"How To Spot Casino Trash" by Bill Simmons
January 21st, 2014 at 8:10:51 AM
permalink
This is a delightful read, although some of us may find ourselves on the list of 20 pieces of casino trash. Yeah, I know that half the stuff is based on superstition, but it is still a fun read. And if you are an amatuer player and don't REALLY believe in the superstitions then its all just fun and games anyway right?
http://proxy.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?id=1280529
http://proxy.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?id=1280529
Vote for Nobody 2020!
January 21st, 2014 at 8:23:20 AM
permalink
Amusing, thank you, but his #1 killed it for me:
"The moron who doesn't know how to play blackjack and inadvertently takes your card"
Stated with no irony whatsoever :(
"The moron who doesn't know how to play blackjack and inadvertently takes your card"
Stated with no irony whatsoever :(
"Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter."
January 21st, 2014 at 8:24:11 AM
permalink
Ick.
He fires off his mouth, but his #1 item is thinking that the poor decisions of sub-par Blackjack players effect the cards negatively. Someone should explain to him that said decisions have a positive effect just as often, in the long run. Pot and kettle.
He fires off his mouth, but his #1 item is thinking that the poor decisions of sub-par Blackjack players effect the cards negatively. Someone should explain to him that said decisions have a positive effect just as often, in the long run. Pot and kettle.
https://wizardofvegas.com/forum/off-topic/gripes/11182-pet-peeves/120/#post815219
January 21st, 2014 at 8:29:48 AM
permalink
Quote: Mission146his #1 item is thinking that the poor decisions of sub-par Blackjack players effect the cards negatively. Someone should explain to him that said decisions have a positive effect just as often, in the long run. Pot and kettle.
Yeah Yeah Yeah. Of course we all know this is true. But if your gambling career is 10 hours a year and someone does take a dealer bust card its frustrating in the short run, right?
Vote for Nobody 2020!
January 21st, 2014 at 8:33:16 AM
permalink
I would say that the writer should be #1 on the list. He doesn't even have the terminology right in the craps section. '"Crapped Out" LOL
He sounds the typical pretentious college kid that actually thinks he knows something about gambling.
He sounds the typical pretentious college kid that actually thinks he knows something about gambling.
Be careful when you follow the masses, the M is sometimes silent.
January 21st, 2014 at 9:03:33 AM
permalink
Quote: bigfoot66Yeah Yeah Yeah. Of course we all know this is true. But if your gambling career is 10 hours a year and someone does take a dealer bust card its frustrating in the short run, right?
It was a funny blog post, don't misunderstand, and a few of the observations were legit. However, if your gambling career is 10 hours a year, then you shouldn't make a blog post focused on making condescending observations about other gamblers unless you are 100% sure of what you are talking about.
Like I said, pot/kettle, it's not a big deal and still a funny blog post. If nothing else, I appreciate the irony of that one being #1, made the blog all the more hilarious.
https://wizardofvegas.com/forum/off-topic/gripes/11182-pet-peeves/120/#post815219
January 21st, 2014 at 9:30:25 AM
permalink
For me it's #7. It irks me every time I hear someone say they "crapped out" it's "7 out!"
January 21st, 2014 at 9:30:27 AM
permalink
#19 is the worst.
January 21st, 2014 at 9:31:09 AM
permalink
The main thing to take from this is it's all about the people you go with is what makes for a fun memorable trip.
January 21st, 2014 at 9:35:28 AM
permalink
SIMMONS is known for being very sarcastic and funny. He was formerly a writer for jimmy kimmel and adam carolla. Im sure this is more for comedic value then actual gambling advice
January 21st, 2014 at 9:35:46 AM
permalink
This decade-old article is just as stupid today as it was when it was published.
Simmons's lazy approach to research and correctness somehow appeals to the American sports fan Everyman.
He's got some very promising writers on his web site grant land....unfortunately Simmons himself is not among them.
Simmons's lazy approach to research and correctness somehow appeals to the American sports fan Everyman.
He's got some very promising writers on his web site grant land....unfortunately Simmons himself is not among them.
January 21st, 2014 at 9:46:25 AM
permalink
It would be great if the article was intended as tongue-in-cheek observations, especially the #1 point. The third rails for casino conversation: religion, politics, blackjack shoe corruption. Reason, science and civility evaporate.
