Funny Things Players Say
November 12th, 2011 at 1:56:21 PM
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Since we can all use a good laugh I decided to start a forum about funny things players say:
The other night I had a group of girls at my table and they asked: Do you live in the hotel or do you have an apartment somewhere in the city?
The other night I had a group of girls at my table and they asked: Do you live in the hotel or do you have an apartment somewhere in the city?
November 12th, 2011 at 3:56:04 PM
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This is a re-run, but lets build the thread:
(Player has A-7 showing)
ME: You have an 8 or 18
Player: Do I have to pick which right now or can I wait?
(Player has A-7 showing)
ME: You have an 8 or 18
Player: Do I have to pick which right now or can I wait?
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others
November 13th, 2011 at 4:49:26 AM
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Young "Know it all" player to his girlfriend
"You should always bet the Field, because it has all of those numbers you can win on"
"You should always bet the Field, because it has all of those numbers you can win on"
November 13th, 2011 at 5:42:58 AM
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When hitting a soft 18 against a 10, ive lost count of the startled exclamations of "what are you doing, youve got 18!"
November 13th, 2011 at 5:46:52 AM
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Player's 12 against a dealer's deuce: "If I'm going to hit 12, I might as well double-down."
"MONKEY!!!" - that one gets me every time. I think dealers should start using that in stick calls when a 10 rolls.
"MONKEY!!!" - that one gets me every time. I think dealers should start using that in stick calls when a 10 rolls.
November 13th, 2011 at 6:31:10 AM
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"Why dont you play pair plus? Thats where the smart players bet"
"Pair-plus is where is you win the most money"
And the latest in relation to the 6 card bet for $1million on Three Card Poker
"You dont bet on the 6 card bonus?, dont you want to be a millionaire? It has a player edge you know" - Actual bride, on her wedding day in planet hollywood. I told her she didnt know what she was talking about. Ruined her day.
"Pair-plus is where is you win the most money"
And the latest in relation to the 6 card bet for $1million on Three Card Poker
"You dont bet on the 6 card bonus?, dont you want to be a millionaire? It has a player edge you know" - Actual bride, on her wedding day in planet hollywood. I told her she didnt know what she was talking about. Ruined her day.
http://wizardofvegas.com/forum/off-topic/general/10042-woes-black-sheep-game-ii/#post151727
November 13th, 2011 at 7:15:20 AM
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Almost forgot this gem--
Player to her friend: "An Ace is either a 1 or an 11 but you always want it to be worth 1."
There is always the classic-------
In front of a BJ table
Older Lady: Excuse me, sonny, is this the casino?
Dean Martin: No, lady, this is the grocery store. The casino is across the street.
Player to her friend: "An Ace is either a 1 or an 11 but you always want it to be worth 1."
There is always the classic-------
In front of a BJ table
Older Lady: Excuse me, sonny, is this the casino?
Dean Martin: No, lady, this is the grocery store. The casino is across the street.
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others
November 13th, 2011 at 7:43:34 AM
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DUHHIIIIIIIII HEARD THAT!
November 13th, 2011 at 7:48:32 AM
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DUHHIIIIIIIII HEARD THAT!
November 13th, 2011 at 10:50:00 AM
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Drunk guy sits down at a $5/$5 pot limit Omaha game the other night, buys in for $500 and posts. First hand it's raise, re-raise, pot, pot and now 4 players are all in pre-flop including our drunk player. Flop, turn and river and the board is 3h, 5s, 7d, Kd. First player opens and shows suited AAQQ. Second player shows 8, 9, 10, J double suited and mucks. Third player confidently opens his set of Kings with 2 danglers and we all look at the drunk who is struggling to turn his cards over. He finally flips up 4h, 6h, 9h and Jh and slurs, "I got a flush". We all shake our heads as the dealer pushes him the pot.
Happiness is underrated
November 13th, 2011 at 12:01:02 PM
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"you should never surrender, you have to give up half of your bet."
