boyfriend troubles

Quote: Wavy70

What is wrong with an open relationship? Perhaps he needs to date the both of you simultaneously in order to know he is making the correct choice.

Now that's thinking outside the box!! (no pun intended)

Quote: Wizard

Open relationships are fine, but she didn't have the same prerogative.

I am a bit of an idealist.

Quote: Wavy70

What is wrong with an open relationship? Perhaps he needs to date the both of you simultaneously in order to know he is making the correct choice.

If that's the way he wants to play it, then he needs to be man enough to tell her what he wants and live with the results. Or at least let her date around as well. What's good for the goose is good for the gander!

Quote: Wizard

If there is one thing almost all these stories have in common it is the girl snooping on the guys cell phone. Do with that what you wish.

My 2¢ is that this guy is kind of a jerk. I'd tell him you want some time apart. You sound young and both of you should have experiences with different people to find what kind of person you want to spend the rest of your lives with. Personally I wouldn't want to spend it with somebody excessively jealous, but not playing by his own rules.

As I always say, listen to what your brain is telling you to do.

Us girls have to snoop when our guy is caught telling many lies. My current BF of 2 years was funny, handsome and fun to be with at first. Then all sorts of missed dates, excuses of why he was seen with other girls while I was at home by myself.

I did listen to what my brain said after I looked at his most recent calls in his cell phone.
It helped me to lay down the law on what I was expecting from our relationship and that was 9 months ago. Our communication skills with each other is now fantastic and I think I have a keeper, and so does my Mom.

Quote: mustangsally

Our communication skills with each other is now fantastic and I think I have a keeper, and so does my Mom.

Uh, I doubt it. Past behavior indicates future behavior. If he was cheating before he will again. If you checked his cell phone before, you will again.

If he didn't cheat but was just "around" women then the story may be different.

Quote: mustangsally

Our communication skills with each other is now fantastic

I guess he learned and got a second cell phone that he keeps hidden.

Quote: kp

I guess he learned and got a second cell phone that he keeps hidden.

My thoughts exactly. He didn't learn to change his values or priorities, he just learned to be less obvious.
He may have obtained a different phone or something but is he still leaving you home alone while he is out "working late"?
Maybe he decided to walk the straight and narrow, but most men decide that before they get caught the first time.
You may indeed have a keeper. Some other girl may have a keeper too though. Perhaps you will each meet some day.
Any unexplained absences around last Valentine's Day? Usually each girlfriend wants to spend time with him then... busiest day of the year for private detectives, I hear.

This all depends. When you are just dating, you expect to have some competition. Your relationship might advance to where you feel he should no longer play the field, but don't have him on board. There could be some element of dishonesty involved on his part at this stage that doesnt mean a lot. If in fact you now have him committed he might be flying right, with the prior period no indication he would continue to sneak around.

So I think you have to ask yourself if it was a case where his original transgressions were occurring in a period when he really would have felt he was cheating on a commitment, or if he just wasn't as far along as you were in spite of being lovers. Men are not the same as women at this 'Lovers' stage. If the "clearly cheating" condition was the case, I would agree with the others that he will be hard to tame and will likely slip back into his usual behavior.

Hmmm, are we all secretly wishing we could do an "advice to the lovelorn" column? I wouldnt have thought so in my case but I do feel compelled to add my 2 cents to these things.

Dump him. He's not into you. He's an asshole who wants to control you.

It's true that if a guy is willing to cheat once, unless some fundamental changes are made in your relationship (beyond talking more), he is willing to cheat again. Guys and girls don't change unless there's a very good reason to do so. Let him off the hook for this one, and all you are doing is setting the bar for the next time. Only the next time, the stakes are likely to be much higher: marriage, children, inlaws, and real estate. Dating is supposed to be a trial period. Cheating is not tolerable at all (unless you are into the open relationship thing) during the trial.

Say goodbye.

And as for snooping, part of the dating experience is to get all of the information possible on your lover to make a decision of whether you want to be with him long term. So snoop away. Yes, you may have trust issues that you yourself need to resolve, but that's better than a cheating issue.

Quote: boymimbo

Dump him. He's not into you. He's an asshole who wants to control you.

It's true that if a guy is willing to cheat once, unless some fundamental changes are made in your relationship (beyond talking more), he is willing to cheat again. Guys and girls don't change unless there's a very good reason to do so. Let him off the hook for this one, and all you are doing is setting the bar for the next time. Only the next time, the stakes are likely to be much higher: marriage, children, inlaws, and real estate. Dating is supposed to be a trial period. Cheating is not tolerable at all (unless you are into the open relationship thing) during the trial.

Say goodbye.

And as for snooping, part of the dating experience is to get all of the information possible on your lover to make a decision of whether you want to be with him long term. So snoop away. Yes, you may have trust issues that you yourself need to resolve, but that's better than a cheating issue.

Yup, yup, yup, yup, and yup.

Someone once said, people won't change unless it hurts more to stay the same. If he's already cheating, then losing you doesn't hurt him that much. And the snooping just makes you seem weird.

Follow boymimbo's advice. Say goodbye.