“You don’t bring a bone saw to a negotiation.” - Robert Jordan, former U.S. ambassador to Saudi Arabia
January 21st, 2014 at 9:47:23 AM
permalink
Quote: BeardgoatSIMMONS is known for being very sarcastic and funny. He was formerly a writer for jimmy kimmel and adam carolla. Im sure this is more for comedic value then actual gambling advice
Yes. This.
If someone is as funny as Simmons and as bright as Dancer or Frank then I would definately prefer to read their stuff, but unfortunately that doesn't exist.
Vote for Nobody 2020!
January 21st, 2014 at 9:50:39 AM
permalink
Number 13 fits a lot of people in my casino; in fact, I look at people who don't take even money on a blackjack strangely because the overwhelming majority of them do, and I assume those who don't do it either don't know the rule or are counters.
My wife was like Number 8 until I showed her how to play craps - got angry with me for going to a craps table. And I was WINNING. Sheesh. At least she likes it now.
My wife was like Number 8 until I showed her how to play craps - got angry with me for going to a craps table. And I was WINNING. Sheesh. At least she likes it now.
January 21st, 2014 at 10:02:23 AM
permalink
The following comments from the post were idiotic:
"Have you ever noticed how the pit boss will always send over his most unfriendly, non-American dealer whenever the entire table is winning?"
really—non-American dealers?
"(And this is the biggie) You take the dealer's offer of "Even Money" for blackjack if the dealer has an "ace" showing and hasn't checked his hand for blackjack. That's like signing a confession in front of everyone else at the table that tells them, "I'm hung like a field mouse."
(maybe the guy was counting)
"Have you ever noticed how the pit boss will always send over his most unfriendly, non-American dealer whenever the entire table is winning?"
really—non-American dealers?
"(And this is the biggie) You take the dealer's offer of "Even Money" for blackjack if the dealer has an "ace" showing and hasn't checked his hand for blackjack. That's like signing a confession in front of everyone else at the table that tells them, "I'm hung like a field mouse."
(maybe the guy was counting)
January 21st, 2014 at 10:18:10 AM
permalink
Quote: bigfoot66
Page 2 is the title of column. Don't look for a page one.
January 21st, 2014 at 10:23:47 AM
permalink
Quote: Mission146He fires off his mouth, but his #1 item is thinking that the poor decisions of sub-par Blackjack players effect the cards negatively. Someone should explain to him that said decisions have a positive effect just as often, in the long run. Pot and kettle.
Pot and Kettle nothing, Jack!!
You rant and rave about other's poor decisions and you will get extra comps to mollify you.
If they are still in the game after all your ranting and happen to aid you this time, you don't thank the little jerk, you just take you money and continue to berate the jerk and getting the free comps.
January 21st, 2014 at 10:24:20 AM
permalink
Everybody know the COOLER is an American.
Eddie Mush was a degenerate gambler.
He was the world's biggest loser.
He was "Mush" because everything he touched turned to mush.
Never mind. I need a winner.
At the track, the teller would give him his tickets ripped up.
I had the Yankees. They lost.
If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all.
Eddie Mush was a degenerate gambler.
He was the world's biggest loser.
He was "Mush" because everything he touched turned to mush.
Never mind. I need a winner.
At the track, the teller would give him his tickets ripped up.
I had the Yankees. They lost.
If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all.
Shed not for her
the bitter tear
Nor give the heart
to vain regret
Tis but the casket
that lies here,
The gem that filled it
Sparkles yet
January 21st, 2014 at 10:25:55 AM
permalink
According to the ESPN site this article was first published in November 2001. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
“You don’t bring a bone saw to a negotiation.” - Robert Jordan, former U.S. ambassador to Saudi Arabia
January 21st, 2014 at 10:44:55 AM
permalink
The author needs to look at himself in the mirror.
He's one of those [insert some insult he used] who says "crap out" when he means "7 out"
#1 in his book is the BJ Canard of all time, that someone misplaying his hand will affect your hand
He's one of those [insert some insult he used] who says "crap out" when he means "7 out"
#1 in his book is the BJ Canard of all time, that someone misplaying his hand will affect your hand
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
January 21st, 2014 at 11:11:49 AM
permalink
Quote: odiousgambit
#1 in his book is the BJ Canard of all time, that someone misplaying his hand will affect your hand
The play of everyone else at the table DOES affect your hand, misplayed or not. Whether for good or bad evens out in the long run, but people tend to remember only the bad results.
