Why do cheating men get married?

Quote: TheNightfly

You also have to realize that the concept of marriage means very different things to different people.

I believe you are right about this. Well, for me, if I were to marry someone it would be with someone who I was completely intimate with (I'm talking about on a deep level, I guess you could say on a spiritual level). He would be someone I wouldn't keep any secrets from, and vice versa. It would be so I could be with that person and have that bond with him and raise good children with. I'd want him to be someone I would look up to, and would want him to see things in me that he looks up to and admires as well. It would basically be a partnership that was based on love, intimacy and trust and he would be someone who I adored.

Quote: HotBlonde

So why do men get married if they're just going to cheat? So they can make babies or have someone at home cleaning and doing their laundry? I don't get it.

Thats part of it.
I've already posted about the man who was very upset and said to me "fidelity is very important to me" when his mistress called him and said she wanted to see other men. This man stood up and said "I do" only after having his "girl on the side" re-adjust her schedule to accommodate his return from his honeymoon. And he was actually saying and meaning "fidelity is very important to me". What he meant of course was that he wanted both his wife and his mistress to be exclusively his, even though he saw the mistress only once a week.
Some men will try for every young woman in sight but still consider their wife someone special. Cheating on her every night doesn't break any bonds. She is the one with bonds.
Or as many men say "I'm not married, my wife is married".

Women generally cheat IF they are economically able to do so.

Quote: Scotty71

Why as a single woman do you care enough about it to ask the question? Have you asked any of your female friends who are single why they banged a married guy?

I ask because I've never been married and it makes me think about these things if I am faced with a proposal at some point. I wouldn't want to get married if I knew it was going to ultimately end in divorce. And no, I never asked my single female friends. They would probably say that his marriage status is his business and not theirs.

I think most people probably know deep down if it's going to work or not... we don't always listen to our gut.

Why do people get married having things they don't like about their spouce in general, like a nagging personality, bad family, bad with money, substance abuse issues, legal issues, too messy, too clean...it goes on and on. They get married anyways because there are tons of benefits to marriage - security, financial, social status, etc. Smart couples know what is a dealbreaker and what isn't, and dumb couples assume people will magically change. Monogamy is no different.

Quote: HotBlonde

I believe you are right about this. Well, for me, if I were to marry someone it would be with someone who I was completely intimate with (I'm talking about on a deep level, I guess you could say on a spiritual level). He would be someone I wouldn't keep any secrets from, and vice versa. It would be so I could be with that person and have that bond with him and raise good children with. I'd want him to be someone I would look up to, and would want him to see things in me that he looks up to and admires as well. It would basically be a partnership that was based on love, intimacy and trust and he would be someone who I adored.

The problem is that what you look for in what you call marriage is not neccesarily what the other person is looking for and that happens all too often. I applaud you for your values and I wish you well in finding whatever it is you desire.

Quote: HotBlonde

I ask because I've never been married and it makes me think about these things if I am faced with a proposal at some point. I wouldn't want to get married if I knew it was going to ultimately end in divorce.

Statistically speaking, only about half of marriages end in divorce. It is worth taking the chance for the right person.

Quote: Wizard

Statistically speaking, only about half of marriages end in divorce.

... the other half end in death... not a good proposition either way I'd say...

Quote: HotBlonde

And no, I never asked my single female friends. They would probably say that his marriage status is his business and not theirs.

I think that is an irresponsible attitude, and I understand that you aren't necessarily approving the behavior. I am amazed by women who meet & date a married guy then encourage him to get divorced -- get married to him and then freak out wen he cheats on them. You sound very smart so I doubt you would put yourself in that situation.

Quote: TheNightfly

The problem is that what you look for in what you call marriage is not neccesarily what the other person is looking for and that happens all too often. I applaud you for your values and I wish you well in finding whatever it is you desire.

Well that's why it's important to me to really get to know someone before making a big decision like that. I know that there are people who get married and haven't taken enough time to really get to know their partner.

No, of course, someone can keep some things hidden. And also I believe no one person can ever really thoroughly know another person. Hell, sometimes I can't even figure my self out!!