Nareed's Patented Method for Dealing With Trolls, Neanderthals and Assorted Forum Creeps

(Patent Pending)

Long title.

Anyway, there are three steps to this method, with a gurantee that you will not get banned.

1) Try to reason with the beast. This will not work, it cannot work, and should not be expected to work. But you will have made the attempt and gained the moral high ground.

2) Block the beast. Try not to peek after you do. You'll find it easier not having to deal with the troll, neanderthal (with apologies to any real neanderthals, of course; we wouldn't treat you this way if you'd survived to this day), and assorted creep and jerk. Idiots, too, if they bother you. It gets bothersome on some threads where you expect new postings, only to find is the troll. But you get used to that.

3) Since you will, from time to time, peek anyway, despite my sensible advice not to, you will want to reply. Go ahead and write your reply. Hold nothing back. Nothing at all. Call the creep any names you want. Tell him where to go, how to get there, and what to do once he gets there. Tell him (it's usually a him anyway) his mother is a fat whore, if you wish. Insult him anyway you please. Be sarcastic, scathing, nasty, mean, cruel and whatever other negative adjectives you can come up with. BUT DON'T SEND THE REPLY!!!!!

Once you've vented your spleen, let out your anger, and overall got the thing that bothers you off your chest, there's no need to get banned by actually letting it go public. Very carefully delete the whole thing and go back to the forum. But when you see the beast's name, or peek at his posts, or see him quoted anyehwere, you remmeber he's all the nasty things you called him in the reply you didn't send.

And when he reads this, he'll know it too.

It's pretty much what I do now. I'd probably have been JerryLogan'd out of here if I'd not pressed Cancel a few times in some of my responses. Though I think creative swearing and insults are an art form and should be encouraged, I realise it's not the wish of the forum owner for posters to write 352 lines of commentary on a posters parentage, without repetition, deviation or hesitation.

Quote: thecesspit

It's pretty much what I do now. I'd probably have been JerryLogan'd out of here if I'd not pressed Cancel a few times in some of my responses.

Nice use of the name!

Quote:

Though I think creative swearing and insults are an art form and should be encouraged, I realise it's not the wish of the forum owner for posters to write 352 lines of commentary on a posters parentage, without repetition, deviation or hesitation.

352 lines! You are going to owe me so much in royalties when I file a patent! ;)

Actually such things are a kind of satiric/ironic art, and are fine in jest or at events like a roast. Anywhere else they engender as many hurt feelings as every other kind.

The other day I did this at the office. I started smiling, because I meant it in jest, but it came out so bitter and angry it was the equivalent of saying "go **** your mother." You just can't hide anger and the desire to hurt the other person

Maybe we should each bookmark the permalink for Nareed's first post of this thread. Then, when we encounter an annoying post from a troll, we merely say, "This one's for you," and post the link. Perhaps twenty or thirty identical posts in sequence from different members would get the point across.

Quote: Doc

Maybe we should each bookmark the permalink for Nareed's first post of this thread. Then, when we encounter an annoying post from a troll, we merely say, "This one's for you," and post the link. Perhaps twenty or thirty identical posts in sequence from different members would get the point across.

Good idea. It might even work. it works better than Nareed's Patented Method for Getting Trolls, Neanderthals and Assorted Forum Creeps Banned While Making You look Like the Vicitm (Even When You're Not) (Patent 2112-1701-4077 1138 27B/6). I've discontinued that one, in fact. It did what it had to in some early pre-internet BBSes and later even in some message baords. But being a pity whore, which the old Method amoutned to, is below any decent person's dignity. I keep it only for dire emergencies where anything goes.

Bonus for telling me what the fake patent numbers refer to. It's an easy one.

BTW it also works with private messages. I just tried one, unsent of course, and it made me feel much better :)

Quote: Nareed

Good idea. It might even work. it works better than Nareed's Patented Method for Getting Trolls, Neanderthals and Assorted Forum Creeps Banned While Making You look Like the Vicitm (Even When You're Not) (Patent 2112-1701-4077 1138 27B/6). I've discontinued that one, in fact. It did what it had to in some early pre-internet BBSes and later even in some message baords. But being a pity whore, which the old Method amoutned to, is below any decent person's dignity. I keep it only for dire emergencies where anything goes.

Bonus for telling me what the fake patent numbers refer to. It's an easy one.

4077 - that's the unit number in MASH, so is it Hawkeye's military number?

Quote: thecesspit

4077 - that's the unit number in MASH, so is it Hawkeye's military number?

2112 is a Rush album, and 1701 is part of the USS Enterprise registration number (NCC-1701).

The rest I am stumped on.

This strikes me as something like that old low-class-humor expression: B₄I_4QQ_T∏RU/18 ?

Cesspit and Croupier are right.

Doc, that's not it, but I'd appreciate an explanation of what you wrote.

I'll let you in on the other two:

1138 is part of the title of George Lucas' first film: THX-1138. It's a long, boring dystopian. The name of the sound system THX also comes from that film.

27B/6 appears in the movie "Brazil" Antoher dystopian. It's the designation of a form without which maintenance people can't do anyhting.

Quote: Doc

This strikes me as something like that old low-class-humor expression: B₄I_4QQ_T∏RU/18 ?

Try saying it out loud.

Before I F**K you (missed this bit) Are You over 18?

Quote: Nareed

Doc, that's not it, but I'd appreciate an explanation of what you wrote.

Answered by PM.

Edit:

Well, Croupier, I was going to keep the explicit crudity out of the open forum. Since it's out there now, the part you missed was "cutey pie".

Here I go violating rules by revealing the contents of a private message...

Nareed has pointed out to me that in my earlier post, the Greek letter "Pi" did not show up properly after Q_T. It looks fine on my screen, but I guess it's one more example of the differences between browsers and computers. Probably explains Croupier's difficulty reading part of it. Sorry. Now I regret even more my poor judgment in even making the post.

Quote: Doc

Well, Croupier, I was going to keep the explicit crudity out of the open forum. Since it's out there now, the part you missed was "cutey pie".

Sorry. I did use some censoring. I blame my youth and impetuousness.

Quote: Doc

Here I go violating rules by revealing the contents of a private message...

I forgive you :)

Quote:

Nareed has pointed out to me that in my earlier post, the Greek letter "Pi" did not show up properly after Q_T. It looks fine on my screen, but I guess it's one more example of the differences between browsers and computers. Probably explains Croupier's difficulty reading part of it. Sorry. Now I regret even more my poor judgment in even making the post.

In my srceen it looks like a doorway, or like the Cyrillic version of T if I recall that alphabet correctly.

Oh, don't fret about it. What's a little crude humor among friends?

I'm going to flag this thread and ask for a 3 day ban all around :)

(Awesome phrase, doc, I am going to borrow that one...)

Quote: thecesspit

(Awesome phrase, doc, I am going to borrow that one...)

Proving, perhaps, that your judgment is as bad as mine.