Just the same as everyone else, am i right in not trusting my boyfriend?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 9 months. Everything's been great. He told me he loved me after only 2 months (flag?) and has treated me like a queen everyday. He bought me a laptop in November as a Christmas present. He is also a photographer, mostly weddings. He recently got started taking pictures at local clubs for a local promoter who is a notorious man-whore to begin with. Suddenly after my boyfriend starts doing these pictures, all the small cute things he says and does don't exist. He'll disappear and not text or call and he's been not coming home until 5 or 6 am when the clubs close at 2. I checked his phone and found several blackberry messenger texts between him and two different females from very late hours. Each of these girls are asking him if they're gonna hang out after he's done with photos (at 2 am????)and while he never says yes, he never says no and certainly never mentions me. One message to girl references that the two of them are supposed to be watching a movie together, another references when my boyfriend will get to see that girl's new dress. I've also gained access to his facebook and he messages another girl asking her if she wants to go with him to the club he goes to once a week and that he'll stay close so she has a familiar face and that his cell is on his business card so she can call or text for any photo stuff or "anything else." My boyfriend won't let me go to the club with him because he says it's too distracting for him and he would miss photos...so why does this other girl he just met get to go? I brought up that I saw the messages between him and the two girls and he had no explanation other than telling me he's never hung out with them, never gone to their house and doesn't know what the messages about movies and dresses are even about. We had a long conversation and he says he wants to be with me (there are other minor things going on too) and that he wants to work on it. If he wanted to be with other people I feel like he would just break up with me. But I'm still worried and really thinking about snaking his phone again. I've had a long history of cheating boyfriends. Am I crazy or should I be concerned.

Why would your boyfriend find it distracting for you to be there while he is involved with all these other women? Its obvious you are simply one of several. If you are seeking a monogamous boyfriend, you ain't found one. If you are happy enough with the situation... so be it. Maybe you come first with him, maybe you come last with him. I don't know. You clearly are not the only one though.

Quote: starrynight

If he wanted to be with other people I feel like he would just break up with me.

Wrong. Men are wired to spread their seed around as much as possible. He probably wants to have as many girls as possible, including you. This guy sounds like a Tiger Woods understudy. I agree with Fleastiff, you either have to accept the situation as it is or break it off. You aren't going to change him.

I agree with the Wizard. Men are dogs and will have sex with anything they can get their hands on, especially if they know they have a partner who will tolerate it, like you can. We are wired to procreate.

The only reason that men remain monogamous is that they love their partners, that it's socially wrong, and the problems that would be created from the knowledge of the affair (ie multi-million dollar divorces, golf clubs thrown at your car, OJ Simpson) would not be worth the 'benefit' of the affair. Even still, the temptation is there every day.

Inotherwords, if your partner does not have love for you, then he will do a cost-benefit analysis to figure you whether the quality of the affair is worth ruining the existing relationship. Of course, some men don't do that analysis or they come out with the wrong result (like if you have children together).

Your boyfriend is cheating. He bought you a laptop to buy you off. He will remain with you until don't let him get away with it. Dump him. You can do way better.

Quote: starrynight

I've had a long history of cheating boyfriends.

Well, there's a red flag right there.

Do you unconciously seek out men that will be unfaithful? Is your personality or sexual appetite one which encourages cheating?

Quote: starrynight

Am I crazy or should I be concerned.

You're not crazy. Oh, yeah, he's cheating.

But should you be concerned? Should you just live with it? That's a tough decision.

Then again, maybe you should acknowledge and accept it. Some of the most committed men are ones that have a spouse that allows and/or encourages other sexual partners.

Quote: starrynight

Then again, maybe you should acknowledge and accept it. Some of the most committed men are ones that have a spouse that allows and/or encourages other sexual partners.

I am not married to one of those and I am quite committed. I do think however that women in happy marriages should concede that men are wired this way and do things to make them happy, short of going outside of the marriage in an affair.

Well you are not married but Kobe's wife got a 8c purple diamond.