“You don’t bring a bone saw to a negotiation.” - Robert Jordan, former U.S. ambassador to Saudi Arabia
January 21st, 2014 at 11:20:17 AM
permalink
I'm surprised no one else has mentioned anything about #19. I guess there's not enough poker players here. Eating food at the table is extremely disgusting. Especially finger food. Very unhygienic for the person eating the food. Casino chips are so dirty. Everyone's germs are on them being constantly passed around. Then it slows the game down since they might be taking bite when its their turn to act. Then they might get mustard or something on the cards. Then you got to wait while they're changing out the marked card for a new one. Worst behavior on the whole list.
January 21st, 2014 at 11:25:56 AM
permalink
I agree, I used to absolutely refuse to eat at the table because of how gross it is. Now I only choose meals I would need to eat with a fork or spoon, and very rarely play hands while eating. I don't like walking away or taking my focus off a game though when there is always a ton of information to gather from the other players.
"In the poker game of life, women are the rake" Edward Norton (Rounders)
January 21st, 2014 at 11:42:57 AM
permalink
There's not much I find revolting but seeing someone eat food at the poker table is def one of them.
January 21st, 2014 at 11:54:02 AM
permalink
Depends on whether he is a chump or not. I mean, I would rather him stay here and lose his money. If he goes elsewhere to eat, no guarantee he will come back !
Shed not for her
the bitter tear
Nor give the heart
to vain regret
Tis but the casket
that lies here,
The gem that filled it
Sparkles yet
January 21st, 2014 at 11:59:23 AM
permalink
I cant stand poker players eating at the table. I also can't stand poker players that go on 2 day long walkabouts with their seat locked up.
January 21st, 2014 at 12:02:43 PM
permalink
And they are in for the bad beat jackpot while gone in some rooms with a missed blind button. WTF !
Shed not for her
the bitter tear
Nor give the heart
to vain regret
Tis but the casket
that lies here,
The gem that filled it
Sparkles yet
January 21st, 2014 at 12:13:28 PM
permalink
Quote: rudeboyoiI'm surprised no one else has mentioned anything about #19. I guess there's not enough poker players here. Eating food at the table is extremely disgusting..
I agree. Watching someone eat is disgusting. Next time
you're out to dinner with people, notice how you don't
watch each other while you're actually eating. It's very
unattractive and off putting. In the movies people will
get a plates of food from the waiter and nobody will
ever take a bite, or they show them putting their fork
down, but never putting food in their mouths. Because
eating is disgusting.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
January 21st, 2014 at 12:18:26 PM
permalink
Im sure ill get told otherwise, but id argue most blackjack players have complained about someone taking the dealers bust card or otherwise stupid plays. If dealer has 6 showing and first base hits his 12 and gets a face card yeah im a little annoyed when im playing 3rd base with my 11 all ready to double down. You can tell me all day it will even out... but maybe the variance that day doesnt ever swing back your way
January 21st, 2014 at 12:21:20 PM
permalink
Quote: BleedingChipsSlowlyThe play of everyone else at the table DOES affect your hand, misplayed or not. Whether for good or bad evens out in the long run, but people tend to remember only the bad results.
You are correct. Somehow I couldn't express this the way I wanted.
But I stand behind what I said: this butt-hole is just perpetuating the myth that it *matters* - it does not, even though, hand by hand, it can be shown the *particular hand* is affected when one decision is made instead of another. I don't believe he has the insight you do.
Yeah, I know, I'm taking it all too seriously.
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!” She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
January 21st, 2014 at 12:31:14 PM
permalink
One of my biggies is missing from the list. The guy next to you at a bank of VP machines, slapping every hold button while cussing the machine with every loss. To make the experience complete, he places a half extinguished cigarette in the ashtray at the place where your foot once rested.
January 21st, 2014 at 12:33:40 PM
permalink
Always see somebody complaining when 3rd base violates BS and they lose. NEVER heard anyone thank him when their next hand is BJ and the shoe suddenly turns hot for everybody.