November 13th, 2011 at 12:02:11 PM
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Quote: TheNightflyDrunk guy sits down at a $5/$5 pot limit Omaha game the other night, buys in for $500 and posts. First hand it's raise, re-raise, pot, pot and now 4 players are all in pre-flop including our drunk player. Flop, turn and river and the board is 3h, 5s, 7d, Kd. First player opens and shows suited AAQQ. Second player shows 8, 9, 10, J double suited and mucks. Third player confidently opens his set of Kings with 2 danglers and we all look at the drunk who is struggling to turn his cards over. He finally flips up 4h, 6h, 9h and Jh and slurs, "I got a flush". We all shake our heads as the dealer pushes him the pot.
Drunk people always walk away unharmed from fatal accidents.
November 13th, 2011 at 6:53:27 PM
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This was a supervisor, but he was such an idiot that he might have well been a player...
The supervisor's favorite hand to DOUBLE DOWN (receive ONE card) on is A-2... why? "Because there is only one card that makes the hand worse... a 9." Again, the key to the story is DOUBLE DOWN.
The rest of the time I spent arguing with him about how it didn't matter if it was a 9-10-j-q-k-a-2-3, as they all resulted in the same hand for the dealer. He berated me in front of the rest of the table...
The supervisor's favorite hand to DOUBLE DOWN (receive ONE card) on is A-2... why? "Because there is only one card that makes the hand worse... a 9." Again, the key to the story is DOUBLE DOWN.
The rest of the time I spent arguing with him about how it didn't matter if it was a 9-10-j-q-k-a-2-3, as they all resulted in the same hand for the dealer. He berated me in front of the rest of the table...
"One out of every four people are [morons]"- Kyle, South Park
November 13th, 2011 at 11:12:04 PM
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At a craps table: "Woulda, shoulda, coulda."
"What, me worry?"
November 14th, 2011 at 6:02:26 AM
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At a three card poker table, a player has bets on the ante and pair plus. He decides to raise in the dark, so now has three bets on the table. He taps his cards and says to the dealer, "give me boom boom, right here."
Everybody else finishes up their bets and dealer reveals her cards: an ace high flush. She turns over the boom boom player's cards: 2-5-7, unsuited.
"Boom," the dealer says as she collects the player's pair plus bet. "Boom," collects the ante. "BOOOOOOOM!" she literally opens up her throat and yells while collecting the raise. Then she points her index finger straight at the guys nose and cackles, everybody else starts laughing as well, boom boom player scoops up his remaining chips and walks off in a huff.
It's funny because it happened to someone else.
Everybody else finishes up their bets and dealer reveals her cards: an ace high flush. She turns over the boom boom player's cards: 2-5-7, unsuited.
"Boom," the dealer says as she collects the player's pair plus bet. "Boom," collects the ante. "BOOOOOOOM!" she literally opens up her throat and yells while collecting the raise. Then she points her index finger straight at the guys nose and cackles, everybody else starts laughing as well, boom boom player scoops up his remaining chips and walks off in a huff.
It's funny because it happened to someone else.
November 14th, 2011 at 10:08:55 PM
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"Apply common sense and ignore the mathboyzzz is all that one needs." - A John Patrick student.
Maybe that works for accountants, and engineers as well?
Maybe that works for accountants, and engineers as well?
November 15th, 2011 at 6:31:59 AM
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I remember at the Bellagio - drunk girl doubles an A-9 on a dealer 10, draws the A! Of course the casino continues to serve her.
A dealer at my local casino, on craps: "I ONLY bet the middle. That's where all the money is made".
A dealer at my local casino, on craps: "I ONLY bet the middle. That's where all the money is made".
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You want the truth! You can't handle the truth!
November 15th, 2011 at 12:52:17 PM
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OK, so this guy wasn't a player; he was a regulator.
We were talking about video poker machines and he said something like "they have to adjust the probability of getting the cards to prevent the player from getting too many high pays." Not only did he not understand how video poker works, but he didn't understand the regulations of his own jurisdiction, which mandate that cards in a deck have an equal likelihood of being the same. When I told him that all cards are equally likely, he was in disbelief.
We were talking about video poker machines and he said something like "they have to adjust the probability of getting the cards to prevent the player from getting too many high pays." Not only did he not understand how video poker works, but he didn't understand the regulations of his own jurisdiction, which mandate that cards in a deck have an equal likelihood of being the same. When I told him that all cards are equally likely, he was in disbelief.
I heart Crystal Math.
