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Face
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Face
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February 14th, 2015 at 9:18:18 PM permalink
Quote: kewlj

Now THIS should be on a Valentines day card. :)



XD

I'm not against all marriage. Hell, my grandparents have been together, what, 65 years. Good for them, and everyone else who has made it work. But most modern marriages I see are just laughable. People make that jump and they don't even know their own self, yet somehow don't connect the dots that, hey, that's gonna be an issue someday.

And let's face it, we live in a disposable society. Williams ain't performing, let's trade him. Billy having troubles, let's fire him. And every bit of every piece of media tells you that you can have more than you do and sets your sights on things that aren't even close to sustainable. iPhone 4? You pleb, you cannot be complete without a 5. AM/FM? What, no Bose with Wi-Fi? So when your tiger turns into a tom, why wouldn't you trade him in for one that still has the sinews in his shoulders and the "v" in his waist? After all, you're worth it. Pah.

People don't even have an idea of what makes them happy anymore. I mean actually happy, not "I won a hundo on a scratch off" happy. And if they don't know themselves, how can they know another? How can they know what's going to be created when they mix this unknown with another? They don't. So 50% get lucky and find lifelong commitment, and the rest of us find hell, heartache, and lose everything we own.

Marriage is two parts. You and another. Business and love. If you don't know both parts, it's gonna be a coin flip. You want to flip for your life? Who would? No one should. Yet everyone does.

***Edit - Do remember to read my sig after reading this post ;)***
The opinions of this moderator are for entertainment purposes only.
Minty
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February 15th, 2015 at 12:13:27 AM permalink
Quote: Face

Quote: Wizard

Then for what reason should one get married?



Not to steal EB's thunder, but I feel inspired to answer this one. After all, there may be some for whom marriage is in their future, and I think I have something important to say.

Marriage is stupid. It is so because there is some weird stigma attached to it that has made it so. You "have to" in order to be "normal". A relationship can't "succeed" without this being the "end goal". You can't really be "committed" unless you "commit".

It is all horse flop, and don't you dare let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise (again, this is for the as-of-yet-unwed folks. Married or formerly married, we're already screwed). Marriage is a business contract. There are many things which will try to overshadow or deny this, everything from commercials to church to opinions of friends to your nagging mother. Do Not Fall For It. You may think it is "guarantee of your love and commitment". Yet there's tens of millions of Americans who found out this is not true.

Marriage has zero to do with love and commitment. If it did, divorce would be an oddity. When/if love and commitment fails, there's only one thing a marriage guarantees - you're locked in a business contract. This is a fact that is undeniable.

So tell me... who in their right mind would make a business decision based purely on emotions? Crazy people. Ploppies. Idiots. The insane. Business is a place for facts and logic. Facts and logic are the antithesis of love and emotions. You cannot mix the two and expect a pleasurable return. You can mix and hope to get lucky, sure. Hell, even Bac players walk away winners. But to expect it to work? Pure folly.

Why should you get married? Because you want to. But know that if you do, it better be done with a damn bit more research and knowledge than "because I love him/her so".



The pressure to do it is ridiculous. Is it because misery loves company? I don't know, but I think that the trend is changing it a bit. People are waiting longer to get married and are generally becoming better at living independent rather than codependent longer. I hope to see other changes in social norms like seeing movies alone and going out to dinner alone as normal rather than sad.
"Just because I'm not doing anything illegal, doesn't mean I won't have to defend myself someday." -Chip Reese
BoulderDamIt
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February 15th, 2015 at 3:23:35 AM permalink
I made it very clear to Mrs. Dam It when we first started dating that if she didn't feel special on Valentine's Day then I wasn't doing my job the rest of the year.
That's not to say I still don't do something for her on Feb 14 of every year, but only if the mood strikes me or if funds permit. I do romantic gestures throughout the whole year. She never knows when it's coming, and to her it makes it all the more special. It always surprises her, so that's a huge bonus. Most of the time it's something simple like flowers and a few sweet words on the card that comes with it. She repays me in several different ways. But even if she didn't (and this is going to sound cliche and corny as hell) it wouldn't matter, making her day that much brighter is incentive enough for me.
This is the best relationship I've ever been in, and I've had plenty to draw comparisons from. My last marriage was a nightmare. I really lucked out with this one.

This year was sparse. Given my employment situation, I don't have any extra funds to spend. We simply exchanged cards and hung out at home most of the day. That of course was after she got home from doing laundry. There's a perfect example of how she shows she appreciates me. I've never asked her to do my laundry once, but after a few months of dating she started and I haven't done a single load since, nor have I ever even hinted that I wanted her to. She says she likes doing things for me. Well I like doing things for her too.

