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GWAE
GWAE
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June 1st, 2014 at 8:33:47 PM permalink
Quote: Wizard

As someone who has been married 19 years, my answer is to bite your tongue and if you disagree with your wife and say nothing at all. She will always be willing to argue longer than you. Easier to just keep your opinions to yourself. I can't speak for every marriage, but I've never heard of a man ever winning an argument with his wife.


In the 5 years that we have married I have learned 1 thing. Let her win every single minor argument and let her make every small decision. When it comes to big things it gives me some leverage.
beachbumbabs
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beachbumbabs
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June 1st, 2014 at 8:53:56 PM permalink
Quote: onenickelmiracle

What's the best joke you ever played?



I was working as a catering waitress during high school; I was 16 at the time I did this. Purley had this party place by the airport, mostly one big room with a bandstand, and paid so badly (including stealing the tips from the girls) that only young kids like me would work for him. We set tables, served, bussed, and did the dishes before we went home. He paid $2.35/hour, plus we got the same dinner we served. But he did run a fun place with good live music and a full bar.

Anyway, we served dinners 8 plates at once, on wire racks 4 deep with a handle on top. It was almost always steak, though a few people would have chicken. So, this one night, there's a party of 120 for Mr. Havilland's retirement, and someone in his organization sets me up, through Purley. I'm serving round the tables, and get in close to set down Mr. Havilland's dinner, and then I jump back and scream, "How dare you! You aren't allowed to touch my ass!!!", throw the rack of plates against the wall with a great crash, and storm out of the room. There's this shocked silence for about 5 seconds, and then this one guy starts to laugh like hell. Then other people start to laugh (with relief, I think). The guy, who of course set this up, jumps up and comes through the swinging doors after me, grabs my hand and drags me back in the room to take a curtain call, and now most everybody's laughing, but Mr. Havilland is still red as a beet. Then finally he starts to laugh. The last one to laugh was his wife, who in an odd coincidence, had been my 5th grade teacher some years before and recognized me. God only knows what went through HER mind before they figured out it was a joke.

We had set it up where the rack I came in with only had dinners on the top two, but you couldn't tell the rest of the plates were empty, so they made a great noise, but no food to splatter the people (it was semi-formal). So it was a quick clean-up. While I was gathering the pieces in a tub, the prankster came over and tucked a 20 in my shirt pocket as a tip. I go through the swinging doors with the tub, and who's waiting there but Purley to confiscate my tip, claiming it was meant to pay for the plates. So I got to have the memories, but not the money. It was really something, to stop a room dead.
"If the house lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game."
AcesAndEights
AcesAndEights
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June 1st, 2014 at 9:01:44 PM permalink
Quote: Wizard

Quote: Tomspur

Many of you guys here don't believe in the idea of marriage and then there are also quite a few "lifers" who are very happily married and have been so for a long time.

I have a question about speaking up or holding your "peace" so to speak. Is it better for a marriage that you (as a man) rather not say what you have in mind to say just so that you won't upset your spouse or is it better to always say what is on your mind?

As someone who has been married 19 years, my answer is to bite your tongue and if you disagree with your wife and say nothing at all. She will always be willing to argue longer than you. Easier to just keep your opinions to yourself. I can't speak for every marriage, but I've never heard of a man ever winning an argument with his wife.


I've been with my wife-elect for 3 years now (we're getting married in just a few short weeks). We rarely have knock-down drag-out arguments/fights. Actually I'd say only one in our whole relationship, which was 100% my fault for f***ing something up.

But other than that, we tend to have pretty mature, open dialogues. I do bite my tongue from time to time; usually if it is something small or something I don't really care about. But for serious issues I make my opinion known and then we discuss it. If it's something that requires a decision, we often time compromise, otherwise one of us will give in. If it's just a random debate about something, a lot of times neither of us will change our mind. Since she went back to school and I started paying for everything (both halves of the rent, all the food, etc.), I pretty much control the finances, which she is fine with. We're both pretty frugal by nature, so there aren't a lot of disagreements on that front. But if she wants to buy something frivolous, I maintain nearly-absolute veto power and exercise it frequently :).

Anyway, I'm pretty happy with our communication skills. Which one would hope, since we'll hopefully be together forever!
"So drink gamble eat f***, because one day you will be dust." -ontariodealer
Mosca
Mosca
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June 1st, 2014 at 9:02:15 PM permalink
Quote: Tomspur



I have a question about speaking up or holding your "peace" so to speak. Is it better for a marriage that you (as a man) rather not say what you have in mind to say just so that you won't upset your spouse or is it better to always say what is on your mind?

:)



Keep quiet. What ever it is, in ten minutes it will be irrelevant, as long as you shut up.
NO KILL I
AcesAndEights
AcesAndEights
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June 1st, 2014 at 9:20:33 PM permalink
Quote: onenickelmiracle

What's the best joke you ever played?


I can't claim full credit for this one, although I was involved.

My freshman year of college, we went to Taco Bell a lot (I still love Taco Bell). At some point early in the year, one of my dorm's Sophomore Advisers (we had 2 of them on the floor) hatched a plan to fill up our Resident Adviser's room with Taco Bell sauce packets. Not because we hated him but more as a friendly prank (he was actually a great RA and also a fraternity brother of mine). We played lots of pranks that year but this was, by far, the biggest and most hilarious one.

After collecting bags and bags of sauce packets, someone ran some numbers and realized that it was going to be nigh-on impossible to actually make a dent in the volume of his room (we were all engineering nerds, so this wasn't a surprise). So the new target became his car.

