Mission146
Mission146
Joined: May 15, 2012
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September 12th, 2013 at 9:59:43 AM permalink
Quote: DRich

A termite walks into a bar and jumps up on the stool. After looking up and down the bar he turns to the guy sitting next to him and asks, "Where's the bar tender?"



Haha! That took me a second!
Vultures can't be choosers.
Face
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Face
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
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September 12th, 2013 at 10:34:44 AM permalink
Quote: skrbornevrymin

I was just thinking of the song in a whole new light: What if all the gifts listed in the song "Twelve days of Christmas" were actually the names of cocktails? Someone could have quite a time devising drinks that matched the weird names. The song would then become known as a drinking song. If it did, would children still be allowed to sing it at Christmas time?



That'd be 78 drinks o.O

Unless the number was part of the name, and not the amount, in which case.... giddyup

_________________________________________________________________________

A bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a gin.........................................and tonic, please"

Bartender says "What's with the big pause?"

Bear looks at him, annoyed "I'm a bear, stupid"
The opinions of this moderator are for entertainment purposes only.
FunkyDoctor
FunkyDoctor
Joined: Jan 18, 2013
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September 12th, 2013 at 10:44:00 AM permalink
A young guy walks into a bar and says, "Hey bartender, pour me ten shots of whiskey all lined up in a row!"

The bartender thinks that that's a bit of a strange order, but what the heck, business is slow. So the bartender takes a bottle of whiskey off the shelf and pours out the ten shots. The guy then starts shooting the shots one right after another.

About half way through, the bartender finally gets curious and asks the guy, "What's with all the shots, pal?"

Between the 7th and 8th shot, the young guy blurts out, "First blow job."

The bartender pipes up, "Well congratulations buddy! In that case, your 11th shot is on the house."

The guy responds, "Thanks anyway, but if these first ten shots don't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will!"
CrystalMath
CrystalMath
Joined: May 10, 2011
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September 12th, 2013 at 12:27:52 PM permalink
A Buddhist walks into a hamburger joint and says "make me one with everything."

Does a 7 day honeymoon make a whole week?

The pregnant doe said "I'll never do that for a buck again."
I heart Crystal Math.
beachbumbabs
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beachbumbabs
Joined: May 21, 2013
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September 12th, 2013 at 1:19:01 PM permalink
Quote: CrystalMath

A Buddhist walks into a hamburger joint and says "make me one with everything."

Does a 7 day honeymoon make a whole week?

The pregnant doe said "I'll never do that for a buck again."



Cracking up on 1: Still puzzling over 2: Groaning over old Chestnut 3.
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
CrystalMath
CrystalMath
Joined: May 10, 2011
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September 12th, 2013 at 1:25:40 PM permalink
Quote: beachbumbabs

Cracking up on 1: Still puzzling over 2: Groaning over old Chestnut 3.



You have to say #2 out loud. I heard this from a 90 year old man that I met, which made it even funnier for me.
Does a 7 day honeymoon make a "hole weak?"
I heart Crystal Math.
beachbumbabs
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beachbumbabs
Joined: May 21, 2013
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September 12th, 2013 at 2:16:38 PM permalink
ermagerd! lmao.....
If the House lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game.
EvenBob
EvenBob
Joined: Jul 18, 2010
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September 12th, 2013 at 2:32:13 PM permalink
Quote: CrystalMath

You have to say #2 out loud.



Not a joke many women will appreciate. Its the
icy stare reaction kind of joke.
"It's not enough to succeed, your friends must fail." Gore Vidal
EvenBob
EvenBob
Joined: Jul 18, 2010
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September 12th, 2013 at 2:34:11 PM permalink
I'll take a chance on another play on words joke.

Q: How's a casino like a good woman? A: Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

Poker is like sex - everyone thinks they're the best, but most people don't have a clue what they're doing. Dutch Boyd
"It's not enough to succeed, your friends must fail." Gore Vidal
ontariodealer
ontariodealer
Joined: Aug 5, 2013
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September 12th, 2013 at 4:29:25 PM permalink
Guy goes into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap.

The doctor says i can clearly see your nuts.
get second you pig

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