Shed not for her
the bitter tear
Nor give the heart
to vain regret
Tis but the casket
that lies here,
The gem that filled it
Sparkles yet
January 21st, 2014 at 12:38:16 PM
permalink
When I become world commander, every person, upon their 50th birthday would be issued 2 bullets with permission to use them at his discretion without threat of prosecution. We could use the first bullet soon after the award just to show we're serious. Chances are the second bullet wouldn't be used. The return of civility.
January 21st, 2014 at 12:39:46 PM
permalink
Buzz, I've been cussed at in more languages than I can count while playing third base. I think the last one was in Pig Latin. :-)
Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth. - Mahatma Ghandi
January 21st, 2014 at 12:42:11 PM
permalink
How about the long line at the ticket payout
machine while everybody waits for the lady
who has 50 of them, because every time
she got even the smallest win on a slot,
she cashed out and put cash back in to
'fool' the slot into thinking she was a new
player.
machine while everybody waits for the lady
who has 50 of them, because every time
she got even the smallest win on a slot,
she cashed out and put cash back in to
'fool' the slot into thinking she was a new
player.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
January 21st, 2014 at 12:45:23 PM
permalink
Quote: EvenBobHow about the long line at the ticket payout
machine while everybody waits for the lady
who has 50 of them, because every time
she got even the smallest win on a slot,
she cashed out and put cash back in to
'fool' the slot into thinking she was a new
player.
If only they'd use the machine instead of the window that's already backed up with someone trying to cash a bum check.
Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth. - Mahatma Ghandi
January 21st, 2014 at 12:46:19 PM
permalink
Quote: 1BBBuzz, I've been cussed at in more languages than I can count while playing third base. I think the last one was in Pig Latin. :-)
I like playing 3rd. Especially if a jerk questions when I actually use BS. Or sometimes it's cheap entertainment to make a play that only cost pennies, but make a know-it-all blow a gasket. Especially when I win and he loses. LOL
Shed not for her
the bitter tear
Nor give the heart
to vain regret
Tis but the casket
that lies here,
The gem that filled it
Sparkles yet
January 21st, 2014 at 12:46:41 PM
permalink
Quote: Sabretom2When I become world commander, every person, upon their 50th birthday would be issued 2 bullets with permission to use them at his discretion without threat of prosecution. We could use the first bullet soon after the award just to show we're serious. Chances are the second bullet wouldn't be used. The return of civility.
I hereby offer to buy each and every unused bullet. I price match. Give me both and I'll give you my special price. No expiration, no small print. Already shot your two? I'll buy the gun. All sales are final.
The opinions of this moderator are for entertainment purposes only.
January 21st, 2014 at 12:46:55 PM
permalink
Quote: EvenBobHow about the long line at the ticket payout
machine while everybody waits for the lady
who has 50 of them, because every time
she got even the smallest win on a slot,
she cashed out and put cash back in to
'fool' the slot into thinking she was a new
player.
Or the lady breaking down hundreds into twenties into fives and holding up the line.....This article is 13 years old so before TITO but this would be on my list today. BTW is it just me or are Bob's columns getting thinner and thinner?
Vote for Nobody 2020!
January 21st, 2014 at 12:48:53 PM
permalink
Quote: FaceI hereby offer to buy each and every unused bullet. I price match. Give me both and I'll give you my special price. No expiration, no small print. Already shot your two? I'll buy the gun. All sales are final.
What might have been if not for the repeating rifle or 6 gun ?
Shed not for her
the bitter tear
Nor give the heart
to vain regret
Tis but the casket
that lies here,
The gem that filled it
Sparkles yet
January 21st, 2014 at 12:51:14 PM
permalink
deleted
DUHHIIIIIIIII HEARD THAT!
January 21st, 2014 at 12:55:07 PM
permalink
Quote: bigfoot66Or the lady breaking down hundreds into twenties into fives and holding up the line..
This is the same lady who will have 50 tickets
to cash out. She needs a purse full of 5's to
feed the slot with. When they run out, they
start putting in the winning tickets instead.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
January 21st, 2014 at 12:56:21 PM
permalink
When i worked at Eureka casino we had a German woman spend her entire vacation playing a nickle red white and blue slot.