Everyone contributed to the cause, and we were stocking away sauce packets in random drawers here and there throughout the floor. I never did much more than getting an extra handful with my meal, but some guys were walking a fine line of getting caught for outright theft. They had elaborate plans where one would screen the guy at the counter while putting in an order and the second would dump an entire bin of sauce into his satchel.

Toward the end of the year we put the plan into action. One of the guys who didn't have a car asked if he could borrow the RA's for a date or something (this was pretty standard practice). I don't remember the details, but the plan almost came crashing down at this point...anyway he knew something fishy was up, but the plan wasn't blown completely. We parked the car on the curb outside our dorm and succeeded in dumping all of the sauce packets in through the sunroof.Here's a picture that someone sent in to CollegeHumor.com.

He was naturally quite flabbergasted. He actually took it pretty well, and used the prank as an opportunity to raise some money for charity. All day the following day, he stood out there with a big sign saying "GUESS THE NUMBER OF SAUCE PACKETS." He charged $X for a chance to guess, and probably treated it like a 50/50 raffle or something, donating the other 50% to a charity.

As "punishment," we were required to count all of the packets as we cleaned them out of his car. As the caption on the photo above said, it was about 41,000 packets. We loaded them into the back of the truck that belonged to the SA who masterminded the plan and went through the Taco Bell drive through with one of our more hilarious compatriots buried up to his neck in the back. The worker said, in an amazing deadpan, "Oh, so that's where all of our sauce packets went."

Disposing of them became a problem. I think we distributed them to various dumpsters around campus and town. We even saw a street sweeper and shoveled out a bunch into the street in his path; they were all "collected" by the sweeper but it made a huge mess.
"So drink gamble eat f***, because one day you will be dust." -ontariodealer
Tomspur
Tomspur
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June 1st, 2014 at 9:22:33 PM permalink
Quote: Mosca

Keep quiet. What ever it is, in ten minutes it will be irrelevant, as long as you shut up.



Now nobody knows my nature on here but if you did you would know that it is excruciating for me to keep quiet. HOWEVER, I have learned over the past 7 years that keeping quiet is a good and honorable way to make sure things don't get out of control.

Sometimes I bring things up later which I know I shouldn't and that when they say it really is Miller time :)

Where does that expression come from? "It's Miller time"? Is it to do with the beer or another reason altogether?
“There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.” - Winston Churchill
beachbumbabs
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beachbumbabs
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June 1st, 2014 at 10:34:08 PM permalink
It's a long-time slogan for Miller beer (American 3.2 lager). The song goes...

When it's time to relax,
One beer stands clear...beer after beer.
Mil-ler tastes too good to hurry through...

etc.

It actually is pretty good in the Miller Genuine Draft bottle.

disclaimer: I could have the lyrics slightly wrong. But now the darned song is in my head. It's from the 70s' if not earlier.
"If the house lost every hand, they wouldn't deal the game."
rudeboyoi
rudeboyoi
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June 1st, 2014 at 11:33:14 PM permalink
When I was in jail, I used to gamble a lot with this black guy whose cell was right next to mine. We had some problems before so we hadn't gambled for over a month but I decided to give him another chance. We ended up having another disagreement though. We had been playing backgammon this week for an item a match. A match would go to 7pts. On this particular day I suggest playing for an item a game instead of a match and he agrees. No doubling cube but gammons counted as double and backgammons counted as triple. He quits me when I'm up 7-1 and instead of giving me six items, he only gives me one item. I throw it back at him saying if you're not going to pay me in full I don't want anything.

My nick name in jail was big bird and whenever we went to get our dinner slop he would joke around with me saying "set it on my bed bird" because I'd never eat that crap. But you're not allowed to share food like that with other races so I'd never give it to him even though I didn't eat it myself. But after this particular disagreement we had I decided to "give" it to him. They delivered the slop trays at the entrance to the pod and there was this set of stairs between the entrance and our cells. After you get your tray you're supposed to go straight back to your cell but I hung around for a bit talking to another inmate. When I see him and his cellie leaving their cell I duck under the set of stairs to head back to our cells. I quickly enter his cell and proceed to dump my tray all over his bed then quickly slip back into my cell. Only person who saw it was my cellie. Probably the smoothest thing I've ever pulled off.

As my cellie is walking back, he says to me "its on now" so I stand my ground to the entrance to my cell. Before anything happens though our cell door closes. Next thing me and my cellie hear is "oh f#$%" from next door. He sat right in it and had to call over a DO to bring him a new set of bed sheets and stripes for accidentally spilling his tray. The guy literally wanted to kill me after the fact. He was actually in there on a 2nd degree murder charge. The head of my people end up talking to the head of his people. They come to an agreement that my people would handle my punishment and my own people end up beating my ass but it was totally worth it. It earned me respect for not PCing up out of there and accepting my punishment. Plus that story was shared over and over again and everyone got a good laugh. None of the other inmates ever seen anything like that before in all the time they did.
odiousgambit
odiousgambit
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June 2nd, 2014 at 4:00:25 AM permalink
Quote: rudeboyoi

When I was in jail



Good story but harrowing just to read it too [never mind live it ]. Ever have nightmares about that time?
"Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed." .......... Mark Twain
rudeboyoi
rudeboyoi
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June 2nd, 2014 at 4:16:59 AM permalink
Quote: odiousgambit

Good story but harrowing just to read it too [never mind read it]. Ever have nightmares about that time?



Nah. It was fun. I got to gamble and play games every day. Only nightmares I've had were about the person that put me there.

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