runner's torso and a 32" waist. Go down further and I have 27" thighs and 18" calves. A real life weeble, man. I'm built like a Geo Metro on a Hummer frame. But playing so many sports exposes you to a lot of naked bodies, and everyone is goofy as hell. Even the guy who is ripped head to toe is insecure about something. Maybe he has no ass, or has a google eye, or a snaggle tooth, or stretch marks, or backne, or, or, or... I dunno what it is, but I know it's something. Everyone has hang ups.

Scars, though. I love scars. They tell a story. I find more often than not that it is the flaws that make something beautiful, and scars are a perfect example. A stripe from thigh to shinbone holds a lifetime of football memories inside. A railroad track along the forearm reminds one of the life changing motorcycle ride. My pinky is a useless hook from when I dislocated it in football and snapped it back into place, shattering both ends of the knuckle. My middle finger is an inch shorter and no longer extends from a baseball mishap. My face is pocked on one side from putting my head through a windshield. My nose has a hump from when I got my ass kicked by a kid half my size. And when I get tired of my shoulder popping out, I'll have my own stripe to remind me of the '14-'15 hockey season. And when I can no longer walk (at about the age of 40, at this rate =p), I'll have my own railroad track from having my spine fused. And each one is a badge of honor with their own story proving how awesome my life was.

Save the shame for tattoos. Those are embarrassing and deserve to be mocked =p

Quote: Face

Save the shame for tattoos. Those are embarrassing and deserve to be mocked =p

HEY!!!

Reminded me of this scene:

Quote: aceofspades

HEY!!!

See? =)

Ace probably thinks his tats are cool, and there are millions of other people who will appreciate... whatever it is that tattoos have that are appreciable. But there are people (/smile and wave) that think drawing on yourself is something you should have grown out of sometime around 4th grade. And Team Ace probably looks at me and thinks "How dreadfully ordinary a man that is" or "He's probably a poor that can't afford one". And he'd be right. On both counts. And none of it matters one GD bit.

Embrace it, KJ. Be you, and be proud. It's the only way.

After reading these replies, some of you guys sound like a real mess. Maybe I shouldn't be so self conscious after all. Lol.

As long as the guys around don't look like the guys in the Top Gun beach scene you should be fine....

Quote: Face

See? =)

Ace probably thinks his tats are cool, and there are millions of other people who will appreciate... whatever it is that tattoos have that are appreciable. But there are people (/smile and wave) that think drawing on yourself is something you should have grown out of sometime around 4th grade. And Team Ace probably looks at me and thinks "How dreadfully ordinary a man that is" or "He's probably a poor that can't afford one". And he'd be right. On both counts. And none of it matters one GD bit.

Embrace it, KJ. Be you, and be proud. It's the only way.

Of course what we each do to our own bodies shouldn't matter to anyone else.

Quote: aceofspades

Of course what we each do to our own bodies shouldn't matter to anyone else.

Perhaps it shouldn't. But are we so sure?

Stereotyping and prejudging are natural human emotions. What if there were a way for you know about me? What if there were something, a scarlet letter, perhaps, that would show you at a glance the literal pounds of weed and coke I pumped through my body, all of the MDMA, and LSD, and psilocybin I've eaten? Without you ever speaking or hearing about me before, what if you could just see me and know that?

Would you trust me with your car? Your kid? Your business or finances? Would you date me? Would you call me friend? Would you even want to be in the same building as me?

It is natural to stereotype and prejudge. Stereotypically, someone who would do all that isn't someone you'd want to associate with, and you'd be a fool do so knowing only that. Where the "doesn't matter" comes in is later, when our civilized selves make the effort to not allow our prejudices to overrule our sense of propriety. That is when true "acceptance" and proper "PC" can exist. I don't have to like your tats and I may think you look a damn fool. You don't have to approve of my drug use and may think I was a complete idiot. But we could each accept these as differences in life choices and be friends anyways, because these are but few choices of a greater being.

I hate tats, city folk, hipsters, scene kids, neckbeards, bible-thumpers, NIMBY's, BANANA's, Whole Foods chicks, anti-vaxxers, conspiracy theorists, and anyone who wears skinny jeans. And within the group I call "friend", you'll find all of the above. Acceptance is not the denial of your own self, it's simply the lack of denial of others' (IMO). I don't have to like it to like you.

Anyways, KJ, yes. Everyone else is just as #$%^ed up. Too fat, too thin, too much hair, not enough hair. Arms too skinny, hands too feminine, nose too big, jaw too weak. And most everybody, especially the Gooses and Mavericks of the world, are too damned self conscious about themselves to worry about what you got going on. And the same people who would wonder about your scar are the same who will wonder why the grown man is wearing a shirt in the pool. There's no escaping it, so just accept it. Life's too short and your self too precious to let fear hold you hostage.

Now if you'll excuse me, the weather just turned and I need to go shave my legs. It's hot, and my comfort trumps your opinion on manscaping =)

Quote: Face

Perhaps it shouldn't. But are we so sure?