November 15th, 2011 at 2:24:19 PM
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Quote: MrVAt a craps table: "Woulda, shoulda, coulda."
At a craps table as each of my DontCome bets was being knocked down, I muttered maybe I should switch to the Right Side ...
Just then Shooter sevened out and as dealer paid my DontPass bet, he said "You were saying....".
November 15th, 2011 at 4:46:19 PM
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Quote: boymimboA dealer at my local casino, on craps: "I ONLY bet the middle. That's where all the money is made".
Another rerun, but since we are putting them in one place. Dealer might be related to this mamaluke.
Puck is OFF Guy shoots.
Seven-winner!
"Damn, gotta stop doing that."
Seven-winner!
"Again, gotta stop doing that!"
Seven-winner!
"This has got to stop!"
Me: "What are you talking about?"
"If I keep that up I will never make a point!"
Me: "But you have just won three times in a row?!"
"Yeah but when I make the point I will lose if I do that!"
I stop trying to see if I am the bigger fool for arguinbg with the fool. He shoots again.
"Seven-winner!" Four throws in a row for those keeping count. So what does he say?
"NEW DICE!"
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others
November 16th, 2011 at 2:46:30 PM
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was playing craps the other night.....a young couple come up to an almost full table....they are one shooter away from me so I could hear what they are saying.....The girlfriend you can tell has never played becasue she is asking very basic questions...The boyfriend says "dont worry I'm a craps expert just bet how I do"
they make a P/L bet of $5, point comes 4......the boyfriend bets a $3 hard four tells his girl to do the same....she looks around and see's everyone betting odds.....she says to her boyfriend......
"Why is everyone putting money behind their passline bet? What is that for?' He says "OH DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT, THAT'S JUST A SUCKERS BET"
they make a P/L bet of $5, point comes 4......the boyfriend bets a $3 hard four tells his girl to do the same....she looks around and see's everyone betting odds.....she says to her boyfriend......
"Why is everyone putting money behind their passline bet? What is that for?' He says "OH DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT, THAT'S JUST A SUCKERS BET"
November 16th, 2011 at 6:15:37 PM
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I only play poker now, but this story has about 3 funny parts to it.
Rio: 1/3NL game, about 4am. I'm in the 1 seat and there's a hot young thing in the 5 seat who is loving all the attention her skimpy outfit is bringing her. Her top is cut low, and her skirt is so short that every time she leans back in her chair (on the back two legs), the dealer and I can plainly see her panties. She's drunk and flirtatious. About 5am, her boyfriend shows up, dressed in standard Ed Hardy douchebag-wear, stands behind her watching for a while and tells us all he's "been crushing the 2/5 game at Bellagio". After giving her advice on how she mis-played her hand a couple times, and after telling us all in a condescending tone how he's just dominating the sit-n-goes on Full Tilt, he asks her for $200 and wanders off.
Throughout the game, she'd use such crazy phrases as "I had to call. I didn't want to be out 2-paired."
Rio: 1/3NL game, about 4am. I'm in the 1 seat and there's a hot young thing in the 5 seat who is loving all the attention her skimpy outfit is bringing her. Her top is cut low, and her skirt is so short that every time she leans back in her chair (on the back two legs), the dealer and I can plainly see her panties. She's drunk and flirtatious. About 5am, her boyfriend shows up, dressed in standard Ed Hardy douchebag-wear, stands behind her watching for a while and tells us all he's "been crushing the 2/5 game at Bellagio". After giving her advice on how she mis-played her hand a couple times, and after telling us all in a condescending tone how he's just dominating the sit-n-goes on Full Tilt, he asks her for $200 and wanders off.
Throughout the game, she'd use such crazy phrases as "I had to call. I didn't want to be out 2-paired."
"Poker sure is an easy game to beat if you have the roll to keep rebuying."
November 16th, 2011 at 6:35:27 PM
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Quote: NicksGamingStuffSince we can all use a good laugh I decided to start a forum about funny things players say:
The other night I had a group of girls at my table and they asked: Do you live in the hotel or do you have an apartment somewhere in the city?
I was on a cruise where the cruise director was talking about the stupid questions he'd heard. "Do you live on the ship?" "No, we have a dinghy towed behind the ship."