From opening time to closing time. Coin droppers back then. After red white and blue hit she would carry coins to window and cash them in. Be back in half hour or so, to buy rolled nickels. Really nice lady. So we did hard count nightly, just for her. LOL
From opening time to closing time. Coin droppers back then. After red white and blue hit she would carry coins to window and cash them in. Be back in half hour or so, to buy rolled nickels. Really nice lady. So we did hard count nightly, just for her. LOL
Shed not for her
the bitter tear
Nor give the heart
to vain regret
Tis but the casket
that lies here,
The gem that filled it
Sparkles yet
January 21st, 2014 at 1:28:06 PM
permalink
Quote: EvenBobThis is the same lady who will have 50 tickets
to cash out. She needs a purse full of 5's to
feed the slot with. When they run out, they
start putting in the winning tickets instead.
Hi bob you just describe my grandma. But the worst is that she sent ME to cash her 50 tickets and bring her only fives but how can I say no.. to the sweetest person ever. People really hate me when they see me with so many tickets and then asking for fives please.
But just recently I figure I just feed the machine with all those tickets and cash out when I'm done like that is one single ticket. I still haven't figure Outhow to bring enough fives for her. .
"18 hit me, 19 hit me, 20 hit me, 21 hit me" - homer simpson
January 21st, 2014 at 1:33:25 PM
permalink
Quote: IbeatyouracesI use high limit cashier windows. Usually no line there.
Which casinos have that?
I've seen special lines for high player club tiers, but never special lines for large denom chips. The only thing I've seen that's similar is high-limit windows at the sportsbook.
January 21st, 2014 at 2:03:46 PM
permalink
deleted
DUHHIIIIIIIII HEARD THAT!
January 21st, 2014 at 2:13:18 PM
permalink
Quote: IbeatyouracesMost casinos around here have a cashier in high limit.
Oh, you mean in the high limit room.... thought you meant an "express" line at the main cage.
January 21st, 2014 at 2:35:44 PM
permalink
deleted
DUHHIIIIIIIII HEARD THAT!
January 21st, 2014 at 3:35:13 PM
permalink
The author seems be to more annoying then all the people he is talking about. I can just imagine him bitching and moaning about what everyone else is doing the entire time. People who get upset about your blackjack plays are the worst of them all. I have a feeling a few guys on this forum would be like this when they gamble....or do anything
I get a little impatient at people who take forever at the TITO redemption machines fumbling around with 6 different tickets and then counting each bill 3 times to make sure its right. I almost never check to see if its accurate or not. My GF grabs the money and counts it.
other then that I try not to get to annoyed at what other people do at the casino, its not worth it or I would go crazy and filled with hate all day.
Eating food at the poker table is very common for Pros. I know a lot of places encourage this. The palms even had a special menu and room service brought it out on a cart with a complete set up, full steak dinners and the works. You would see 4 guys eating at once. I'm guilty of this myself, I never thought how unsanitary it was.
I don't really believe in all that Schleprock crap he was talking about. But I do love busting a guys balls about how unlucky they are. I know a few AP's that will swear up and down there are a few black cat degenerate hustlers around. The AP will stop playing or leave when the hustler start VP rail-birding.
I get a little impatient at people who take forever at the TITO redemption machines fumbling around with 6 different tickets and then counting each bill 3 times to make sure its right. I almost never check to see if its accurate or not. My GF grabs the money and counts it.
other then that I try not to get to annoyed at what other people do at the casino, its not worth it or I would go crazy and filled with hate all day.
Eating food at the poker table is very common for Pros. I know a lot of places encourage this. The palms even had a special menu and room service brought it out on a cart with a complete set up, full steak dinners and the works. You would see 4 guys eating at once. I'm guilty of this myself, I never thought how unsanitary it was.
I don't really believe in all that Schleprock crap he was talking about. But I do love busting a guys balls about how unlucky they are. I know a few AP's that will swear up and down there are a few black cat degenerate hustlers around. The AP will stop playing or leave when the hustler start VP rail-birding.
♪♪Now you swear and kick and beg us That you're not a gamblin' man Then you find you're back in Vegas With a handle in your hand♪♪ Your black cards can make you money So you hide them when you're able In the land of casinos and money You must put them on the table♪♪ You go back Jack do it again roulette wheels turinin' 'round and 'round♪♪ You go back Jack do it again♪♪
January 21st, 2014 at 3:58:08 PM
permalink
Quote: AxelWolfMy GF grabs the money
Are you sure you're not married?