Stereotyping and prejudging are natural human emotions. What if there were a way for you know about me? What if there were something, a scarlet letter, perhaps, that would show you at a glance the literal pounds of weed and coke I pumped through my body, all of the MDMA, and LSD, and psilocybin I've eaten? Without you ever speaking or hearing about me before, what if you could just see me and know that?

Would you trust me with your car? Your kid? Your business or finances? Would you date me? Would you call me friend? Would you even want to be in the same building as me?

It is natural to stereotype and prejudge. Stereotypically, someone who would do all that isn't someone you'd want to associate with, and you'd be a fool do so knowing only that. Where the "doesn't matter" comes in is later, when our civilized selves make the effort to not allow our prejudices to overrule our sense of propriety. That is when true "acceptance" and proper "PC" can exist. I don't have to like your tats and I may think you look a damn fool. You don't have to approve of my drug use and may think I was a complete idiot. But we could each accept these as differences in life choices and be friends anyways, because these are but few choices of a greater being.

I hate tats, city folk, hipsters, scene kids, neckbeards, bible-thumpers, NIMBY's, BANANA's, Whole Foods chicks, anti-vaxxers, conspiracy theorists, and anyone who wears skinny jeans. And within the group I call "friend", you'll find all of the above. Acceptance is not the denial of your own self, it's simply the lack of denial of others' (IMO). I don't have to like it to like you.

Anyways, KJ, yes. Everyone else is just as #$%^ed up. Too fat, too thin, too much hair, not enough hair. Arms too skinny, hands too feminine, nose too big, jaw too weak. And most everybody, especially the Gooses and Mavericks of the world, are too damned self conscious about themselves to worry about what you got going on. And the same people who would wonder about your scar are the same who will wonder why the grown man is wearing a shirt in the pool. There's no escaping it, so just accept it. Life's too short and your self too precious to let fear hold you hostage.

Now if you'll excuse me, the weather just turned and I need to go shave my legs. It's hot, and my comfort trumps your opinion on manscaping =)

Yes, we all stereotype — and, my statement was that it "shouldn't" matter to anyone else, not that it "doesn't" matter :)

I trim my leg hair too :)

Quote: aceofspades

I trim my leg hair too :)

Oh man, I don't remember where I read it, but there seems to be a rough generational divide at around 50 on men who manscape and those who don't.

Don't know what's trendy among 20/30 yr olds, but I reject any trend that's going to add 30/ 40 minutes to getting ready to go out. To hell with that.

if you bring those kinds of expectations on yourself, you can have it. You'll have to live with it when you start it.

OT rant back off.

Quote: rxwine

Oh man, I don't remember where I read it, but there seems to be a rough generational divide at around 50 on men who manscape and those who don't.

Don't know what's trendy among 20/30 yr olds, but I reject any trend that's going to add 30/ 40 minutes to getting ready to go out. To hell with that.

if you bring those kinds of expectations on yourself, you can have it. You'll have to live with it when you start it.

OT rant back off.

Takes about 5 minutes once a month

Quote: aceofspades

Takes about 5 minutes once a month

If we're talking legs, it takes me about an hour, once a year. It grows back just in time for "Almost Winter", thickens in "Winter", and stays through "Still Winter". Then I shave it again in "Road Construction" (the seasons of WNY, for those who are confused).

I'd put the divide much further back, though. To find someone even in their early 40's who does it is rare. I'd put the birthday line at about 1977. I think you could draw a connection between the backlash in body hair and the death of Disco =)

Quote: aceofspades

Takes about 5 minutes once a month

Dang country singers make it sound like work

I have nephews who were both competitive swimmers and probably did it all the time.

Quote: rxwine

Dang country singers make it sound like work

I have nephews who were both competitive swimmers and probably did it all the time.

I guess shaving is different than trimming - I take a hair buzzer and just buzz

Manscape is a funny word. One of those words than makes me laugh when I hear it. :)

I guess I am lucky in that I am naturally, almost hairless and don't have to shave or trim much. I trim my pubes periodically, because I don't like excess hair there, but most places, I just don't grow hair. The hair on my legs is so fine, that if you are more than 12 inches away, you can't see it. Hell, now in my early 30's I still only shave my face once a week and even there, I can only grow a few hairs on my chin and a really weak, sad looking mustache (if I really try). Almost nothing on my cheeks or sideburns. Meanwhile, my brother is like a hairy gorilla. Lol.

But explain this to me: why is it at a certain age, I think in the late forties or fifty that men stop growing hair on their head but it starts growing really fast in the most inappropriate places, like ears, nose, back, the space between the eye brows. The ears are the worst. That seems to grow back on my partner in a matter of hours. :(

Quote: kewlj

But explain this to me: why is it at a certain age

It's all a fashion trend. In the 80's Hollywood had guys like Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds. But by the 90's, body hair became a No-No (Ha! See what I did there, you late night infomercial watchers?). So guys from that era are more comfortable with body hair than today's men. Just wait. One day, Hollywood will decide that body hair is back in!

BTW, I can't wait until backhair is once again in fashion. The ladies will be all over me, much to Mrs. Joeman's chagrin! :)