She later suggested a drive, or visiting a park (since all parks are free this weekend).
We ended up doing Mexican food at a hole in the wall joint and a movie afterwards (gee, I'm glad no one else had that idea *rolls eyes*).
She has a few free tickets from work, so we went to see American Sniper (her suggestion, romantic I know).

She's been having Braxton Hicks Contractions and cramps lately. They hit 1/2 to 2/3 of the way through the movie. I suggested we leave a few times, concerned for her comfort. She said no each time (she was adamant) and we finished the movie. I asked her after why we didn't leave and she told me that she knew how bad I've been wanting to see the movie and that the pain would have been there regardless of where we were. She said she was happy to tough it out because she's been wanting to see it too.

A nice talk during dinner and the drive. Lots of jokes a smiles. Concern for the other person on both sides.
No doubt I have an absolutely wonderful woman in my life.
odiousgambit
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February 15th, 2015 at 4:56:37 AM permalink
Quote: Wizard

Then for what reason should one get married?



I do not favor the gay marriage trend, but do see one positive thing about it that partly answers that question.

Anybody know somebody unmarried [edit] that went in together on a joint house purchase, other joint household stuff, with a partner, gay or hetero, then they broke up? One of those two people got really screwed most of the time.

So I find myself saying I don't know if gays need marriage but they do need divorce! And this was not an original idea from me, others are saying this too. *

Marriage is a legal contract that gives protection in these situations. It is best that any couple setting up a household thinks in terms of marriage, and, yes, especially if there are emotional elements allowing generosity and sacrifice, things that are admirable for a couple that stays together and disaster for a couple breaking up.

I won't say more as I don't want to hijack the thread.

*after posting this found a link http://loveandpride.com/GayDivorce
the next time Dame Fortune toys with your heart, your soul and your wallet, raise your glass and praise her thus: “Thanks for nothing, you cold-hearted, evil, damnable, nefarious, low-life, malicious monster from Hell!”   She is, after all, stone deaf. ... Arnold Snyder
1BB
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February 15th, 2015 at 5:20:12 AM permalink
Quote: kewlj

My partner, spouse, significant other (I haven't found a term that I like yet), was married to a female for a number of years (3 children) and now is married to a male (and a wonderful male at that). I guess?? he might have some insight, if anyone could, but I am not about to ask him such a goofy question. Lol.

So how did the Wizard family Valentine's day turn out? Did you spend significant time in that dog house?



Isn't it true that sexual orientation is usually determined by adolescence or earlier?
Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth. - Mahatma Ghandi
Dieter
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Dieter
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February 15th, 2015 at 6:04:43 AM permalink
Quote: Wizard

Then for what reason should one get married?



Health insurance.

At least, that's the big reason at like 3 or 4 of the last 5 weddings I've been to.
May the cards fall in your favor.
aceofspades
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February 15th, 2015 at 9:50:50 AM permalink
Quote: Wizard

Then for what reason should one get married?




+1 to Dieter

I used to say if you needed health insurance and your spouse-to-be had great coverage but now, everyone is required to have coverage…but still, the spouse-to-be could have a kick-ass health plan.
DWSH
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February 15th, 2015 at 12:11:40 PM permalink
I'm another Valentine's birthday. For over 30 years my wife has made reservations -- she usually does it right after New Years. My role is to happily announce it's my birthday at the restaurant, which usually gets us a pretty good table.

My recommendation for those less lucky in their choice of birthdates: get a card it's easy... And, for those like the Wizard who have succeeded with the low expectations -- she'll be amazed!
rudeboyoi
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February 15th, 2015 at 12:31:04 PM permalink
Every holiday is made up.
1BB
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February 15th, 2015 at 12:56:18 PM permalink
Every day is Valentine's Day! A few here get that. Others, of both genders seem to be bitter, angry and unhappy. I hope things improve for them soon. I can't imagine going through life that way.
Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth. - Mahatma Ghandi
SOOPOO
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February 15th, 2015 at 2:01:49 PM permalink
Quote: EvenBob

My wife hates VD, so we never do anything.
I always take 30 sec to send her a cyber
card just to keep her from getting mad,
in case that was on the horizon. Which
it always is. This is what I sent this year:



Bob.... I type LOL many times but really don't....

This time I did!!!!
EvenBob
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February 15th, 2015 at 2:18:00 PM permalink
Quote: SOOPOO

Quote: EvenBob

My wife hates VD, so we never do anything.
I always take 30 sec to send her a cyber
card just to keep her from getting mad,
in case that was on the horizon. Which
it always is. This is what I sent this year:



Bob.... I type LOL many times but really don't....

This time I did!!!!



Sometimes it's hard to find a card to
say exactly what you want to convey.
This was close.
"It's not called gambling if the math is on your side."
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